


The Knights of Walpurgis

by MizzAdamz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adult Draco Malfoy, Adult Harry Potter, Adult Hermione Granger, Aftercare, BDSM, Canon Trans Character, Confused Hermione Granger, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Diary/Journal, Enthusiastic Consent, Erotic Electrostimulation, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Humiliation, Multi, Not Epilogue Compliant, Objectification, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Pet Names, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redeemed Draco Malfoy, Rope Bondage, Severus Snape Lives, Sexual Experimentation, Switch Draco Malfoy, Top Severus Snape, Use of Honorifics, chivalric code
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:47:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 115,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25758343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MizzAdamz/pseuds/MizzAdamz
Summary: Hermione is bored of her mediocre dating life, and feeling lonely after her split with Ron leaves her isolated from Harry and her adoptive family,  so she joins a fetish club to 'find herself'.She suspects she’s a submissive but this is one thing you can’t learn from a book.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Original Female Character(s), Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 315
Kudos: 274
Collections: Hearts and Cauldrons Discord Members





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Sweetest Perfection](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23190694) by [Snapes_Godess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snapes_Godess/pseuds/Snapes_Godess). 



> Firstly thank you to Snapes_Godess for the original work that inspired this one. Reading your story gave me such inspiration, I hope this story honours your own creation.
> 
> Secondly thank you to my darling beta : LunaP999 you are such a wonder and help for me and my liberal use of commas.

“Okay Miss Golightly; your paperwork is complete and sealed, as you requested. Your outside name is secure and only you, the owner, I will have seen it.”

“Thank you” the delicate brunette with bushy hair said.

“Of course, your face maybe recognised, it is rather well known, but the staff have all been trained to a strict confidentiality program, and our vetted members are expected to be equally discreet.”

“I am aware this maybe an issue; but I am permitted to wear a mask during my probation period, and further am I not?”

“Indeed you are Miss Golightly. Some even enjoy wearing masks with out the personal need of anonymity.”

“Good,” the young woman reached into the bag she had on her lap and pulled out a Tiffany blue domino mask with faux gold eyelashes under the eyeholes. There was a fine organza covering the open eyeholes, to further conceal the wearer’s eye colour from all but the closest observer.

“Keeping up with the theme I see.”

“It was an obvious choice.” She simply said and put the mask over her eyes.

“Well then, if you would please put your handbag and outer garments in this locker; you won’t need anything tonight as you are just observing. Your refreshments are covered by your membership fees.”

The speaker rose from their seat at the far side of the desk and moved toward an empty locker on the left side of the room. The door was open, and a simple four number combination lock hung open from the mechanism.

“The combination is the same as your membership number.” He explained.

“What if I need to touch up my makeup?” 

“There are supplies in the ladies’ room should you require them, personal colour pallets are again part of our service here.” There was a chuckle in their voice,“It is why our fees are so high.”

“And my wand?” there was a slight edge to her voice.

“This is a mixed club Miss Golightly, when you are out of probation you will need special permission from the owners to carry your wand in the club. But right now, it’s permitted as a safety blanket. Keep in mind the rules of the statute of secrecy, and sometimes what some see their first few visits are shocked enough to forget their place.

We have given you a Chevalier, or chaperone from our community, who will be wanded as well, to help mitigate things. But you must be very careful.”

“I always am.” Came the cool reply.

“Apologies Miss Golightly, these are the rules of the Knights of Walpurgis. Every potential member from our community is given the same warning, no matter their personal history. That is why you choose our establishment isn’t it? Everyone is judged with the same yard stick.”

“This is true.” She nodded and rose up from her seat and walked around the dark wooden desk to the locker. She put her long overcoat and small bag into the locker and looked at the mirror on the inside of the door.

She adjusted her mask slightly, then pressed her lips together and then puckered them. “Well,” she sighed “the eye makeup is hidden almost completely, so it’s just the lips I need to worry about, and as you said the colour palette is provided.” She lifted the lock, closed the door and secured it then turned to her host. “I guess I am ready to meet my chaperone.”

There was an immediate single knock on the door and a well-dressed man with silvery blonde hair walked in to the room. His grey eyes met hers through the mask with confidence and he gave a charming smile and reached out his right hand.

“Holly Golightly, this is Draco Malfoy, your Chevalier, or chaperone. Draco, this is Holly our newest potential member.”

“Thank you, Treasurer.” Draco said and kept his hand out, his eyes still on his new charge, confident and secure. “You may recognise me or my name, but behind these walls Holly, I am nothing other than a Chevalier.”

“Of course,” Holly shook her head slightly and took the Chevalier’s hand firmly in her own and shook it. “I did choose this place because of the yard stick.”

Draco’s eyes narrowed for an instant as she spoke but almost immediately returned them to his charming expression as he bowed over her hand and kissed the air above it in a perfect imitation of courtly manners.

“Our community is small Miss Golightly” the Treasurer said, “and it is smaller in here. Draco will not be the only familiar face you will see.

Draco rose smoothly, never taking his eyes off Holly. “The mask is charming Lady Golightly, is it a reference to something?”

“A character in a book, where I got the name, wore something like this in the film adaptation.”

“Ah, his smile shifted to one of remembrance and simple joys. “I never saw the movie as I always prefer the book version.”

Holly tilted her head a little and looked at the Chevalier a little more closely but remained silent.

“I will let you two get better acquainted in the guest lobby.” The Treasurer said carefully guiding the two out of the office. “There are a few more inductions to make this evening. Miss Golightly, this Chevalier was handpicked to guide you for this part of your journey with us. He has my every confidence and will treat you well.”

“Thank you, Treasurer.” Holly said, bowing her head slightly and then walked out the door with Draco following closely behind her.

They walked directly into a large and comfortably lit room with a staffed wet bar stretched out across the longest wall with several booths and round tables scattered about the space.

Holly stopped to look about herself and Draco came up beside her. His hand went to reach round her waist, but he didn’t touch her. Instead his hand hovered close enough for Holly to feel the warmth of his arm but there was no contact. If Holly wished, she could have leaned into the embrace and completed it. She didn’t.

“Shall we take a booth and have some time to get to know each other?” He asked smoothly. “You choose our seat and I’ll get us a drink.”

“Yes, that would work…” Holly said distractedly “Oh! I don’t drink!” She started when Draco pulled away.

“A black current then?”

“A lime soda please.”

“As milady commands.” The smile on his face said more than his tone as he moved around the room to the bar. He didn’t ask one of the staff to fix the drink though and started making the drinks himself.

Holly watched Draco for a few moments before looking round the room to find the 3 entrances, then she identified the booth that would let her observe each of them and moved to sit at it.

She was nearly settled when Draco arrived with their drinks.  
He chose to have the same drink, and poured the soda water from its bottle into the glass mixing with the lime cordial before handing it to her.

“You are aware that your safety is paramount here, you don’t need to watch the doors so closely.” He commented while he prepped his own drink and turned his back to the doors.

“An old habit.” Holly shrugged and took her glass off the table.

“One I think a lot of our generation has picked up I suspect.” Draco countered.

“Indeed.”

Draco took a sip and looked at Holly, “So the paperwork I was given said that you, milady, are looking to explore the BDSM lifestyle that is represented here at the Knights of Walpurgis; that you feel you are of a submissive persuasion and are curious to experience the lifestyle.  
I’ve been assigned as your personal Chevalier until you feel comfortable navigating the community on your own, or your first four visits, whichever comes last.

Holly just nodded and held her drink.

“I’ve mentioned that behind these walls I am only a Chevalier, that our past, if there was one, doesn’t matter. This is true. But if you need help in the coming weeks, I am of service outside the building as well as within. Please Her.. Holly, do know that there is more to this place than a specialist night club.”

“I’ve read up on the topic Draco, I am aware of the aspects of after care.”

“I expected no less. Only someone with a sense of literary wit would have chosen your moniker.”

Holly snorted and took a sip of her drink, the corner of her mouth twisting slightly, and she put her drink down. When she noticed Draco’s concentration, she looked him in the eye and asked “What?”

“The drink isn’t to your liking?”

“It’s no big deal, there is just a little too much cordial in it. It’s a tad sweet, but it’s-”  
She stopped speaking because Draco took the glass and stood up.  
“Wait, what?” she tried to get up as well but was caught up in the table of the booth and Draco was halfway across the room before she could get herself free.  
“Draco! You didn’t-” she called out to him as he poured the drink into the bar sink and started to make another.

By the time Holly made it to the bar Draco was on his way back, a fresh open bottle of soda water in one hand, and a glass with noticeably less lime cordial in the other.

“Draco, there was no need. I could have tolerated it.”

“Holly, I am your Chevalier, and one of the tasks I have is making sure you do not just ‘tolerate’ anything here. If it isn’t a resounding yes it isn’t good enough for milady.” He said walking back to the booth, guiding her with his arm hovering around her waist again, the drinks glass still in his hand.  
“Sit and try your drink”  
“It seems a little extreme to waste a drink like that.” Holly said as she sat.

“As I said, if it is tolerable, it isn’t good enough. This is a world of extremes, and because of that, we have extreme expectations. This is a strict lesson everyone needs to learn milady; a drink is a mild enough start.  
“If you don’t enjoy something explicitly it needs to stop. Tolerating it, getting used to it, all of this could lead to dangerous situations. So stop accepting the minor inconveniences now, and you will quickly have the confidence to prevent the dangerous ones from happening.  
“Now, how is your drink?” Draco put one hand under his chin and looked at the masked woman in front of him.

Holly took a sip of her fresh drink and held it in her mouth for a moment before swallowing it.  
A slow smile appeared on her lips. “Perfect.”

“Good.” Draco gestured to himself “I’d be a terrible companion if I couldn’t prepare your favourite drink.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one serving?” Holly asked.

“Is service something that interests you?”

“Not really, but it seems odd that you, the Dominant, would be serving me, a prospective Submissive.”

“Ahh….” Draco leaned back into his seat. “I’m not a Dominant,” at Holly’s stare he kept talking, preventing her from interrupting him. “I’m not a Submissive either Holly. I am a Chevalier. I fulfilled the role as chaperone and guide. I work with my companion as they need, helping them find their place in the community.”  
He started to gesture to the still unpopulated club, “If we were to meet in the club after your membership was established you might find me at either end of the spectrum. I am personally a Switch, most Chevaliers are. Though, I will admit one or two have a preference.  
“Also Dominants often enjoy serving. People pleasing isn’t just a Submissive act, nor is caretaking.”

Holly lifted up her drink and finished it in one motion. “I wish I was allowed pen and paper…” she muttered, and Draco laughed.

“Holly, I know you do. You must be bursting with questions. That is why I’m here. But I think you will be fine without taking note. You’ve always had a good memory for facts.”

Holly’s face frowned under her blue sleep mask. Her voice was cold, “You know me.”

“As you know me Holly Golightly. I’m a Chevalier, and you are a prospect, with a history.”

“You are okay with our history?” she asked.  
“If you are…” he said without the assurance of the previous statement. “Remember, this is not the place for tolerance Holly, only an absolute and emphatic yes is allowed.”

“Thank you for calling me Holly.”

“It is your name.” He said softly.

Holly Golightly, or as she was born, Hermione Granger smiled “Indeed.”


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again Snapes_Godess for the initial work that inspired this one.
> 
> Thank you to LunaP999 for helping me make sense of all of this.
> 
> Also thank you Beekay for being such a great cheerleader.

_“You are okay with our history?” she asked._  
_“If you are…” he said without the assurance of the previous statement. “Remember, this is not the place for tolerance Holly, only an absolute and emphatic yes is allowed.”_

_“Thank you for calling me Holly.”_

_“It is your name.” He said softly._

_Holly Golightly, or as she was born, Hermione Granger smiled “Indeed.”_

* * *

“My mask was rather a useless addition wasn’t it?” Hermione asked

“No not everyone knows your voice and stature as I do. Some here were our mutual peers, such as the Treasurer, but they don’t have our shared past. Your mask will give you the anonymity you need.

Though, I do hope in a few weeks you won’t feel the need for it, as you get comfortable.”

“How do you do it? Go about unmasked?”

“I had enough of masks in my younger days.” Draco said flatly.

“Oh,” Hermione gasps. “I am so sorry Draco, that was completely tactless of me.”

Draco smiled and leaned forward. “Lady Golightly, out of all our mutual acquaintances both here and in the general public, you and only one other has my permission to forget that part of my past and be tactless.”

“Do we need to talk about it? Our past I mean. To set boundaries, clear the air? Anything?” Hermione fiddled with her glass.

“Not tonight milady, thought if you feel the need, I would enjoy taking you out for a spot of tea and we can talk at leisure.  
Tonight, is your first night with our order and you should be in the moment fully.  
Let me refresh your drink, and then we will need to return to the business at hand.”

Draco left the table again and Hermione noticed three more people enter from the Treasurer’s door, one being The Treasurer themselves, the other two people were of indeterminate age but Hermione noticed that the more confident of the pair lead the other in a manner similar to the way Draco had guided her into the room, using a subtle physical proximity but not touching.

Draco broke her view of the new pair as he put a fresh drink down in front of her, the soda water already poured into the glass.

“Why don’t you touch,” Hermione moved her head to the new couple, “when guiding people around?”

“You have to welcome the touch milady. I am always close enough for you to touch but I will not initiate contact.”

“Part of the emphatic yes system?”

“Indeed” Draco bowed his head.

“I don’t know where to start” Hermione mumbled.

“Well, then let me start.” Draco put one hand down on the table palm up, inviting and open but not insistent.  
“You have read the initial agreements, agreed to the rules and consented to be chaperoned for four weeks minimum. During that time, I am at your service to answer your questions, guide you through club etiquette and help you explore your interests.  
I will use one of these sessions to gauge where you are and what you need in our little order and if you request help, I will find you a Knight or mentor to help you further explore your desires.”

“You mean you aren’t my tutor permanently?”

“Oh, I’d be flattered completely if you chose me for that capacity milady.” Draco bowed his head, and Hermione snorted

“Truly, I would. You are a remarkable judge of character.” Draco continued. “But from your initial paperwork I do not think I am best suited for your more serious exploration. I am more a ‘jack of all trades’ within these walls. I know a little about everything but I do not have the extensive knowledge, and you have a preference for expertise.”

“A jack of all trades and master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” Hermione countered.

Draco laughed, “This is what makes me a great, and humble, Chevalier milady. I am versed enough for introductions to many things; but we are lucky enough to have Knights and or Master and Commanders who have specialised and can help you expand your repertoire safely and responsibly.”

“Is every member of staff a magic user?”

“No,” Draco again shook his head “though most are. There are two Knights and one Master and Commander who are muggles, Master and Commander DeClue is married to a witch and is aware. The two Knights will be identified to you later.  
Membership is open to all, and everyone who serves drinks, those who don't have a rank in the Order are muggles.”

“All magical staff...”

“We call ourselves ’the community’ in public places,” Draco interrupted with an apologetic look on his face.

“All community staff,” she corrected herself “are carrying?”

“Staff yes, and most community members as well. Normally prospects, such as yourself are not.”

“I thought everyone was”

“Oh! Do not mistake me milady, everyone is vetted and granted approval, eventually, for possession. You were Pre-vetted.”

“That doesn’t seem to be the ’same yard stick’ I was told was used for everyone.” Hermione was a little upset by this special treatment.

“The Treasurer is the one to speak about that, as I can’t speak for their motivation. But knowing you as I do, and The Treasurer as I do, it seems obvious to me that you would be granted access to your wand as a security blanket on your first few days here. Because you can be trusted to behave responsibly.”

Hermione sipped her drink, guarded and tense.

“This isn’t a fame thing milady. This is driven by your character, which is well known by the two of us from firsthand experience, not reputation. Any potential member needs that. You have just ‘read ahead of the class’.” Draco said with a smile that echoed a moment of his younger self.

Hermione couldn’t help but laugh at this. “You are being very charming.”

“My pleasure and duty milady.”

“Why do you call me milady? I expect to be a submissive, you shouldn’t be deferring to me.”

“Ahh, but as your Chevalier, I am expected to stick to the code of chivalry Lady Golightly.  
For most people it is simple flattery until they are comfortable with their roles here. For you;” He shrugged “I’ve not slipped and called someone other than the name I was asked to use since I moved beyond my training, but I keep wanting to, for you.”

Hermione started and almost stood up.

“No milady, not like that…” Draco ran his hand through his hair and sighed

“This is a topic for our tea chat?” Hermione tilted her head a little and then settled back into her seat.

Relieved Draco placed his hand back on the table, “Exactly. I am willing to discuss it, but tonight is for you.”

More people were starting to come into the room, some were obviously couples and some were Chevalier and prospects, and some were separate. Everyone was cheerful and polite and there were many hugs and air kisses as greetings.

“We are in the public room right now?” Hermione asked.

“Yes, in about an hour the back rooms will open and that is where you will find more intimate areas.  
We can stay here and talk this evening, or when the doors open, I can show you around. There will not be any introductions this evening though. The Treasurer and I are the only two people you will be interacting with, apart from any gossip in the lady’s room. We don’t dare disrupt that sacred right.” he added with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Hermione laughed again.

“We do that, so you won’t be overwhelmed by what is being presented to you. Some prospects aren’t as thorough as you undoubtably are.”

“Indeed.”

“Does milady wish to see the rest of the club tonight or shall we keep up this delightful conversation?”

Hermione sat back and held her drink in both her hands. Her view through her mask was slightly obstructed, and she knew she really wanted more information before going deeper into the club.  
“Let’s stay here and keep talking.”

“As milady commands.” Draco said with a genuinely warm smile.

“You are right in that I have done some thorough research about the club. But what is available to outsiders is very different to members.” Hermione looked over Draco’s shoulders, then back to him.  
“The knighthood hierarchy is unique for one, can you explain it to me?”

”Our Grand Master, or owner, insisted on keeping to the code of Chivalry as the basis for the order. Having a pre-designed system in place made it easier to establish. ‘The shoulders of giants’ and all that. Also,” Draco laughed again, “The Grand Master is something of a Romantic, not the hopeless sort but enough of one that all this formality suits.” He leaned forward and whispered in a conspiratorial tone, “Don’t tell them that I said that though.”

Hermione giggled at the implied secret. “Are all Knights male?”

“Oh no... We have many different genders represented in the order. The Treasurer for instance, prefers no gender at all. There are feminine knights and non-binary ones as well as masculine ones. We are an inclusive space. If some potential members have an issue with that they are kindly asked to leave.  
We have the same policy with political views and even spiritual ones. If you have an issue with someone being who they are and not asking you to do anything but accept them, you will be asked to leave.”

“What about personality issues?”

“Those are harder to control but the Chivalric code is a great template, as it is based on protocol. Very few members stick to high protocol, but this low aspect has been effective with some disputes.”

“Have there been many?”

Draco shrugged, lifted his drink and took a sip. “I’ve been in the order for a while, but I’m not privy to all that happens. I am aware of a few, but they didn’t get very far.”

“I did get a copy of the Chivalric code in my initial reading.” Hermione conceded.

“It is a useful code, one The Grand Master worked very hard to make.”

“Will I meet this Grand Master?”

“Maybe... They aren’t usually active on the floor, keeping mostly to admin, and they tend to deal mainly with The Treasurer.”

“I supposed they do know my identity.”

“You can guarantee it. The Grand Master is the one who approves all membership requests.

“The Treasurer though...”

“Your paperwork is now sealed milady, an unless there is a legal need no one but The Treasurer will see it. But your identity is known by The Grand Master, as well as those of us who have a shared history. Some like me won’t need to see the paperwork to know who you are.

Hermione sighed “This is getting more complex than I was expecting.”

“Oh Lady Golightly,” Draco laughed and leaned forward across the table, placing both hands open and face up on the surface. “This is a complex lifestyle, but oh so very worth it. Don’t you enjoy complex problems to solve over simple ones?”

Hermione gave into the invitation of Draco’s hands and placed hers in his. His face lit up with a deep and genuine smile. “Do you have any other questions?” he asked.

“Do you think my mask really isn’t needed here? Do you honestly think people from our… community will treat me like a person here?”

Draco’s hands squeezed hers gently “For the most part yes I do. There may be an adjustment stage, but that will be contained by the code.”

Hermione nodded “Will people outside the building treat me differently because of my position here?”

“Some most definitely will, they will be friendlier to you and if they are honoured enough to get to know you more closely, then they will probably respect you more.”

“Even though I am here in a submissive capacity?”

“Milady, do not mistake submissive to be less than, to be a shameful secret. It is a preference towards intimacy, that is all. Judging someone for their individual preferences is akin to judging someone for how they like their eggs. Personal preferences are just that. Personal.” his voice dropped to a deeper tone on the last word, implying something dark, sensual and secretive.

Hermione blushed fiercely and Draco loosened his hold on her hands and leaned back, though his hands didn’t leave hers. The message was clear, at this point if Hermione was uncomfortable, she could pull away.  
She didn’t.

“This was explained to me in my initial interview, but it feels…. It’s difficult to understand.”

“May I ask what brought you to the order, and what attracted you to our lifestyle? This may help me make it clear to you.”

“You’ll laugh...” She was hesitant.

“Milady!” Draco looked shocked, “I would hope that I wouldn’t be so offensive!”

“No, No Draco, it’s just so typical of me; you have my permission to laugh. I find it ironic myself.” She took a deep breath and continued, “I read about the lifestyle and was immediately interested.”

“Why would I laugh at that? It’s how I found out myself. Not everyone is introduced by a lover.”

“Oh, but I thought it was a bit of an obvious thing for me…” Hermione bobbed her head a little.

“Milady,” Draco offered a compassionate smile “This isn’t an absolute fact, but in my experience, those of us who are drawn to this lifestyle tend to be of a similar type; people who are passionate, who feel deeply, who are eager to learn and experience new things. In short, most people, I have found, are just as bookish as you or I.”

“Really?”

“Honestly it is the people who are constantly striving who tend to embrace this lifestyle; this is why I think that when you meet a member outside these walls you will not be judged for what you do inside them.”

“Oh” Hermione’s head tilted a little as she thought and there was a slight easement of her shoulders as well.  
“So, these people, Members of the Order will be a peer group of sorts.”

“Yes, exactly!”

“So, my reading a racy story and getting interested, then researching for 6 months before finding and applying to the order isn’t so unusual?”

“Well the 6 months of research is a little different from some. People have different degrees of impulsivity. I am interested in this racy story though” he added suggestively.

“Oh it wasn’t THAT one” Hermione said immediately blushing, “The one from the high street book store every house wife has read. I did read that one eventually. Though if that had been my first, I don’t think I would have wound up here.”

Draco did snort at that. “Even if it had led you here, I wouldn’t have judged you. Jut worked a little harder to correct the mistakes that were so prevalent in that publication.”

“The poor grammar was enough to put me off,” she chuckled.

“But that one didn’t lead you here.”

“No... It was a simple short story of a little domestic scene with a little light discipline and a rather long build up to the sexual climax. The dominant was very skilful at teasing and eventually pleasing the submissive. It was... titillating.”

“I think I am beginning to understand. What about the domestic scene intrigued you?”

“Well the dominant was aggressive, but not abusive, and while the submissive made a few mistakes, the corporal punishment seemed to highlight the tension instead of ruin it.”

“Was anything used like a paddle or a cane?”

“No, though some verbal commands, that I later learned were kneeling positions were used. The corporal punishment was with a bare hand, and the subsequent teasing was done without bondage.”

“You mentioned service, you expected to serve your dominant. Does that add to your sense of excitement or is it just what you expect to do?”

“I think it’s an expectation. I didn’t even consider that not doing it was an option.”

“Everything is an option milady.”

“So it seems, Thank you Draco. The Treasurer was right, you are a great Chevalier. I’m still nervous, but not so worried.” Hermione took her hands back and grabbed her drink to take a sip.

Draco’s face shifted for a breath and then returned to the comforting smile he had been wearing. He also took a sip of his own drink.

Hermione found her drink was nearly empty and chuckled. “Well there goes my nervous fiddle device. I’ve hit my two-drink limit.”

Draco looked puzzled then shook his head. “No milady, the drink limit is for alcohol consumption and you’ve only had non-alcoholic drinks. There is no limit on those but what you’ve set yourself.”

“But the cost.”

“Again, our fees are high for a reason. A bottle of cordial and a few bottles of soda water are negligible, by law we have to provide water for free anyway.”

“Only tap water and that is a muggle law.”

“We are a muggle business.” Draco countered, “Would you like another drink?”

Hermione said she would, and Draco left the table again.

The large room had filled and emptied during their conversation, though there were a few couples in booths speaking closely, one couple even wore masks on both their faces.

A fresh drink landed by Hermione’s left hand and Draco placed another beside his own glass.

“Now milady, would you like to hear my initial opinion on why you are having difficulties understanding the lack of judgement?”

“Of course,” Hermione put her right hand down face up on the table, inviting Draco to take it.

He spotted it and smirked “That’s my job milady.”

“You are doing a good job; I am feeling quite at ease and like the contact with you.”

“I’m glad, though you may not feel the same in a moment.” Draco said with a small edge to his voice, as if he was scared of rejection.  
“Oh no, it’s only because my opinion may be touching on something close to your pride.” Draco insisted when he saw Hermione frown. “Please indulge me milady and let me say my piece fully.”

Draco took Hermione’s hand and turned it over and gently kissed the knuckles. “If I may?” he asked looking up from her hand. Hermione blushed at the intensity in his eyes but nodded.

He put her hand back on the table, palm down and patted it reverently. Then he breathed deeply and leaned back.

“I feel, milady, that your fear of being judged for being a submissive is linked to our mutual past and your experiences with… certain…” Draco blushed “outdated prejudices and hidebound ideals.” Hermione snorted, and Draco quirked a grin and kept going.  
“You have attached the idea that not being in control of every aspect of your life experiences is something to avoid. So, to counter that you have become the consummate control freak. No milady, this isn’t a bad thing, but it is a learned behaviour. This isn’t your natural inclination.  
Therefore, you are attracted to the submissive role. You wish to be taken care of, in one aspect of your life at least.  
This makes sense to a lot of us, you will find the people use our lifestyle to create a balance in their lives.  
Those with no power gain it here, those with too much control relinquish it.  
The people here understand and will not judge you because they understand it.  
I would go so far milady, as to say your previous lovers have been short sighted or selfish as well. But I try not to presume. I can say that they may not have been the best suited to you and left you feeling insecure because of it.  
They may have expected you to be the leader in everything and were not very creative in expressing their desire. Keeping to the tried and true methods of seduction.”

Hermione nodded, and encouraged Draco to keep talking. “It also seems to me that discipline isn’t what you need, but praise and admiration. You are a talented person, who has been taken for granted for a very long time. Now, this is a quick and dirty assumption, based on the information you’ve given me and a little of my own experience, with you and within the lifestyle. But I do think it is enough to start with and expand on. What say you milady?”

“You may be correct about the fear of judgement. By knowing what I know, and just existing, people have assumed things about me that were untrue. I dislike having to break down those barriers every time I meet someone.. It’s been taxing.  
The idea of relaxing and just being is so exciting and that maybe is why I am attracted to the idea of being a submissive, and your suggestion of praise has merit as well.  
Though I wouldn’t be so harsh on my past lovers. They were generous in their way,“ Hermione shrugged, “and at times I was satisfied, but I couldn’t relax fully.”

“You’ve been on the defensive since I saw you, and I think since you got here. I suspect you’ve been very guarded for a very long time. I’ve been there myself, and it is very exhausting. You are incredibly resilient to have kept it up for so long.”

Hermione nodded but said nothing.

“I do hope that I may be able to help you relax milady, both from a professional stand point and a personal one.”

“Draco this all sounds amazing, and I am hopeful, but I am sure you understand, it isn’t as easy as having a conversation and suddenly ‘everything is okay.’”

“I know, but I hope with time you can trust me as much as you do Harry and Ron...” Draco noticed a tightening in Hermione’s frame. “Oh dear. Things not going well on that end?” he asked.

“You’ve not been reading the papers?”

“No not really.” Draco waved his hand in the air. “The Profit relies too much on gossip to hold any value. I’d sooner read the Daily Mail and that rag is only fit for lining Owl’s travel cages.”  
Hermione let out a surprised laugh, she knew full well that the muggle publication was notorious for misrepresenting the truth to push its publisher’s bias.

“Well, to keep things simple” Hermione said sober again “when I separated from my partner awhile back, I lost a few friends in the separation. We aren’t close anymore.”

“You mean that… after all you’ve been through, they both dropped you like a bag or rocks!” Draco hissed and broke protocol and immediately took booth of Hermione’s hands in his. His eyes wide, he looked at her and took in her entire form and face and squeezed her hands.

“Oh milady, no... You do not deserve this. Not ever. Those selfish idiotic…”

“Draco, I still care for them” Hermione warned.

“You are too loyal,” he growled.

A couple came into the room, drawing Hermione’s focus and interrupting them.

The female of the pair was wrapped in a burgundy blanket and was being guided to a booth. Her companion was holding her shoulders, guiding her and when they sat, he pulled her onto his lap and started soothing her.

Unasked, one of the bar staff placed a glass of water with a straw in it on the table and some baked goods that looked like brownies or another chocolate-based tray bake.  
A second glass and a pitcher of water quickly followed, and the male took the first glass of water and offered the straw to the woman. She sipped obediently and then curled into the blanket again.

Hermione pulled her focus from the scene to Draco, who didn’t even look behind himself, but his face had calmed considerably. “How long has it been?” he asked quietly.

“Since the breakup? Oh, about a year and a half.”

“Oh milady.” Draco sighed and squeezed her hands in sympathy.

“When Harry felt he had to choose between his bother-in-law and a childhood friend it was difficult. Especially when said brother in-law and the rest of the family are the only family he’d ever known.” Hermione shrugged her shoulders and her voice sounded resigned to the facts.

“Was that any part of your decision to join the club?”

“A little, like I said I’d been doing some reading and that one story piqued an interest. The topic of my reading was slightly linked to my relationship status.”

“Well their, loss is our gain milady.”

“Thank you, Draco.”

“On to happier topics then.” Draco said brightly. “What are your interests? I have read them but it is always more helpful to hear you speak about them. Written words sometimes mask the passion.” He smirked suggestively.

“Well I liked that domestic scene from that initial story. The tease and commanding from the dominant, in my other research I was interested in edging, verbal commands, praise, exhibition voyeurism, Though I do feel I’ll need to work up to that, biting, sensory deprivation, scratching, teasing, gentle spanking.” Hermione’s voice was warm  
“I am not interested in bondage, sharps, soil, blood or water sports.” These were said in a matter of fact tone of voice.

“Have you considered Primal Play?”

“I think I am a little too close to my past experiences to enjoy that fully.”

“Good point.” Draco was still holding Hermione’s hands, and his face was calm as he said. “Maybe with the right partner you will try to help move beyond those experiences.”

“I did read something along those lines. Age play is said to help with that as well, but I’m not interested in being a child again. It doesn’t resonate with me.”

“Noted.”

“Draco?” Hermione asked

“Yes milady?”

“I think I’ve gotten a little overwhelmed, could we continue this conversation tomorrow? Over a cup of tea?”

“Of course, milady, where shall I pick you up? Draco let go of her hands and stood up.

“You’d come get me?” she asked surprised.

“It is my duty. Now if I didn’t know you as well as I do, I’d meet you at a cafe of your choosing, but that isn’t an issue between us is it?”

“I guess it isn’t an issue.” She conceded as she got up from the booth her most recent drink untouched.

When she started walking to the entrance Draco had his arm wrapped around her, hovering as he had before. Until Hermione leaned into his touch and gave him a shy smile.

“Ahh milady, that smile of yours will light the hours between our next meeting.” Draco purred as he placed his hand on her hip and guided her to her locker in The Treasurer’s office.


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione is bored of her mediocre dating life, and lonely after her split with Ron leaves her isolated from Harry and her adoptive family, joins a fetish club to 'find herself'.
> 
> She suspects she's a submissive but this is one thing you can't learn from a book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thank you to Snapes_Godess for the original work that inspired this one. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed yours
> 
> Also thank you to my darling beta : LunaP999 you are such a wonder and help for me and my liberal use of commas, and holding out for the good stuff.

The next day Hermione and Draco were sitting in a tea room overlooking a medieval cathedral in Wiltshire.  
The high tea tray was almost empty and the pot of tea had been refreshed once already before any serious conversation had started.

“So Draco, not that I dislike you still calling me milady or Holly, but we aren’t in the club, you can call me Hermione y’know?”

“I’d best not.” Draco said as he sipped his tea.

“You said there was a reason you were being so formal.”

“There is.” He put down his cup and turned it so the handle was on the opposite side to where it had been.

“And what is that reason?”

“Ah..” He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “This will take some time, I fear.” When Hermione said nothing Draco started talking.

“Not mentioning how much I owe you for your help with certain legal matters after school was over, there is also the respect and jealousy I had for you in school.  
It took some time, and a lot of help from my trauma healing I had after everything, for me to realise how much I fancied you then.  
Now, knowing how you haven’t abused your celebrity but have instead tried to earn everything through your own merit; something I wouldn’t have done in my younger years, helped grow that simple childhood crush into a mature respect and more than a bit of admiration.” Draco breathed in deeply and closed his eyes for a moment before smiling gently and looking again at Hermione.

“I’ve followed your career closely, cheering you on, and everything you do furthers my respect for you.  
I may still fancy you a bit.” He blushed a little, “How can I not? You are beautiful, charming, witty, funny, and your use of logic is unique.”

“You said you don’t read the papers.” Hermione was wide eyed looking, her tea cup still in her hands.

“I don’t; there are other ways to learn things.”

“Of course there are, silly me.” Hermione chuckled, she let go of her teacup and relaxed a little.

“Will you be willing to share with me what happened to Ron and yourself?” he asked quietly.

Hermione sighed and looked out on the manicured lawns. “Fancying each other didn’t turn into respect.” She said with a distant tone in her voice.

“You were together a long time.” His words gentle.

“We were, but we started too young.” She said with some finality.

“I am going to admit I hurt for your loss. But I am a little hopeful as well. Being able to spend time with you was beyond my wildest dreams.”

“But Draco, you are my Chevalier, won’t it bother you if my attention is elsewhere?”

“As a Chevalier, it is my duty to let you go when you are ready. As a person,” Draco shrugged, “I’d not want to limit your potential.”

“Oh Draco…” Hermione reached over and grabbed his hands. “If I truly thought you were irredeemable, I wouldn’t have accepted your hand last night, OR helped you with your legal issues in the past.”

“You may consider it, but my conscience is a different matter. My therapy group is helping; but the fact of the matter is that you have physical scars because of my inaction. You lived in appalling conditions, in fear for your life because of my father’s actions. You spent time in school scared because of me.”

“And I physically assaulted you, Draco. Laughed as a teacher did the same. Accused you of horrific things, Draco. We both did each other wrong in childish cruelty.”

Draco was quiet, but he kept his hands in hers.

“Draco, after you have finished being my Chevalier, will you consent to being my friend?”

The colour in Draco’s face faded and then reddened quickly “H.. Holly” he started but Hermione interrupted.

“I’m not ‘friend zoning’ you Draco, or whatever the pejorative term is. I am offering an olive branch and seeing what comes. Who knows,” she laughed “you may find that I am still frightfully annoying, and the way I slurp my soup to be completely off-putting.”

“I doubt that, but yes. I’d like us to be friends”

“Well, I think that covers the clearing the air portion of our talk. We still have lots to say, but I fear if we have another pot of tea I will spend the rest of my weekend in the ladies’ room.” Hermione joked and Draco got up to settle the bill.

Hermione gathered her delicate handbag and reached for her overcoat. Draco was by her side quickly and holding open her coat for her. “Milady, let me assist you.”

A few older women beside their table tittered and commented to themselves that it was nice to see that some young people still had proper manners.

Draco guided Hermione out of the tea shop and into the square in front of the Cathedral. “If we walk while we talk, few will over hear any salacious details”

“That makes sense”

“So we briefly touched on what you hope to get from your membership, but I think it’s time to get more detailed.  
A submissive role isn’t enough of an explanation because it is such a broad term, there are some who desire to be controlled entirely by another, there are others who just want an authority figure to turn to when they are overwhelmed. Some want to just serve another and get a sense of satisfaction in that. Some just wish to relax into a prescribed role without the pressure of decision making. Others just want to be the subject of someone’s undiluted physical affection, some like discomfort, some like being challenged, some like to be pampered and spoilt.  
You can be submissive in one aspect but dominant in another. For example, you enjoy being in a full body suspension tied by a Rope Top, but you also like to have a submissive at your feet, petting their hair while you talk to others.”  
Draco talked while they walked, keeping close to Hermione. His voice loud enough to hear but low enough that it didn’t disturb others around them.  
They walked around the grounds of the cathedral, avoiding the schools and admiring the local artist sculptures displayed.

“Likewise, being a dominant isn’t a proper title either; both have their uses. Submissive and dominant help with generalisations, but both are so nuanced. Then there is another generalisation, the ‘switch’.

Hermione nodded along, but didn’t interrupt Draco.

“I fall into the later category, it is what makes me so suited to being a Chevalier. I can do a little of everything and get a genuine sense of satisfaction and fulfilment from my actions. I also get to explore new potentials and I have the security of the Knights to support me.”

“That makes sense,” Hermione said. “That being a Chevalier means being able to see both sides. If a prospect was dominant, leaning, you’d need to help them as much as you’ve been helping me.” Her voice trailed off.

“Yes?”

“Am I allowed to ask you personal questions?” she was hesitant, “I want to get to know you as a friend, but if it’s too much I don’t want to pressure you.”

“Oh milady,” Draco sighed, “Protocol says I have to keep my personal desires and needs away from our interactions for the initial four-week period. But I fear I couldn’t help myself if you asked.  
If it’s part of our shared history, I would encourage you to ask.  
Otherwise please don’t ask personal questions. Not yet.” He stopped walking and moved in front of her, looked into her eyes.  
“I’m trying very hard to keep things separate until you find your feet with us, because above everything, I desire you to feel happy and comfortable. Not only because of the code, but because I genuinely wish it. I couldn’t live with myself if you changed your desires to fit me and then were unhappy.”

Hermione gave a soft smile, grabbed Draco’s right hand with her left and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. “I’ll shelve my question for a few weeks then. Back to your lecture, Professor Malfoy.” She giggled.

Draco lifted an eyebrow, “Professor? Is that something of interest?” he kept holding her hand but moved back beside her.

Hermione breathed a laugh, “No, you reminded me of someone with your lecturing.” They walked a few steps, and she continued, “Though… Hermione blushed, “Now that you mention it.” She shook her head, “maybe as a one off for a giggle. But not the entire… No, ”

Draco let out a full laugh, “Oh, I never meant it. It was just a casual flirtation. I never pictured you having dark dreams for Professor Flitwick,”

“In Second year,” she shrugged, “I got over it quickly though. Lockhart was an ass.”

Draco barked out another laugh, “Oh, that is great.”

“I know now I prefer action and commitment rather than bravado. I have had enough experience with bravado not following through.” She said with a touch of bitterness.

“Forget I said anything then.” He said cheerfully and swung their joined hands a little.  
“Now where was I?”

“You identify as a switch.” Hermione prompted.

“Yes, switches enjoy both sides of the same coin this is a broad term, because we each are individuals and have personal preferences, like my example of a person who enjoys being bound but also someone at their feet.” Draco kept walking but slowed as he felt Hermione give a small shudder.

“Oh, was it the rope or the kneeling at someone’s feet pleasing you?”

“I don’t know. The mental image you gave me was enticing. The same person tied up artfully and then in the next image cool, calm, and collected while petting someone’s hair. It’s tantalising.” Her voice was soft and distant.

Draco watched her face as they walked and waited until she was fully back from her musing.

“Switches aren’t often in media or literature because the extremes are more dynamic, but it is very much a part of our lifestyle.”  
Draco noticed Hermione had an indulgent smile, “You know this already. Why did you let me ramble on then?”

“Because I can tell you care that I know. As you said, the written word doesn’t always convey the passion.”

“Do you have a perfect recall?”

“Oh, gosh no.” Hermione laughed, “Though it has been hinted that I have an eidetic memory. I’ve not gone to a psychologist to be tested, though.”

“Interesting.”

“So, what about the order do I still need to learn?”

“You’ve read the code of chivalry, you know the basics of the community, you know the magical employees, though we are a muggle business so magic isn’t used on the floor or public rooms.” Draco trailed off.

“I also know that I’m not to engage in scening or public play for at least 3 visits; and that you are my guide for at least 4, though if I choose you will stay by my side if I feel insecure. That you are by my side in a professional capacity, not a personal one. But afterwards we can explore something personal if we both wish.”

“Though I doubt you will find satisfaction with me dominating you.” Draco admitted, “My interests are too broad.”

“Broad interests aren’t the issue, Draco. Broad is great in so many ways. It shows you’ll never be hidebound and are open to exploration.” Hermione countered.

“Milady, it isn’t your job to support me here.”

“I support my friends Draco.”

“Even if they don’t deserve it.” He grumbled, shook his head, “but PLEASE let me do my job.”

“I don’t know how you can compartmentalise things so neatly like this.”

“We all gained skills through unsavoury means during the war. This is one of mine.” His voice was flat again, but he brightened up in a moment.

“Let’s talk about dress code shall we?”  
Hermione gave his hand a squeeze, laughed a slight chuckle and let Draco lead the conversation back to safer topics.


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione is bored of her mediocre dating life, and lonely after her split with Ron leaves her isolated from Harry and her adoptive family, joins a fetish club to 'find herself'.
> 
> She suspects she's a submissive but this is one thing you can't learn from a book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again Snapes_Godess for the original work that inspired this one. 
> 
> Thank you to my darling beta : LunaP999 I couldn't do this without your help. I promise we are getting to the good stuff soon.

Hermione’s second night at the Knights of Walpurgis was a week later.

  
She and Draco had met up a few times during the week and established a rapport that would have shocked her childhood self.

  
Draco had stayed formally within his Chevalier role and kept the focus on relaxing her and getting her comfortable navigating the atmosphere at the club.  
Just before she arrived at the building, he had messaged her to apologise and explain that he was running late but would be at the club at her side half an hour before the inner doors opened.

  
Since she had about 15 minutes to wait, she thought she would get herself ready in the Treasurer’s office. She was putting her personal items in her locker when she heard the door to the Treasurer’s office open. She quickly put on her blue domino mask and adjusted it in the mirror before turning around.

  
There, leaning over the desk, putting some paperwork down, was another face from her past. Severus Snape, former professor at her school and unsung hero of the past war.

  
He had hardly changed in the intervening years, though at a close inspection his skin seems less sallow and there was a slight softness padding the harsh edges of his face, as if he was finally well fed and rested.

  
When he raised his head from the desk he looked directly at her and narrowed his eyes.

  
Hermione took the initiative and stepped forward from her locker with her hand outstretched, “Holly Golightly, Pleasure to meet you.”

  
Severus straightened up and crossed his arms in a pose that was very familiar to Hermione. He continued to look at her coolly.

  
“I recognise you, sir, as I am sure you recognise me.” She spoke quickly to fill the space. He again remained stoic.

  
“I am assuming you are a member of staff, or someone like myself who requires a level of anonymity. How shall I address you within these walls?” Hermione withdrew her offered hand and clenched at her skirt.

  
“My name will suffice, Miss Golightly. I am a member of staff here.”

  
“Oh good, are you a knight, sir?”

  
“No.”

  
“Not a Chevalier, I think. So you must be a Master and Commander.” She said with a little pride at her deduction.

  
“I must?”

  
“Yes, of course you are! Your natural air of authority lends itself to the role.”

  
“This seems rather presumptuous of you, Miss Golightly. We may have been acquainted in the past, but you of all people must know that not everything presented to you then was the complete truth. Making assumptions isn’t a prudent thing at the best of times. In these walls,” he turned his head and took in the office surrounding them, “Within the Order of the Knights of Walpurgis it could be considered a breach of etiquette.”

  
“Oh,” Hermione shrunk into herself, a chastised schoolgirl once more.

  
“Miss Golightly, I hope you eagerness to join in tonight’s festivities gave rise to your unintentional slip up.”

  
“Indeed, sir” Hermione found herself grateful for the excuse gallantly provided by her former tutor, “apologies.”

  
“Where is your Chevalier? They should be helping you avoid these types of faux pas.”

  
“Draco is running late. He messaged me just as I arrived and should be here shortly.”

  
“Chevalier Malfoy?”

  
“Yes, he’s been a perfect gentleman, very kind, and we’ve met a few times outside the club, to help sooth my nerves.”

  
“The Treasurer assigned you Chevalier Malfoy to guide you, and you accepted?”

  
“Now who is making assumptions Master and Commander Snape?” Hermione put her hands on her hips and glared at her former teacher. “Draco and I do have a history, as you well know, and as you so rightly reminded me, not everything presented was the whole truth of the matter. Our history isn’t all that pleasant, but we are now adults and have spoken about our past at great length and reached a mature understanding. I accepted him as my guide. He is well qualified.”

  
“Well, it seems we both have cause to have a ‘supervisory presence’ with us.” Severus said. “I will stay with you until yours shows and you can be mine until matters draw me elsewhere.”

  
Hermione blinked a little and then turned and shut her locker. She fully expected Severus Snape to yell at her for speaking out of turn. Instead, he seemed a little amused.

  
“Is this your second or third night with us, Miss Golightly?” Severus waited on the other side of the Treasurer’s desk.

  
“Second, Draco has suggested that we look at the back rooms this evening, see what is available before introducing me to others here.” She smiled a genuinely warm smile.

  
“He has been very kind and keeps working for my best interests here. I do hope the Grand Master understands what a unique contribution he is to the Knights.”

  
“I’m sure the Grand Master does,” Severus said blandly. “Are you finished here? May I escort you to the public bar?” he offered her his arm.

  
“Thank you,” Hermione took his arm and was guided into the public bar. With no sign from her, Severus guided her to the same booth she occupied last week. As they sat down a staff member deposited two drinks at their table.

  
A lime soda already mixed to perfection, and a tumbler of a finger’s depth of an amber liquid.

  
“The staff are very efficient here.” Hermione said as she settled down.

  
“They are well trained and well paid.”

  
“Of course, but it is still nice that they work so diligently. Customer service isn’t always the focus in bars, not to this degree.”

  
“Do you think this is like most bars?”

  
Hermione shook her head. “No, I wouldn’t be here if I did. I’m just trying to make conversation, Master and Commander Snape.”

  
“Call me by my name, Miss Golightly, I have already said you should.”

  
She blushed a little “Apologies si… Severus”

  
“Habits of a lifetime past?” he asked as he picked up his drink and sipped.

  
“Indeed”

  
Draco came to the table with his own drink at the moment and smiled.

  
“Milady, I see you’ve met our…”

  
“Yes she did Draco, she was here alone. On her second visit.” Severus interrupted coolly.

  
“Oh! Should I have waited outside?” Hermione jumped in trying to deflect Severus “When Severus offered to bring me into the bar I had been intending on waiting in the Treasurer’s office by my locker.”

  
“No harm, Miss Golightly.” Severus said getting up from his seat and giving it to Draco, who was slightly flushed.

  
“Draco, we will discuss how this should have been handled later.” Severus bowed his head to Hermione and then walked away.

  
“Did I just get you into trouble with Master and Commander Snape?” she gasped, “I’m so sorry, Draco.”

  
Draco’s eyes widened and raised his hand to stop her apology. “No, no. Severus is, well, he was my mentor, so he’s a little harsher on me than any other would be. You know how he is.”

  
“He chastised me as well when I assumed he’s a Master and Commander because of his natural authority.” She blushed, “I felt like a third year again.“  
“Assumptions are rather frowned upon, oh dear.”

  
“But he’s not as harsh as he was when we were younger. I think the Grand Master’s code of Chivalry has helped smoothed his edges.” Hermione gushed.  
“You really have no idea.” Draco laughed.

  
“I’m sorry I got you in trouble, Draco. It isn’t your fault the tube had stalled. I should have waited outside.”

  
“Severus was right Hermione, I should have messaged someone you knew to greet you and guide you.”

  
“Someone I knew met me. It just wasn’t someone I knew from the club. Besides, I only know you and the Treasurer.”

  
“It will be fine, Holly, truly.”

  
“Though I wonder why a Master and Commander was in the Treasurer’s office delivering paperwork,” Hermione mused.

  
“We all do a bit of admin here, I updated your file to include your drink preferences, for example.” Draco nodded to the glass in her hand.

  
“The computer tells the bar staff so if you don’t wish to speak to them they can bring you your drink. It will also include your own aftercare requirements.”  
“I witnessed the after care last week. It’s really that personalised?”

  
Draco leaned forward and mock whispered in a conspiratorial tone. “The advantages of having community staff run things is that there are one or two who understand the human psyche very well.

  
We also have a dedicated staff in the kitchens who earn a living wage but are not really seen outside their kitchens until they lock the entire building up.”  
Hermione gasped, “But! The non community staff?”

  
“Health and safety protocols keep everyone out of the kitchens, apart from a choice few who have the appropriate, although rigorous, training to keep to our very high hygiene standards.”

  
“This is so complex.”

  
“Yes, it is.

  
I am glad to see you are a little more relaxed though.”

  
“Our talks throughout the weeks have been very helpful, Draco. I feel safer here with you, and knowing the Treasurer, and Master and Commander Snape has also helped immensely.”

  
“Didn’t Severus say you should use his name?” Draco chided softly.

  
“He did,” Hermione conceded.

  
“It would be disrespectful if you were still his student. Now that we are no longer in school and he has asked you to use his name, not doing so even without him present is equally disrespectful.“

  
Hermione sighed, “Severus it is. Though it feels wrong.”

  
“You must take it up with him. I am sure that Severus has a reason for requesting you call him by his name.”

  
“And until I understand it, I need to abide by his wishes, because the code.”

  
“There is that.”

  
“Unless it is unsafe or unsavoury one should respect the wishes of another at all times.” Hermione quoted. “I wondered at the use of the word of unsavoury, it is so open to interpretation.” She gazed off to the ceiling as if reading a manuscript in her mind.

  
“Please never change,” Draco chuckled.

  
“Now I cannot promise that, Draco,” Hermione said after being called back from her musings. “To never change is to remain stagnate and grow old. But I will promise to keep questioning things around me. Will that do?” she laughed.

  
“Hmmm” Draco flirted “I don’t know, I may have to insist on something as a compromise if you insist on it.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively again, and Hermione laughed at his antics.

  
The doors to the main part of the club were opened with a quiet click and three people entered. Two locking the door open in place and the third removing the velvet rope that had been hung in front of the doors.

  
“It seems the club is ready. Shall we go in immediately, or do you wish to let others settle in before our tour?” Draco asked Hermione.

  
“Which would be best?”

  
“Both have their merits, but waiting for the others to settle in means that when I start the tour, some will be mid-play and that might be better than looking at the empty spaces or people setting up.

  
Watching the entire process is helpful, but maybe not for tonight. Our aim this evening is to let you see what is available for established members, to gauge where your interests lie. Learning the process of a scene can come later.”

  
“Hmmm” Hermione sipped her drink while she thought. Then the light bounced off of Draco’s own drink and she noticed his was the same drink as hers.

  
“Draco,” lowering her drink, she asked, “Why are you drinking the same drink as me? When we were out together over this past week, you took your tea the same way I did.” She tilted her head and added, “you ate the same sweets that I ate, at the same time too. Why?”

  
“Caught that, did you?”

  
“I did.”

  
“Simply put, it’s part of my welcoming routine. I copy your preferences to help you feel more comfortable with me. People feel more secure with familiar patterns.”

  
“How is that part of the ‘Enthusiastic Yes’ system if you are suppressing your own preferences to mimic me?”

  
Draco’s eyes widened, “That isn’t the response I expected from you.” He swallowed and put his glass down on the table. “My preferences aren’t an issue. My job is to make you comfortable, secure, and knowledgeable. This is one tool I use to do my job.”

  
“What response did you expect me to give?”

  
“That I was exploiting you, that you might suggest it was manipulation or something else of that ilk.”

  
Hermione waved her hand in the air dismissively, “I’m familiar enough with team-building exercises and NLP to understand the reasoning behind it. I think that may be why I’ve noticed it.

  
But I don’t like that it includes food and drink preferences. Draco, what if I ate something that would make you sick, or you actively disliked? How am I expected to believe in this emphatic acceptance if you yourself are subverting your desires to make me feel comfortable?”

“Because,” Draco sighed, “I emphatically agreed to do this when I signed up to be a Chevalier. Part of my job is to put my personal preferences aside when introducing and chaperoning someone. I have a few personal rules and limits that The Treasurer knows about and will not pair me with anyone who is likely to break those rules.  
My job is something I chose willingly, and yes, YOU shouldn’t settle for a poorly made drink. That is because YOU have the habit of tolerating what you do not want as a default.  
I know what I want, I understand that lesson in choosing my needs and desires, I do it instinctively now, and that also means I can accept the minor inconvenience of tasting disliked food to embrace serving the Knights in the capacity that I do.”

“I dislike the fact you are enduring things just to impress me.”

“Oh, milady. Many would do more than eat a pastry they didn’t like to win your favour.” Draco chuckled. “But if it makes you feel better, think of it this way; this is giving me a chance to try new and varied things that I wouldn’t have thought about before. A learning opportunity to increase my flavour pallet.”

“It feels like being a Chevalier means giving up a lot of yourself.” Hermione grumbled.

  
“I have hard limits, those I don’t cross.”

  
“Draco, could you stop mimicking me? Please? I don’t need you to. I am comfortable enough with you now. I don’t like the idea that you aren’t being yourself.”

  
Draco gave a soft smile, “You still don’t understand. But I will stop trying things I know I am not fond of if you wish.”

  
“Thank you Draco,” she gave a relieved sigh, “It seems I can’t separate Draco, my new friend from Draco, my Chevalier. I really enjoy spending time with Draco, but now I don’t know if what I am enjoying is the real you or the job.”

  
“It is mostly the job, I’m afraid, but you will understand more later on in our journey.” He conceded with a touch of sorrow in his eyes. Draco recovered quickly though and changed the subject. “Now, shall we show you the inner rooms of our fine establishment?” he stood and offered Hermione his arm.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hermione witnesses what happens behind the doors of the club first hand.
> 
> Please pay attention to the tags.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you LunaP999 for your amazing beta skills.

Inside the double doors was a long mirrored hallway with little alcoves beside the doorways. Some doors were open, some closed, the closed ones had shutters in the glass that could block out observers or let people witness what was going on.

The alcoves each had small padded benches in them and mirrors on the walls behind; the dark paint on the walls reflected in the mirrors and made the space seem infinite and mysterious at the same time.

Hermione moved her head, trying to take in everything in the low lighting through the obstruction of her mask. The organza was making everything more vague and difficult to observe.  
“I can hold your mask if you wish a clearer view.” Draco whispered in her ear. “You should see everything unimpeded.”

“No, but I think I will remove the netting.” She reached up and touched the side of her mask with her left arm, and the offending fabric disappeared.

“Milady, magic on the floor is frowned upon.” Draco growled softly.

“There’s a mechanism in my mask that rolls up the fabric.” She looked at him and smiled, “I thought of that.”

“Oh, forgive me” Draco bobbed his head in an apologetic bow.

“Nothing to forgive.” Her eyes were bright with amusement.

“It is an ingenious idea.” He conceded.

“Thank you. I came up with it last week after being here and having a little difficulty in the low lighted areas. Took a bid of fiddling to get the mechanism to work smoothly and fit within the padding of the original mask. It isn’t perfect even now, the mask is thicker than it was as I had to use a system similar to a rolling blind… and I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“A little. Are you nervous?” He squeezed her arm and then pulled gently to bring her closer beside him. She filled the space between them willingly and he wrapped his arm around her waist.  
“Let’s take this slowly then, take my other hand and squeeze it if anything overwhelms you.” His voice was soothing.

She took his hand and nodded firmly. “I’ve faced down worse demons, I can do this.”

“Yes, you have.” He chuckled and bussed a kiss into her hair. With a gentle squeeze, they moved down the hall. Though it was only a handful of steps before Hermione giggled.

“Draco, walking like this is silly. How about I use my left hand and tap your hip if I’m anxious?”

“As milady wishes.” He let go of her right hand but kept his around her, holding her close to his side.

Some alcoves nearest the main doors had people sitting in them, murmuring together. One had someone kneeling at the feet of a stately person wearing a shiny catsuit and impossibly high heels. The person on the floor was almost naked, apart from a string over their hips.

“I didn’t see anyone enter dressed so scantily” Hermione said, moving her head to show the couple.

“The changing rooms with general use lockers are the first doors on the right. Anything beyond the main doors is gender neutral, change rooms and toilets included.”

She nodded, and they kept walking. When they passed an open door and heard a snap and a sigh Hermione guided them into the large room.

People respectfully lined up along the walls, leaving a large space free in the centre of the room. Draco guided them to a space along the wall that others shifted to accommodate them.

Hermione focused solely on the scene in front of them.

In the space, a frail looking woman, bald, wearing nothing but bright yellow caution tape over her nipples, around her tiny waist and between her legs stood. The word ‘slave’ written on her concave stomach in black marker highlighted how skinny she was as it drew attention to her obvious hip bones.

Her arms at shoulder height outstretched and she was holding two plastic wine glasses filled with water. Her legs spread, leaving her fully exposed. Her face was upright, and her eyes were closed with a look of complete serenity that belied the way her arms shook with the effort of keeping her arms straight and the water from spilling.

When another crack of a whip hit below one of her small breasts, leaving a red mark, she sighed.

A skinny person dressed all in black, also bald, walked in front of the woman and looked at their handy work.

“Six more slave. Hold the water steady.” A husky voice said and the person slipped back, getting ready to swing again.

“She’s beautiful,” Hermione gasped.

“Their submission is.” Draco carefully guided Hermione to the correct pronouns.

“They are stunning.” She watched the scene, barely blinking until it came to its conclusion.

When the Dominant finished, they stepped forward and took the glasses from the submissive and drank from one.

The Submissive fell to their knees and kissed the boot of the Dominant before the Dominant knelt down and handed them the other glass of water.

The crowd moved out of the room and blocked Hermione’s sight line.

“We should move on,” Draco suggested, “Aftercare is usually more intimate than actual play.” Hermione nodded and let Draco guide her out of the room.

“Addressing gender wasn’t covered in the code. Well, it was, but,” Hermione frowned as they walked. “Should I keep my terms neutral?” she asked.

“If that makes you more comfortable. Most people will introduce themselves with their preferred pronouns, the pair we just saw have a unique dynamic, in that the term Slave means, to them, that the submissive isn’t a person.” 

Hermione gasped and whipped her head around to look at the room they had just vacated. Draco tightened his arm around her and stopped her rushing back. “They chose the designation themselves, they get satisfaction by being called it, thing, slave.”

“They are a person.” She hissed.

“They choose this. You saw how relaxed it was.”

“The bliss on their face was...” She sighed and relaxed at the memory “inspiring.”

Draco nodded and continued to guide Hermione further down the hallway.

She looked into another doorway and gasped. She walked through it, almost dragging Draco along in her enthusiasm.

Again there was a pair in the centre of the room and a respectful crowd of watchers along the edges of the space, and again the crowd made room for the two so Hermione and Draco could watch unobstructed.

The floor had a series of those foam interlocking mats on it, acting as padding for the duo who were both kneeling. Someone had draped ropes over the person in front and they were having a bit style gag shoved in their mouth by the person behind them.

The person forcing the gag was leaning forward, pressed up against their partner and biting their earlobe as the gag went in.

There was a harsh whisper Hermione didn’t catch, but the look of ecstasy on the partner’s face was obvious.

Then they took the ropes over the Bottom’s body one by one and used each to tie an elaborate harness over the Bottom’s torso.

The Rope Top never lost physical contact with their Bottom, instead always had an arm, a leg, or their torso in close contact. They kept whispering and speaking close to the Bottom. Hermione heard some profanities mixed in with praise, but couldn’t hear all of it.

The Top pushed the Bottom around, keeping them off balance while moving one rope covered limb into a different and difficult position, holding it for the length of a whispered phrase or line, then changing their collective positions.

“How do they do that?” she whispered to Draco, trying to not ruin the charged atmosphere of the space.

“Do what?” he asked.

“Work so well together? That level of trust and intimacy in a couple is so rare and intense.”

“They aren’t a couple, I think they each have partners in the room though.” Draco craned his neck, trying to look on the far side of the room, to spot the people he was speaking of.

“What!” she squeaked, drawing Draco’s attention back to her as well as half of the surrounding people. She ducked her head with the realisation of the disturbance she had made.

Draco waved his free hand apologetically and guided Hermione out of the room. He found them an empty alcove and sat her down on the bench. Then, breaking physical contact with her, he sat down beside her and turned to face her.

“What was so shocking?” he asked gently.

“Umm..”

“Was it that two strangers were playing?”

“No…”

“Was it that the two playing were the same gender?”

“No,” her tone offended.

“Was it they were playing with full consent publicly?”

“I think it was that they had partners in the first place, shouldn’t they be with their own partners?”

“If that is their dynamic. I don’t know them well enough to comment.”

“Their dynamic?”

“Who knows,” Draco shrugged, “maybe they like to be cuckolded, maybe one doesn’t like rope, maybe it's ‘just a bit of fun’, maybe it is a trial to add to their relationship, maybe one partner is too intoxicated or ill to play properly. The fact of the matter is I don’t know, and it isn’t my place to judge them.”

“But shouldn’t you stay loyal to your partner?”

“They may not see that brief scene as a disloyalty. They may not even be monogamous.”

“Oh…” Hermione frowned. “I knew that not everyone is monogamous.”

“But as it seems you are, you assume everyone defaults to that.”

“Are you monogamous Draco?” she tilted her head as she looked at him.

“I won’t answer that milady.” His voice was a little rough.

She slapped her forehead, “My apologies. So, do not assume gender, do not assume monogamy, do not assume roles or ranks.” She counted each point off on her fingers.

Draco grabbed them, “Do not assume.” He gave them a gentle squeeze before letting go.

“‘We cannot safely assume that other people’s minds work on the same principles as our own. All too often, others with whom we come in contact do not reason as we reason, or do not value the things we value, or are interested in what interests us.’“

“Which textbook did you get that from?”

“A psychology text, they credit it to Isabel Briggs Myers.”

“And you can quote it.”

“I thought I understood it, intellectually I do, but the practical is more difficult.” Hermione sighed, “And here I thought I was more open-minded than that.”

“Can I let you in on a little secret?” Draco whispered conspiratorially, “Prejudice is a natural survival technique, but like all survival techniques it has its place. The trick is to be aware of that place. Actively aware. It’s harder than you’d think.”

Hermione looked directly into Draco’s eyes. Her eyes were bouncing back and forth between his, while Draco’s own were steadily keeping focus. “That’s wise, Draco.” She said knowing that his wisdom was very hard won.

He broke the seriousness of the moment with a bright smile “Of course it is, I said it. Now shall we keep exploring?”

“Yes,” she slapped her hands to her thighs before standing and Draco offered her his arm.  
She tucked herself into his side without prompting and noticed Draco’s soft sigh before he tucked his arm against her waist.

They walked down to the end of the hallway to another pair of double doors.

“This is the stage room, classes and performances happen here, and regular play. There isn’t anything planned formally tonight. Shall we go in?”

“Sure” she nodded.

Draco pushed open one door and led them into the room.

There was a bigger crowd in this room and in the darkened corners, away from the large well lit stage, were moving shadows and what appeared to be large pieces of furniture. There were also dark sounds coming from those corners, smacks and sighs, groans and hisses.

But Hermione’s attention went to the large stage where on a table a naked female looking person was tied face down. Her backside lifted in the air and her hair pulled back and tied to a silver bar that looked secured to something behind her.

Hermione gasped audibly when she realised that the silver bar was a hook that was inserted in the feminine person’s back passage.

There were two masculine presenting people circling around the table. Pulling on ropes and shackles, checking their tension and security, occasionally slapping the submissive’s fleshy bottom or upper thigh with loud open handed smacks.

The submissive’s eyes were closed and her face in a grimace. Her hands opened and closed with tension.

One person circling locked eyes with their partner and nodded once, curtly. The other bowed their head and stepped backwards out of the light.

The one who reminded started stroking their hand up and down the restrained person’s back.

“That’s Master and Commander Declue, and his wife, Knight Helen.” Draco whispered.

“Who was the third, the one who left?”

“Knight Derek, muggle.”

There was a loud smack and a squeal from Knight Helen that drew Hermione’s attention.  
Master and Commander Declue was holding a large silver phallus in the air, it had wires trailing from its flared base and going behind him.

“Look” his voice was loud enough to carry through the entire room and Helen’s eyes opened immediately and saw what he presented to her.

Her eyes widened, her hands clenched, and she gasped. “Oh, no, sir. Please, not that…” She tried to shake her head, which moved the hook within her. She groaned and shut her eyes again.

“No Petal,” Declue’s voice soothed “You were quite disrespectful. This is your punishment. Be a good girl.”

“Please sir, I’ll be good, please. I’ll take any punishment, just not that.” She begged tears starting to drip down her face.

“Open your eyes” his voice snapped and immediately his submissive complied, her eyes bright with more tears.

Declue bent down and whispered into Helen’s ear and she tried to shake her head again, but stopped by a hand on her chin.

Declue wiped a thumb along her cheek, whispered again, and nodded.

“Look around Petal.” He broke eye contact and moved out of her sight line. “See how many are here to witness your punishment.”

“Please, sir.” She whined again, eyes wide, trying to see her disciplinarian.

“What do you say to your audience?”

“Please…. Sir” she gulped air, still trying to see him.

“What. Do. You. Say?” his voice was cold. He grabbed her hair attached to the hook. Hermione then noticed that they had tied the rope to a carabiner that connected it to the device.

Helen squealed and shut her eyes.

“What do you say?” he barked and tugged on her hair, cruelly moving the hook. “Open your eyes slut.”

Helen’s eyes snapped open, fresh tears running down her face. “Wit… witness my shame, everyone. Witness and absolve me.”

Hermione was physically tense and had her attention solely on the tableaux in front of her. She didn’t notice who was beside her when a hand wrapped around her own, the hand that was unconsciously holding her wand.

“Miss Golightly,” a velvety dark voice broke her concentration and the hand that held hers squeezed once and let go. “That is best kept to private rooms.”

Draco and Hermione looked at Severus Snape, who kept his face towards the stage, where Helen was still begging her Dominant for mercy.

“Sir.” Hermione pushed her wand back up her sleeve. “That was an unconscious reaction…” she ducked her head.

“Unconscious and unconscionable.” Severus looked directly into her unfiltered eyes. “Do better.” He pronounced and walked off into the crowd.

“Shit.” Hermione cursed.

“Should we leave?” Draco asked.

“No, I need to see this.”

“She is consenting to all of this Holly. Remember that.”

With their attention back on stage, they saw that Declue had moved behind the table and was smoothing his hands over Knight Helen’s buttocks.

“What do we say?” he asked.

“Witness my shame, witness and absolve me.” Helen’s face was a mess, her eyeliner running down her face, and her lipstick smeared. Declue must have kissed her when their attention was on Severus.

“What is your shame, Petal?”

“I disrespected my Master, I refused to obey, I taunted and teased.”

“Are you sorry my darling?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Do you accept your punishment?”

Helen gulped and blinked rapidly, then she took a big breath and said, “Yes sir. I deserve it.”

Hermione’s tight form relaxed as the Knight conceded to her punishment. Draco gave her a gentle squeeze in encouragement.

“I’m proud of you.” Declue grabbed a bottle of clear liquid and put a little on the phallus he still held. “Brace yourself bright one.” He said with a gentleness that was very contradictory to his previous growls. He then inserted the phallus into his partner, and when it was fully in he lifted a little box and pressed a button.

Helen hummed and twitched. “Sir” she sobbed.

“Yes?”

“Higher.” He pressed the button again and Helen’s hum increased in pitch. “Higher sir.” She squeaked.

“How high?”

“Six sir.”

“How many times?” Declue leaned forward.

“Three if it pleases you Sir.” Helen gasped.

“Three, it is you precious creature.” He pressed on the box four more times, put it down on the table, but kept one hand on it. The other he put on his partner, at the base of her spine, palm flat.

The bound Knight started keening with her eyes shut. Her limbs shook, and her voice kept rising in pitch until suddenly her voice dropped and a deep guttural growl came from her throat. Her entire body shook.

“One.”

Helen went quiet for a moment, her body still shaking, then she started her whine again. She tried to drop her chin, but the hook tied to her hair pulled and she lifted her face higher. “Oh.”

“Let go Petal.” Declue soothed. Helen shivered and her whines dropped an octave and she growled again, the sound deep and raw.

“Good girl,” Declue’s hand smoothed down her left leg. “One more for me, one more for your Master. Absolve your shame.” His hand lifted from her and grabbed the hook.

Helen’s growl quickly changed to a high pitch scream as he removed the hook from her anus, her hair released but the clip and she dropped her head straining against her bonds, full body shaking.

Declue pulled out the silver phallus and put on the table.

Knight Derek was on the stage and quickly releasing Helen’s arms as Declue released her ankles. Derek then made quick work of the knotted rope in Helen’s hair.

When she was free Declue lifted his wife into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist and buried her face into his neck.

“You were such a good girl, Petal” he soothed. “Wasn’t she everyone?” he turned and looked at the gathered audience.

The crowd gave a collective “Yes” with a few echoes of “Absolved” following.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly thank you to Snapes_Godess for the original work that inspired this one. Reading your story gave me such inspiration, I hope this story honours your own creation.
> 
> Secondly thank you to my darling betas: LunaP999 you are such a wonder and help for me and my liberal use of commas. 
> 
> Mersheeple I am so grateful you have been able to step up and help me as well.

_“You were such a good girl, Petal” he soothed. “Wasn’t she everyone?” he turned and looked at the gathered audience._

_The crowd gave a collective “Yes” with a few echoes of “Absolved” following._

* * *

The lights on the stage turned off, and music filled the air. As the room filled with lights and the tension in the vicinity, Draco guided Hermione to a bench.

“That was intense, do you have questions?”

“Could we go to the bar, please?”

“As milady wishes.” Draco guided Hermione to a door she hadn’t noticed before, leading directly into the bar area.

They got to their ‘usual’ booth and as they sat down two glasses with Hermione’s preferred drink appeared on the table.

Shortly after they sat down, the Declues entered the bar and sat at another booth in view of Hermione and Draco.

“How much trouble am I in?” Hermione asked.

“For what?”

“Holding my wand in public.”

“That’s what Severus was on about?” he gasped. “I didn’t feel you draw it at all. You shook a few times, but you didn’t jerk at all.”

“I’m very subtle and quick.” Hermione muttered.

“Wow, how did I miss this?”

She shrugged, “It’s one of my skills from the past.”

Draco sighed, “Okay, I’ve been purposely leaving your wand arm free, but I can’t do that anymore. I hope you understand, milady.”

“That won’t work, Draco.”

“Why not?”

“I use both arms.”

“Pardon me?”

“I have two wands, have had for a long time. I use both arms, I am a dual wielder.”

“Amazing….” He gasped.

“It is on my paperwork, I have both wands registered and it is all legal.”

“I thought it was something else..” Draco shook his head “Never mind, sometimes things get lost in translation. But the level of control to teach yourself…” his voice trailed off as Severus, with a glass of his amber liquid, came to join them.

“May I join you?” he asked politely. Hermione looked to Draco, who tilted his head, and she looked back to her former teacher.

“Please do.” She said with a smile.

Severus took a seat by Draco and asked, “What are we discussing?”

“Holly’s ambidexterity.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” she straightened up and looked at both of them defensively. “I use both hands independently. I learned the lesson that relying on a single hand with my…. tool is a weakness. One I worked hard to overcome so I wouldn’t be vulnerable that way again.”

“That is a valuable skill to have.” Severus conceded. “The level of discipline to gain that skill is not insignificant.”

Draco looked at his mentor and frowned slightly.

“I like to set goals and achieve them.” Hermione took a hold of her drink and brought the glass to her lips. Her eyes then flashed with anger as Draco mimicked her movements.

“Draco, I asked you to stop that.” She snapped.

He put his drink down and smiled, “Yes Milady.”

“Miss Golightly,” Severus said to draw her attention, “Do you have questions about what you saw on the stage?”

“At first it bothered me that Knight Helen was so visibly upset. Her position there didn’t fit my idea of what a ‘Resounding Yes’ was.”

“Did you notice the Master and Commander whisper in her ear?” Severus asked.

“Yes.”

“He was asking her if she wanted off the stage.” Draco supplied.

“Really? You heard him?”

“No, but that was what he was doing.”

“Yes, well spotted Draco.”

Hermione sighed, “That makes me feel better. Though when she formally accepted it I had relaxed already. What was her punishment?”

“Forced orgasms by electro stimulation.” Severus supplied, “or Electrostim as they call it.”

“How is that a punishment? Orgasms are good things.”

Draco laughed, “Oh, you are precious!” he put his hand down on the table and Hermione took it without hesitation.

“Helen both loves and hates electrostim, she can’t control her reactions and they are very intense. It makes her feel vulnerable and exposed.”

“After her behaviour earlier it suited that her punishment fit the crime of exposing her Dominant as she did.” Severus added.

Hermione took another sip of her drink, looking at the couple in question who were cuddling and feeding each other small pieces of bread.

The two men with her watched and waited unobtrusively while she dealt with her thoughts.

She blinked and focused on her companions again.

“I think I should leave my wands in the locker for the foreseeable future.”

“As milady wishes” and bowed his head. Severus said nothing but held his glass.

After a few heartbeats he spoke, “What else did you see this evening?”

“Slave 394 and Master Gibbs were demonstrating the use of a dragon tail. Then we saw some rope ground work before we made it to the stage.”

“Oh, there was the couple by the doors. The one in the catsuit and the naked person at their feet.” Hermione added.

“Did that interest you?” Severus asked.

“The outfit was interesting, those heels looked impossible to walk in.”

“Fetish gear is not always practical, the appeal is aesthetic .”

“For the apparel oft proclaims the man.” Hermione quoted.

“You’ve not mentioned outfits or costuming before, Holly. When we discussed dress codes you didn’t seem that interested.”

“It isn’t something that I think about often.” She used her free hand to gesture to her appearance, “The effort hasn’t appealed before, but what I saw was a striking image. Seeing all that shiny black and the mostly naked person. Such a contrast drew my attention.”

“Please elaborate.” Severus gestured with his glass.

Hermione tilted her head a little in a thoughtful pose. “There was nothing overt there, apart from the nudity. But the submissive, I can call them that yes?” At Severus’s nod she continued, “The submissive looked so peaceful sitting there. It was nice to see.”

“What about the Dominant?”

“I couldn’t see their face, but they looked strong and confident, their pose was anything but casual, as if they were purposely exposing as much of their body for the submissive to lean on. But I didn’t see any hint of unease, though the outfit and the pose could not have been comfortable.”

“Very observant Miss Golightly.”

“Thank you” Hermione blushed at the praise from her former teacher.

“Please explain what you meant about your appearance.”

Hermione snorted, “I have the typical vanity of wanting admiration, but I know that I have limitations, and I also have time restraints so I have devoted little effort into turning this sow’s ear into the silk purse. ‘Beauty is as relative as light and dark. Thus, there exists no beautiful woman, none at all, because you are never certain that a still far more beautiful woman will not appear and completely shame the supposed beauty of the first.’” She sighed.

“She is -- one of those people who, at first sight, look plain, are quiet, unassertive, unmemorable even. But who, when they start to talk and you get to know them, become more and more attractive and impressive, and you see that in fact they are beautiful. Not conventionally beautiful, not celebrity beautiful, but beautiful all through.” countered Severus.

“Touché.” Hermione raised her glass and gave a mock salute to him. After she drank she put her glass down and let go of Draco’s hand. “I should put my wands away now. Afterward Draco could we explore some more?”

“As you wish.” Draco and Severus stood as Hermione got up and walked to the Treasurer’s office.

As soon as she was out of earshot Severus murmured “See me in my office after she leaves this evening.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Pairing you two may have been a mistake.”

“Sir!”

“One we can work with. It will not be easy on you.”

“I will be what she needs.”

“And if she doesn’t choose you?”

“I will watch her, and wish the best for her.”

“A Pot and a Kettle on the Shelf.” Severus looked away from the door to look at Draco, his face stoic, and he nodded. “Serve her well, Chevalier.”

“By my duty and honour.”

Hermione, halfway across the room, saw Draco bow to Severus before Severus nodded and walked away.

“Were you in trouble?” she asked, watching Severus’s form retreat.

“What? Oh, no.” Draco soothed. He took Hermione’s hands and guided her to her seat. “Just the usual reminders that I am a Chevalier first and foremost.”

“You’ve not been anything but..” She was indignant on his behalf. “Steadfastly so! How dare he…”

“Holly, that is his job as my mentor.”

“This doesn’t seem fair. You are getting picked on because of me.”

Draco laughed. “Yes, the talk came a little early because of the incident today, but it comes every time. Severus is very thorough.”

“Oh…” she deflated a little.

“May I ask you a question?”

“Yes, of course you can, Draco,” she said brightly.

“Why did you put away your wands?”

“Because I am not in control of my actions. I acted subconsciously and drew one when I made an assumption. A false one at that. It is dangerous for me to have a wand on me here.”

She took a breath, “Besides; It isn’t my job to protect people here. Nothing I have seen suggests that the staff here aren’t looking out for people’s welfare.

Being armed and expecting to do other people's jobs while I’m paying for the privilege of being protected here seems counterproductive.”

“That is very astute of you.”

“Thank you Draco.” Her smile was bright as they walked back into the club proper.

In a large office comfortably furnished, on the floor above the club that housed the Knights of Walpurgis, Severus looked at his protégé with hard eyes.

“She’s not a submissive.”

Draco shrugged his shoulders, “I figured as much.”

“She is too confused to know what she needs.”

“She is lonely.” Draco tilted his hand, fingers splayed.

“Pairing you two was a mistake.”

“I don’t think it was. It has been…” he hesitated, then sighed “healing.”

“For you, maybe.” Severus conceded. “But for her?”

“I can submit to her.” Draco looked determined.

“I am sure you could, when she knows her mind. Until then, could you guide her?”

“I’d try.”

Severus nodded and shifted back in his seat. “What of her reactions on the floor? I was aware of her actions in the staging room and heard her when you were watching the rope play.”

Draco took a deep breath and recounted Hermione’s behaviour earlier that evening. “She was going to go ‘free’ Slave 394 when she heard their designation, though beforehand she couldn’t take her eyes off the demonstration. Also she was berating herself for falling into old habits regarding gender identity and relationship statuses.”

“She claimed to have done the research on gender and relationships on her application, why was she surprised?”

“I think it was the difference between Explicit and Tacit Knowledge. She had read the information but hadn’t internalised it. This was her first practical demonstration of the theoretical ideals. She adapted quickly, faster than most, but is still critical of herself and her behaviour.”

Severus nodded, “What have you noticed her preferences are?”

“She thrives under praise, she is more reactive when it comes from you than myself. She is very generous with it herself as well.

She is drawn to Physical contact, Clothed Dominant, Non-clothed submissive, Visual Contact, Verbal connection/commands, Witnessing bondage but I feel she may have the makings of a good rigger. She also seems to have a feeding kink.”

Draco shrugged again, “That may be a friendship thing or a caregiver thing I am not sure. She is insistent that I eat and drink foods that I prefer.

She has expressed an interest in edging, biting, sensory deprivation, scratching, teasing, gentle corporal punishments and feels she could work up to exhibition and voyeurism.”

“And her aversions?”

“She is fearful of personal restraints, sharps, dislikes messy games like soil, blood, or watersports. She has considered Primal play, but fears that may trigger something. We joked about a bit of teacher student role-play that caught her interest, but she wasn’t interested in it fully. Degradation bothers her, witnessing more so than experiencing it. She is also monogamous.”

“Any other observations?”

“She is lonely, as I’ve said.” Draco’s eyes were sad as he spoke. “She has isolated herself from people for a long time. I fear a slight disconnect between her physical and emotional self. She lives too much in her mind, and she is touch starved.”

He gave a sad smile, “We’d barely begun talking before she welcomed my touch, even with our colourful history.”

“What are your thoughts Chevalier?”

Draco sat in silence for a few moments, then he closed his eyes and took another deep breath. “I do not think I will be a suitable mentor for her. My skill set isn’t enough to help her settle into her true Dominant self. I doubt I could push her limit enough for her to fight back. My emotional connection to her is too strong to keep myself separate if we were to become intimate. I know she is Dominant and will unwittingly be submissive to her, not challenging enough.”

“Draco.” Severus said softly, his dark eyes warm as he looked at the young man in front of him. Draco opened his eyes and smiled a pained smile.

“Draco,” Severus continued “I am proud of you. The Treasurer gave you a task I’d not have given you. When her application crossed my desk I had made plans to bring you together, but not until she had found her footing.”

“Playing matchmaker?”

Severus looked steadily at his protégé until the younger man snorted and tilted his head in concession.

“The Treasurer had other plans it seems, and I will speak to them about that. For now, we shall work with what we have. The girl needs to connect with herself, she needs to embrace her true nature.”

“She’s not a girl any longer.”

“Until she knows herself she is still a child.”

“You’re thinking of training her yourself?” Draco said warily.

“Oh calm yourself, I know my craft. The path will not be smooth, but she will know her own mind at the end.”

“I just worry that her mind will focus on someone who will not reciprocate.”

“You are not a petulant child anymore Draco, stop your whining.”

“Yes sir.” Draco’s face was blank.

“Could you bear her attention if she went elsewhere? Not to me but someone else in the club.”

“If it made her happy. I would. I’ve kept my distance this long.”

“Why is that Draco? Why have you kept so far from her?”

“Until she arrived here I thought she was still with Weasley. She chose him and I’d resigned myself to that fact. It wasn’t as if I had done much to change her feelings about me.”

“And if her attention was on me?”

“That would be harder, you are so close, and you wouldn’t return her affections. Not the way she would want.”

“Are you sure about that?”

Draco nodded firmly, “Severus, you are my mentor, my Grand Master, my friend and confidant. I like to think I am your friend as well. I know you. I know your heart.

You may care for her, but you couldn’t be hers the way she would want. Not if she is truly a Dominant, and monogamous.”

Severus didn’t speak, and Draco sighed.

“Sir, you may be the best mentor for her, yes. But the process would hurt her heart, I don’t know if she can handle more heartache.”

“The sooner she loses her childish ideals of a Knight in shining armour, the faster she will grow into herself.”

“But you are a Knight, sir, as we all are.”

“She has the makings of one as well, a fierce one.”

“You saw that too?” Draco laughed.

“One step at a time. She will know her own mind, she will make her own choices, as a Lady should.”

“As a Lady should.” Draco echoed.

“Now tell me what do you have planned for her first play session?”

“I was going to experiment with a subtle connective ropes session, not full bondage, but see how she felt about a chest harness and floor work. Keeping her off balance but not confined. Simple breath work and praise, highlighting the physical contact. Nothing too extreme.”

“Will you make her orgasm?”

“Not intentionally, I do not think she is ready for public release just yet.”

“You’ll play publicly?”

“I fear I will need the buffer, knowing the audience will put her on edge will keep me focused on her and I won’t fall into the scene.”

“What does she think?”

“We’ve not discussed it yet, we have plans to meet tomorrow to discuss our next stage.”

“When are you going to introduce her to others?”

“Tomorrow evening, Saturdays are more lively for socialisation.”

“Report to me after tomorrow night, and if another catches her attention I need to know.”

“Yes sir, but she is very loyal, I doubt she will admit that I cannot meet her needs, I doubt she will be looking for a different mentor.”

“Knowing that, you aren’t planning on spoiling her first session to push her away are you?”

“No Sir! I am just not lying to myself that I can give her what she needs, but her loyalty will blind her to this fact.”

“We shall see.” Severus looked at the papers on his desk and brushed the top of the closed file folder with his fingertips. “Draco,” his face softened as he looked up.

“I know Severus, it will be as it will be.” The blonde man looked across the desk to his darker mentor. They both smiled sad knowing smiles. “Pots and Kettles on shelves.”


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Mersheeple for your excellent beta skills,
> 
> Honourable mention to CatsoftheApocalypse for helping me as well.
> 
> As always please read Snapes_Goddess as her work inspired this one.

Severus knocked twice and waited for confirmation before opening the door to the Treasurer’s office.

“What brings you to my door, Grand Master?” The Treasurer asked. They sat behind their dark wood desk wearing a pale pink sheer veil that covered their nose and lips. Their eyes made up heavily with a smokey kohl and large lashes. A loose pink blouse made from the same sheer fabric as the veil and bright jewelled studs in their earlobes completed the look of a mysterious desert beauty.

“Stop with the titles Zabini, we aren’t on the floor.” Severus waved his hand and sat down in the leather chair across the desk.

“Why did you give yourself the title, sir?” Zabini raised their eyebrows and smirked under their veil.

“I’m here to discuss your decision to pair Golightly with Chevalier Malfoy, not the inner workings of my mind, Treasurer.”

“Ahh, so you found out.” The smug look dropped and Zabini settled back in their chair. Severus mimicked them and leaned back.

“Yes, I did. What possessed you to pair them? You know how he feels about her.”

“I do,” Zabini scoffed, “We shared a dorm in school.”

“Which is why I am so surprised that you linked the two of them.”

“Draco is an excellent Chevalier, one of the best we have. He is adaptable and able to compartmentalise his own needs enough to guide most, if not all, of our prospects to what suits them best. It doesn’t matter their prejudices or presumptions. Draco is skilled enough to navigate the human psyche of most people.”

“Holly Golightly isn’t most people.”

“No, she isn’t, that is true; but she is no more complex than any other of our generation.”

“His emotional reactions to her make her more so.”

“He fancies her,” Zabini shrugged, “this way he may get it out of his system.”

Severus levelled a look at Zabini. “You don’t believe that.”

Zabini had the dignity to look ashamed, then angry. “For years she has dominated his mind, she has become the ideal woman in his estimation. It is time for him to realise that she is a person of flesh and faults. To purge her from his system.”

“This is an abuse of power, this order is not for petty revenge. You swore an oath to me and your compatriots.” Severus’s voice was flat, his posture relaxed in the chair.

“I have kept my oath!” they stood up and thumped their desk.

“For years I have watched my best friend pine over that woman. He aches for her. When she finally comes here I am going to pair her with the one person who will move heaven and earth to make her happy. No one else will work so well with her, no one else will serve her as she desires. No one will get the satisfaction that he will by doing it! He loves her, Severus. How could I, in good faith, let anyone else in our little order initiate her to her submissive nature?”

“He has admitted he can’t do what she needs.”

“What!” They shook their head. “That is preposterous, they are so well matched.”

“Now your prejudice is showing, and your impudence, she isn’t a submissive. She has convinced herself she is, but she is too disconnected from herself to figure that out.”

“Draco could, surely…”

“He has given the task to me, if she doesn’t choose another.”

“You?”

“You think I’m not up to the task?”

“No, not at all. But if it is as you say..”

“It is.”

“She will fall in love with you.”

“I am aware of that possibility.”

“It would break Draco’s heart.”

“I fear it already has. He is already withdrawing from her. I fear their play session will be a disappointment for everyone.”

“I see.” They sat back down in their chair. The veil fluttered a little, and both were silent for a few moments. When Zabini looked back at Severus, he leaned forward with a direct look.

“You abused your position, Treasurer; you hurt one of your comrades and dearest friends over this attempt to play Himeros’ messenger. You ignored Draco’s wishes when you paired them together. He had many opportunities to reach out to her, and he never did. Why do you think that was?”

“He foolishly thinks he doesn’t deserve her. He is still playing up the mistakes of our childhood.”

“So, without his consent, you gave him the burden of hiding his genuine feelings while guiding the woman he feels unworthy of, through the initial and very intimate entry into our lifestyle.”

“Yes, I guess I did.”

Severus leaned back in his chair. “You will submit yourself to him for retribution, you can make the arrangements privately, but the retribution will be public, on stage. You betrayed your oath, Treasurer. I am not pleased.”

“Yes, sir.” They bowed their head.

“I will salvage what I can from this situation, but Draco will meet your penance before Miss Golightly’s first play session. She must also witness it, as your actions also harmed her. I will also be thoroughly watching your pairings for the foreseeable future.”

“As my Master commands.”

“I’ve not been your master in a long time, bright flame.” Severus stood up and touched the bowed head of the Treasurer. “You made a mistake, you got arrogant, learn from it and grow forward. That is what the Order is for.”

Severus’ hand traced Zabini’s’s face and used a finger to raise their chin. As he looked into their eyes, he gave a soft smile when he saw the unshed tears. “You will learn and grow, as we all do. Repent and be absolved, grow.”

“I will, sir.” Zabini blinked and two tears fell down their cheeks. Severus bent down and placed a gentle kiss on their forehead.

“I will be on the floor if you need me.” Severus left the room and joined the crowd that was making their way through the newly opened double doors.

He quickly caught sight of Hermione and Draco talking to the Declues. Draco wore his typical dress shirt and grey slacks he wore at the club.

Hermione was in a sleeveless high necked black dress that gave hint to the film from her pseudonym. Her turquoise mask in place, and her hair partially tamed into a loose bun.

Gerald Declue was in his black suit and tie with black shirt, while Helen was in a scarlet pantsuit with a loose low neckline. They were speaking animatedly together, and sometimes Helen ran her hand over Gerald’s arm.

Hermione’s eyes flicked to the movement every time it happened.

Draco also noted Hermione’s interest and slowly put his arm around her. She settled into his casual embrace easily, a slight tension easing from her shoulders.

Severus moved through the crowd, keeping the pair in his sightline. When the Declues left them Draco guided Hermione to another couple, and again they spoke for a bit before Severus saw that Zabini had decided it was time to start their repentance.

Severus left his shadowed corner and moved to intercept Draco and Hermione before Zabini could reach them.

“Miss Golightly, Chevalier.” Severus nodded his head.

“Hello Severus.” Hermione said brightly just as Zabini came towards them.

“Hello Treasurer.”

Zabini nodded once “Miss Golightly.” Then turned to Draco and fell to their knees.

Hermione gasped, but they ignored her and reached up to Draco. “Chevalier, I have wronged you and beg you to discipline and correct my behaviour. I offer you my penance, for as I’ve wronged you, only you can absolve me.”

Draco looked shocked for a moment, looked up at Severus, who nodded and then back down at his friend. “Treasurer, I am unaware of your crimes against me, elaborate please.”

“I feel I should interrupt here,” Severus cleared his throat. “Miss Golightly isn’t aware of the rituals. May I offer you my services while your Chevalier tends to this matter?” Severus offered her his arm.

“Yes Holly, it probably would be best if you go with Severus for the time being, I will come find you after.”

Hermione looked at the surrounding people, the proud Treasurer on the floor looking up at Draco and back at Severus. “I suppose so.” She stepped from Draco’s side and took Severus’ arm.

He guided her away from the two as Draco said, “Elaborate on your crimes.”

“What is going on here?” Hermione asked and tried to look behind her at the pair.

“The Treasurer feels they have committed a wrong against Draco and is seeking to redress the imbalance.”

“Why do it so publicly?”

“Depending on the slight, these things can be privately or publicly addressed. Though full Order Members, ones who have sworn the Oath, often do it publicly. We are people of authority and keep to strict ideals to influence others.”

“The Grand Master expects this of all the staff?”

“The Grand Master has submitted themselves, publicly, and wouldn’t ask their members to do something they themselves wouldn’t do.”

“What happens now?” She asked, the crowd had surrounded Draco and Zabini and she couldn’t see them any longer.

“Draco will listen to the offence, as put forward by the Treasurer, together they will decide on retribution, and if it will be public, which I think this case it will be, they will go to the stage and the punishment will take place there.

The Treasurer will ask first Draco and then the audience to witness and absolve them, and they will serve penance.”

“Like with Helen and Master and Commander Declue.” Hermione supplied. “Should I watch this?”

“It would be best, I think.”

“Is there anything I should know?”

“Draco will also have to perform after care, so will not be with you for at least an hour after the event, are you comfortable enough with my presence to stay with me until he is free?”

“Or course I am.” Hermione scoffed. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“We’ve discussed assumptions before Miss Golightly.” Severus warned.

“Well, I am telling you now that I trust you, that I am comfortable spending time with you. So now you will not be assuming something, you will be acting on prior knowledge.” She nodded her head, emphasising her points.

“I will also continue to ask when I feel the need.”

Hermione snorted and pursed her lips but kept quiet. Severus guided Hermione through the double doors and down the hallway towards the staging room.

“Why does the Order insist on punishments? Why aren’t apologies enough?”

“Words are cheap. Actions speak louder than words, and these punishments are cathartic. There will be no lingering guilt, once a member is absolved through penance and the fault is forgiven and forgotten, then the penitent grows and learns.”

“It feels rather primitive to have a punishment system in place.”

“Does it?”

“Well, part of me feels like it should bother me. But another part of me feels safer and more secure knowing that there are checks and balances in place here.”

Severus opened the door to the staging room and let Hermione go through first, before walking through himself and offering her his arm again, which she took without hesitation.

“I think it is because too much outside has no balance. It’s a little juvenile to want ‘fairness’ in life, but here I feel I can indulge a little.” She continued.

“Most find it so.”

The lights dimmed in the large room, and the surrounding conversations stilled. “Miss Golightly, watch the stage.” Severus prompted and guided her to stand in front of him.

She looked over her shoulder when he put his hands on her shoulders. “I will be right behind you. But I feel it would be best if I can reach both your arms should there be a need.”

“I left them behind.” She said indignantly.

“And do you expect me to believe that while you trained yourself to be ambidextrous, you neglected to train yourself to act without a wand?” he pitched his voice low for only her ears.

“I thought we didn't do assumptions?” she countered.

“I did my research. You registered your abilities officially as being able to work with or without tools.”

She snorted again but looked to the stage.

“It takes a strong and determined mind to accomplish what you have. You should be proud of that fact. I am only giving you the respect you deserve by not underestimating your abilities, Miss Golightly.” His lips were close to her right ear, his voice soft. She shivered a little at his words.

The stage lit up and in the centre, with their hands clasped behind their back, stood Zabini, shirtless and in a pale pink bralette, wearing black trousers that hung low on their hips, ended tucked into knee-length black heeled boots. On their hips was a loose jewelled belt that matched the gems in their ears.

They wore a stiff gold posture collar that forced their chin upright; the metal matching the other jewellery their veil was hanging off one ear, leaving their full lips exposed. Their heavily made-up eyes were closed.

Draco walked onto the stage and removed the veil from Zabini’s ear, trailing it and his hand down their face, shoulder and moved across their broad back. Standing behind them, Draco leaned forward and whispered in their ear.

“He is confirming that this is acceptable to them.” Severus whispered in her ear again.

“Remember that this is consensual Miss Golightly; you saw the Treasurer ask for this.”

The woman in front of him nodded and tried to repress another shiver, keeping her masked face pointed towards the stage.

Zabini tried to shake their head, limited by the collar their movements were small. Draco’s second whisper produced an attempt at a nod.

Draco pocketed the veil and walked around Zabini.

They kept their eyes closed as the Chevalier walked around them twice more with loud echoing footsteps. On the third pass, Draco closed the distance between them and ran a single finger along the smooth edge of Zabini’s chin.

“If I wanted your vision impaired, I would have blindfolded you.” He said loudly and their eyes snapped open.

Draco moved out of the Audience’s view, back behind Zabini. Leaning over, he spoke with a hard voice. “Tell everyone why you are here.”

Zabini lifted their chin and spoke in a steady voice, “I betrayed you, I betrayed my brother. I violated the Code. I put my own needs above the Order.”

“Raise the lights so they can see the crowd.” Draco called behind himself. Then to Zabini he said, “Look out to them, see the people whose trust you violated.”

They obediently scanned the crowd, turning their entire body when the stiff collar prevented full movement of their head. Their face darkened with embarrassment when their eyes met with Severus’.

Hermione looked up and behind her, and Severus nodded once. Zabini looked directly at Hermione, then closed their eyes for a moment before continuing to scan the assembled crowd.

“Why are they doing this? What warrants this punishment?” Hermione asked.

“If they wish you to know, they will tell you the specifics.” Severus said. “Watch them, not me.” His hands stayed on top of her shoulders, and Hermione turned back to the stage as the lights dimmed again.

“They are all here to witness your shame, aren’t they Treasurer?” Draco asked.

“Yes sir.”

“They will see you brought low before me.”

“Yes Sir.” their eyes dipped again, their shoulders tightening.

Draco whispered again into their ear and again they tried to shake their head.

Draco pulled away and walked around them with slow, deliberate steps that echoed.

“What kind of person would be so disloyal to a sworn brother?” he asked, “Who would expose their boon companion to ridicule and scorn?”

They didn’t speak, but watched Draco’s movements with bright eyes.

“I asked you a question!” Draco barked.

“An apostate” Zabini said flatly.

Draco stopped walking and looked at Zabini. He crossed his arms over his chest. “An apostate? Is that what you would call yourself?”

“Yes.”

“Why do you use that word?”

“An apostate is someone who goes against a previously held belief, who renounces their sworn loyalty for reasons that are the opposite of the original position.” Zabini spoke as if reciting a passage in a book.

“Are you willingly leaving the Order?” Draco’s face was red with anger.

“No.”

“Are you renouncing your position as our Treasurer?”

“No.” Tears shone in their dark eyes.

“Then why are you an apostate?”

“Because I acted rashly, not thinking of the goals of the Order, of the oaths I swore. I forgot my loyalty to my brother, my Order, in my attempt to take control that was not mine to take.”

“You violated consent?” Draco hissed.

“I did.” tears now falling, left a smudged trail down Zabini’s face.

“Do you think such a simple term like Apostate recognises the depth of your crime?”

“No.”

“No?” Draco asked. His voice was calmer now, calmer and expectant. He resumed walking back and forth on the stage in front of and beside Zabini.

“It lacks venom, the poison that another word may have.” Zabini stood with their arms still held behind their back and chin held high.

“What other word is that?”

“Oath breaker.”

“Oath breaker?”

Zabini looked directly at Draco, shifting their torso to keep him in sight. “I wronged you brother, I broke your faith.”

“Face forward!” Draco barked, closing the distance between them and pushing Zabini’s shoulder back into position.

“I need to atone brother, I need to regain the trust I abused.”

“So,” Draco kept physical contact and hissed loudly, “I am to punish you, and return you to my faith like a viper to my heart?”

“I will not betray you again.” Zabini sobbed, leaning into Draco’s form behind him. Draco stepped back, making them stumble slightly. They righted themselves quickly and resumed their position on stage.

“You willingly thought you knew my mind more than I did. You took my right to decide away from me.” He resumed his pacing. “You acted without my consent.”

“Yes.”

“That is more than an apostate’s behaviour Treasurer.”

“Yes.”

“Who would do such a thing? Who would violate their oath for no reason but selfish gain?”

“An Oath Breaker.” They mumbled.

“Really? Is that the word? Does that word describe someone who would stab a dear friend in the heart with a blade of deceit? Is that the word that tells all what a selfish viper you’ve become?” Draco stopped moving again. The stillness after his question weighed heavily in the air as they blinked rapidly, trying to prevent tears from falling.

“Look forward.” Draco hissed, and Zabini obeyed.

“Answer me Treasurer, is Oath Breaker the right word for you to use? You said you betrayed me, you broke MY faith. Not the Order’s faith. Mine.”

He walked forward. His voice took a soft intimate quality, “Me, who knows you best. The brother who brought you here to safety, who helped you embrace who you really were. The friend who has known you all these long years. Who confided all of his personal secrets to you.” When Draco got to Zabini’s side again, he brushed his hand along the arm and rested it on their shoulder.

“If you only feel you violated your oath, then let the Knights decide your punishment.” Draco slapped Zabini’s face and turned to walk away.

“No!” Zabini moved to chase after Draco.

“No? What?” Draco called over his shoulder.

“Please do not leave me.” Zabini pleaded and fell to their knees.

“This is too cruel.” Hermione said, shaking her head.

“Would you do something different?” Severus asked.

“This humiliation is too much. The Treasurer is such a proud person, why do they need to abase themselves so much?”

“They agreed to this. The two of them will do nothing to harm each other. Watch the stage, Miss Golightly, we will discuss this further.”

“But why this? What could they have done to warrant this cruel behaviour?” Hermione shook her head. “I couldn’t bear it. How can Draco be so cruel?”

“Draco knows what he is doing. Watch.” He pressed down on her shoulders and Hermione turned her face back to the stage.

Zabini was upright again and Draco stood behind them, one broad arm wrapped around their chest, holding them close. “What was that word Treasurer? What did you whisper in my ear as I lifted you?”

“Oath Breaker.”

“Here I am holding you upright, supporting you, after you begged me to stay, and you lie like this?” Draco lifted his arm and Zabini grasped for Draco.

“I can’t say it out loud.” They whined.

“Then I can not support you. Until you admit to all what you are, I cannot absolve you.” Draco backed away from them and they fell back to the floor of the stage. The collar prevented them from bowing their head, so they hunched over, shoulders shaking.

“Say the word, say it to all. Admit what you are. Say the name for one who betrays the ones they love and protect. Call it out, tell everyone assembled here what you are.”

Zabini kept silently weeping, hunched over.

“Say it Treasurer, say the word. What are you?” Draco’s voice took on a cold, haughty tone. He stood tall over Zabini’s crumpled form.

“Say it outright, admit it to all. Tell everyone. Use the world that describes a person who harms another for greed. Use the word that means betrayer of trust.” Draco crouched down.

“What. Are. You?” he grabbed their shoulders and forced them upright.

Zabini whispered with their eyes closed.

“Eyes open. Say it louder. What are you?”

Zabini’s voice was weak. It didn’t carry across the room fully.

“Louder Viper.”

“Traitor. I am a Traitor.” Zabini crumpled and Draco caught them. He loosened the collar and removed it from their neck.

“Witnessed and Absolved” Draco said, Severus and the others in the room echoed the statement and then the stage went dark.

Severus stepped beside Hermione and offered her his arm, which she took.

“I thought he had grown out of this behaviour.” She said as they walked the long way back to the bar.

“Some things never leave us Miss Golightly, Draco has matured, yes, this isn’t the first thing he does to defend himself now. He has a talent for finding a weakness in a person and using that to humiliate them. Making the Treasurer confront their actions and bruising their ego is a perfect punishment.”

“But couldn’t they do something else?”

“What do you suggest? Another incident of forced orgasms from two boon companions who aren’t lovers?” The judgement in Severus’s voice was palpable. “What in your infinite wisdom and intimate knowledge of these two would you suggest they do to settle the score and clear the air between them?”

“But that level of humiliation was..”

“Uncomfortable, Miss Golightly, that was the idea. This wasn’t a ‘funishment’, this was a penance, and that has to be uncomfortable.”

“But doing it so publicly!” she shook her head, “I couldn’t handle that. To have a friend exploit such intimate knowledge about me publicly, to make me weep on stage!”

“Miss Golightly, this wasn’t your punishment, this was The Treasurer’s. They both outlined what would happen on stage. You knew this.”

“It was so personal though. Draco was so cold and cruel, but the attacks were so close to the bone.”

“That is the nature of humiliation.” Severus guided them to their usual table, the staff delivering two drinks as they sat. They placed a lime soda in front of her, and the two fingers of whiskey before him then glided away.

“Draco and the Treasurer have such a unique connection, that this could happen and they would come back from it, that I think is what surprises me most of all.”

“They have been through a lot together, both in school and out of it.”

“Draco keeps himself distant from me, I doubt we will establish such a connection. I fear we couldn’t survive a situation like this.” Hermione waved her hand behind her indicating the performance area.

“Draco has to keep himself distant from you, it is part of being a Chevalier. He keeps his personality from you to help you learn what you need. Give him time. When your respective roles no longer constrain you, you may get that close. He is very loyal.”

Hermione sighed and lifted her drink. She took a sip and looked at her companion, “You aren’t mimicking me, you don’t even have the same drink as me.”

“I need not gain your trust.”

“No, you’ve gained that a long time ago.”

Severus’s gaze sharpened, “The less said about those days, the better. You said your piece then, we need not elaborate on it.”

“Oh, I wasn’t…” she blushed a little and ducked her head. “You are right.”

“Draco has a talent for putting people at their ease, it is useful in a Chevalier.” Severus said guiding the conversation to appropriate territory.

“What about you? Where do your talents lie?”

“Your curiosity will destroy you, Miss Golightly.”

“Satisfaction of knowing new things will help me survive.” She countered. “If I ask, then I am not assuming something which I am trying very hard not to do”

“That is commendable.” Severus nodded. “I have varied talents, much like Draco, but I don’t have the stomach for service these days. I prefer to educate and mentor. I have found that having willing students makes my task of tutoring much more enjoyable.”

“Draco had mentioned you were his mentor. Who else did you mentor, if that isn’t telling tales out of school?”

“It would be, and until I get permission to speak of it from others, I will just admit to the one person you already know of.”

“Well, thank you for taking time to support me while Draco is busy. Though I will have to admit that I am still curious why the Treasurer felt the need to abase themselves so thoroughly.” Her eyes looked into the far distance for a moment, then focused again. “You know what happened, that is why you interrupted and took me away.”

“I do.” He nodded.

“But until they both wish to speak of it, it isn’t my place to know.”

“That is correct.”

Hermione scowled into her drink. Severus let her have her thoughts.

“You know about the boys and myself.” She whispered.

“I know what is public knowledge.” He admitted.

“You know Harry couldn’t choose between the two of us, so I walked away?”

“That I didn’t know. I thought he had made the choice.”

“It was an impossible one, so I did it for him.”

“That is a shame.”

“It is.” She sighed and twirled her drink.

“Your parents, your best friends, you have given up much in your brief life.” When she shrugged again Severus lifted his drink in a toast.

“To one of the bravest people I’ve met.” And he emptied his glass. Hermione blinked at him.


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Mersheeple for your excellent beta skills,
> 
> As always please read Snapes_Goddess as her work inspired this one.

_ “Your parents, your best friends, you have given up much in your brief life.” When she shrugged again Severus lifted his drink in a toast. _

* * *

“To one of the bravest people I’ve met.” And he emptied his glass. Hermione blinked at him.

When he put his glass down on the table and signalled the wait staff he was on water for the rest of the evening by tapping the glass twice.

Hermione was still looking at him, with her mouth open in a surprised expression.

“Has no one complimented you, Miss Golightly?” Severus asked.

She closed her mouth, wrinkled her nose, and shook her head. “No, I have been, it’s just” she waved her hand, “Not like that, not from someone who.. Well”

“No need to explain,” Severus offered. “I understand.”

Hermione took a sip of her own drink and then looked back at her companion.

“So, how is it only Draco is a Chevalier if you two have such similar talents?”

“As I’ve said, I have no stomach for that level of service anymore. The role of a Chevalier is as a guide, or customer service representative if you will.

A Chevalier agrees that their position is ultimately one of service, to support and guide new members through their initial learning period with us.

By mentoring, they help people find the security and confidence to explore their potential. By keeping the ideal of service in mind, they work diligently not to corrupt the process. This requires a dedicated sense of self-awareness and restraint.

I am vain enough to know I have the skills to be a Chevalier, but I am also self-aware enough that in acting as one is abhorrent to me. I can act in service, but I do not enjoy it.”

Hermione nodded.

“Draco enjoys being a Chevalier. Helping others, guiding them, being a support during a confusing and passionate time gives him a sense of satisfaction that I cannot achieve through the same means.”

“You mentor though, isn’t that the same thing?”

“No, because when I mentor, I work under my own preferences and rules. The Treasurer and Grand Master assign Draco to whomever he works with. I answer only to myself when I choose an apprentice.”

“How does that work with Consent if Draco cannot choose?”

“There is a list of things that Draco will and will not consent to do, he gives the rest up to trust. Draco trusts the order to choose for him. He gives up that control willingly. I do not.”

“If someone approached you to mentor them and you didn’t want to work with them, you can say no?”

“Correct.”

“Could Draco?”

“When he reads the initial paperwork for his new charge, that list of your preferences and dislikes you submitted when you applied, he can refuse. If he feels in danger at any point, he can stop and walk away. But after introductions, he must fulfil his obligation to the best of his ability. That is his service to the Order.”

“I can see why you aren’t a Chevalier then.” Hermione’s voice trailed off.

“But why is Draco one?” Severus supplied.

“I didn’t want to voice that,” she admitted shyly. Blushing, she sipped her drink.

“You may have to ask that of Draco at a later time. Speaking of which,” Severus motioned with his head. “I see him and the Treasurer approaching. Miss Golightly, I know Draco is to be by your side this evening and at least one more; and I know I’ve chastised him for not tending to his responsibilities concerning you, but I would regard it as a personal favour if you didn’t separate the two of them this evening. Aftercare sometimes takes more than a handful of minutes.”

She nodded.

Draco and Zabini approached the booth, and Hermione jumped out of her seat.

“Treasurer! Come sit beside me, Draco, you sit on the other side of me too. There’s lots of room on this bench.”

Draco looked at his mentor, then guided Zabini into the booth before Hermione settled beside them.

“May I hold you?” she asked.

“There is no need, Miss Go-”

“Oh hush, I want to offer my support. To tell you how proud I am of you. Can I hold you while I do that?”

Draco and Severus exchanged another look before returning their attention to the scene at the table.

The Treasurer sighed. “If it pleases you, yes, you can hold me.”

“Good” Hermione quickly wrapped an arm around the Treasurer and gently pushed their head down to her chest in a very maternal embrace.

“Come here, Draco.” She offered her other arm.

As Draco obeyed, she pulled him closer, familiar with holding two bodies that could dwarf her, if size was the only factor.

“Treasurer, your title suits you. Because you are to be treasured. It took great courage to admit your failings. Doing so publicly as well!” she gushed.

“I doubt I could ever do that. The fact you were willing to make amends! Draco is so lucky to have a friend like you, willing to admit to your faults and grow and improve from them. You truly are a treasure.”

Her hands smoothed over Zabini’s body and head as she spoke, and every time she mentioned Draco she squeezed him a little.

“Draco deserves praise.” She added and her hand snaked up to play with his hair. “It is a loyal friend who understands that people have faults but will forgive them and move past their own feelings of hurt.

You both are so lucky to have each other to see beyond the human failing and understand the truth of your affections. It is something worthy of admiration.”

“I agree with Miss Golightly, both parties behaved commendably and were shining examples of Knighthood.” Severus added.

“Thank you, Miss Golightly.” The Treasurer said, attempting to lift themselves, but her arm pressed down and kept them in place.

“You stay there until you are fully yourself, a precious jewel.” She soothed.

Draco lifted his head from her shoulder and Hermione turned to look at him “You too Defender, You both need some grounding, so I’m not letting you go.”

“Well, I can see that you three are going to be sedentary for a little while. I shall ask the staff for the Treasurer’s fancies. If you will excuse me.” Severus stood, bowed at the trio, and walked to the bar.

As he gave instructions for a selection of treats to arrive at the table, he watched the three of them in their embrace.

Zabini had settled more firmly against Hermione’s chest, their arm wrapped around her back, touching Draco. Draco in turn had rested his head back on Hermione’s shoulder and was reaching in front of her to rub Zabini’s arm in a soothing manner

Hermione kept up a steady monologue and the pair would nod or mutter something in response.

Draco tilted his head once to look at the bar towards Severus, a question bright in his eyes. Severus nodded back and grabbed the now prepared tray of baked goods from the bar staff.

When he returned to the table and put the tray down, another server put a pitcher of water and three glasses with straws down beside the treats.

Draco tried again to pull away from Hermione but she wouldn’t let him up.

“Milady, may I pour the drinks?” Draco asked.

“Let me play mother Draco, you settle down.” Severus offered. He poured a glass of water and handed it directly to Zabini. Then poured a second and put it into Draco’s hand.

“Miss Golightly, your hands seem to be full at the moment, but there is some water here should you need it.”

“Thank you Severus, but I’m fine holding these two nonpareil.”

“Shall we continue our conversation then?”

“That would be lovely, if it isn’t a bother?”

“If our nonpareil are happy to join in.”

“What were you speaking about?” Draco asked.

“Service, as it pertains to the Order.” Severus supplied.

“I was being taught the differences between the roles such as yours, Draco, and Severus’ role.”

“Oh?” Draco asked.

“Yes, Miss Golightly wanted to know why I wasn’t a Chevalier.”

“Severus likes to mentor, but needs more control.” Hermione supplied.

“Treasurer, may I ask you about your role in the order? I know it’s admin, but how does that work within the need for service to the Order?”

Zabini put their drink down on the table awkwardly, Severus pulled the tumbler away from the edge of the table. Zabini tilted their head slightly away from Hermione’s chest to articulate.

“Administration is a chore to many, but I find it soothing. I have other skills, yes, but so many here have those. Keeping records and such like is something I can do to support the Order. I don’t have the patience to teach, or the humility to serve another. Paper and numbers, systems and orders don’t demand things of me. They just are and I can work well with that.”

“That is lovely!” Hermione praised. “The Grand Master is very lucky to have got the three of you for your skills.”

“The Grand Master?” Zabini asked.

“I’m sure I’ll meet them at some point.” Hermione continued on. “Draco told me they aren’t usually on the floor, but I’m sure with you three nearby they need not be so diligent and herd us like naughty school children.”

Draco coughed and put his drink down on the table, pulling away from Hermione.

“Sorry, my drink…” He coughed again.

“Draco, do you need a towel?” Severus asked.

“No, I’ll be fine.” Draco waved his hand as his coughing subsided.

“Come back here Mister, if you have finished drowning yourself. I’m getting cold.” Hermione tugged on his sleeve.

“As my lady wishes.”

“As I was saying.” Hermione continued as Draco settled in to her side again. “I would like to tell the Grand Master that I admire their ability to find such dedicated staff and Order Members. To have people like you three gives me a feeling the Grand Master is a person of great integrity. If you all are happy here, then I know I will be.”

“You aren’t judging the entire order solely on your experience of us, are you? The club is more varied than us three.” Severus said dryly.

“Not just you three, the Declues, Knight Derek, Knight Matt, and Master Gibbs. There is also the Code the Grand Master wrote. You can tell a lot about someone by their writing.” Her voice trailed off as it did when she was thinking, but her hands kept the soothing motions on the limbs of the two people she held.

With her eyes focused in the distance she continued, “I misjudged someone by what they had written when they were in a very uncomfortable point in their lives though, so maybe I shouldn’t use the code as an example of why the Grand Master is worthy of praise.” Her focus returned to Severus’ face, and she blushed a little.

“I’d suggest meeting them in their official capacity before deciding, Miss Golightly, we’ve had this talk about assumptions.”

“A man is known by the company he keeps.” She countered.

Zabini lifted their head and spotted the baked goods tray. Severus lifted a piece of millionaire’s shortbread and handed it to them.

Hermione shifted her arm to allow Zabini to sit up, but she did not let go entirely.

“Treasurer, why do you wear a veil?” Hermione asked, watching them eat.

Zabini swallowed, grabbed their glass of water and sipped before answering. “Because it is pretty and makes me look mysterious.”

“You look beautiful tonight. The pink suits you.” She praised.

“Milady is generous with her words this evening.” Draco said.

“Is my Defender jealous? You look pretty this evening.” She soothed. Draco rolled his eyes.

Zabini laughed “I am the prettier of the two of us, Draco doesn’t have it to wear a such a delicate colour like pink with any authority.”

“This is my cue to leave you three, I think.” Severus interrupted. “If you will excuse me, Miss Golightly, thank you for the honour of your company and conversation. Treasurer, Chevalier, we shall speak soon.” He stood and bowed to the group at the table before walking away.

He walked the floor for a little while before returning to his office above the Club proper.

He pulled out his original copy of the Chivalric Code and re-read it. A ghost of a smile on his lips.

Still seated at his desk, Severus looked up when there was a knock at his door. He put down the papers he was reading and took off his glasses.

“Enter.” He called out.

Draco and Zabini came into his office and sat in the leather wingback chairs opposite of his desk.

“Miss Golightly has left?”

“I escorted her home about an hour ago.” Draco supplied.

“I was a little surprised at her attempts at aftercare.” Zabini added. “I didn’t expect that of her, but I appreciated it. I had rushed things so that Draco wouldn’t neglect his duties, but she was so accommodating. I think I understand what you mean now Severus.”

“She isn’t a Submissive, not truly. Miss Golightly is unsure of herself.”

“Who would have thought? She is such a force of nature in most things.” Zabini shifted in their seat.

“It made sense in a way that she thought she was a sexual submissive.” Draco supplied, “How many do we know are one thing outside and another here?”

“She doesn’t behave like a woman who is craving domination. Not outside, not here. She has taken you to task several times, Draco.” Severus tapped his desk with a finger.

“She has, though she has never been malicious.” He smiled fondly.

“Draco, again, I am sorry. I thought that pairing you two…” Zabini started.

“Shhhh,” Draco waved his hand, “We’ve dealt with this already. I know you didn’t mean harm by it. Has it been rough, yes; but we all know I like things a little rough. It isn’t like she has me swinging on a meat hook for her amusement.”

“She’s been rather protective of you, that I have noticed. She was fit to take me to task for chastising you.” Severus almost smiled when he spoke.

“Why haven’t you told her who you are?” Zabini asked. “She’d be much more respectful towards you if she knew you were our Founder and the mythical Grand Master.”

“She has made an assumption, something I have told her off for several times. I will not correct her, but allow her to figure out her mistake later. We will address it when she is aware of her mistake.”

“That has the feeling of entrapment Severus.” Draco said.

“Speak to me about the plans for her first play session. Are you confident that you will go forward with it?”

“She is agreeable to public rope play as her first session. I’ve had her work on breathing techniques for this week, and will expand on it more during the session.”

“Good, have you discussed her aftercare needs?”

“Not yet, though it seems physical touch is more important to her than anything else. I should have a soft blanket to provide warmth. It seems she is used to the comfort of two bodies after being stressed.” Draco’s voice trailed off as he gazed into the distance.

“Draco, quit dwelling on things you can’t control.” Severus called the younger man back from his musings. Draco flushed a little.

“Sorry,” he mumbled.

“Use the information you have, use it to work towards your goal. She needs two bodies after stress, you will put her under stress. What can you do to calm her down and bring her back to herself?”

“It would best if one of you two were to join us post session to help calm her. She is comfortable with you both.” He rubbed his chin in thought. “Treasurer, she has already started physical contact with you.”

“Gonna stop you right there, mate.” Zabini slipped into the vernacular of their youth. “Doing that will confuse the issue. You know who needs to be there, you and I both know. The decision was made before we even walked into the room.” He looked directly at the man behind the desk.

Severus gave no reaction to the looks the younger occupants of the room gave him. He just waited.

Draco sighed, “You’re right, and I am a fool not to have seen it.”

“A lovesick one at that boyo,” Zabini laughed and slapped their thighs “I think my job here is done gents. I have some papers to sort out before I retire.” They stood up, straightened their pink blouse and gave a brief bow before leaving, closing the door softly behind themselves.

Draco sighed into the quiet room. “So Severus, as you so neatly arranged it, do I have to ask you?”

“Normally I’d start my lecture about explicit communications, Draco. One you’ve heard many times before. But I will give you a pass this time, as I know this is difficult for you.

Yes, I’ll be your second here. I’ll be by her side and help you both recover after what is going to be a complex scene for you.”

“You understand my reluctance has nothing to do with my feelings towards you.”

“I do.”

“Thank you.” Draco bowed his head.


	9. Nine

Hermione stepped out of the changing room and walked to her locker. She wore a large white bib-front shirt with two black buttons that ended just below her knees. The open sleeves hung below her hands and she had to keep pushing them back up her arms. Her typical blue mask was on, but her eyes were unobstructed, the organza neatly coiled up inside.

She put her street clothes into the locker and put two sticks of wood gently on top of the bundle, then she closed the door and pressed the button that activated the locking mechanism.

She turned around, leaned against the lockers and watched the door.

Draco came through the door shortly after, shirtless, wearing black denims slung low on his hips. His belt had several coiled ropes on his left side and a leather sheath that held what looked like a pair of heavy duty scissors was on his right. Something that looked like a pair of gloves stuck out from his right front pocket .

Draco’s lean frame was displayed to its best advantage with no covering on his torso. His shoulders were broad but not overly proportioned to his neat waist. His skin was pale and smooth apart from a handful of long but faint scars on his upper chest and arms. There was also a slivered shadow on the inside of his left forearm. Light hairs caught the light just under his navel and trailed down his flat stomach under the waistband of his denims.

“You have gone thematic with your outfit choice Milady?” Draco looked Hermione up and down and his gaze settled on her bare feet, her toenails painted in a blue to match the faux sleep mask she wore.

“The polish is adorable.” He gave a lopsided smile.

“Sticking with a role means there is less decision making. You told me to dress in comfortable, loose-fitting clothes that allowed mobility. This is comfortable, classy enough to suit my persona, and just a little bit flirty.” Hermione shrugged, “The polish was just a bit of fun.”

“The outfit is very classy. You chose well. Every male here who sees you will wish it was his shirt you are wearing. Though I worry about you being barefoot until we reach the mats. Can I offer you some slippers?”

“Oh, I didn’t even think of getting from here to there.” Hermione slapped her forehead.

“That is why I’m here, milady.” Draco stepped forward and grabbed the offending hand. “To think of the things you may miss. It is my job.” He brought her hand close to him, letting it hover just over his bare chest. His thumb drawing small circles on her palm.

“Thank you, Draco.” Hermione said in a breathy voice. “Slippers would be great.”

Draco gave a bright smile and let go of her hand. He turned around and went behind the Treasurer’s desk to a shelf. As he bent down to reach into a box on the lowest part, his jeans moulded to his thighs and rear.

He pulled out a pair of white espadrilles, “What is your shoe size?” he asked, looking over his shoulder. He caught Hermione’s unabashed admiration.

“Oh, you enjoying the view?” he smirked and wiggled his backside suggestively.

Hermione gave a bright laugh, “It is a delightful view, but stop it Draco. I wear a size 4, EU 37 shoe. “

“It warms my heart to know I amuse you.” Draco said, rummaging some more and then straightening.

He walked back to her, holding the espadrilles out towards her. “These should fit.”

“Thank you Draco, I could have got them if you had shown me where they were.”

“And deny you the view of my glorious arse in these jeans?” Draco gasped in mock outrage. He put his hands on his hips and thrust a hip out in a camp fashion.

She laughed again and rolled her eyes. “You are incorrigible!”

Hermione dropped the shoes to the floor and stepped forward into one of them. As her foot settled inside it shifted and changed into a single, fluffy rabbit slipper with Tiffany blue satin lining the large ears.

“Not quite in character there, she wore ballet pumps in the film.” She said as she stepped into the second one.

“She also had a nameless cat. We aren’t going for full accuracy. It’s a bit of whimsy, I figured, to compliment your delightful pedicure.” Draco supplied.

“They are adorable, thank you. But won’t they change back when I take them off? I didn’t even see you cast anything.”

“They should last the evening, and I am flattered you didn’t notice. These jeans fit well.” Draco waggled his eyebrows.

“So do I have cheeky Draco for the entire evening then?”

“Just a bit of fun to keep any nerves at bay Holly.” Draco admitted.

“I like cheeky Draco, he’s fun and distracting.”

“I aim to please. Now shall we make our way to the room? The club isn’t fully open yet, but we can go get set up before everything opens.” Draco stepped forward and offered Hermione his arm.

She took his arm, but instead of settling into his side as she usually did, she kept herself a little apart from him.

“Are you nervous, Holly?” Draco asked with a concerned look on his face.

“Oh no; well, a little. But,” she looked at the items hanging off Draco’s belt, “I’m worried about getting caught up in all that.”

Draco pulled his arm away from hers and shifted the clip that held the coils of rope forward. “All better.” He lifted his arm and Hermione nestled into his side.

“Having those ropes hanging off your belt is an impressive view, I do hate to spoil it.”

“Having you by my side is a much better view, trust me.” Draco guided them out of the Treasurer’s office and into the public bar.

“I will not be using many verbal commands milady, so if I touch you and push you, relax into the movement and let me guide you.” He nodded at the doormen to the inner club as they neared the doors and they let him in.

“Why won’t you be speaking?”

“Talking interrupts breathing and I am going to be using my breathing to ground you. My breath is going to be your base note, I want you to breathe in tandem with me. I can’t keep things steady if I am talking too much.”

“The pair we saw earlier didn’t do that.”

“This is your first time, we are going to be moving slowly this will keep you focused and not over thinking during the experience.”

“Like in yoga, you breathe into the movement and stretches to keep you present.”

“Exactly, though I wasn’t aware you did yoga.” He looked down at her nestled into his side.

“I do it once in a while, tried it to manage stress, but never got into the full habit of going. I know the principles though.”

“That is good, since you’ve done yoga you must know how freely your body moves. Are there any trouble spots I should know of?”

“Apart from the scars on my clavicles and left forearm, I have a long scar on my chest. They limit a bit of movement, but not much. The one on my arm is still a little sensitive.”

“Oh milady,” Draco stopped moving and pulled her in to face him. “I..”

Hermione’s hand reached up, and she stopped his words with her fingertips. “We all have scars, Draco.” She looked down to his bare chest, and she moved her hand to touch one of the diagonal marks that crossed his pectoral below his heart. “They are badges of honour, proof we survived.”

Draco grabbed the hand that rested on his chest and brought it to his face. He looked into her eyes “May I kiss your hand?”

“Yes?” Hermione tilted her head.

“Emphatic approval or none at all,” he reminded her, his thumb rubbing her palm.

“Yes.” She said with more authority. Draco then kissed her palm, his lips lingering there while his gaze held hers. Hermione swallowed, and he lowered their hands and pulled her to his side to resume walking.

“Now, not only will I be using touch to guide your movements, but would you be willing to let me caress you in a more intimate nature? I will not remove your underthings, I will expose nothing or reach under any garment.”

“I trust you Draco, yes you can touch me.”

“If at any point you are uncomfortable with what is happening, you can say: ’Red’ and we will stop.”

“Are we going to use the traffic light system? I can say ‘Amber’ if I need things to slow down and ‘Green’ if everything is fine?”

“Yes, though I am going to be working mainly with your breathing, so I won’t be asking many questions. Unless, do you want me to?” He stopped at a door and gave her a quick squeeze.

“No, I think the breathing will be good to start with.” Hermione pulled away from his side and Draco opened the door to let her in.

It was the large room with the interlocking foam mats in a square in the middle of the floor. There was enough space around the mats for people to stand and watch. Everything was in the dark colour scheme of the club, and the mirrors at the corners of the room added to an illusion of space.

When they first walked in, the room was lit up with harsh overhead lighting. At the back of the room, against a corner, was a tall pyramid made up of black metal poles. A single silver ring hung from the top.

“What’s the pyramid for?” Hermione asked.

“That’s for suspension ties mainly. We won’t be doing that tonight. You need to work up to that.” Draco shut the door behind him and closed the blinds enclosed in the window.

He turned around and smiled a warm smile as he looked at Hermione. She smiled back and shifted her weight.

“Let’s get limbered up then.” Draco walked to the edge of the mat and unclipped the ropes from his belt. He placed them gently on the floor by a large duffle bag.

Hermione gathered her hair at the back of her neck and Draco turned to see her movement and straightened up.

“You’re putting your hair up?”

“It will get in the way of everything. I thought it best.”

“If I may, I’ll take care of it later, milady. Would you hand me your hair bobble?”

Hermione let go of her hair and removed the elastic from her wrist. She handed it to Draco, who nodded his head and pocketed it.

“Ok, we’re going to start with a few stretches to make sure your muscles can handle the stretch and strain they are going to experience. I will not push your limits too far this evening, but it is always good to start as you mean to go on.”

“Ok, first since you know yoga, we’ll stick with the yogic diaphragmatic breathing. Breathe into your belly, letting it rise on the inhalation and fall on the exhalation.” Draco grabbed one of Hermione’s hands and gently put it on his abdomen, then put his own on her belly. “Do not worry too much about your chest moving, though. The goal is deep and controlled breaths.”

“My yoga instructors were never this thorough.” Hermione giggled.

“Focus on your breath.” He said locking eyes with her. “Breathe, match me. Soften your belly when you inhale, tighten it when you exhale.”

They stood there for a few moments just breathing and feeling each other’s body respond to the breath work.

Hermione’s shoulders viably relaxed as they stood looking at each other.

“Good” Draco said, “Keep that rhythm up while we warm up. We’ll start with our hands.” He removed his from her body and held both hands up between them.

“Wiggle your fingers a little, then drag each one across your palm 5 times,” he showed her, moving his fingers in time with his own breath.

”Now, rotate your wrists one way.” He stepped back, putting a little more space between the two of them. His movements were slow and deliberate, and he kept his eyes locked on Hermione as he moved.

“Now move them the other way.”

“Rotate your lower arms,” Hermione smiled “Yes it looks ridiculous but do it anyway my lamb.”

“Lamb?” She asked.

“Don’t like the pet name? Reverse the direction”

“Never thought of myself as a sheep.”

“No, you really aren’t one, that is true. But I don’t know if 'kitten' fits either. Let’s start on your shoulders, roll them backward, small movements first.”

“I don’t know, I think I like kitten, it suits my Lion-like mane”

“Larger movements now, female lions don’t have manes, they are sleek and deadly. The Males have all the hair, and they are all show. The Ladies do all the work. Use your arms now, let’s play windmills.”

“This is so ridiculous, I feel like I’m about to do a workout.”

“You are, it will be an intense one. We need your muscles warm and pliable for what is coming. Twist your torso for me now. Bring your right shoulder back and move from your waist.”

“Next you’ll have me touch my toes, put my palms on the floor and walk them forward, moving into some yoga position.”

“I wouldn’t object to it. Lift your leg and rotate your ankle, draw circles with your toes.” Draco smirked.

“In this outfit you’d see a lot.”

“As I said, no objections here, my lady. Switch sides, we’re keeping everything even.”

“So I’m not a lamb, I’m not a kitten, what am I?”

“Kick your leg out, using your knees; apart from amazing, beautiful, and courageous, I don’t know milady, something may come to me. Switch.”

“Flatterer,”

“Flattery is insincere, I speak only the truth. Let’s rotate those hips now. Start by lifting one leg and moving in a large circle, you can bend your knee.”

“You are just doing this for the visual.”

“Can you blame me? You are stunning. But really, all of this is for your benefit as much as mine. We need limber limbs. Switch legs.”

“Next will be toe touching.”

“Yes it will, but I will be good and keep my eyes on my own hands; put your legs hip width apart, or shoulder width if you need it. Drop your hands slowly to the ground. Palms flat to the ground.”

“I knew it.”

“You suggested it, it is a good stretch. Walk your hands forward and stretch out your back as you move. Good. Now walk backwards slowly and controlled. Stop. Hold it there. Breathe. Arch your back and walk your hands up your legs. Keep to your diaphragmatic breathing.”

“Now place the palm of your hand on your back between your shoulder blades, grab your elbow with your other hand and pull gently.” Draco turned his back to her and demonstrated again.

“Hold for 15 seconds, remember to breathe while stretching.”

“I do yoga, Draco, I know how to stretch.”

“I never assume milady. I cannot see your lovely belly soften from here. Switch arms.”

Draco moved them through some more stretches for their legs, hips, and back, always turning his back when Hermione may have exposed herself while stretching.

After the last stretch Draco stood up and reached for Hermione’s hands, when she took them he lifted her to her feet smoothly.

“Now Holly, can I tie up your hair for you? I’d normally do it during the scene but you are going to have to take off your mask to do it so I’d rather do it before we open up the room.”

“Sure Draco,” Hermione reached up to take off her mask, but Draco’s hand on her wrist stopped her.

“Please let me silver bell,” he whispered and stepped close enough their chests were almost touching.

Hermione lowered her hand and smiled.

Using two hands, Draco lifted the satin sleep mask off her face and slid it onto his arm. He breathed deeply and smiled gently as he looked at Hermione’s unmasked face. “There you are.” His voice was warm and soft, his eyes bright.

“Here I am.” Her uncovered eyes shone with amusement.

“I’m going to put your hair up now precious, I’ll try not to be too rough, but I’ve not worked much with curly hair. It will be a messy bun.”

Hermione swallowed and agreed, “That works.”

Draco took the elastic from his pocket and put it on his wrist. He then stepped even closer to Hermione and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close enough she could rest her head on his chest.

He then lifted the bulk of her long hair from the back of her neck, breathing slowly and deliberately as his hands moved to collect loose curls.

Draco rotated one wrist to twist her hair around his arm and used his free hand to catch a few fallen strands from in front of her face. His thumb lingered on her eyebrow, tracing its arch before reaching to the elastic on his wrist.

With deft movements, he secured the hair tie around the rough bun, but Draco didn’t remove his hands from her hair. He chased down every fly away and rebellious curl and tried to coax them into the bun, deliberately prolonging contact between the two of them.

With a stubborn curl just above her left ear, he twirled it around his fingers a few times, letting his fingers touch the shell of her ear gently, before pulling the tendril taught to tuck under the hair bobble.

“Breathe precious, breathe with me.” He purred and pushed her head down onto his chest.

Draco held her for a dozen deep slow breaths; one hand on the back of her head and the other tracing small circles over her shirt in the small of her back.

Hermione clung to him and timed her breaths to match Draco, breathing in deeply from her nose and out through her slightly pursed lips.

Draco then released his hold on the woman in front of him and stepped back. “Time to face the outside world, silver bell. Let’s put your mask back on.” He took the mask off his arm and extended the elastic to go over her hair. He rested the mask on her forehead and tapped the tip of her nose with an index finger.

“I’ll go open the door, you get comfortable, take off your adorable slippers before getting on the mats.” He stepped away from her and picked up the coils of rope he had placed on the floor.

Hermione walked to the mats, removed her slippers and then made her way to the centre of the padded area. She sat down and curled her legs under herself.

She lowered her mask over her eyes and watched Draco first use a switch next to the door to change the lighting to the subtler mood that highlighted the mats and left the rest of the room in a shaded gloom. He then opened the blinds and then unlocked the door, and swung it open.

He rolled his shoulders before he turned and the light from the hallway threw him into a slight shadow. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of gloves and he put them on. The tips of the leather gloves were open, exposing his fingertips.

He tightened each glove with the hook and loop fastening at the back of his wrists as he walked towards her. His walk had changed from the flirtatious cocky behaviour from earlier to the smooth predatory movements he had when he walked the stage the other night.

Draco was now performing.

When he got to the edge of the mat he kicked off his shoes, took his shoes and her slippers and moved them to the side near the large zippered bag.

He opened the bag and pulled out a few more coils of rope; he balanced one or two in his hands before putting one down and pulling out another.

“Breathe” he said, not looking at her.

Hermione pursed her lips, but breathed consciously in time with Draco’s own movements.

“Good girl.” Satisfied with his rope selection, he left the bag and stepped onto the mat.

He walked around her and kneeled down behind her, pressing his chest close to her torso.

“Remember precious, relax into the movements, lean on me. I will not let you fall.” He wrapped an arm around the top of her chest.

Putting his lips to the shell of her ear, he whispered in a sultry tone, “I’ve got you.” Then he took her earlobe into his mouth and sucked gently.

Hermione shivered in his arms and leaned back against him. She started to gasp and Draco stopped to whisper, “Keep your attention on your breathing dear one; in two, three, four, hold two, three, four, out two, three, four.”

Draco moved his hand from her chest to her forehead and his free arm snaked around her middle, palm splayed on the soft part of her belly.

She tilted her head back and softened her belly into his hand. She breathed, his fingers moved back and forth at her hairline, she relaxed, he rocked them both slowly.

While they rocked slowly, Hermione’s eyes closed, and she concentrated on her breathing. Draco took the hand from her forehead and trailed it down her arm, fingertips dancing over the fine cotton of the sleeves until he reached her hand. He then entwined his fingers with hers and slowly drew her arm upright and brought her to his face, where he kissed the palm and then placed her hand on the back of his neck.

His fingers then moved back down her arm and torso where he put it on her belly and moved his other hand off.

Draco repeated the gentle and seductive movements with her other arm; drawing his fingers down from her shoulder to her wrist, grasping her hand and bringing it up to his mouth and kissing her palm before placing it behind his neck with its twin.

He kept them rocking to a rhythm he alone knew, and together they swayed on the mat for a few great beats until he ran his fingers down her side, over her hips and to her legs.

His fingers skimmed the surface of her bared skin and Hermione shuddered again, her breath catching.

“Shhhhh precious, breathe,” Draco soothed and kept his hand on her leg until her breathing settled.

When they were back in rhythm, his hand moved down the smooth skin of her bared leg until his fingertips touched her ankle. He rested his hand and switched their side to side, rocking to a back and forward motion.

His hand wrapped around her exposed ankle, and he lifted her foot. When they were both leaning forward, he paused their rocking and brought her leg forward in front of them and placed her foot flat down on the mat.

He again shifted their rocking to the side-to-side motion from before when a music with a low beat started up in the room.

Hermione’s eyes flew open, and she stiffened.

Draco’s mouth, just beside her ear, whispered, “Breathe, the club is just opening.”

He adjusted their rocking to suit the beat of the music and Hermione slowly relaxed in his arms again. “I’ve got you, precious. Let go.” He soothed, his hands on her stomach and shin were firm and warm, grounding her in place.

He then dropped his hand to the foot under her bent knee and wrapped his hand around its ankle. He lifted it gently and Hermione dragged it out from under herself, shifting her weight to her left hip as she placed her right foot down beside its twin.

“Good girl,” Draco praised before kissing the shell of her ear.

He ran his hand up her leg, shifting the fabric of her shirt slightly before pausing, smoothing the hem back down and skimming the cotton surface upwards. His other hand moved from her stomach to her other side and both hands brushed up her torso and along her outstretched arms.

Again his fingers intertwined with hers, and he moved her arms from behind his neck and brought them down to rest on her bent knees.

He shifted his own weight so that his legs were out in front of him and Hermione nestled in-between his thighs. His stockinged feet brushed up against her naked ankles as he let go of her hands and leaned back, placing a few delicate kisses under her ear and along the back of her hairline.

Draco pulled his torso away from Hermione, keeping his thighs and feet touching her as he grabbed a rope from the mat and deftly uncoiled it.

Putting the curved section from the centre in his left hand, he reached round Hermione’s torso just under her breasts and held the loop there.

Then with his right hand he took the loose ends of the rope and pulled them through the rope’s bite, holding it taut as the long tails moved through the loop.

He leaned forward so his torso touched Hermione’s back again and kept his left hand holding the rope steady.

“Breathe silver bell, Breathe for me.” He kissed her right ear as he dragged the rope in his left hand around her torso and stopped at the middle of her back.

He leaned back and grabbed the loose ends of the rope to wrap it around her torso again.

“I’m going to get a little handsy here precious, relax into your breath and let me do all the work.”

His voice ghosted over the back of her neck and she shivered, Draco again kissed the soft skin just under her hairline. His left arm came round the front of them to grab the rope from his right hand. Using his now free right hand, he cupped her right breast and lifted it slightly so the rope could pass freely underneath.

Hermione shifted her torso to open up her left side as the rope passed over her torso.

“Shhh, relax.” Draco soothed, “I’ve got you.” He reached over her shoulder with his right hand to lift her left breast and passed the rope under it. Taking the loose ends in his right hand, he smoothed the lines over her torso, lifting it slightly to place his thumb under them.

Satisfied with the ropes positioning, he brought the loose ends back up behind her and moved the ropes under and over each other before wrapping it around her front again, this time above her breasts.

After the rope was fully across her chest, he again smoothed the line, passing his thumb under the rope. Pleased with everything, he pulled the rope back behind and repeated his weaving and brought the tails back over the ropes at the top of her torso. Now framed by eight lines of rope, Hermione’s breasts continued to move with her breath.

He moved the rope from behind her back and over her right shoulder. He held the rope taut with one hand and pressed close to her back.

He sat, holding the rope, and just breathed calmly in Hermione’s ear, in through his nose and out through his mouth. He pursed his lips and blew out directly against her skin.

Hermione shivered a little and straightened.

Using his free hand, Draco guided her arm to the back of her head. He then switched his hands and held the rope in his left hand and guided her right to rest at the back of her head.

Draco kissed the back of her right hand and shifted his weight. He moved one leg, so it was curled under Hermione’s bent knees, the back of his calf resting on the back of her thighs.

He took the rope back into his right hand and laid it over top of the upper lines of the chest harness, in between her breasts and beside the 3 black buttons of her shirt. He then lifted the lower lines with his left hand and threaded the loose ends underneath them.

Grabbing the tails he brought the rope up and in a parallel line up over her left shoulder creating a V with the ropes, fully separating her breasts from each other.

Draco again pulled back from Hermione as he worked with the rope in the space between them. His knuckles moved with dedicated slowness along the line of her back as he worked, weaving the rope.

He then took only one tail and lifted it up, bringing it to Hermione’s hand. He turned her hand and placed the loose end into her palm and gently squeezed her hand to close it over the rope.

When Hermione held it securely, he dragged his finger along her arm until he met up with the bunched fabric of her sleeve. Draco lifted his hand and picked up the other tail of the rope.

He pulled this one along the top of the upper part of the breast frame under her arm until it came to the ropes that went up over her shoulder. Draco reached round with his other hand across Hermione’s torso and lifted the column of rope with a hooked finger. He grabbed the tail and pulled it through and brought the rope back on itself under her arm and to the back.

He wove the loose tail into the back of the harness until there was not barely a knuckle’s worth hanging loose.

He wrapped his arms around Hermione’s torso, placing a large hand palm flat on her belly. He held her close to him, breathing deeply, making sure that she was matching him breath for breath.

When they were in sync again, he pulled away and took the last tail from her hand and tied it in a mirror fashion to the previous rope, and weaved it into the pattern at her back.

Draco then squeezed his thighs a little before putting his weight on his hands and sifting to the right, circling Hermione so he was now beside her instead of behind her. He took her arm and put it on his shoulders behind his neck, then pulled her towards him so her weight was now on her hip and his chest.

Hermione lowered her left arm to her lap as she sat cradled in his arms.

Draco unclipped a rope from his belt and uncoiled it with a flick of his wrist. He found the centre bite and wrapped it around Hermione’s waist.

As he wound the rope around her torso, Draco shifted his weight to allow the rope to pass between their two bodies and Hermione threw her arms back to support her weight behind her. Her shirt rose as she leaned back, exposing her inner thighs and the hem of her white lace knickers.

Draco grabbed the front of the chest harness with a quick and powerful movement, drastically different from the soft gentle ones he had made previously. He used the harness to pull Hermione forward and back against his chest.

When they were chest to chest again Draco growled low in Hermione’s ear. It was a possessive sound that died away almost instantly as she recoiled.

“Shhh” He whispered, “I’ve got you.” His hands worked at her waist and he undid the work he had started. When the rope was free, he held his palm against her stomach again and brought their breathing back in sync.

He then smoothed the fabric of her shirt down and then pushed her legs down, helping her to sit upright with her legs crossed in front of her.

He then pulled one arm to him and wrapped the rope around her wrist. Hermione’s head shifted to look at him. Draco lifted a hand and placed it on her lips. He gave a soft smile and wrapped the rope with a single hand around her arm several times.

He gave her a questioning look, and she looked down to the rope. It was making a gauntlet up her forearm. She nodded at him and turned her head forward again.

It was then that she noticed the sizeable crowd that had gathered to watch them. She stiffened, looking at the gathered crowd.

Draco pulled her to his chest immediately, and he reached up to her mask. He pressed the mechanism on it and the teal organza fell down over the eyeholes.

“I am the only one you need to think about Holly.” Draco’s voice was soft in her ear. “Only me and my rope.” He tugged on the rope wrapped around her arm and it fell off her arm to the mat with a thud.

Keeping her in his arms, he breathed again in her ear and it took a long time for Hermione to get back into the rhythm of his breath.

When she finally calmed, Draco lifted her up to her feet, and he stood behind her.

He worked his foot in-between both of hers and pushed her feet apart until she was standing with them a shoulder width apart.

When she was standing still, deep into her breath Draco again moved her hands up and behind her neck.

He then moved one hand down the side of her body as he walked around her, bent down and picked up the fallen rope.

He brought it back up to around her waist and hitched it at the top of her hips again.

Draco dropped to his knees and ran a hand along her leg, bringing the rope with it.

As the rope passed between her legs Hermione gasped and stiffened.

Draco instantly let go of the rope and stood up. He brought his hands up over her hips and along her sides. When he reached her shoulders, he stopped and leaned forward.

“Colour?” he whispers in her ear.

“Amber.”

“The arms?”

“Ropes between my legs.”

Draco grabbed Hermione and brought her close to his chest. He untangled her hands from the back of her head and wrapped them around him.

He turned them both so her back was to the door of the room. Draco’s hand in the small of her back pushed Hermione closer to him and she brushed against a very noticeable bulge in his trousers.

Draco lifted his head and nodded twice, his silver eyes landing on a dark pair in the corner.

The lights in the room dimmed further and the spot on the mat turned off completely.

Draco stood in the darkened room, holding Hermione close to him as everyone left the room. Everyone but one tall man who stood by the door, missing nothing.


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the beta of awesome MerSheeple for being so patient with me.

Draco held Hermione tightly to him until the room was clear of the observers.

“How are you now?” Draco asked.

“I’m ok Draco, you didn’t have to stop things.” Hermione protested into his shoulder.

“Yes, I did.” Draco pulled her slightly away from him so he could look into her eyes.

“It’s just you, me and Severus in here, can I take off your mask?”

“Severus is here?” Hermione gasped.

“I asked him to stay milady. Can I remove your mask and remove the ropes? The door and the blinds are closed.”

Hermione shivered, and Draco pulled her close to him again. “I can ask him to leave, but I thought you would be comfortable with him here.”

Severus draped a soft blanket over the pair and held it closed behind Draco.

“If Miss Golightly isn’t comfortable, I will leave now that I know you two are fine.” He said.

“No, stay, please Severus. I’m sorry for being such a bother.” Hermione looked up over Draco’s shoulder.

“You aren’t being a bother. This may not have been expected, but we planned for it.” Severus said. “Let’s get you out of those ropes and sitting down somewhere comfortable.”

Severus moved the blanket around and moved behind Hermione’s back.

“You keep her warm Draco, I’ll undo your handy work.”

Severus made quick work with the bindings around Hermione’s torso, gently manoeuvring between the couple with as little disruption as possible.

When the ropes sat coiled up on top of the duffle bag Draco guided Hermione to a soft padded bench against one wall while Severus went and adjusted the lights in the room to a brighter setting.

Hermione reached up and took off her mask and dropped it to the floor as they walked, then snuggled into Draco’s side again, gripping the blanket close.

Severus brought over their shoes and Hermione shifted her feet to the floor so she could put them into her fluffy rabbit slippers. Severus sat down beside her, she looked from her feet to him.

Severus bowed his head. “You seem to be a little cold, may I offer some extra body heat?”

Hermione nodded and lifted the blanket.

Severus shifted under it, and Hermione straightened. The trio adjusted themselves until Hermione was comfortably nestled between the two men and her head resting on Draco’s naked shoulder.

“I am so sorry,” Hermione again apologised.

“There is nothing to apologise for.” Draco soothed.

“I just started remembering things, though, before on my chest. That was lovely. When you were working around my waist the first time, that was fine too. I don’t know why you stopped.”

“You were fighting me, even then, Holly.”

“I lost balance.”

“You didn’t trust me to catch you.”

“I do trust you, Draco!” Hermione protested.

“I don’t doubt you do. But you hadn’t given over to the process. You were trying to control it, even from the start.”

Hermione spoke, but Draco kept going. “Milady, Holly, I think there is something you should consider here.”

“Miss Golightly may need a few more minutes to digest what happened on the mats Draco.” Severus interrupted. “She is still agitated.”

“What? What should I consider?” Hermione sat up and looked back and forth between them.

Severus sighed, “Miss Golightly, I would prefer this conversation happen when your heart rate is a little steadier and you are not so close to tears. You had a flashback and we need to deal with that before we move any further.”

She expelled a puff of air, “Flashbacks I can handle, they are a normal part of my life.”

Draco frowned. “You never mentioned you have flashbacks.”

“Why should I? They aren’t anyone’s business but mine. They don’t distract me anymore. I’ve learned to cope.”

“It would appear that isn’t the case anymore.” Severus interjected, “If your reaction to some rope on your torso is anything to go by.”

Hermione scowled and slumped her shoulders.

“If I may,” Severus pulled Hermione to his shoulder and then reached over her to pull Draco closer to her side. “I am going to give my observations. Please listen to me fully and then we will listen to Draco’s, and finally Miss Golightly we will be quiet and listen to how you think it went.”

Hermione nodded and Severus adjusted the blanket over their laps as he spoke.

“What I saw was a very basic session of rope floor work. Sufficient for a beginner’s taster session, but there was a lack of communication between the participants.”

Hermione breathed in to speak but Severus’ raised his voice to speak over her stalling her interruption, “I wasn’t privy to the conversation detailing what would happen on the mats, but what I witnessed would suggest that Miss Golightly would have responded better with more verbal communication as the tie became more involved.

“I know from personal experience that Draco prefers to tie ‘in the moment’ and let the pressure of the ropes to still and calm the mind of the bottom, but I do not think it was suitable for you two.

“Miss Golightly is a very cerebral person, and it takes effort to still her mind. Without verbal guidance, her mind will wander and she will lose focus. Which is what I think happened.

“The start of the session was fine, and you both worked well, but halfway through the chest harness her mind had wandered and she was thinking too much. She wasn’t in the room with you any longer. Draco, if I were to guess I would say she was trying to analyse the shape the ropes created on her body, that the tension reminded her of an event in her life and she was drawing parallels.

“Draco, you focused too much on Miss Golightly’s modesty, trying to shield her from the eyes of the observers. It put you in difficult positions to comfortably support Miss Golightly’s weight. You did closely observe her breathing and did your best to keep her attention on the task at hand.

“When you both stood, I knew that the connection between the two of you had dissipated. Miss Golightly was already starting to panic, though you covered it well. Draco, you were trying to adapt your plans to fit the change in dynamic as I feel you were hoping to keep the two of you seated, but your preoccupation with Miss Golightly’s modesty changed them.

“There are a lot of factors at play here. Miss Golightly should have admitted to the lingering effects of her PTSD, Draco should have suggested an outfit with leg coverings or asked how much exposure was acceptable. Both of you should have continued to talk throughout the session, and you both needed to be more honest about your expectations for the evening.”

Severus was silent while the other two digested his words. Hermione tapped her fingers on his chest twice before crossing them.

Draco swallowed and sat up. Hermione reached out and grabbed him and pulled him closer.

“Ok Silver Bell,” he chuckled, “I’m not going anywhere.” He settled back into his spot beside her.

“Severus, you are right. Holly here needs more than just breath work when she is submitting to something like rope. I knew about her aversion to being fully bound, but I thought a gauntlet would provide that deep pressure and a pleasurable sensation of ropes against the skin but not prevent her movement so it wouldn’t trigger a flashback.

“I was also very aware of how much skin we exposed when your shirt rode up Holly. I adore this outfit on you, far too much it would seem. When your knickers were being exposed I moved myself to block anyone from getting more of a view of you than would be socially acceptable.

“I forgot that you had expressed an interest in exhibition and didn’t think you were aware of how exposed you would have been when you chose what to wear for this session. Again, I should have known better. You thought of everything, you even painted your toes to match your mask!” his voice rose in frustration.

Severus’s hand on Draco’s shoulder tightened, bringing the younger man’s attention back to the moment.

With a calming sigh, Draco continued his narrative. “I was unaware that you suffered from flashbacks, if I had I wouldn’t have tried to push you with more than just the chest harness. I wouldn’t have been so quiet. I only wanted to give you a worthwhile experience.

“You were so beautiful there in my arms, when the ropes were against your skin and you let me hold you and reach around you, bringing you close. That was amazing. I should have told you so. I should have kept you with me, reminding you of your perfection.

“When you fought me, I got frustrated because that moment seemed to have faded and I had to keep pulling you back to me. I had to protect you from outside eyes. I got distracted. I’m sorry, Holly. I’m so sorry.” He tilted his head and tapped it against her shoulder. “I got carried away and forgot my place, like I knew I would.”

All three of them sat in silence for several minutes, and Hermione tapped her crossed fingers a few times and then uncrossed them. She shifted her weight a little and then looked up at Severus.

“May I lay my head on your lap?” She asked with a quiet voice. Severus nodded and Hermione kicked off her slippers, moved onto her side and settled her head on Severus’s thigh. She gripped the blanket around her shoulders and put her ankles on Draco’s lap. Draco instantly put his hands on her ankles and rubbed her feet.

“Oh, that’s nice, Draco, thank you.” Hermione purred as his thumb smoothed into the arch of her foot.

“I guess it is my turn.” She puffed a breath out. “Yeah, I have flashbacks. Sometimes I don’t have any for weeks at a time, and sometimes I get them every day. It’s such a normal part of my life, I don’t even think about it. I wasn’t trying to hide it from anyone; not actively, anyway. Sometimes it is something as simple as remembering drinking a cup of coffee at school in the morning. Sometimes I am reminded of the darker days.

“This one makes no sense, as I wasn’t even conscious for the initial event in fourth year, I was in the headmaster’s office then I was floating in the lake; but I wasn’t aware of when I was tied up. I mean I knew what happened after the fact, but the flashback had me there with ropes around me.“

Draco groaned, and his hand tightened a little, but recovered and kept on with his foot rub.

“But the flashback had me there again, watching and waiting for something else to go wrong. Back where I was helpless to help anyone because I didn’t know what was going on.” Hermione sighed.

“I thought I recovered myself well enough that no one would notice, but then I lost balance and when I saw everyone there and I was again back at that lake shore.

“I know it was childish of me to think I could just cope with things. It isn’t as if I don’t trust you, Draco. I do. I just, oh I don’t know. “

Severus placed a soothing hand on Hermione’s shoulder.

“Draco, it was very gallant of you to shield me and protect my modesty. But I didn’t ask you to. I was deliberate in my choices this evening. I am wearing very modest undergarments. I am so touched that you tried to cover me though. It makes me feel special.

“I loved how we started, when you tied up my hair and then when you held me. That was perfect. I was just aware of your breathing and mine, of how warm you are and how safe I felt with you beside me.

“Kinda like how I feel now, though there is less tension here,” she giggled. “I’d read that flashbacks can come on during a session, I knew it could happen. But I was arrogant enough to think I could handle myself. I fear I am not ready to be a full submissive, I need more research.”

When she was silent for 5 minutes Severus prompted, “What were you trying to remind yourself to say?”

“Huh?” Hermione looked up from Severus’s lap.

“You crossed your fingers to remind yourself of something, something you wanted to interrupt me with. I appreciate your effort to listen to me fully and not ask questions, but now is the time to say your piece.”

“Oh, that, I was going to say this isn’t Draco’s fault. He wanted to create a special atmosphere for me and I agreed to it. The silence was perfect at the start. It meant I couldn’t ask questions and distract myself from the session. It was just… like you said, my mind wandered.”

“Then Draco, you were so in control, I was the one who wasn’t and that isn’t right. I need more control of myself. It’s like my wands all over again.

“I was foolish and thought I could just tough it out. I forgot the rule about not tolerating anything. I just thought if I breathed through it and trusted you, it would work out the way we planned.

“I was foolish to forget that plans can change. Oh, I don’t know.” Hermione blew out a stream of air and pulled the blanket closer.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled.

Severus looked at Draco who nodded and put down Hermione’s feet.

“Shhh Silver Bell. This isn’t your fault, not truly.” He leaned over and pressed against her.

Severus lifted his hand to allow Draco access.

“You are new to this. Even with all the research you did, you are going to make mistakes. I make mistakes and I’ve been here a while. You are allowed to miss things. We grow from our mistakes, we grow and learn and do better. You taught me that, you and Severus.”

“Me?” Hermione questioned and lifted herself up off of Severus’ lap.

As she sat up Draco wrapped both arms around her and pulled her neatly into his lap. He then shifted, so he pressed up against Severus’ side. The older man draped his arm around the younger’s shoulders and placed his hand on the back of Hermione’s neck.

“When you defended me, when you told me and the entire world that I wasn’t a bad person; I was only taught to be one. That I hadn’t chosen my path, I'd been led down it. You fought for me and said I did the best with what I knew, that I could learn and be a better person if given a chance.

“Then when I mentored under Severus, he taught me the same lessons. That I should do my best until I know better, and when I know better that is what I should do.”

“Maya Angelou,” Hermione mumbled, “she said that.”

“Of course you know that.” Draco chuckled “Clever clever lady.”

“Not clever enough,” she huffed.

“Now, this isn’t the place for that.” Draco chastised, “You worked with the knowledge you had. You didn’t have all the facts.”

“Yes, Miss Golightly, your information isn’t complete.”

“What more could Draco have told me?” Hermione snapped. “He wasn’t to know I’d remember being under a lake. I didn’t know I’d remember back to a place and time that I don’t consciously remember!”

“Shhhhh milady,” Draco soothed. “Severus isn’t blaming me, he is trying to tell you something. There is no need to defend me right now.” He rocked her.

“You are correct that you weren’t to know you’d have that flash back. Even if the memory is unconscious. Both of you know the event happened, and it is a bit of a failing on all our parts not to have considered it to be an issue.

“What information I was referring to is: that Miss Golightly, you are not a submissive.”

“What?” the word flew from her mouth.

“Think about it for a moment. Truly think about it. Are you completely drawn to surrendering your will to another, even for a short period? Don’t answer me just yet. Think on it.”

Severus tapped Draco on the shoulder and the younger man leaned forward and Severus untangled himself from the couple and moved to the duffle bag.

While he did something in the shadows, Draco held Hermione in his arms and rocked her gently.

Severus returned holding two open bottles of spring water with straws in them. He put them down beside Draco and reached out and pulled the rumpled blanket. He then re-wrapped Hermione in it and picked up the water bottles in one hand before sitting back down beside Draco.

“Drink, both of you.” He handed them each a bottle. As they drank Severus repositioned himself against Draco and touched Hermione’s neck and shoulder again.

Draco handed his bottle to Severus, who took it with his free hand and put it down on his other side. Hermione cradled hers to herself under the blanket. Her gaze was unfocused as she thought.

After a half dozen minutes in comfortable silence, Hermione spoke again. “Draco, why do you call me ‘Silver Bell’?”

“I call you Silver Bell because your laughter rings through me and reminds me angels exist.” Draco shrugged.

“You don’t just fancy me, do you?” her voice was soft.

“You are too clever, milady; too clever for me.” He kissed her hair.

“That is why the Treasurer was on stage, because they paired us up. You couldn’t ever be your full self with me, not as my Chevalier. So I’d never bond fully with you and yet they made you work with me knowing you would have to let me go. That was their betrayal.”

“Very astute Miss Golightly, but that isn’t the topic at hand here.” Spoke Severus.

“No, but it is a part of it.” She countered, her eyes flashing.

Severus looked at her and raised one eyebrow. Hermione flushed a little and shrunk down in her blanket.

“Elaborate please, for those of us not in your mind then.”

“Draco’s behaviour has been confusing me for a while. I knew he was hurting, and I thought it was because of the mimicking rules, those silly trust building exercises you do to all newcomers. I thought my preferences bothered him, but rules didn’t allow him to be any different.

“I knew he was unhappy, and I kept trying to make him feel better. I even told him to stop eating and drinking with me. I asked him questions about himself so I would learn what suited him best. All because I could see the ache behind his eyes.

“Oh he protested, told me he was willing to make these minor sacrifices, he even admitted he fancied me a little at school and he did even now. At first I thought it was part of the act, y’know. Make me feel desired. You said so yourself Severus, Draco isn’t allowed to refuse a prospect once we made introductions.

“I thought it was me, I thought our history was in our way. Even if Draco said it wasn’t. I thought if I relaxed and showed him, I could trust him, he would open up to me. That the act would go away.

“I was right that it was me, but not right about the details. It wasn’t being near me and our painful memories, or eating things I preferred, it was all about being with me and NOT being with me.

“Draco doesn’t just fancy me, and Draco doesn’t want to dominate me.”

“Why doesn’t he want to dominate you, Miss Golightly?”

“Because I’m not a submissive.” She admitted. “I don’t know what I am, but I can’t surrender to someone, not completely.”

“And?” Severus asked.

“And?” Hermione looked up from her blanket.

“And I love you, Hermione.” Draco admitted.


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks be to my beta MerSheeple, for with out her guidance I would not be confident enough to share this with you all.

_“Because I’m not a submissive.” She admitted. “I don’t know what I am, but I can’t surrender to someone, not completely.”_

_“And?” Severus asked._

_“And?” Hermione looked up from her blanket._

_“And I love you, Hermione.” Draco admitted._

* * *

Everyone was silent, and Draco’s admission hung heavy in the air.

Hermione was still sitting in his lap, covered in a blanket and held close in his arms, her head on his shoulder, her feet on Severus’ lap.

Severus sat pressed up against Draco’s side and had his arm across the back of the younger man, his fingertips resting on the base of Hermione’s hairline.

“I remind you of angels, Draco?” Hermione finally spoke, laughter in her voice.

“Well, milady, as close as I can fathom here on this earthly plain.” He squeezed her.

“Lovers and madmen have such seething brains,” Hermione giggled.

“The lunatic, the lover and the poet, are of imagination all compact.” Severus continued.

“Both of you are at this now?” Draco groaned.

Hermione straightened and placed a chaste kiss on Draco’s cheek. “I’m sorry, Draco. I can’t give you the response you want.”

“I know you can’t, and I never intended to burden you with knowing how I feel.”

Severus removed his arm from behind Draco’s shoulders and picked up Hermione’s feet from under the blanket. He stroked her foot.

Hermione looked back to Severus, who just nodded in Draco’s direction and massaged her. She understood his silent command and turned back to Draco.

“We talked about this before Draco, I need to get to know you. I want to be your friend. I don’t know how you can feel the way you do about me. I’m not saying I doubt your feelings.” She spoke quickly to forestall his attempt at interrupting her.

“I just can’t understand how you can feel this way when you don’t know me, not really. Love to me is the culmination of little things and big things. Intimate details that you can’t see outside of interactions with a person. You know the big things. I will give you that. But the little details? The ones that make up the minutiae of my life, you don’t know those.

“I could be a disappointment to you when I come crashing off this ivory pillar you’ve put me on.”

Draco held her as she spoke, he breathed in to speak, but then said nothing.

“Draco?” Hermione asked.

“You prefer savoury over sweet things, though will indulge in a sweet treat after something very salty, or just before the new moon. I won’t be so crass as to speculate why.

“You also have a tendency to carry stress in your upper shoulders and back, but you refuse to let anyone know that you are feeling overwhelmed. You miss having a cat, but can’t bring yourself to get one because you are not home enough to be there for it.

“You prefer coffee over tea, and if you can only have tea, you prefer a green or matcha rather than a typical Indian black tea. You drink it, adding nothing to it. But if you are having a coffee, you prefer a steamed non-dairy milk, oat is your current preference.

“You love to bake but have had no one to bake for in a long time, and since you do not eat many baked goods you haven’t been doing much of it; though you don’t realise it, you are feeling the lack. The routine of baking calms you, and it was your biggest form of stress relief after school.

“You are still an avid reader, and while your preference is usually factual texts you will indulge in fictional reading, again drawing up to the new moon.

“You prefer to shower in the morning because you hate having wet hair when you go to bed. You eat little meat, trying to keep to a mainly vegetarian diet, though I think that is an economical decision rather than any other.

“Movies are a guilty pleasure of yours, romantic movies from the 1960s and 1980s particularly. You avoid anything suspenseful.

“The rare times you drink alcohol, you prefer white wines over reds and New World wines over European ones.

“You still knit, your skill has improved and you prefer to knit intricate lace patterns for shawls that get folded up in blue tissue paper and put in the bottom of a cedar chest.”

Hermione gasped. “How, how did you know about the knitting?”

“One time, when I came to pick you up, there was a tangle of white string on your table with knitting pins sticking out of it. It was missing the next time I came over, but a stack of blue tissue paper was on the table and a cedar chest was on the floor, unlatched and open and filled with packets of the same blue paper.

“I love you, I have loved you in some shape or form for a long time. It started out as an obsession, then mellowed. Getting to know you again has given me an education and deepened my feelings as I got to see these little things in your life that are so important.

I know milady that this is new and sudden for you, but for me it has been a long time. It is true I love you.”

“I said I didn’t doubt it Draco, I just don’t understand how you can.”

“That may be a subject for another day, between the two of you I feel.” Severus interrupted.

“The truth is out now, and that is important to Miss Golightly. Now we’ve tackled that barrier to communication, I suggest we gather ourselves together and go have a seat at the bar and discuss the other topic.” Severus put Hermione’s feet down onto the floor and stood up.

“I will meet you both back at our usual table. Miss Golightly, is there anything you wish to eat?”

“A cheese platter maybe?” she offered. “With some fruit!” Severus gave a slight bow and left the room.

Draco held Hermione to him a little longer after the door closed behind Severus.

“I know I need to let you go, but I’m being selfish. I never thought I’d have this chance.”

“It’s ok Draco. This is nice. It’s been a long time since I’ve been held like this.” She admitted with a soft sigh.

They sat in silence for a time until Draco sighed and gave Hermione one last squeeze. “We’d best not leave Severus waiting. He was gallant enough to give us this time, and I don’t wish to press my luck.”

“I’ll get off your lap if you promise me we will talk about this later.”

“I promise.”

“Can I keep the blanket? It is nice and warm.”

Draco smiled, “Anything you wish.”

She slid off his lap and put her feet back into the rabbit slippers. Draco went to the duffle bag and pulled out a loose white button-down shirt, which he put on over his shoulders, but didn’t close. He zipped the bag and carried it to the bench they had just sat on.

“I’ll leave the bag here and let the staff know the room is free to be cleaned and used again. You stay here and I’ll come get you.” He made his way to the door.

When he opened it a small person dressed in dark clothes darted into the room. “Master Severus has told us to clean the room quickly. We’ll be done shortly and open it up, sir.”

“Thank you,” Draco said and bowed to the short person with long ears.

Hermione gasped. “That’s a..”

“One of the housekeeping staff members.” Draco finished and walked back to her. He lifted his arm and Hermione quickly went to her space by his side.

“But people who aren’t part of the community,”

“Will never see them.” Draco guided her down the hallway back to the public bar. “They volunteered, are paid well for their services, and it is one of the tricks we use to be the best place in the British Isles. It was a genius idea of the Grand Master’s.”

Hermione laughed as they walked, and Draco got her to their seat. He guided Hermione to the bench to sit beside Severus and he himself moved in beside her.

There was an elaborate cheese platter on the table and cast iron teapot with three handleless cups beside it. There was also the usual three glasses of water with straws sitting just behind the cheese platter.

“Help yourself, Miss Golightly, I’m afraid that we don’t have a proper Matcha for you, but I hope the Tencha we have will suit.” Severus reached forward and poured some light green tea into a cup and placed it in front of Hermione.

“Draco?” Severus lifted the pot.

“I’ll stick with water Severus, thank you.” Draco nodded. Severus poured himself a cup of tea and passed a glass of water to Draco.

“Well, at least he’s doing his own thing now.” Hermione smiled as she picked up the cup. “This is unexpected but wonderful! Thank you.”

“Cup of tea isn’t much to expect.” Draco said.

Hermione breathed in the vapours of her tea and sat in silence. Severus sipped his tea delicately, and Draco just moved his glass around on the table.

She took a sip and sighed as the warm liquid slid down her throat. She took a second and put the cup down on the table.

“So, I’m not a submissive.” She said with some authority.

“No, you aren’t.” Severus said, also putting his cup down, he reached over, grabbed a knife and cut a chunk of a hard cheese. He cut a second piece, then moved to a soft blue veined and cut some of it. Using the forked tip of the knife, he speared the pieces of cheese and put them on a small plate and added a few green grapes and two round biscuits. He put them in front of Hermione wordlessly.

“Thank you,” she said absently, and put some hard cheese on a biscuit. She had it to her mouth before she realised what she was doing.

“Wait? What am I doing?” she put the food down.

“You are grounding yourself back into your body, Miss Golightly. Physical contact is one way, but do not underestimate the power that wholesome food has on the body. Eating and drinking will bring you more inline with your physical self rather than dwelling on the emotional and mental self in a disconnected way.

“We insist on eating after any session to help reduce the effects of scene drop, and when a scene is interrupted such as yours was it is more vital. Eat your cheese. Think your thoughts through. Draco and I will be here also eating.”

Severus took a piece of fruit to further his point and put it in his mouth.

Hermione wrinkled her nose, but picked up her food and ate it. She had 3 more biscuits with cheese and some fruit, and another cup of tea before she spoke.

“Ok, so I am not a submissive. What does that leave me? Where does that put me within the club? What about Draco and I? Is he free to be himself around me? I am going to have to do some more research.” She started speaking faster and faster until Draco touched her gently on her wrist.

“Relax, milady. There is plenty of time for all your questions.”

Hermione sighed and reached up to rub her eyes. She halted, “MY MASK!” she gasped.

“Shit.” Draco’s face paled.

“I have it here.” Severus said smoothly and pulled it up from under the table. “No one has noticed the lack, Miss Golightly. Put it back on and we shall resume our discussion.”

“We left it in the room.” Hermione muttered as she adjusted the satin over her eyes.

“One of the housekeeping staff gave it to me as we were eating. I wasn’t sure if it was intentional so I mentioned nothing.” Severus said off handedly. “Draco, if I may.”

Draco nodded absently at Severus’s question, his face distracted and angry looking.

“Miss Golightly; I am going to offer a suggestion from my perspective, I hope it will give you some answers to your questions.

“We have addressed the fact that I have known you for some time, and though I’ve not known you as intimately as some, I consider myself an excellent judge of character.

“I feel that you are actually a natural Dominant, but you have disconnected from your own physical and emotional needs. This has led you to the confusion you are facing now.

“You have a natural predisposition towards caring and controlling the people around you. Feeling you know what is best for them and trying to guide them. It served you well in the past, it saved lives even. It is commendable what you could do at such a tender age. Astounding actually, and many wouldn’t believe it if they only heard the stories of what you did during your school years.

“The habits that saved lives, though they have become constraining, tying you to others’ expectations; to meet those expectations, you shut down parts of yourself to keep functioning.

“You have shut yourself off from yourself, from your body and your emotional needs.

“You wish to become undone, to relax your tight grip on everything that has deadened your senses for other things.

“You need to fully experience these aspects of yourself before you can feel confident in this life.”

Draco still had his hand on Hermione’s arm, his thumb absently rubbing along the delicate lines on the inside of her wrist. “He’s right Holly, all your planning and your researching is stopping you from experiencing things.”

“That is why I’m here though, to experience things.” She protested.

“You are controlling things, you have been fighting the Order the entire time you’ve been here. You haven’t trusted the staff to do what we train them to do. You’ve not trusted the members to be conscientious enough to respect your privacy. You’ve not let Draco do his job.”

“I stopped carrying my ...” Hermione protested.

“You did, you are starting to trust, but you still don’t do it fully. Your mask will do for an example. When distracted you didn’t care that it was on the floor of the rope room. It was when you questioned where you were and what your role was that you remembered about it.” Severus said smoothly. He lifted his teacup and had a sip.

He then took a biscuit from the tray and put the entire thing in his mouth and chewed slowly.

“That.. That was…” Hermione sputtered.

“He has a point milady.” Draco offered. “Your pseudonym is another example. This is a muggle business, your name means nothing here. The Treasurer and I both told you that your concerns with it were unfounded.”

He lifted his hand from her arm and put it down on the table. His body tense and his face closed off.

Hermione sat between the two men and pursed her lips. “So what should I do?”

“Learn to trust, learn to let go, learn to listen to your body and emotions.” Severus said, still looking at his cup of tea.

Hermione snorted, “Is that all? Why not add something difficult into the mix like Dragon taming so I’m kept on my toes?”

Draco tipped his head back and laughed suddenly, the tension leaving him.

“No Miss Golightly, I think you have already trained the beast to eat from your hand.” Severus said and Draco immediately stopped laughing.

“Severus, just say what you are going to say.” Draco said, his voice cold and his eyes hard.

“Draco, what’s wrong?” Hermione turned to look directly at the Chevalier. She reached up to touch him and he pulled away.

“No Holly, please, listen to Severus. I’ll be fine.”

Her eyes lingered on Draco’s face for a long while, and when he stiffened his jaw and pointed his chin to Severus, she turned back to look at the older man.

“What are you trying to say then, Severus?” Hermione asked reluctantly.

“I was going to offer to teach you. Be your mentor and help guide you.” His voice was calm.

“But what about Draco?” Hermione questioned and looked towards her companion.

“I can’t teach you what he could, Holly. I want to teach you, I really do, but I’ve told you before I’m not that skilled.” Draco’s voice was sad and his eyes were bright.

“Miss Golightly, Draco is many things, he is very skilled in compartmentalisation, but working with you on this level may be too taxing for even his skills.”

“Plus Holly; I think I need some time away. Not long mind, but I think I need a break. I’ve been making mistakes all over and I need to regroup.” Draco shrugged.

“I think that is wise Chevalier, I’m proud of you for acknowledging your faults.” Severus nodded his head.

“Thank you sir, I shall endeavour to learn and grow.” Draco responded with equal formality.

Curiosity and concern played out on her face in equal measure as Hermione looked at the pair beside her.

“Was that exchange something formal for Order Members?” she eventually asked.

“Yes.” Both said quickly.

“Oh.” She swallowed and looked down at her hands. “If that was something formal I can’t really protest it can I?”

“No, you can’t Holly.” Draco said with a sad smile. “I’ll see you home this evening, but I can’t be your Chevalier anymore.”

“I understand, I think,” Hermione looked up at him. “Can we still be friends? Can I get to know you as a person?” her voice was hopeful.

“I’d love that Silver Bell, but I need some time. Please.”

“I’ll be waiting.” She said with a soft smile. “You promised we’d talk some more.”

“I did, and we will,” he agreed. “Now, what about Severus’ offer?”

“Offer?” Hermione’s nose wrinkled, and then she turned back to the older man. “Oh yes! Severus, did you really want to help me?”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t.”

“It’s just, well, what will this entail?” she asked.

“It will be personal and at times physically intimate. I would understand if that poses an issue for you. I’m not as young as I once was.”

“Sir! We are all adults here, that isn’t an issue for me.” Hermione dismissed that line of questioning. “No, that wasn’t an issue. I am just…”

“Doubting yourself and your capabilities, which I expected, but I do not doubt mine and I am confident that I could help you.”

“Draco?” Hermione asked.

“This is your choice milady, I think it is a good idea, but this is ultimately up to you.”

Hermione sat still for a long moment. She closed her eyes, lifted the mask off her face, put it on the table and opened her eyes.

“Very well, Severus. I accept. If I recall the code properly, I have to ask you. Will you be my mentor?”

Severus took Hermione’s hand in his and brought it to his lips. He kissed the air above her hand, looked her in the eyes and said. “It would be my pleasure.”


	12. Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Mersheeple for again holding my hand and being the Beta of Awesome.  
> Thank you to my friends and fiends in the Hearts and Cauldron's Discord for their guidance and support.

  
The following Saturday saw Hermione waiting in the bar at her usual booth just after opening. 

She was unmasked, wearing a subtle natural look makeup, her hair was loose and wild and she was dressed in a simple black long sleeved dress that clung to her curves and ended tastefully just below her knees. 

She wore dark tights and a simple dance heel to complete her outfit.  
Hermione nursed one of her usual drinks and sat watching the doors of the club.

Fifteen minutes after Hermione had settled herself into her seat Severus walked into the bar and made his way to Hermione’s booth.

When he arrived at the table he slid a thick cream envelope across the table to her and sat down across from her.

“A letter from your Fred,” he said and nodded his thanks as one of the bar staff gave him a glass filled with amber liquid. “I’d suggest reading it later. We have much to discuss tonight.”

Hermione nodded and put the envelope off to the side. “I’m surprised how many people know enough of the story where I got my name to make references to it.”

“Pop Culture is a language all speak, and it's the connection point between people all over the world and you chose a very iconic character to model yourself after. A cafe society girl who was very lost in her own anger and regret. It is very telling actually Miss Golightly.”

“Could I not have chosen her name because I like her outfits?” Hermione countered.

“You aren’t that simple minded.” Severus took a sip of his drink and then levelled a direct look at Hermione.

She in turn looked back at him studying his features, there was no challenge in her appraisal, just an open curiosity. “If there is more of a connection it is an unconscious one.” She shrugged.

“This is where you are failing yourself. You are drawn to this character because of her story, her devil may care attitude, with a broken heart. But you aren’t realising it is because that is how you identify yourself. This dishonesty to yourself is a disservice. ‘Gnoríste ton eaftó sas kyría’ “

Hermione looked puzzled for a moment. “Meet yourself lady? OH! Know thyself lady.”

“You speak Greek.” Severus nodded.

“A little, it isn’t conversational. It made sense to add it to my Latin studies.”

“Why do you think you need to know all these things: dual wielding, multiple languages, philosophy, yoga, classical literature, modern poetry, and now the BDSM lifestyle?”

“Because the world is here to be explored and experienced. Knowledge is the start of the exploration.”

“Yet you do not seek the exploration of self. You look for outside validation. Why?”

“I would counter that this is exploration of myself. I learned how to use my body and intellect to retain information and utilise it. I challenged myself and increased my skills, removing former limitations.”

“What is your favourite colour?” his voice was sharp, demanding a quick answer.

“Sky Blue, Why?”

“How do you like your eggs?”

“Scrambled, with cheese.”

“How do you take your tea?”

“Black, Draco told you this.”

“What is your favourite flower?”

“Hydrangea. What’s this about?”

“Bookmarks or dog eared corners?”

“Bookmarks!” she looked shocked

“How do you take your steak?”

“I don’t eat it.”

“Brush your teeth up and down or in circles”

“Up and down.”

“Favourite season?”

“Autumn”

“Sunrise or sunset?”

“Sunrise.”

“Dogs or cats?”

“Cats,”

“Left or right side of the bed?”

“Side furthest from the door.”

“Side you sleep on.”

“Side facing the door.”

“Favourite music genre.”

“Glam rock from the 70’s and love ballads from the 80’s.”

“Favourite Author”

Hermione stalled, Severus didn’t give her a chance to find her answer. “Favourite food.”

“Cheeses”

“Walking or Driving”

“Walking”

“Heels or flats?”

“Flats.”

“Skirts or trousers?”

“Skirts.”

“Bicycle or Horse?”

“Bicycle, how are they related?”

“Worst Fear”

“Failure”

“Biggest regret”

“Lying to my parents about my life at school.”

“Proudest moment?”

“Resisting Belatrix’s assault.”

“First Love”

“Ron, you know this.”

“Last love”

“Ron, again you know this.”

“Most recent lover”

“A man from a club that I was persuaded to attend, his name isn’t worthy of note, it didn’t last longer than a handful of dates.”

“Favourite sexual position”

She gasped, her eyes wide. Severus continued with his rapid firing of questions.

“Shower or Bath”

“Bath”

“Wood fire or coal fire?”

“Wood fire”

“Name of your most accomplished lover.”

Hermione shook her head.

“Name of your worst lover.”

Again she didn’t answer.

“Favourite dessert”

“Rhubarb Custard”

“Favourite smell”

“Old books”

“Most erogenous zone?”

Again Hermione was silent.

“Most common fantasy?”

Hermione blushed but again said nothing.

“How often do you masturbate?”

“Often,” She said through clenched teeth. “Are we done now?”

“Do you manually stimulate yourself, or do you use toys?”

“I have a few toys.”

“Do you favour clitoral or vaginal orgasms?”

“Clitoral mainly”

“Have you tried Anal?”

“No”

“Have you fantasised about it?”

“Yes”

“Thought of sex with someone of your own gender?”

“Yes” Hermione’s voice was tight.

“Thought of sex with someone with a different gender than your own?”

“Of course.”

“Thought of sex with multiple people?”

“Yes”

“Any of these ideas disgust you?”

“No”

“Any of these ideas attract you?”

“I feel more comfortable with the idea of people of a masculine persuasion, though recently I have been interested in non-binary people.”

“What about someone in a different gender than they were assigned at birth?”

“I’ve not thought much about it. It doesn’t disgust me though.” Hermione’s eyes looked up into the distance, her body relaxed from the tension she had been carrying while she pondered the question. 

Severus took another sip from his drink while she thought.

“I do not think gender is an issue for me, not if the person is intelligent enough.” She nodded a little proud nod of a decision well made.

“Why have you never dated a female before?”

“Who says I haven’t?” Hermione threw back.

“You did, on your paperwork.”

“Oh, “

“Indeed, so answer the question.”

“I’ve never thought about it. “

“Why?”

“I don’t know? Maybe because my teenage years of exploration were interrupted by world affairs. Maybe it is because I was programmed to see males as the only viable option for a sexual partner. Maybe because I was in love with one person and couldn’t see myself with anyone else. There are too many variables to really know.” Hermione waved a hand in the air while she spoke.

“Now is the time to explore your possibilities Miss Golightly.”

“Severus, can I ask you to call me Holly, in the Club at least?”

“If you wish,” He nodded.

“Thank you, having you refer to me by my last name, even a pseudonym is too reminiscent of the past.”

“I commend you on making that request; it is a sign you are listening to your own needs.” Severus bobbed his head in a sign of respect. “Now back to the topic at hand, your ignorance of your desires and preferences. You are still ashamed to speak frankly with me. Do you know why you feel this shame?”

“No?” 

“Do you fear that I will think less of you if I knew of your sexual desires? Do you fear that any partner would judge you?”

“Maybe?” Hermione made another face while she examined her own inner landscape, searching for the answers.

“Why do you fear this? Were you rejected by a lover when you expressed your needs?”

“No, more often than not they tried to encourage me.”

“Were you judged by your peers for incidental things that made you cautious about sharing important things with them?”

“Yes, of course I was. Until Ron and Harry I had almost no friends and I wasn’t close with any of the girls in my dorm. I didn’t put enough effort into my appearance or their conversation topics to be accepted.”

“Do you think this is why you are hesitant to share intimate details with others?”

“Maybe?”

“Do you feel a security in only giving facts and figures and the words of others, knowing people cannot judge you for them as you are just repeating another and thus you will not be rejected?”

“No!” Hermione gasped. “I just find the quotes interesting, they can clarify my points for me much more succinctly than I could. I ramble on if I am left to my own words and that bores most people.”

“You use the words of others to put a barrier between yourself and rejection.”

“I don’t do that. Do I?” she questioned.

Severus tilted his head and looked at her. Hermione had the presence of mind to blush.

“Ok, so maybe I do. But what is wrong with that?”

“Why are you afraid of rejection?”

“I don’t know, maybe because it is isolating and hurtful? Being rejected means you are alone.”

“You are alone most of the time anyway, and when you are not people don’t know who you really are because you are masking yourself.”

“This is very philosophical.”

“Gnoríste ton eaftó sas kyría” Severus repeated.

“Fine, we get to explore the minutiae of my psyche. Do you have a couch?”

“Not in the bar, there is a private room that can be set up for a scene like that, should you wish.” 

“I feel very awkward doing this.”

“You are supposed to, self analysis isn’t worth doing if you shy away from the difficult parts.”

“Ok, so we need to work on my fears of rejection, I suppose that is so that I am more willing to communicate my needs and desires.”

“Communication with a partner is vital, yes, but more importantly you need to communicate with yourself.”

“How did you do it?” Hermione asked softly.

“Do what?”

“Get over your fear of rejection?”

“I got rejected, and it almost destroyed me. Then it remade me. I survived.” Severus said with no expression on his face.

Hermione didn’t respond and while they sat in silence Severus placed a bound book with a burgundy hardboard cover in front of himself.

He then used two fingers to slide the book across the table towards Hermione. 

Lifting his hand up he gestured towards her “I know it is the fashion these days to have a shared journal online, or through your smart phones but I am rather fond of pen and paper myself. Using a journal as a form of communication will give you that initial sense of security, as well as provide some connection and intimacy between us. 

“This is your journal. You are to write in it every day, evening is preferred but that will have to be up to your own sense of discipline.

“You are to log your sleep and food for the day, any exercise you partake in, your general mood, as well as keep track of any assignments I have given you. 

“It will also be where you are to ask me questions. After tonight you will not question me while we are together. You are to listen to my instructions and work within them.

“You have asked me to mentor you, and I have agreed and that means trusting me to understand the situation and how to help move things along.

“You will give me the journal every Friday evening and I will return it to you on Saturday, my notes will be inside, as will your new assignments for the week.

“I will expect you in the club once a week at the minimum, if you attend more than once I am going to insist that you only converse with members and staff. I am not going to compete for your attention, nor am I willing to correct the mistakes made by ill informed outsiders.  
This does mean your ‘Fred’ Holly; Draco is off limits while I am your mentor.

“I will also need to reiterate that this is a mentorship, not a romantic relationship. Do not confuse the two.”

Hermione lifted the journal off the table and opened its cover. As the stiff material cracked she ran her fingertips over the paper inside. “This is nice paper.”

“Do you enjoy the feel of paper?”

“Good paper yes, smooth stock that takes ink well. I love writing on decent paper. Parchment is nice as well, but mug… modern paper is lovely to use with the right fountain pen.”

“You use a fountain pen over a quill, what about a biro?”

“I dislike Biros, they are too scratchy and the ink is too sticky, I prefer the liquid ink in a fountain pen. They last longer than a quill and are more portable.”

“Then I think I need to expand on your weekly assignment. It was going to be to get a full body massage and pay attention to how your body feels as it is being relaxed. I still wish for you to do that, but on top of that I want a selection of good and poor quality papers and ink samples as well as a sample of your preferred pens.

“Duplicate the ones you have if cost is an issue. I know decent fountain pens are pricey and I just wish to see an example.

“I also want a description of sounds that excite you, sounds that draw your attention. Use your own words not quotes from a poet or bard to elaborate on the topic.”

Hermione nodded and put the envelope into the journal and closed it. She slid it to the back corner of the table and left it there to gather up on her return at the end of the evening.

“Now, are you ready to dance?” Severus stood up and moved to the side of the table and offered Hermione his open hand. She stood and moved out from behind the table and took his proffered hand, which he grabbed and placed into the crook of his elbow as he guided her from the bar into the club proper.

They made their way down the dark corridor to a smaller room off to the left, it was in the same colours as the rest of the club interior, with dark mirrors in niches and small padded benches under the mirrors. The flooring was a hardwood parquet polished smooth with no scratches.   
Beside the door, with the controls for the lighting in the room was also a recessed shelf that held a stereo. 

Severus led Hermione to the centre of the room and then removed her hand from his. He then stepped backward from her for 3 steps and then turned and made his way to the stereo.

He put on a track, pressed the repeat button and as a weedy electric guitar started he made his way back to the centre of the room where Hermione waited.

“Prettiest Star?” She smiled.

“No questions. I want you to move to the music. Don’t think about it, just move naturally.” He stood apart from her watching with his arms crossed in front of himself.

Hermione frowned but as Bowie’s voice started to sing ‘cold fire’ she shifted her weight from one leg to another and then she lifted one foot a little, touched it to its twin and back.   
She continued to sway with small movements while the song played through and as the saxophone faded Severus sighed.

The track started again and Severus uncrossed his arms. “Is this how you usually dance?”

“Yes,” Hermione said, still shifting from side to side.

“Name a song that moves you, this one obviously isn’t enough.” 

“Do you have the Rumours album? I have been listening to it a lot lately.”

“Oh Daddy is quite popular actually, I think it is here.” Severus changed the album and selected a track.

“This time Holly, you are to dance with your entire body, move your hips, your shoulders, dance as if you are alone and there is no one watching.”

A piano started up and Hermione started to do her little shuffle dance to the beat. The only concession she made to her mentor’s instructions was that she moved with more energy than before.

“No.” Severus barked and crossed the space between them. “No, no, no, listen to me. Breathe deeply into your body, soften your belly. Drop your weight into your hips and waist.” Severus came in behind her and placed his hands on either side of her hips. 

He put a little pressure on her left side and shifted her to press harder into his right hand. Hermione was stiff as she moved the way he was guiding her.

“Move your hips, don’t move your feet. Sink into your hips and waist, let your pelvic bowl guide your movements.” He continued to put pressure on one hip then the other until Hermione was moving her hips to the rhythm of the music.

He took his hands off of her body and said, “As the track starts over I want you to change from side to side to moving your hips in circles. Keep in rhythm, you know this song. You know what to expect, let the music guide your movement.”

Hermione closed her eyes and awkwardly moved her waist in a stiff circle, missing the beat and started to shuffle in a panicked movement.

“You are thinking too much. Breathe and relax into the music, it is just you and a favoured track, this is you and your body.” He said again and took a further step back to give Hermione room to move.

She stopped moving, took a deep breath, she bounced a few times on her feet and then started to move her hips from side to side with a comfortable motion, when the beat picked up and the guitars carried the chorus she started to circle her hips again. Her shoulders unconsciously moving backward as she rotated her hips.

“Good, Holly, enjoy the music.” Severus encouraged. “Open up to your body and let it move freely. Raise your arms, lift up your hair.”

The song repeated itself again and this time Hermione was lost in the music and was bouncing back and forth taking up space and moving her hips and arms freely. She kept her eyes closed the entire time she danced and even started to sing along to the music.

“You can call it another lonely day.” She called out in a broken harmony to the music echoing around her. She had her hands buried in her hair as she leaned forward and shook her backside, when the chorus started up again she threw her head back and shook her clenched fists above her in the air, she then grabbed her hair from the back of her neck and lifted it to rest in a pile on top of her head as she slowed her movements intake to the fading chorus and guitar.

The music didn’t repeat this time, all that was heard in the room was a slow and loud clap. 

Hermione opened her eyes and looked at Severus, who stood by the stereo, her face red with the exertion of dancing repeatedly to a single song.

“Well done. Do you think you can do that again? With a different track maybe?”

Hermione swallowed and nodded. She rubbed her face and Severus was beside her, handing her an open bottle of water.

She took it, nodded her thanks and started to drink deeply from the bottle. When it was half empty she looked around for somewhere to put it down and Severus opened his hand. She placed the bottle into it, Severus screwed on the lid and walked back to the stereo.

“I wouldn’t have chosen that Fleetwood Mac album to work with, but it was the lady’s choice. If I may be so bold as to offer something from earlier in their career.” He selected another album and track and pressed play.

“Remember to move into the music.” He stepped away from the stereo and back into the room.

“Oh, good choice.” Hermione smiled “I do prefer the Santana version, but this is good.” She started to move her hips to the slower blues rhythm of ‘Black Magic Woman’. Her movements weren’t as elaborate as they had been when she had been dancing to ‘Go Your Own Way’ but there was more focus. 

She kept her movements in her hips and legs, with a little movement in her upper body and the track ended, but instead of repeating itself as she expected the salsa rhythm of Santana’s cover took its place.

Hermione’s movements opened up a little more as she stepped forward and back, mimicking a crude samba step and her shoulders moved back and forth. She waved her arms around her, elbows bent and hands in gentle fists. 

Severus made his way up to her and grabbed one of her arms by the wrist, he trailed his thumb up over her hand and guided her to open up her palm.

She opened her eyes, looked at his thumb on the tip of her middle finger and nodded. She opened her other hand and kept dancing. She kept her eyes open for the end of the track.

When another Santana track started up she closed her eyes again and again lost herself to the music.

She danced for over two hours; stopping periodically for water, given to her wordlessly by Severus, or to suggest a different artist or song.

Hermione had finished her 3rd bottle of water and was very hot when Severus stopped the music.

“You have done well this evening. You are going to be sore in the morning though. I do suggest you take a muscle relaxant before you retire for the evening, and start the day with a warm Epsom salt bath. Some of your yoga stretches might help with the build up of lactic acid as well.” Severus handed Hermione a fresh towel that she used to dab at the perspiration on her forehead.

“I will escort you to your locker where you can gather your things and make use of one of our showers. When you are changed into something a little fresher I will meet you at our table.”

He offered her his arm, which she took and they made their way out of the dance room.

Back at the table Hermione sat wearing a comfortable oversized wooly jumper and leggings, her hair in a damp bun on the top of her head, odd wet tendrils escaping in their typical flyaway fashion. 

Severus was sitting beside her but wasn’t touching her, he was instead pouring a glass of water from a pitcher and then handing it to her.

“I am sure I am mostly water at this point.” She joked as she accepted the offered glass. She took a sip and put it down on the table.

“People tend to be more dehydrated than they realise, I prefer to err on the side of caution.” Severus said as he poured himself his own glass.

“Am I allowed to ask questions now?”

“Normally I wouldn’t permit it, but I’ll allow it as this is our first time together.”

“Why dancing?”

“Why not?”

“That’s not an answer.” Hermione countered.

“You will find that it is, if you think about it. Use that brilliant brain of yours.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever get over you being so free with the compliments.” She shook her head.

“I do not encourage false confidences. I speak truths as I see them, now that I’m at liberty to do so.”

“So,” Hermione picked up the previous thread of conversation. “Why have me dance?”

“What did dancing accomplish?”

“I’m exhausted.” She sipped the water. “I feel more in my body though, if that makes sense. I am noticing aches, but also the endorphin high of a long workout.”

“How did your shower feel?”

“Luxurious, I’ve not had a better shower since I left school. You have excellent facilities here.”

“Are you more relaxed after it?”

“Yes, the shower after that cardio was just what I needed to bookend the session as it were.”

“So why did I have you dance?”

Hermione thought for a few moments, she turned her face to look at Severus and he met her gaze. She pursed her lips a little then wrinkled her nose as she thought.

“You had me dance to make me aware of my body, to make me aware of the physicality of my body and to help loosen up some of the tension I’ve been carrying. By making me focus on my hips and legs, you had me draw attention to an area of my body I often ignore.

By having me chose music I identified with, you gave me power and control so I wouldn’t instinctively fight you. You wanted me to open up, that’s why you stopped me from closing my fists. I needed to express myself, but I wasn’t to use words. I was just supposed to.. Supposed to..”

“Take up space; you need to be present and take up space. You keep yourself far too small Holly. It is contrary to your nature. Your hair is a prime example. Your attempts to contain it, to make it less than, have always failed. Now you let it have it’s way and it is glorious and wild. As you need to be.”

Hermione’s hand drifted up to the knot at the top of her head. 

“You were never meant to play small. You are too intelligent, too aware, too alive. Today’s lesson was to teach you to let yourself take up space. To move freely in that space and let your body be a source of strength for you.” Severus continued.

“I will not be explaining my lessons in detail, I do not need to pander to you as you are able to figure out the reasoning for each lesson yourself.

“I will admit that not having to explain my every decision is very enjoyable. It is rare that I can trust the logic of another to match mine. I am looking forward to our time together.” He had the ghost of a smile in his eyes. 

Hermione smiled back. “Thank you for your confidence.”


	13. Thirteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Mersheeple for being my awesome Beta

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day 1:

I’m not sure if I was supposed to start logging my entries today or not; but starting as I mean to go on I’m logging things before I go to bed.

Food: Breakfast: yogurt, muesli, raspberries, coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, cheese, almonds

Lunch: Egg & Cress sandwich, water, 1/2 pack of crisps, peach

Tea: Roasted vegetable soup, crusty bap, butter

Snack: 3 pieces of cheese, biscuits

Exercise: Walked to work,

Walked around park during lunch

Walked home from work

Dancing 2 hours approx

Mood: nervous/ excited

Sleep: I didn’t notice last night, but was well rested in the morning.

Questions I’ve thought of: Why is Draco off limits during our mentorship?

What does that entail? Can we speak? Can we write letters? Am I to ignore him if I see him in the club? What about outside the club?

Are any of my other friends also off limits?

~~Why did you challenge me with so many questions at the start of the evening?~~

I figured this one out, you were gauging how well I knew my preferences and how open I was about them.

* * *

_Dearest Hermione;_

_Please accept my deepest apologies for doing this through a letter. I hope you can forgive me for being so impersonal._

_There are things I need to say to you, and I know you have so many questions to ask me._

_I am going to start with why you won’t be seeing me at the club for a while, and this is one of the most shameful things I have to admit._

_I broke the rules; I crossed lines, and I failed you and the Order. I made so many mistakes the last time we were together that I need to take some time away and look at things subjectively._

_My behaviour that last night was irresponsible, I neglected your needs and boundaries and put my own desires above yours. As a Chevalier, I swore an oath to serve the Order and my prospects before my own needs. I broke that oath._

_When I didn’t adjust our plans to communicate with you, when I didn’t trust you to know your own comfort levels with your modesty, when I forgot your bloody mask on the floor because I just wanted you in my arms a little longer, I violated the trust given to me._

_I’ve spoken with the Grand Master about my failings, and they have given me a penance that I am going to be serving away from the club. I will have to earn my place as a Chevalier again afterwards._

_But don’t worry about it too much! This is normal for the Order, and this is giving me a sense of peace that I can fix my mistakes with such little effort. It is one reason I am more than willing to be a Chevalier here. There is a security in the Code._

_Now, maybe I can address a few of the questions I think you have. I’ll do my best to predict them._

_1) When did I start with the Order?_

_The Grand Master opened the Order a few years back; I had been in correspondence with Severus and we had met up for a cup of tea just after my group therapy sessions._

_I mentioned a need to give back to the community as I had just taken from it as a kid. I wanted to do some good in the world but didn’t know what suited me._

_It was then that Severus asked me what I knew about BDSM and the lifestyle. I’d read about it, like I’ve said, but I’d not been active. I hadn’t been comfortable dating or being intimate with others while so early in my healing journey._

_Severus handed me a copy of the Code and suggested I read it through and asked me to get back to him._

_I read everything that night, and then I did more research on my own. (I know you understand) I then wrote back to Severus and asked for more details._

_He told me that the club was looking for people to act as guides for newcomers to help them find their feet and to be the first line against any predators who would use such a space as a hunting ground for victims._

_He offered to mentor me, as long as I continued with my therapy, and suggested that I would have the makings of a good Chevalier._

_That was 4 years ago, and I have been content here. There is much more to this story, and I will be happy to tell you when we see each other again._

_2) Being a Chevalier is my job, it is also a calling of mine I feel. My parents raised me to be something this world doesn’t need; but I have skills to help a little in this very niche environment and gain a lot of satisfaction from it._

_It isn’t feeding the homeless, or rescuing lost kittens, but helping provide a secure space for people to express themselves freely and help them unlock their potential is very fulfilling for me._

_If the world was a little different and I hadn’t had the childhood experiences I had I think I would have been a teacher. That role is not to be mine though, and here my personal history is an advantage._

_3) What do I like to eat and drink?_

_I have never outgrown my sweet tooth, I still very much enjoy the sugary treats my mother used to spoil me with._

_I do temper it a little with fruit; I have always loved fruit, apples are my personal favourite. I’m not fond of treacle._

_I don’t drink alcohol often, but a sharp white wine is my preferred drink and if you promise never to tell anyone I will admit I adore a strawberry and lime daiquiri._

_4) I still have a space saved for me at my parent’s place, but I spend most of my time in my flat in London. It is closer to the club and to my therapist._

_5) The Treasurer and I are very close friends, have been since we left school. I was the one who suggested them to the Grand Master._

_6) My therapist is in London and I speak to them twice a month and I am active in a group session on the weeks I’m not seeing my therapist._

_My Therapist is aware of our world, their parents and sibling are members of the community. My group isn’t aware, though._

_I’ve been in therapy since the week after they released me from the Ministry’s care after graduation._

_I’m being treated for PTSD, and the group thinks I was a child soldier in a drug and munitions running gang. It’s hard lying while not lying in therapy, but I think you and I can agree that the wizarding community is lacking when it comes to long term mental health care._

_7) How long have I been interested in you?_

_This is a little shameful to admit, but that first Potions class was when I noticed you, and you have been in the back of my awareness ever since._

_I was a prat to you in school, then I was cruel, and sometimes downright evil, but I always knew where you were. I told myself it was to keep you at bay, but I was lying to myself._

_I wasn’t lying when I told you that going to therapy after the war helped me figure things out in my mind. My therapist still jokes that I only spoke of 3 people for that first year; You, Potter, and You Know Who._

_You were the highlight of the three._

_Hermione, I never intended you to know my genuine feelings for you. I was content to watch you from afar and wish you every happiness a person could have._

_The day I recognised you in the club, my world shattered and realigned in a dazzling way._

_There you were, right in front of me, in that darling mask holding my hand. I was always so sure if we were to meet again you would reject me outright; it was my due. But you accepted me and my help._

_When I realised who you were I resolved to do whatever I could to make you happy and comfortable in the club._

_My role as a Chevalier is just to mentor and guide, teach the rules of the club, and make introductions. I didn’t want to do any of that for you._

_I wanted to keep you to myself; I wanted to learn how to make you smile and remove the insecurity hidden behind your eyes. But I had made a promise, I had sworn an oath, and I knew you didn’t feel for me the way I feel for you._

_I knew I wasn’t worthy of you, so I wouldn’t hold you back. I put my own feelings in a tiny box and tried to shut it tight._

_During our tea in Salisbury I confided a little of my genuine feelings but I was purposefully ambiguous, it had my desired effect if you thought it was part of the role I was to play as a Chevalier._

_Then you insisted on being my friend; after everything that had happened between us, you wanted to know the real me. The box opened up on its own and it was so hard not to fall to my knees and beg you to accept me._

_We have spoken and met up more times than I have ever met with another prospect. You wanted so much knowledge, and I was so happy to be giving it to you. Normally I see a prospect 3 times outside of the club, maybe 4 if they feel insecure._

_We saw each other almost every day or spoke when we didn’t see each other._

_I know you are lonely Hermione. It hurts me more than you know that you are so alone in your life. I took advantage of that in a shameful selfishness; I was so greedy in my desire to know you, I took advantage of your loneliness. This is also why I have to take some time away from you and the club._

_I need to give you a chance without me by your side to understand if you truly want someone as selfish as me in your life, even as a friend._

_You deserve so much happiness in your life, and friends who love and support you. You thrive when you are around people. You have so much love to give._

_Knowing I could spend time with you and ease that loneliness gives me joy._

_Please know that I am not expecting you to turn around and confess your feelings for me._

_When I return from my sabbatical, if you are willing I would like to be your friend._

_I would suggest you write to me, but that would defeat the purpose of me giving you space and my penance._

_I also know Severus, and I know he is going to be limiting your contact with others for a time. I trust him implicitly, and I feel you can trust him._

_His methods may seem abrupt and cruel but it will work out if you trust the process._

_Until we meet again my Silver Bell, I hope you find your genuine smile and I will dream of your laughter._

_All my love_

_Draco._

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day 2:

Sleep - 6.5 hours, fitful

Food-

Breakfast: porridge with salt, banana, coffee

Elevenses: coffee

Lunch: cottage pie, side salad, lime soda

Tea: egg and cress sandwich, 1/2 packet of crisps, peach

Snack: none

Exercise: walk around the market

Mood: Content

Report on auditory stimulation.

“Sounds that excite me” is very ambiguous; one could assume that I am to focus on sexual excitement but I am not going to fall into that old habit of assumption. So I will start with excitement in the enthusiastic sense.

I love the sounds of song birds in the summer, the cuckoo specifically, it reminds me of midsummer fairs and the excitement of freshly baked pies and blackberry picking in the sunshine.

Children laughing is also a sound I enjoy, not the screeching sound of over exertion, but the spontaneous laughter of children when they find something shocking and funny.

The sound of rain on slate tiles, fire crackling, the rustle of papers turning, and the click of tiles on a game board give me a sense of comfort and nostalgia.

I enjoy listening to a brook running over time worn rocks and splashing against tree roots.

A cats purrs and sleepy yawns or huffs are also enjoyable.

Other sounds include: the powdery sound of flour landing in a bowl after poured from a height, the whistle of a kettle, butter being smoothed on toast, the simmering bubble of a cauldron or soup pot, the crunch of snow under a boot, the pop of my spine as I stretch, the sleepy groans of my father as he shifted in his chair during his mid afternoon nap, the sound of someone softly breathing beside me in restful slumber, the tinny tune of the ice cream van as it drove down the street.

Musically I love the sound of a guitar, acoustic or electric, harp, violin, and piano.

I like music from the 60’s 70’s and 80’s.

When I listen to books or audio plays while I am knitting I prefer masculine readers or dramatists.

I am having a little trouble thinking of sounds that excite me sexually, but I do know that a verbal partner is more enjoyable than a sedate one. But exactly what I like to hear is proving difficult to pinpoint. I will continue to take note of things I enjoy though and log them here as and when they occur to me.

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day 3:

Sleep: 8 hours

Food-

Breakfast: Porridge with salt, banana, coffee

Elevenses: Coffee and scone with clotted cream and strawberry jam

Lunch: Roasted Squash, Potatoes, and broccoli

Dinner: Bread and Butter with cheese and fruit

Snack: Popcorn

Exercise: Walk in local park.

Mood: Content

Assignment Massage: Massage is scheduled for Saturday afternoon.

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day 4:

Sleep: 7.5 hours

Food-

Breakfast: yogurt, muesli, banana, coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, apple and raisins

Lunch: salad sandwich, water, 1/2 pack of crisps, nectarine

Tea: Roasted Squash, Potatoes and Broccoli

Snack: none

Exercise: Walked to work,

Walked around park during lunch

Walked home from work

Mood: Frustrated (work related)

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day 5:

Sleep: 7.5 hours

Food-

Breakfast: yogurt, muesli, blueberries, coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, apple and raisins

Lunch: salad sandwich, water, 1/2 pack of crisps, nectarine

Tea: Chicken Salad with chips

Snack: none

Exercise: Walked to work,

Walked around park during lunch

Walked home from work

Mood: Satisfied

Questions: ~~Why am I logging my sleep, exercise, and food? It seems counter-intuitive to have me keep a log of this. I am a functioning adult who can manage my own meal prep and sleep schedule.~~

I guess you’d just have my word for it unless you knew me, having me log things makes sense.

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day 6:

Sleep: 7 hours

Food-

Breakfast: yogurt, muesli, blueberries, coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, apple and raisins

Lunch: salad sandwich, water, 1 packet of crisps, nectarine

Tea: Chicken Salad with chips

Snack: nectarine and ice cream

Exercise: Walked to work,

Walked around park during lunch

Walked home from work

Mood: Determined

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day 7:

Sleep: 6 hours

Food-

Breakfast: yogurt, muesli, blueberries, coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, apple and raisins

Lunch: salad sandwich, water, 1 packet of crisps, nectarine

Tea: Fish and Chips

Snack: none

Exercise: Walked to work,

Walked around park during lunch

Walked home from work

Mood: Frustrated (work related again)

Question: I have the paper and pens available and will drop them off with the journal this evening, but do I need to write the explanation for my choices here or when I see you?

* * *

**Response to Holly’s journal:**

**Day 1 Questions: Communication with friends and family is permitted, I am limiting access to influences that will distract and confuse you during your mentorship. Draco and his confession is a distraction.**

**You will not communicate with him outside of pleasantries until further notice. I doubt you will see him outside the club anytime soon. Though, if you see him at the club you will treat him as any other staff member.**

**You are correct in your reasoning as to why I questioned you the way I did.**

**Day 2 Assignment: I will not consider this assignment complete.**

**Day 3 Assignment: I will not consider the assignment complete until log has been turned in.**

**Day 5 Question: You are again correct in your reasoning about the purpose for your logging your sleep, diet and exercise.**

**Day 7 Question: I answered this when you handed in your journal and the items in question. Your responses were satisfactory when you explained each item to me.**

**Assignments for the following week:**

**Make your favourite meal from scratch, log the feelings and sensations experienced while making the meal. Set the table and eat it as a formal meal, again log feelings and sensations of eating. Play music while you eat and experience the meal fully.**

**Continue on with sounds assignment.**

**Log your accomplishments from the age of 11.**

**Log textures that you enjoy the feeling of.**

**SS**

* * *

“Ink doesn’t bleed through this paper as much at the other two samples, but it does have a tendency to smudge if I am writing too quickly, so I take care to only use it when I am being careful with my work.” Hermione concluded her report to Severus while holding a sample of cream paper.

“You have definite preferences, but what has this assignment taught you?” Severus sat across the booth from Hermione and was nursing his usual glass of amber liquid as he listened to her report.

Hermione had her hair tied back in a simple plait, she wore a simple black sheath dress and flat ballet pumps. On the table in front of her was a collection of a few pens and various pieces of paper.

She picked up a silver and cream pen and tapped the lid against the paper she had just put down. “I have reasons for choosing things I enjoy having around me, even if I am unconscious of them. I don’t always notice why I make the decisions I make.” She uncapped the pen and started to draw a little spiral on the corner of the page in front of her.

“I suspect you are trying to draw my attention to my decision making processes so that I am conscious of what I am choosing and why. I have a feeling this lesson will be repeated often though in different degrees, so that I can quickly and consciously make my future choices.”

Severus held his tumbler loosely in his hand and brought it to his lips. He didn’t sip his drink but held the glass there watching Hermione doodle in front of him.

She noticed her actions and capped the pen, then placed it down on the table. She then placed both hands on the edge of the table, left on top of the right, and looked from her hands into his eyes.

Severus put down his drink without breaking Hermione’s gaze. His eyes were steady while Hermione’s shifted back and forth nervously.

“To hold another’s gaze, focus on one eye, one eye only. Choose one and keep your attention there.” He said levelly. “It is traditional to focus on your partner’s left eye to establish a meaningful connection.”

“Some traditions claim the soul is visible through the left eye.” Hermione said as she focused her gaze.

“Some do yes.” Severus agreed, “Though I know some who feel a better connection using the right eye. I have no preference myself. I have spent an entire evening just looking into someone’s eyes.”

“That seems intimidating, knowing your skill set as I do.”

“I rarely need to use it. There is more than simple magic to this.”

Hermione closed her eyes and hung her head.

“It can be intimate, and that is very uncomfortable for many. But it is a very powerful way of gaining connection with another. When you see someone, truly see them, they are vulnerable in ways they aren’t aware of. Because, as you have noticed, most do not have the sense of self reflection to be comfortable with themselves being seen.” Severus took a long swallow from his drink.

“Learn who you are and you can meet the gaze of anyone without shame. Know yourself well and let yourself be seen.”

“What if they see the worst in me?” Hermione asked in a small voice.

“Let them, if they only see the worst in you they are not worthy of the best of you.” He put his glass down.

“It’s not always that easy.” She shrugged.

“It’s that simple, but simple isn’t easy Holly. Life isn’t easy. Don’t let it destroy you.”

Hermione sighed.

Severus reached forward across the table and lifted Hermione’s head with two fingers placed just under her chin.

“I am going to give you another assignment this week. You are going to make a list of all the accomplishments you have made in your life since you were 11 years old. You are going to make note of everything you can remember. Do not hold back. List everything, including things you feel I may be angry about.”

“Second year,” her voice was soft.

“First year as well, little miss hot foot.” There was a slight smile in his eyes.

Hermione blushed, “Have I apologised for that?”

“I won’t discuss it. List your accomplishments. Write them down.” Severus removed his fingers.

“Return tomorrow for your journal, go home now and get some rest. I’d suggest looking at yourself in the mirror before you retire for the evening. This isn’t an assignment, but look at yourself and look in your own eyes. See yourself fully.”

Severus stood up and offered Hermione his arm, she got up from the table and accepted it.

“Tomorrow then?”

“Dress comfortably, we will continue with what we started this evening.” He walked her to the door and they parted for the evening.


	14. Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to MerSheeple for her beta skills.

Dressed in a brown large necked jumper, black fitted cigarette trousers, and black ballet flats with her hair tied in stylised bunches, Hermione made her way into the club.

They had moved her locker from the Treasurer’s office to the general locker room and she quickly stowed her handbag inside, shifted her wands from her sleeves and placed them inside. 

She checked her makeup in the mirror on the door of her locker and spotted her mentor behind her. She offered a warm smile back to him through the mirror and turned around.

Severus was wearing his typical black trousers, oxford, and silver tie. He had forgone his waistcoat this evening. He was holding out her journal in his left hand.

“Put this away while we are here.” He handed her the burgundy book, which she dutifully took and placed under her wands. She then stepped back and shut the locker’s door and closed it with a press of the keypad.

“How was your massage?” Severus asked as he offered Hermione his left arm.

She wrapped her arm around his, and they made their way to their table.

“It differed from what I was expecting. I’ve never had a professional massage before, the therapist wanted to know if I wanted a sports massage or a relaxing one. I chose the relaxing one as I didn’t understand the difference.

“Apparently a sports massage is to help your body recover from strenuous exercises and triggers the release of lactic acid buildup in your muscles… and I’m rambling about stuff you probably already know.” Her voice trailed off as she settled down onto the seat behind the table.

“So you didn’t go for the sports massage.” Severus prompted as he sat down across the table from her.

“No, I opted for the relaxing one, then they offered me the choice of scents to perfume the room. It was more than I was expecting. I eventually chose a lemon, lavender and peppermint blend the therapist suggested. I enjoyed it. It felt very safe and bright.

“They then gave me the choice of having hot stones or not. I had images of someone rubbing my skin with chunks of hot crystals and didn’t fancy that so said no, I didn’t want the hot stones.

“It wasn’t until after as I left that I saw the poster of what a hot stone massage looks like, where they place smooth stones on your back to loosen the muscles before removing them and doing a massage that I realised how silly I had been. I may go back and try the hot stone massage.”

“Did you note the other aromatherapy choices? What did you think of them?” Severus put one elbow on the table and rested his cheekbone on the index finger he had extended, his thumb nestled under his jaw and the rest of his fingers curled up against his face.

“There was one that was heavy on the lavender, I think it had chamomile and vetiver in it. I didn’t like it as much as I felt it was too soporific. There was also one that had vanilla in it, that one was too sweet and cloying. The peppermint, lemon and lavender was just nice.”

During the conversation Hermione had been looking at Severus directly and indirectly as she moved her hands and head in her usual fashion. In stark contrast, Severus kept his gaze steady and looked directly at Hermione the entire time.

“What other observations did you make?” 

“I enjoyed the warm towels and the low lighting. My therapist was female and while she was confident with her movements, I didn’t relax as much as I thought I would. I think I’d prefer someone with larger hands.” Her voice trailed off, her eyes looking up into the distance.

“Remembering something?” Severus asked.

“Oh, yes, sorry, I was thinking back to a previous experience. I think I miss a man’s touch.”

“Can you elaborate?”

“The massage was nice, and I felt tension in my body that I wasn’t aware of, but I couldn’t really relax into it. There was something missing from the experience. I was craving something, something unknown until we started talking; well, until I started talking.

“You are an excellent listener, Severus.” Hermione smiled again. 

“It is one skill of many, please continue.”

“Right, back to the topic. So, during the massage, I didn’t fully relax. The room was lovely, and I was warm and everything. But I didn’t feel as comfortable as I did last week. I relaxed more when you or Draco were working on my feet, than I did when the professional was working on my entire body.

“I’m not saying you both aren’t skilled, but one would think the pro would know her job well.”

“One would think.”

“So what was the difference?” Hermione asked but then answered herself, “Intimacy. That was what I was missing, that is what I’ve just realised. I didn’t know the therapist at all. We’d only just met.

“Part of me still doesn’t trust strangers, I doubt I will ever fully relax in that kind of environment. I’m not saying I expect to be attacked in a day spa, but I will always feel I need to be on my guard around people I don’t know.”

Severus nodded his head, and Hermione continued.

“Thinking on it, if I continued to go back, I may well establish a trust with the therapist. It would stand to reason I could eventually get to that point with just about anyone. It would need work on my part.” She again looked off into the distance, Severus this time didn’t interrupt her concentration. Instead, he waited for her to come to her own conclusions.

“So that’s why you use NLP here with the Chevaliers, to bypass this feeling of distrust. It creates a sense of intimacy that relaxes the prospects and makes them feel comfortable coming back.”

Severus nodded once, as Hermione’s eyes grew bright. 

“I knew the theory of NLP, I called Draco on it weeks ago. I knew sales people did it to help them gain better rapport with buyers, and businesses did it to form bonds with their teams, so I didn’t think much of Draco mimicking me. He really didn’t need to after that first day, it was just annoying. But now I understand.

“If it hadn’t been Draco, I would have been so hesitant walking in here. Hell, I was on edge when I first got here. Having someone I could bond with over a simple drink and body language changed everything.”

“That is the idea behind the Chevalier rank, yes. To put people at ease and help them relax into the membership of the Order.”

“I thought it was just to weed out the people who were here just to get a leg over.” Hermione snorted.

“That too.”

“The Chevalier provides a sense of intimacy, to help ease people into the Order’s Code and help them relax.” Hermione breathed deeply, “I didn’t relax into my massage because I didn’t have the sense of intimacy; but I can fix that by establishing a relationship with a massage therapist through time and effort on my part. Or I can find someone I already have a connection with and start working with them.”

“You mentioned you miss a masculine touch.”

“Oh, yes,” Hermione blushed. “It’s silly, really. There’s nothing wrong with the massage therapist being female. I know a woman can do the job as competently as a man.”

“But it wasn’t what you body craved.”

“No, it wasn’t.”

Severus didn’t say anymore, he waited patiently for Hermione to continue her train of thought, which she resumed after she realised he wouldn’t ask her.

“No, I crave a man’s touch. Last week was the first time in a long time that I felt so comforted. It was nice. I had forgotten how good it feels to be beside someone else.”

“How did you feel when you were with The Treasurer and your Chevalier? Were you as comfortable?”

“Yes, but it was different.” Her face took that familiar faraway look as she was remembering something, “What was different?”

She was silent as she thought. Severus shifted his hand from his face and leaned back in his chair. 

After a handful of minutes Hermione still hadn’t answered her own question, and Severus interrupted her thought process. “Holly” 

Her eyes immediately focused on him, and she blushed again. “Sorry, I was woolgathering.”

“It is pleasant witnessing your thought processes. When you apply yourself you make great leaps in logic.”

“I sense a ‘but’ in there.” Hermione said.

“I feel you take too long to come to the correct conclusions. You have had the evidence you needed for a while. You doubt yourself too much.

“Did you practise looking at yourself in the mirror last night?”

“I tried while I was brushing my teeth. I lasted 30 seconds before I felt compelled to look away.”

Severus breathed slowly and nodded to himself. “I feel we should go back to the dance room. Let me check to see if it is free.” He stood up from the table, bowed slightly and walked to the bar.

Hermione watched him move through the crowd. Some people stopped to talk to Severus, exchanging greetings and all of them bowing to him before moving on. 

After Severus spoke to the bar staff and made his way back to the table, Master and Commander Declue made his way to Severus’ side and bowed before speaking. He reached behind him and Knight Helen came up beside him and dipped a little before she gave Severus her hand.

Severus kissed the air above her knuckles in a courtly gesture before nodding his head at the pair and crossing the room back to Hermione.

“The room is free, Holly.” Severus said as he approached the table. “Will you please follow me?” he offered her his arm.

“Severus,” she said hesitantly as she took his arm. “I know I’m not to ask questions, but you aren’t a Master and Commander are you?”

“You aren’t to ask questions.” He said as he tapped the hand she had settled into the crook of his elbow with his own. “You doubt yourself, it prevents you from using the evidence before you.”

“The Chivalric Code has a lot of thought put into it.” Hermione said.

“I think so.”

“Someday I’d like to discuss the inspiration behind it with you.”

“Someday I may have that conversation with you; not today though.” Severus opened the door to the dance room and guided Hermione to go through it in front of him.

He then closed the door and the blinds and turned up the lights in the room.

He grabbed two hard-backed chairs and placed them in front of one of the large mirrors facing each other. “Sit.”

He sat in one chair, his legs spread wide as he leaned forward and put his elbows to rest on his knees. He clasped his hands and rested his chin on top of them.

Hermione had to step over Severus’ leg and sit on the chair placed so close to the one he occupied.

“Why did I ask you to look yourself in the eye yesterday?” he asked as Hermione settled herself, she shifted her head and focused on his left eye.

“To get me comfortable looking at someone else in the eye, I suspect.”

“Why did you look away?”

“I was compelled to.”

“What compelled you?”

Her focus shifted internally again, and then she refocused on the dark eyes of the man in front of her. “I was uncomfortable looking at myself.”

“Why?”

“I am ashamed of myself.”

“Why?”

“I’ve failed.”

“At what?”

Hermione broke Severus’ gaze when she closed her eyes. “Too many things,” she muttered.

Severus snorted and leaned back into his chair. Hermione’s eyes flew open, and she glared at her mentor.

“You’ve had a few setbacks, so what?” His silver tie lifted off his chest with a slight fold as his now crossed arms pushed it up.

“Your failures mean nothing in the grand scheme of the universe. No one is brought into this world doing everything perfectly. All you have proven is you are human, Holly.”

He uncrossed his arms and leaned forward with a dark look on his face.

“Are you saying that you are unworthy of self respect because you have very human flaws?”

“No,” she pulled back, moving out of his space.

“Then you need to confront this self doubt of yours. It is a useless hindrance.”

“These aren’t small things like forgetting to floss Severus!” she snapped back, “I failed my parents!”

“I think you find that is a requirement of being a child. Disappointing one’s progenitors is a rite of passage.” His voice was dismissive.

“They don’t know they have a daughter to be disappointed in!”

“Are they alive?”

“Of course they are!” There were tears in her eyes.

“Then you didn’t fail them.” He breathed.

“It doesn’t feel that way.”

“Control that. You know how to reign in your emotions, you understand logic. Use your brain, girl.” Severus’ voice took on a dismissive tone.

“It’s been years! I’ve been trying for years to control this! All I do is control this! It hurts so much.” The tears in her eyes spilled down her cheeks. “I’m so tired of this control, this hidden shame, this loneliness. I know I saved them! I know I needed to do what I did. I knew it was a risk, and if I didn’t survive, then I knew what I did would be permanent. 

“Well, I survived, and it is permanent. They think I’m a distant cousin from one of those genealogy clubs who sends them cards on anniversaries and holidays. I will never have my parents back, and I did that to myself. I did it willingly. How can I respect someone who would do that to themselves?”

“Is Draco worthy of respect?”

“What? Yes, he is.” Hermione wiped the tears on her cheeks.

“Even though he has had failures in the past?”

“I see what you are doing, Severus. It isn’t the same.”

“Why not?”

“They led him down a path, not of his own choosing. They brainwashed him into believing what he did was the best.”

“You two are of the same age; do you think we cannot say the same of you? You were led down the path that made you choose to not trust the authorities to help protect your family. You did what you did because they brainwashed you into believing what you were doing was for the best. Both of you are facing the consequences of those actions to this day.”

“It’s not the same.” Her voice wasn’t as sure this time.

“Use logic, girl.”

“Girl today, last week I was a lady.” She said through clenched teeth.

“Last week you were acting like one.”

“That’s harsh.”

“It’s the truth.” Severus stood up and picked up the chair he was sitting in. He walked over to the mirror and placed the chair directly in front of it. “Sit here.” He pointed to the chair and walked over to where Hermione was sitting.

She hesitantly stood up and walked to the mirror. When she sat down in the chair, Severus brought the other chair up behind her. 

He straddled the chair and pulled it forward so he would be almost touching the back of the chair with his chest when he sat down.

“Look at the girl in the mirror, Holly. Look into her eyes and see her.” He sat down and leaned forward so Hermione could feel the heat of his body behind her. His legs were on either side of her own, being a barrier from the outside world and what was happening in the mirror.

She blinked a few times before looking at herself in the mirror. Her careful makeup, now smudged, left dark patches under her eyes.

“Don’t look at her makeup, that doesn’t matter, look in her eyes.” His mouth was beside her ear, his reflection directly behind hers, his eyes looking at her own. 

“Don’t look at me. Look at her.”

Hermione looked back to her reflection and into her amber eyes. Her pupils danced about as she tried to decide which eye to focus on, then she settled on looking at her left eye’s reflection.

“Look at her, see the woman behind the girl’s insecurity. Look at the one who made the tough choices that no one should make. The one who selflessly gave up her childhood to fight a war she shouldn’t have known about.” Severus spoke with the deadly smooth tones he had used in the past when teaching her potions.

“Look in the eyes of one who chose her best friend over her family and then, years later chose her best friend over herself.

“Look at the woman who fights daily for the ones that no one else will fight for, the one who will not tolerate injustice in the world.

“Look into the soul of the woman who has forgiven her childhood bully and offered him friendship when he expected nothing from her.

“Look at the smartest and bravest woman in her generation who refuses to cower to something as simple as disapproval. See that she knows that what truly matters is her sense of self.

“See that woman, really see her, look beyond the shell that the world put over that strong woman, Look beyond the shackles people put on her because of their pathetic fear of her strength.

“They made her feel small; they lied to her about her talents and her skills.

“She knows that they lied. She made armour out of the chains they gave her, and she wields their knowledge like a finely honed sword.

“Look at the one who embraces her own darkness, who understands that her mistakes are part of who she is. Look at the person who will continue to face the world unafraid because she knows she has the power to defeat any who stand in her way.

“Look into her eyes and see her. See the woman who tackled her fears and learned to duel with both hands, how to master her own talents and doesn’t require any tool to prove her potency.

“She is powerful and potent.

“See her hiding behind eyes that do not doubt.”

Hermione looked dutifully into the mirror and as Severus whispered into her ear, her face displayed every emotion she was feeling. Fear, disbelief, surprise, anger, sorrow, doubt, and determination all played across her features while he continued his monologue.

As he finished her eyes widened and her focus shifted from her own eyes onto Severus’ own.

“Stop looking at me, I do not matter. Look at her. Look at yourself.” He hissed and pulled back behind her, blocking her view of him with her own body.

His long legs on either side of hers pressed up against her to draw her attention back to the mirror.

“Tell me what you see in those eyes.” He said, keeping his head down and out of her sight.

Hermione blinked and took a deep breath. She looked again into her left eye’s reflection in the mirror.

“I see…” her voice trailed off as eyes shimmered bright with moisture. “I see someone scared to believe in the things you just said.

“I see someone who wants to be all those things, brave and noble, terrifying in her beauty and powerful, but is so scared of what being all those things will do to the world. 

“She is tired, so tired of being the strong one that is dependable. She fears that the person you describe will be even more lonely than what she feels now. 

“She can almost see some of what you describe in herself. But she knows her motivation behind her actions. She isn’t selfless, not nearly as selfless as you think.

“She is rather very selfish and is ashamed of that. So she hides her selfish behaviour by doing what she thinks she should do.”

“Stop.” Severus said and sat upright again so she could see him in the mirror. “Tell me what you see. Not what you feel.”

Hermione nodded and looked again, tears running gently down her cheeks.

She stared at her reflection for a few moments

“I see,” she sighed “I see a clever girl, clever but shy. She wants approval, she wants to be noticed, but she doesn’t want them to see too much. She wants part of her to stay hidden, hidden and safe.

“I see a woman who doesn’t fear adventure but is tired of going alone.

“I see a lonely girl, a lost daughter, a determined student, a forgotten friend, I see unremarkable brown hair and intelligent brown eyes; I see memories of ginger nut biscuits and frozen nights of darkness and anxiety.

“I see a need to bring justice to the world; I see a desire for love.

“I see a warrior, a fighter, a devotee, and a pawn.

“I see a librarian, a researcher, an innovator, and a creator.

“I see a therapist, a healer, a poet, and a storyteller.

“I see a hunger for all the knowledge in the world.

“I see a peacemaker.

“I see fear and hope; I see doubt and honesty. There is a wonder for the world and a jaded knowledge of it.

“I see so much contradiction in those large brown eyes.”

Her voice trailed off as she kept looking at her own reflection. Her gaze wasn’t as confident as before, and her eyes darted about a little before focusing back to her left eye.

Severus stayed silent behind her, he pressed his chest gently against her back and continued to look at her in the mirror as she grew comfortable looking at her reflection.

When she closed her eyes for an extended period, he brought his right arm around her and held her gently while she cried quietly.

Together they were silent in the room of mirrors and music while Hermione’s tears fell freely.

Every so often Hermione would open her eyes and see her own reflection and smile, only to close her eyes again and let the tears fall.

She tipped her head forward and gave a shuddering sob before clearing her throat and shaking her head.

Severus removed his arm as she straightened herself and looked confidently back into the mirror.

“What do you see now?” Severus asked

“I see myself.”

“Do you like what you see?”

“Yes, I think I do.”

“Then we’ve started.” He said and closed his eyes solemnly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who left Kudos and Reviews, your interaction with the story help keep me motivated and writing.
> 
> Thank you the lovely people at the Hearts and Cauldrons Discord Server, without you I wouldn't have the courage to start this and put it online.


	15. Fifteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks be to Mersheeple for the love and tenderness and help keeping me legible

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 8

Food: Breakfast: French Toast with Strawberries, Coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, Croissant

Lunch: Greek Salad, Water

Tea: Fish Cakes, Leafy Salad

Snack: Apple

Exercise: 30 minutes of yoga

Mood Relaxed

Sleep: 6 hours

Question: Why didn’t you correct me and tell me you were the Grand Master of the Knights of Walpurgis? You did tell me off for making assumptions, but you didn’t correct me. What purpose did that serve?

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 9

Food: Breakfast: Croissant, Coffee

Elevenses: nothing

Lunch: Quiche Lorraine, Salad

Tea: Mushroom Soup, Fresh Bread

Snack: Ginger Nut Biscuit, Tea

Exercise: Walk to market

Walk back from market

Mood: Contemplative

Sleep: 9 hours

Assignment:

Sounds that excite me continued.

Thinking back on the sounds that excite me sexually I would include my name whispered in my ear by my lover, breathy groans, words of admiration or praise. I also enjoy hearing my partner express themselves in the moment, praising me and our connection.

I also enjoy when my partner becomes non verbal and loses control, moaning or groaning as passion overtakes them.

Hearing others during their own passionate encounters, the uninhibited sounds from someone lost in their own excitement is a heady prospect.

The music I have been hearing in the club also triggers a mild excitement, though it isn’t as profound as the ones I’ve listed previously, it feels more like an accent to the ones above.

Question: Am I going to have to serve a penance for my assumption that you were a Master and Commander? If so will I have to do it publicly?

What made you come up with the idea of the Chivalric Code?

Why did you create the order?

~~Why is it a muggle business and not one fully in our community?~~

I realised that you did that for the same reason I chose to frequent a muggle business, the magical community is too small and too niche to make it a viable option as a business or for anonymous exploration.

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 10

Food: Breakfast: Yogurt, Muesli, Dried Apples, Coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, Ginger Nut Biscuits,

Lunch: Small Edamame Salad, Water, Plum

Tea: Quiche Lorraine, Salad

Snack: None

Exercise: Walked to work

Walk around park at lunch

Walk home from work

Mood: Determined

Sleep: 7 hours

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 11

Food: Breakfast: Yogurt, Muesli, Dried Apples, Coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, Ginger Nut Biscuit,

Lunch: Small Edamame Salad, Water, Plum

Tea: Quiche Lorraine, Salad

Snack: None

Exercise: Walk to work

Walk home from work

Mood: Frustrated (work related)

Sleep: 6.5 hours

Assignment:

Textures I enjoy the feeling of:

Smooth paper

Cotton sheets

Silk

Parchment

Leather bound books

Cool salt-water spray

Hot soapy water

Natural Sponges

Fluffy Cat hair

Old cotton shirts

Knitted jumpers

Warm terry cloth towels

Feathered quills

Warm hands

Worn leather

Blue Face Leister Wool

Worn stone floor under bare feet

Polished wood

Sun warmed grass

Cool metal of a pen

Ice cube in my palm on a hot day

Glass wet with condensation

Ice breaking under my boot

Dried leaves crumbling

Soft silicone

Coconut fibre brushes

Shea butter

Calloused hands

Fluffy blankets

Alpaca yarn

Cashmere yarn

Question: I understand the reason for exploring the sensation of touch, but it does seem rather mundane considering the subject you are mentoring me in. Very few of these textures arouse me. Some may add to any latent arousal if I was in the right situation, but most are just comfortable or nice. Isn’t the entire point of arousal to not be comfortable, isn’t it to have a sensation of tension and anticipation, a specific type of stress on the body and mind to help achieve pleasure?

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 12

Food: Breakfast: Yogurt, Muesli, Dried Apples, Coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, Ginger Nut Biscuit,

Lunch: Sushi Platter, Water, Plum

Tea: Quiche Lorraine, Salad

Snack: None

Exercise: Walk to work

Walk around park at lunch

Walk home from work.

Mood: Contemplative

Sleep: 6 hours

Question: I have been feeling the urge to bake again, and I was wondering if I could pass my baked goods on to you, and if you could distribute them to some people who might appreciate them?

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 13

Food: Breakfast: Yogurt, Muesli, Dried Apples, Coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, Ginger Nut Biscuit

Lunch: Egg and Cress Sandwich, 1/2 packet of Crisps, Water, Plum

Tea: Ratatouille made from scratch, Wine, (white), Fresh Bread.

Snack: Elderflower Cordial

Exercise: Walk to work

Walk to market and back at lunch

Walk home from work

Mood: Nostalgic

Sleep: 7 hours

Assignment:

Make my favourite meal from scratch.

I rarely make myself my favourite meal anymore as it is so labour intensive and my recipe makes enough for a family to eat. But I went out today on my lunch break and got myself the aubergines, courgette, yellow squash, the red and yellow peppers, the onion and the tomatoes I needed to make my Ratatouille. I had the seasonings and garlic in my pantry so I didn't need to grab those items.

I took my time in the market choosing the best quality vegetables I could find; I chose the ones that smelled like that had just been harvested. I delighted in being so careful with my choices. It made them even seem more special.

I came home from work and opened up a bottle of wine, something I rarely partake in, but I was making something special for me so felt the occasion warranted it.

I also put on my Jaques Brel album and started to cut up the vegetables. While I was frying the onions and garlic I was suddenly reminded of the last time I cooked this meal. When I was happy to have my friends over and we were making grand plans to go to Nice for a group holiday.

I was going to introduce them to one of the beaches I frequented with my parents before I started at Hogwarts.

I will admit I took the onions off the heat and sat with those emotions for a while. There was a pang of homesickness for a time long gone and the loss of the hopeful innocence that I could untie my two worlds.

That last ratatouille was a week before I split from Ron, that group holiday never came to be.

‘Amsterdam’ played on as I had a little cry and when the song ended I put my skillet back on the hob and I continued to make the sauce for my meal.

By the time I was able to put the skillet into the oven I had consumed half a bottle of wine and decided that I was too maudlin to drink anymore. So I switched to water and changed the music to Jane Burkin while I did the dishes.

The change in music reminded me of my mother and father and how my dad would suddenly sweep my mother into his arms and dance with her while she was trying to cook in the kitchen.

When I was old enough, I would take whatever cooking utensils were held in my mother’s hand and finished making the meal while they danced and laughed together.

It was a very nice memory to experience while I was eating my dinner.

The meal itself was nice and I felt a little decadent eating such an involved meal in the middle of the week. The vegetables in my Ratatouille were tender and were roasted to perfection, my toasted baguette finished off the meal.

I will admit I didn’t wash my dinner dishes by hand that evening, I just poured some elderflower cordial into my wine glass and sat down to watch the evening from my window. I was content to listen to the music and sit with some of my memories.

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 14

Food: Breakfast: Yogurt, Muesli, Dried Apple, Coffee

Elevenses: Coffee, Ginger Nut Biscuit

Lunch: Egg and Cress sandwich, 1/2 packet of Crisps, Water, Plum

Tea: Ratatouille, Elderflower Cordial

Snack:

Exercise: Walked to work

Walked home from work

Walked to the club

Mood: Contemplative

Sleep: 6.5 hours

Assignment: Accomplishments from the age of 11

* Getting into Hogwarts

* Consistently kept my grades at an acceptable level

* Getting my OWLS

* Going back to gain my NEWTS

* Helped in the fight against Tom Riddle

* Surviving 8 months in hiding

* Brewing Polyjuice in a loo at the age of 12

* Saving Buckbeak

* Protecting Harry

* Faced my fear of flying

* Learning to Duel with two wands

* Resisted breaking while tortured by Bellatrix

* Learning Latin, Spanish, Hindi, French, Mermish, Gobbledegook, and Japanese conversationally

* Learning Greek, German, Russian, Dutch and Ancient Runes to read

* Mastered making a Cheese soufflé

* Learning to knit Orenburg Lace

* Drawing attention to plight of the House Elves

* Establishing a new trade agreement with the Goblins

* Ditching Umbridge with the Centaurs

* Staying by Harry’s side when Ron abandoned us during the Horcrux hunt

* Defending Draco after the war

* Apologising to my old potions and defence tutor for the disrespect I showed them

* Translating Tales of Beedle the Bard to modern English

* Paying off the mortgage on my apartment in 5 years

* Beating Ron at chess

* Controlling Rita Skeeter and her gossip mongering

* Getting Luna to Publish Harry’s story

* Creating the DA charmed coins in fifth year

* Teaching Teddy Lupin to read

* Helping Hagrid gain the right to use his wand openly.

* Mastering some wandless magic

* * *

“The Grand Master is in his office Miss Golightly.” The Treasurer said after welcoming Hermione into the Club. “He’s asked that I take you to him.”

“Thank you Treasurer, that is very kind.” Hermione smiled as she followed them down a hallway she had never been in, and up three flights of stairs.

The Treasurer stopped before a panelled door and knocked briskly. They waited until a muffled voice called something through the door that Hermione couldn’t hear and the Treasurer nodded and pushed open the door.

They stayed in the hallway and beckoned Hermione forward. “He’s right in there. Probably up to his eyes in paperwork. Just go in and have a seat.” They offered Hermione a warm smile and closed the door quietly behind her as she made her way deeper into the room.

Hermione moved to sit in one of the chairs in front of the desk.

Severus was wearing a pair of rectangular silver rimmed reading glasses, his customary black oxford button down and a black waistcoat. His tie was a bright sapphire blue and sat with a trinity knot nestled neatly under the wings of his collar.

He nodded his head to acknowledge Hermione’s presence but continued reading. She pulled her journal out from her handbag, closed her bag, and put it on the floor beside her seat. She then placed the book on her lap, clasped her hands over the top of the book and waited.

Severus put the page he had been reading behind the stack in his hands and continued to read the next page. He frowned slightly once, reached for a fountain pen and made a mark on the page, the tip of the pen had a droplet of red ink on it as he placed it back down on the stand he had taken it from.

Hermione took the opportunity to look around herself.

The office was reminiscent of the one he once had at Hogwarts; though instead of shelves of jars lining the walls, there were leather bound books and some canvas backed ones that looked very similar to the one she had sitting on her lap.

In the back left corner behind his desk was a dark wood filing cabinet, on top of which a slender silver laptop sat giving off an eerie blue light, beside the laptop was a stand for a cordless telephone, though the handset wasn’t resting in its cradle.

Hermione was sitting in one of two dark leather wing back chairs, and there was a dark wood occasional table placed between the two chairs. She turned to look behind her to the door she had come through and saw a wall of flat screen monitors that displayed black and white footage of various rooms in the club downstairs, every so often a screen changed view to circulate through the empty rooms. One screen on the bottom right just displayed a list of rooms and “unoccupied” flashing beside each one. As Hermione watched one screen’s view distorted and became digital snow and the words beside “Dance Room” changed from “unoccupied” to “housekeeping”

“Huh, I guess that answers that question.” Hermione muttered.

“What was that Holly?” Severus asked as he put his papers down.

She turned her attention from the screen to the man behind the desk. “I was just wondering how the surveillance cameras worked within the presence of the housekeeping staff and other members of our community. But it seems the cameras do not work.”

“That is correct in part, the house keeping staff prefer to remain unseen so they have electric disruption tags in their uniforms for their own safety and comfort.

“We also have control panels in each room that can turn off the camera’s feed to my office if someone isn’t feeling exhibitory. The cameras will still record what happens in each room for legal reasons.” Severus explained.

“That is sound reasoning, one’s job shouldn’t expose one to unwanted attention.” Hermione smiled. “If only every employer was so conscientious towards their staff.”

“Are you thinking of your own employer and their desire to take advantage of some minor celebrities’ placed in their ranks to raise awareness for political gain?”

Hermione wrinkled her nose and nodded a little. “I was; thankfully my supervisor now understands that though I may have been companions with some people in my youth, we aren’t that friendly now. So we are no longer expected to pose together at fundraisers and functions.”

“How long did it take for you to establish that boundary with them?” Severus reached over and grabbed the pen he had been using, he screwed on its cap and placed it back down.

“It took almost 5 months after my separation for the message to be received. It took all three of us arguing with them. Harry even threatened to walk away from the ministry. It made a difficult time more trying.” Hermione sighed.

Severus removed his glasses and placed them down on top of the papers on his desk, he reached out a hand and asked “May I have it?” He looked at the journal in Hermione’s lap.

Hermione passed him the book and sat back in her chair. Severus didn’t open the book, he just put it down on the side of his desk, away from the papers he had been reading.

“How was it that Potter’s ultimatum made the message clear? Why wasn’t your explanation enough?”

“I think that the ‘chosen one’ has more clout than the rest of us. Being the Ministry’s ‘golden boy’ his name catches more attention than Ronald and myself together. I know Harry hates having to use his clout like that. He has never asked for the attention.

“Ronald, on the other hand, wanted all the media’s notice and would take advantage of every photo opportunity he could.”

“Was that the reason for your separation?” Severus asked gently.

“One of the many, “ Hermione waved her hand in the air. “We aren’t well suited to each other. It was an acrimonious separation. Things had been strained for too long when we finally parted.”

“What were the other reasons? Apart from his need for fame and attention.”

Hermione frowned and lowered her eyes. “We grew apart, Ronald wanted more attention while I just wanted to get on with my life. I disliked having to revisit our ‘glory days of adventure,’ ” she made air quotes with her hands, “whenever it was a slow news day. I am not content to think that my life peaked when I was 19 and that I will never accomplish anything worthwhile after that.

“We were just doing what we had to do, what we were forced into doing. Against all odds and with the help from so many under-appreciated sources,” she nodded her head towards her mentor, “we were successful. That is something to be proud of, but that isn’t all I am ever going to do.” She crossed her arms under her chest and started to rock a little in her seat.

“Then there were the minor things like expecting me to be chief cook and bottle washer for the household, not closing the cupboard doors, leaving the cap off the toothpaste tube, dirty socks under the sofa. His need to watch telly at meal times and not engage in conversation while something was on.

“I was too controlling, I insisted on having a set schedule for housework and a strict budget to prevent excessive spending.

“I’d rather read a book by the fire or spend an afternoon baking than go play pick up Quidditch with his family every Saturday. I worked long hours and sometimes brought my work home with me.

“I missed my family, was hurt that I couldn’t fix what I had done and I was jealous that Ronald still had most of his. He was trying to stay close to the family that was left and heal the wounds from the one who was gone.

“I am also very resentful of the time he ran away and left Harry and I alone and hungry and scared, exhausted and fighting the influence of two pieces of Mouldytort’s soul.”

Severus barked out a sharp laugh. “What?”

Hermione uncrossed her arms and smiled. “Mouldytorte, it’s the name I gave Riddle when I was starting to humanise him. I read somewhere that by giving your fear a mocking nickname you reduce its harmful influence on you. Similar to the way one is to handle a Boggart.”

“I will have to say the name bothers me a little, but it is creative.” Severus smiled, “Like a spoilt pie.”

“Yes that’s where I was going with it. He liked word games and I thought I’d take it to the next level.”

“Do you have other such monikers you use?”

“Oh a few, ‘Bellabitch’, “Rappunzel’. “Dorkhov’, ‘Pawnswood’, and ‘Fido’ for example.”

“I am sure I can identify a number of those, but who is Rapunzel?”

“Draco’s father.” Hermione said with a smirk.

Severus barked out another sharp laugh, then quickly schooled his features into his usual stoic expression, even then, there was a glimmer of humour in his eyes. “I applaud the creativity, but I would suggest not using those titles in the hearing of others while in this building.”

“It would hurt one or two members to hear me refer to their family as such; I know that. It doesn’t matter how justified or apt the terms may be to me. I am also aware that at one time almost everyone I mentioned were your friends, and I would dislike hearing my once friends made fun of. I should offer you the same respect I expect for myself.” Hermione conceded.

“Thank you for that consideration, though ‘Fido’ was never a companion of mine. I am not fond of canines at the best of times, but his breed is a specific dislike.”

Severus shifted in his seat. “There is also the fact that members of the Order do not offer anyone disrespect, the code does not allow it.

“I do feel though we should return to the topic at hand; namely your resentment of Mr Weasley the younger.”

“Yeah,” Hermione sighed, “ it took me some time to figure out that I had been holding on to that, and by the time I had realised how angry and hurt I was, it had been so long in the past that to confront him properly about it was useless. Nothing was going to change what happened. It didn’t matter to me that he deeply regretted it immediately, or that he tried to find us. It wasn’t until the Forest of Dean, weeks later, that he was able to find us.” Hermione again nodded her head in silent acknowledgement of the assistance received.

“I couldn’t get past that hurt, and it clouded my interactions with him. I couldn’t trust him not to run away when I needed support. So we decided to end it, and I walked away from both my best friends.”

“Has either one of them tried to reach out to you since?”

“Not after I told Harry to choose Ronald, no. Ginny tried to reach out once or twice, but I claimed I was too busy to connect. Busy career witch and all that.” Hermione snorted softly.

“It’s been some time, and there’s still been no contact? What about the usual trite holiday cards or birthday letters?”

“Nope, I’ve not even seen them since that last scene at the ministry function when Harry threatened to walk. Both of them left and didn’t look back at me,” she shrugged.

“You are being very stoic about the dissolution of such important relationships.”

“I’ve had 19 months to get used to the idea. The wounds aren’t so fresh anymore.” Hermione’s voice was calm.

“Do you think some of your distrust of yourself stems from the rejection of your oldest friends?”

“Probably, but not entirely, this isn’t new for me. I’m clever with books and words, but personal interactions have always been where I am weakest. Harry and Ronald are the brave, loyal and social ones.”

“I would counter that both of them have been displaying cowardly and disloyal behaviour, but that isn’t what you wish to hear at the moment. You may even dismiss my statement as my own personal prejudice of those two coming through.

“I could counter your dismissal with the fact that what prejudices I may have had have been dealt with a long time ago; and some of my observed prejudices were only linked to the role I had to play.

“This though is starting to brush against a topic I am not happy to discuss with someone I am mentoring, or even here in this venue.

“So I will instead draw your attention to why I am refusing to discuss that topic with you. Can you figure out why?”

“The topic is a personal boundary, I understand that. I am sure having to explain yourself would grow tiresome. I hate having to rehash those days for people so they can say they spoke to me and then they claim second hand clout.

“The same people who didn’t care about me when I was on the run and starving in a tent, The same people would have turned me in for the reward money, but now they don’t think twice about sitting beside me at a dinner and a photo op. The entire thing is galling and I only have a decade to relive for their amusement. You,” Hermione sighed “you have more reason than I to dislike the glory hounds.”

“This isn’t a competition on sufferance Holly, this is a question of you understanding what a boundary is. Can you understand that something is a boundary without knowing why? Can you accept a boundary from another? Can you give a boundary without having to explain yourself?”

Hermione sat silently for a heart beat. “From you, I can accept a boundary without knowing why; from someone else, I don’t know. I feel I would start trying to find the explanations behind it myself, through conjecture and,” she sighed “assumptions.” Hermione shook her head.

“As for giving one, I think I would feel an obligation to explain myself.”

“We shall deal with your acceptance in a moment, why do you feel the need to give explanations?”

“Because I still fear judgement.”

“No is a complete statement.”

“I’ve read that before.” Hermione conceded.

“Then it is time to put it into practice. Tell me a boundary you have, but not why.” Severus opened his right hand and gestured to Hermione.

“I don’t drink alcohol in public.”

“I’ve noticed,” Severus nodded and tapped his desk with two fingers. A pitcher of water with two glasses appeared in the space between them. He reached forward and poured himself a glass and then rotated the handle of the pitcher to face Hermione.

“Help yourself.” He sat back with his glass of water in his hand “What other boundaries do you have with friends?”

“I don’t have many of those these days.” Hermione reached forward and poured herself a glass of water.

“Friends or boundaries?” Severus took a slow sip of his water and then put it down on a square tile near his left hand.

“Friends; seeing you, the Treasurer and Draco has been the highlight of my social calendar. I’ve become a bit of a recluse in the past year.” She sat back into her seat and held her glass in two hands.

“Do you socialise with work colleagues?”

“Not often, not after they discovered I’m not happy talking about the ‘bad old days’ every time we go out.”

“You are explaining yourself again.”

“You are asking leading questions.”

“Answer only what I ask of you Holly. Do not give me more detail than the question asks for.”

“Okay.”

“Have you considered that not talking about the war is a personal boundary?”

“No?”

“Is it a personal boundary?”

“Yes, I guess it can be considered one.” Hermione took a cautious sip of her water and then held the glass again.

“Have you spoken to any of the other Weasleys since the separation?”

“Yes, the twins approached me.”

“Did I ask about them?”

“No, you didn’t.”

“You obviously want to talk about this, let me change tack.” Severus leaned forward and gave Hermione an intense look. “Tell me about Gringotts.” He said in his sternest voice.

“No!” Hermione looked shocked.

“What about the Dragon? You freed it didn’t you? Didn’t you face repercussions?” His tone was cold and held the derogatory tones he used in the past.

Hermione scoffed and put her water glass down on the table beside her. “That isn’t any…”

“No is a complete statement Holly.” Severus relaxed back into his seat, no longer looming.

Her jaw snapped shut with an audible click. She blinked a few times and looked to her mentor who had a ghost of a smile in his dark eyes.

“I am rather thick at times aren’t I?” She asked.

“Is that a question?” Severus tilted his head.

“No, a self deprecating observation shaped like a question.” She picked up her water and took a longer drink this time.

“Explain yourself then.” Severus clasped his hands together in front of his face, steepled his index fingers and thumbs, and looked at the witch over his hands as he leaned back in his chair.

“You are trying to teach me not to volunteer more information than I am willing to give. I do not need to explain my actions or reasoning to anyone but myself. I do not need to offer excuses for my behaviour.

“I need to be aware of the reasoning but I don’t need to share the information to anyone who asks.

“I am aware, though, that it is harder to establish a boundary with you as I trust you implicitly and am trying to garner your approval. I will probably find it easier to be firmer with others.

“This is like when I had to learn to not tolerate a poorly mixed drink from Draco. I shouldn’t give people more of myself than I am comfortable with. Even if I feel guilty about it.

“I would go so far as to say that you are trying to get me to let go of that sense of guilt as well. That the guilt isn’t worth the weight of itself.” Hermione grabbed her drink and emptied the glass

“Draco is quite right, watching your mind work is a very enjoyable experience.” Severus said behind his clasped hands.

* * *

**Response to Holly’s Journal:**

**Answers to Questions**

**Day 8:**

**This is a long story that is best suited to an actual conversation. I will address it with you in person.**

**Day 9: I will also address these questions in person.**

**Day 11: This and your previous assignment have a common theme. I suggest you use your intellect to find it and you will begin to understand the purpose of your lessons.**

**Day 12: No I will not subvert the rules to pass on baked goods to Draco. This was a foolish attempt at being clever. We will also be addressing this in person.**

**Assignments for next week:**

**Create a list of aromas you enjoy.**

**Create a list of flavours you enjoy.**

**Expand on your statement “… the entire point of arousal is not to be comfortable, [it is] to have a sensation of tension and anticipation, a specific type of stress on the body to help achieve pleasure.”**

**SS**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again; to the members of the Hearts and Cauldrons Discord I couldn't do this without you.
> 
> Thank you so much everyone.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who leaves kudos and reviews. They are my reason to keep writing.


	16. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> She's written some really lovely and funny stories lately you really need to go check them out.

Hermione made her way back to Severus’s office and knocked on the door. The Treasurer had again met her at the door to the locker room and informed her that Severus would be in his office for the evening and she should meet him there, that there was no need to put away her belongings, and that she would spend the entire evening up in his office.

The door opened and Severus was wearing his usual black 3 piece suit, but he was wearing a white oxford and a matte black tie, tied with that unusual trinity knot he favoured. 

He beckoned her into the office and offered to take her coat from her.

“I try not to spend too much time on the floor of the club,” he said as a way of explanation, “some people who know my position do not relax when I am nearby.”

Hermione sat down in the chair she had occupied the night before and put her handbag on the floor beside her. Severus hung her coat beside his on the stand and then moved to sit in the chair beside hers instead of moving behind his desk.

Hermione nodded her head and shifted her position in the chair so she was facing the man beside her. Severus tapped the table between them with two fingers and a Matcha tea service appeared on the table.

“I took the liberty to get some proper Matcha for you, it’s been a while since I’ve had it myself and I think it would be a pleasant change, may I?” he asked, gesturing to the whisk and bowls between them.

Hermione gave a small smile and Severus poured a little water into each bowl, warming them and then disposed of the water in one bowl into an empty cup. He then took a tiny bamboo hook and used it to put a small scoop of bright green powder into the now empty cup and poured a little of the hot water from the teapot. He grabbed the bamboo whisk and mixed the green powder into the small amount of water until the water was a deep green colour. He then added more water to the bowl and moved the small bamboo whisk in a back-and-forth motion, frothing the mixture in the cup until there was a light green foam on the top of the tea.

He removed the whisk and passed the bowl to Hermione, then repeated the steps for his own bowl.

Hermione waited until his own Matcha preparation was complete before she took a sip of her own cup.

As the liquid passed her lips, she offered a contented sigh, and her shoulders visibly relaxed. She put her bowl down and gave a bright, genuine smile. “There is something so soothing about a proper cuppa.”

“I don’t have Matcha often, but it is a nice indulgence when I have it.” Severus said, putting his own almost empty bowl down. He then pushed a small leaf shaped plate towards Hermione that she hadn’t noticed previously.

“You got some Wagashi as well?” Hermione exclaimed and picked up a small pink ball dusted with white powder from the collection on the plate.

“I figured Daifuku would be an all purpose treat and easily enough made while the housekeeping staff learn more about the Japanese traditions.” Severus said, picking up a green ball from the plate and putting it in his own mouth.

“This is wonderful and I appreciate it, but you could have got it from the local Asian Market.” She bit into her own treat and exposed the red paste inside. Groaning in appreciation, she chewed a little before taking a sip of her tea to wash down the sticky confection. “Mind you, this is the best Daifuku I’ve had since I left Japan.” 

“Fresh is always better than prepackaged. There has also been some interest in Japanese teas since people saw us drinking the Tencha. I thought it best to expand our selection.”

“Really? I hadn’t realised that we were so obvious.”

“As I’ve said, my presence draws attention from our regular members, it distracts them.”

“I can’t help but think that is because your presence is such a rarity, if you were about more often people would be used to you, they would take only a casual notice. By being so aloof, you lend an air of mystery to your position. I certainly thought so before I knew you and the Grand Master were the same person.”

“So I’m to loom over everyone watching them like they are naughty school children?” 

Hermione giggled, “No, though some might like that. No, just go about your own business and be present on the floor. People will stare a little, but then they will get used to it. Right now it’s a bit of hero worship but when people realise their Grand Master is a person, they’ll relax.”

“Maybe I want the hero worship.”

“Bullshit.”

Severus blinked, gave half a smile and opened his hand, gesturing for her to elaborate.

“If you wanted hero worship, you would never have retreated from the floor in the first place, you wouldn’t be living mainly in the Muggle world, you would have accepted your Order of Merlin personally instead of sending an intermediary. You don’t want the accolades of a hero, you just want respect. Respect you are entitled to, I’ll add.” Hermione picked up her bowl and took another sip.

“This is a fantastic Matcha.” She said putting her bowl down and finishing her Daifuku in one neat bite. 

Hermione's eyes brightened, and she was more animated as she spoke. “No Severus, you don’t want the hero worship, and I think you miss being out on the floor. This Order is your creation, and it seems you don’t get to enjoy it as much as you thought you would. That is why you didn’t correct me right away when I made my assumptions.” 

“Really?”

“Yes, it makes sense, doesn’t it? Here was someone who knew you in a small way but didn’t know of your role in the club, and because of that you could interact with me without the barriers you experience with the other members. At first I thought it was because you expected that I’d break the rules and be a disruption, but that was only part of it.”

Hermione’s smile changed flavour and became introspective and sweet, “So many facets; people really are jewels. Every time you turn them, they catch the light brilliantly. No one is a simple cardboard cut out.”

“I’m not familiar with that quote.” Severus conceded.

“I don’t think it is one.” Hermione supplied “it’s just an observation I’ve made. I think every person is a precious gem cut to different shapes and degrees of clarity. I suppose it probably stems from the ‘rough diamond’ phrase that is used to make you look at someone who ‘needs a little polish’. I disagree with the idea that people needed to change who they are. We just need to see them in a different light.”

“It’s very poetic and astute.”

“Thank you.” Hermione relaxed a little more in her seat.

“It seems you have answered your own question yet again, so I will address another one of your questions. You wanted to know about the history of the club.” Severus nodded his head solemnly.

“This is a bit of a modern history lesson, and a personal one. I would appreciate it if what I say stays here in this room; it isn’t a secret per se, Holly, but it is very personal.”

“Of course,” Hermione nodded “Thank you for opening up to me about this.”

“I need no thanks,” Severus waved his empty hand. “I will start with the history of the Formal Order of the Knights of Walpurgis.

“Back when Salazar Slytherin left Scotland after his clash with Godric, he went to what is now modern Germany, and he joined the ranks of an order of Magical Knights called the Knights of Walpurgis. 

“Walpurga, as you know, is a Catholic Saint who is thought to have converted the pagans of the area to Christianity; when in fact she was an English Witch who taught the local Magical population to hide their powers to prevent detections and persecution. 

“The Knights of Walpurgis formed after her death, about a thousand years ago, to further protect Magical people from Muggle punishment.

“They were a noble order with a strict code of ethics, it fell out of favour when they became enmeshed in politics and sought personal gains over their original purpose. Then, when the International Statute of Secrecy was instituted in 1689, the original order disbanded. They still keep the records of the order in Eichstätt, where Walpurga is interred.

“You may also know a former student of Hogwarts, one who stylised themselves as the Heir to Slytherin, tried to re-form the order in his school days and he called some members to his ranks, ones who had ancestral ties to the original order. Harking back to the ‘glory days’ of defending the Magical community and asking people to stand by his side and correct the mistakes of modern ideology. 

“But that was a schoolboy’s delusions of grandeur and the name of his group changed quickly from the Knights of Walpurgis to the common moniker of Death Eaters.

“Not very many people now associate Riddle’s cult with the Chivalric order, but some of us remember joining something that felt linked to a glamorous past.” Severus gave a long sigh, closed his eyes for a moment, opened his eyes and continued his narrative.

“When everything was said and done, I needed to be free of Britain for a while; so I went to Eichstätt to recover. Part of my recovery was looking into the history of the order I thought I had joined as a callow youth.

“It was in the monastery that I learned that what Riddle had created was nothing like the original Order and its ethics. The Order wasn’t exactly what I thought it was, but it was also more than I thought.

“When I returned to Britain, I went into business and used the original order as my model. I changed the code to focus on self improvement rather than protection of Magical people, because both previous versions of the order had lost their focus; and I feel personally that when one stops trying to change others and focuses on the only person you can change, yourself, a lot of the world’s frustrations become less important.”

“That is a beautiful philosophy Severus.” She sighed. “I feel very honoured you’ve shared this with me.”

“This isn’t something I share with everyone, as you well know; there are a handful who understand everything I’ve said, but there are some here who wouldn’t.”

“Of course not.” Hermione conceded and reached for her bowl, only to find it empty.

“Would you like another?” Severus asked, reaching forward to grab her bowl. 

“Oh no, the water is probably too cool to use now and re-heated water always makes it taste flat. I was just looking for something to fiddle with, to be honest.”

“You do that often I’ve noticed.”

“When I was younger, it was easier to hide, as I was taking notes, but I feel the need to keep my hands busy. I think that is why I still knit after all this time. There have been studies that show that memory retention is better if one’s hands are occupied with a simple task.”

“It isn’t a symptom of being nervous?”

“Not every time, sometimes it is, but I’m not nervous around you. I’ve not been for some time. I just feel I process information better while my hands are busy.”

“Madame Defarge knitted with nimble fingers and steady eyebrows, and saw nothing.”

“But she saw everything and noted it in her work.” Hermione grinned.

Severus tapped his fingers on the table twice, and the tea set vanished. He settled back into his seat and gave Hermione a level look. “Tell me about your parents. The memory of your parents intrigued me, the one of them dancing in the kitchen.”

“Oh,” Surprised at the change in topic, Hermione blinked rapidly but answered her mentor. “Well, they are in Australia, enjoying their retirement by working with poorer communities to give them access to free or affordable dental care.” She said.

“What other memories do you have of them and their interactions together?” Severus interrupted her.

Hermione thought for a moment and answered. “My dad is a hopeless romantic, there was never a missed anniversary or Valentine’s day that I was aware of. He would go all out and get my mother flowers and gifts, but he also did things like breakfast in bed and cooking her decadent meals.”

“My mother loved to garden and Dad would spend weekends re-arranging flower beds at her direction without complaint, she was his queen and he really worshipped her.

“Mum thought of my dad as her lovable hero and knight. She knitted him socks to keep his feet warm and never let him go shopping for clothes as ‘she knew what best suited him’. She would take the patients more likely to bite during their procedures to save my dad the discomfort of bitten fingers, and she monitored the finances so that there would always be funds to support my father’s latest fad idea or obsession. She didn’t care for his model trains or military history, but she always listened as my dad went on and on about N scale or where Napoleon went wrong at Waterloo.

“They were adorable, and it was great to grow up watching them love each other. I got my love of books from my dad, and my organisational skills from my mum. Dad taught me to waltz and Mum taught me the Latin names of plants.”

Severus nodded at Hermione as she spoke, patiently listening to her continue her reminiscing about her parents.

“Mum knit and did some needlework, but rarely. She used to joke that while she was a staunch feminist, she still appreciated the quality of handmade things, and that it helped her calm herself after a long day in the office. She’s the one who taught me to knit when I was 11. She wanted me to have something to remind me of her while I was away at school.

“Dad tried to teach me to play guitar, but I had no interest in it. I prefer to listen to music rather than play it, and to be fair Dad is a terrible musician, he could only play the same 4 Beatles songs.” She laughed with a faraway look in her eyes.

“I wonder if they still do these things? If Monica and Wendell dance in the kitchen and obsess over the perfect position of the tulip bulbs. I doubt there is much call for knitted socks in the Australian climate.” Her voice trailed off.

Hermione’s gaze was distant for a few more heartbeats before she looked directly at Severus.

“You didn’t ask me about their memories, but you ask me about my memories of them. Few do that.” She tilted her head as she looked at him.

“You don’t talk about them often, but you mentioned them in your journal, and I got the impression you need to talk about them and who they are to you. Talking about loved ones is how we keep them with us.”

Severus leaned forward and picked up Hermione’s Journal from his desk. He opened it up and took out a torn piece of paper from the inside and placed it on the table beside him.

“You also wrote something I’d like to explore more.” He raised his eyes to Hermione’s and waited for her to nod before continuing. 

Severus read: “Isn’t the entire point of arousal to not be comfortable, isn’t it to have a sensation of tension and anticipation, a specific type of stress on the body and mind to help achieve pleasure?” He looked up from the page, “I’d like to know what you meant by this.”

Hermione blinked in surprise at the second subject change. “Oh wow,” she said, “I guess I meant arousal is to be suspenseful, it is the delight in the anticipation of the moments. Relaxing reduces the suspense and seems counter-intuitive to my understanding.”

“You expect arousal to be uncomfortable?”

“Not really uncomfortable, not like I’m in pain or something like that. I mean the tension of your heart racing and the butterflies in your stomach kind of discomfort.”

“So you mean delayed gratification heightens the sensation of pleasure?”

“Yes!” Hermione nodded enthusiastically.

Severus nodded and reached for his fountain pen, uncapping it he wrote something down in Hermione’s Journal and left it open on his desk to dry.

“Holly, I would like to offer a suggestion to you for your journal. Its purpose is to foster some more communication and trust between the two of us. While your general logging of the details of your life provides information it doesn’t give more than the bland facts of your day.” Severus said as he slowly screwed the lid of his pen back on. He kept the pen in his hand and turned it while he spoke.

“I would like to suggest that you expand on your daily moods and feelings in each entry, create a dialogue between the two of us. You have much to say, use the journal as I intend it and say what you need to.

“Waffle about your parents, your frustrations at work, why you chose the foods you did at the market, why you enjoy walking in the park at lunchtime. Use the journal to speak to me as if I was by your side.”

Hermione watched the pen twist around in her mentor’s hand for a moment before responding. She raised her eyes to his face and gave a soft smile.

“You told me this process was going to get intimate.”

“I did.”

“I just feel that you’d not be interested in the ramblings in my mind.”

“I think I’ve mentioned a few times watching your mind work is a delightful process.”

“There is watching it when I am filtering it for company and then there is the unadulterated version.”

“You may need some filters, to foster understanding. I’m not asking you to rewrite Ulysses from your perspective.”

Hermione snorted, “Oh dear, yes I can understand that, and then there is not being able to divulge details from some things I do at work as another filter.”

“Of course, I am not expecting you to betray any confidences, personal or professional. I am just trying to garner a bit of trust and create a connection with you.”

“You have my trust Severus, we’ve established this.”

“There are varying levels of trust, Holly. You trust me not to harm your person, that is something I am very grateful for, but there is also the trust of a confidante. That is what I am hoping to gain through this journal.”

“The trust of a confidante…” Hermione’s voice trailed off. “That would be nice.” She offered a sad smile. “I think I can do that. Yes. I’m sure I can.” A single tear fell down her face, unnoticed by her.

Severus didn’t miss it though and stopped twirling his pen in his hand. He leaned forward and brushed the tear away with his thumb.

“Your trust is a gift, Holly, thank you.” He murmured. Severus pulled away from Hermione and picked up the journal. Closing it he said, “Now to the other matter I’d like to discuss with you from last week.”

Hermione sniffed and brushed her face where Severus’ thumb had been moments before. “Other matter?” she asked before realising what he must have been referring to. “Oh my assumptions, yes, I guess that is something that needs to be discussed.”

“I was unsure if you were requesting a penance or only that you expect one.”

“What is the difference?”

“It is rarely that we expect penance from someone, despite what it looks like. Remember, the core value of the Order is improvement of self. Forcing someone to repent is contradictory to that. If you are aware of a wrongdoing and feel the need to repent then you ask for a penance. If you don’t feel a regret or feel it is a minor mistake, there is no need to request one.

“Penance is a very personal rite here, something only undertaken willingly. Even with the Treasurer and Draco’s display, if the Treasurer didn’t feel they had done anything worthy of one, even my direct order would not have compelled them to seek Draco for punishment.” Severus held the pen still in his hand and the journal sat closed on his lap.

“So my question to you is this: knowing that you feel that I purposely mislead you as to my role here, do you feel I owe you a penance, or do you feel you owe me one for falling into the personal habit of assumption?”

“You don’t owe me anything Severus!” Hermione said shocked. “Whatever your motivations, you owe me nothing!”

“Holly; while I appreciate your trust, I am human and I have faults as all do. If you feel I have wronged you-”

“It would upset me if it was intentional, and I would call you on it, but no, I don’t think you owe me anything.”

“Then do you feel you owe me some penance for making assumptions?” 

“It is a bad habit of mine. I am trying to break it.”

“You have been working diligently towards that goal.” Severus agreed.

“Do I think it requires a penance? I felt I had been disrespectful to you by assuming your position. Something I promised myself I’d not do.”

“Assuming my position?”

“No, disrespecting you is something I never wish to do.”

“I had noticed no disrespect.”

“Thank you for that,” Hermione bobbed her head. “That lessens my feeling of guilt.”

“To the question at hand.” He supplied.

“Yes,” she continued, “when I asked, I expected to owe a penance for the disrespect I had shown you by falling into the old trap of assumptions. Knowing now that it had not harmed you, and that it was just me falling into a bad habit, one that I have been working on since the event, I don’t think a penance would be beneficial to anyone.”

“That would be my suggestion. You are still relatively new to our environment and there is leeway for those still learning. I have known that some people are harder on themselves than even the most strict of our Master and Commanders would expect. It is good to know that you will identify your faults, but are not so obsessed with the balancing of the scales that you do not allow for human error and simple misunderstandings.”

Hermione gave a small chuckle. “This has been fun. I enjoy talking to you Severus, I enjoy listening to you.”

“Surprising, isn’t it?”

“Not at all, though if you had told 12-year-old me this was where I would be she wouldn’t have understood. The world has changed, I have changed with it. By the end of my academic career I had figured out that all of my tutors were people and while some of them I would never be conversational with, I had accepted that I liked most of them.”

“That is a very mature observation for a 19-year-old.”

“Thank you.” Hermione smiled at her mentor and opened her hand. “May I?” she nodded to her journal.

“Yes, I think so.” Severus handed her the red book and his fingers brushed against hers and the journal passed between them.


	17. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to KayosTerum for your excellent beta services.

Hermione was standing at the shoreline of St James’s Park Lake, holding a reusable water bottle and watching the wildlife swimming in the lake. She was wearing a cream pantsuit with a long jacket that fluttered around her ankles in the breeze coming off of the lake. She sighed, opened the water bottle and took a long sip. As she twisted the lid closed again, a silky voice whispered into her ear. 

“The view here is quite soothing, Holly.”

Hermione jumped and spun round, a slender dark stick peeking out from her left sleeve. The water bottle fell to the ground and a second, lighter stick gripped in her other hand as she balanced her weight on one leg positioned behind her. 

Severus wore a dark pinstripe suit with a dark grey double-breasted wool coat over top, a black scarf hung loosely tucked under the lapels of his jacket. He wore leather gloves on his hands, which he held outstretched and palms open in front of himself. There was a thin line of blood trailing down his cheek under his eye where Hermione’s initial slicing hex hit him as she turned around. The gravel at his feet had skid marks streaking towards where Hermione was standing as evidence that her Knockback Jinx had hit its target.

“Peace, Holly; I’m not here to threaten you.”

It wasn’t until she registered that it had been her mentor who had snuck up on her that she relaxed her stance and one wand disappeared up her sleeve. 

“Severus, you know better than to sneak up on a person.” Hermione stepped forward and waved her wand towards her mentor, but a silvery blue shield shimmered around him and her spell fizzled into the air.

“I won’t make the mistake again.” Severus bobbed his head in acknowledgment. He waved his hand against his cheek and the wound closed as the blood disappeared from his face. There was a shimmer in the air around him like a bubble had popped and he closed the distance between them.

“You mentioned you socialise little outside of the club, and I’ve noticed you walk in the park each lunch. So I thought I would provide you with some company for your constitutional today.” 

She bent down and picked up her bottle, and dusted off the gravel that stuck to the condensation on the side. She put the water bottle into a pocket of her coat and it disappeared into it, not even leaving a bulge in the fabric.

Severus offered her his arm, Hermione looked around and then took it. 

“That is very sweet of you, thank you.” 

“What is your usual route then? You can’t walk around the entire lake on your lunch break.”

“I usually walk along the lake until I get to the Palace, then make my way up the Mall, on days when I have more time I try to go fully around the lake.”

“And do you have time today?” He asked.

“I’ve just decided that I do. I don’t have any meetings this afternoon, I just have paperwork to do; it won’t miss me much.” 

Severus started walking down the South-Western path that led to Buckingham Palace. “How has your week been so far, Holly?”

“Tolerable, I’m still stuck with the wording of some legislature I am working on. But I will get there, eventually. Phrasing things correctly so that even the people who originally oppose the bill find something acceptable in it is a challenge. One I enjoy, after the fact, but mid-process it is a frustration.” 

She laughed, “I just want to shake the dissenters and say this is the better way to do things, so do it my way. But that isn’t the way to go about things, we need to work with people, not dictate to them.” 

Severus offered a quiet snort; “Some people do not have the wit they were born with and need someone to tell them what to think.”

“There are days where I think that is a universal truth, but there is still a part of me that wants to give people a chance to prove that perception is wrong.”

“That part of you, that is why you are a politician.”

“I’ve found that most politicians would rather be dictatorial than democratic.”

“That is because they have been dealing with the lackwits for too long and need to step down. It is the folly of the old not to know when they have become too jaded to change the world effectively.”

“Do not let me hear 

Of the wisdom of old men, but rather of their folly,   
  


Their fear of fear and frenzy, their fear of possession,   
  


Of belonging to another, or to others, or to God.   
  


The only wisdom we can hope to acquire   
  


Is the wisdom of humility: humility is endless.” Hermione quoted.

“As we grow older 

The world becomes stranger, the pattern more complicated

Of dead and living. Not the intense moment 

Isolated, with no before and after,

But a lifetime burning in every moment

And not the lifetime of one man only

But of old stones that cannot be deciphered.

There is a time for the evening under starlight,

A time for the evening under lamplight

(The evening with the photograph album).

Love is most nearly itself

When here and now cease to matter.” Severus continued.

“You know TS Elliot?”

“As you do, it seems.”

They walked in a companionable silence for several steps, moving out of the way of a child on a push bike and their adult chasing after them.

“There are so many questions I want to ask you Severus, it is very frustrating keeping them to myself, and when I have time to write them down I have a hard time recalling them.”

“That is why I have you write them down, the important ones are the ones you remember. The rest do not matter.” He reached over her with his free hand and pulled a fallen leaf from her hair and let it fall to the ground behind them as they walked.

“It seems you thrive on my frustration.” Hermione huffed.

“I may or I may not, that isn’t something I am prepared to discuss with you right now.”

Hermione expelled a puff of air that condensed in the cool air and formed a small cloud in front of her. She then closed her eyes, shook her head gently and then opened them up, and looked back to the man walking in pace with her. 

He kept his attention on the path before them, his chin raised and eyes looking steadily ahead.

Hermione gave a soft smile and looked back to the path. “This is nice, thank you for joining me. I’d forgotten how nice it is to walk with someone.”

“I am glad, though I am sorry for startling you earlier. That was a poor calculation on my part.”

“I don’t think it was.” Hermione said with a wry smile, “I think you like making people jump, but what I think happened is you underestimated my reaction to a sudden voice in my ear.”

“A poor calculation,” Severus conceded.

Hermione chuckled and gave his arm a gentle squeeze.

“Have you had many reasons to be so on guard, in recent years I mean?”

“After the war, I had to be very careful. Not everyone was as vicious as Bellatrix or Fido, but others have attempted to hurt me.” 

She shrugged her shoulders, “There were some jinxes sent my way after Ronald and I broke up, and whenever I am defending something controversial someone thinks the best way to protest my involvement is by trying to trip me up in the market or on the street.”

“Living on edge like that is exhausting.”

“Aurors do it all the time, and really it’s been like this for as long as I’ve been a part of this world. I’m just accepting it as normal now.”

“Have you mentioned the anonymous attacks to your superiors at work?”

“There is no point, it’s a part of my so-called celebrity and my political stances. I ruffle feathers and people respond childishly.”

“Most people don’t arm children with tools to harm people permanently.” Severus' words were clipped, and his eyes had hardened around the edges.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. If I make a fuss, then I won’t have any peace because I’ll have a security detail whenever I go in public and that will be tedious. I am competent enough to take care of myself.”

“Have you thought about what that level of stress is doing to your body, Holly? What that lack of respect from the public and your employers does to your self-esteem? If you are being left to defend yourself while also defending the rights of the public, where will the energy to take care of yourself and trust someone else in your life come from?”

Hermione walked silently beside Severus and pinched her mouth into a tight frown of concentration. Severus brought his free hand around and tapped her hand with his own.

“Holly, don’t answer me right away. This is something that needs careful consideration. Your safety is vital, no one should live in fear.”

“I’m not afraid!” She protested.

Severus said nothing. He looked at her with one eyebrow lifted and his mouth in a firm line.

“I’m not! I’m wary. Fear is very different, it sits in your belly like ice and makes you tremble even in the glow of a friendly fire because not even it will warm you. Wariness is more like a tightness in the back of your head that pulls at your attention but doesn’t totally distract you. They are very different things.”

“Indeed.”

“Yes! I know fear, I know you know I know it. I don’t live my life in fear. I still leave my apartment, I still walk to the market every day, I still fight for what is right. I am not being held back.”

“What do you know of the chronic pain scale?” Severus asked in a bland voice.

“Chronic pain scale?”

“The scale of pain evaluation that people with chronic pain use, the one that differs from the typical triage pain scale.”

“I know nothing about it.”

“When someone is being treated for injury or illness, medical professionals give a pain scale to them; one with a range of 1 - 10. One being and average day of no pain and Ten being the limit of what they can endure.

“When someone with Chronic pain is given the same scale, they can’t answer it correctly, because every day they are somewhere above a One on the scale, maybe a Seven is their norm.

“When an average person is at a Seven, they are usually crying and seeking relief with medical help. But a Chronic sufferer is used to that level of pain and doesn’t seek help.

“When a Chronic sufferer seeks help, their pain levels are usually well above what would hospitalise an average person, because their baseline is so much higher than the general population. Sometimes a Chronic sufferer will not draw attention to themselves even when they are in life-threatening levels of discomfort because they think they can just endure it as they endure everything else.”

“That stands to reason.” Hermione nodded and then stopped walking. “You are hinting that I am the ‘chronic sufferer’ in this situation.”

“I am.” Severus nodded and lowered his chin to look down at Hermione. “What time do you go to the market on Sundays?”

“Usually about 11, wh-” Her eyes widened. “Oh no, Severus, I can’t ask you to join me!”

“You haven’t asked me, I will accompany you. I will meet you at yours at a quarter to eleven on Sunday.”

“Severus, please.”

“I have my own shopping to do.”

“I can take care of myself.” Hermione scowled.

“I’ve never claimed otherwise.” Severus started walking again, pulling Hermione along with him. She stumbled a few steps and then matched his stride again. She gritted her teeth as they walked and huffed some more breathy clouds before relaxing her jaw.

“Fine, but if we are going to make a habit of being in public together, will you call me Hermione outside the Club?”

“I can do that.” Severus nodded.

“This week’s journal entry is going to be a long one. I hope you understand that.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” He tilted his head a little. “Have we reached a stage in our relationship where I can tease you?”

Hermione gasped and blinked. “Umm, yes, I guess?”

“Amiably, of course,” Severus clarified.

“Of course,” Hermione nodded then whispered. “Explicit consent.” 

“You understand.” He offered a half smile.

“Being asked is just so strange, normally it just happens; and sometimes it is good natured and most times it is malicious. I think I appreciate the request.”

“Which is why I asked.” Severus guided Hermione around the bend in the path that skirted the lake shore and moved toward the large children’s playground. Even on this blustery autumnal weekday there were parents and caretakers watching small children rush about the play structures and climb over each other in juvenile chaos.

Hermione grinned broadly at the spectacle as they walked past the playground. She turned to look at her walking partner, took a deep breath, opened her mouth and then closed it quickly.

Severus looked at her from the corner of his eye, and his mouth twitched.

“You are enjoying this!” Hermione huffed.

“It is amusing to watch you repress your urges to ask questions. I swear your hair inflates with your growing frustration.”

Hermione chuckled, “You aren’t the first person to make that observation.”

“Since we are dropping formalities when not in the Club, I will concede that casual questions will be acceptable while we are in public.” Hermione breathed in again and Severus held up a gloved finger. “But it will be casual questions ONLY. I am serious about keeping the questions about this mentorship and personal questions to the journal.”

Hermione’s eyes were bright with excitement, and she nodded. “I understand.”

“Good, now ask me about the weather or whatever nonsense you were going to ask.” 

“Oh, I would not be that mundane. No, I was going to ask you how you found me. St James’s isn’t the only park in the area.”

“I know how to find a person, Hermione.”

“That much is obvious, but I wanted to know how you found me.” She sighed, “I guess it’s connected to the previous conversation. I know my routine is, well, routine; but I thought the details were vague enough, and that I wasn’t so easily tracked.”

“I have some skills the average person doesn’t, and some knowledge of your patterns. You aren’t tracked easily, Hermione.” He reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“Will you speak to your supervisor about your safety concerns?” He finally said as he dropped his hand.

Hermione was silent as she considered Severus' request. 

“Hermione?”

“I’m analysing the scenario and trying to look at things from your point of view, Severus. I want to dismiss your suggestion outright, but you have experience in this that I should take into consideration.”

“That is commendable, thank you.” 

“I do not think it will do any good, I feel they will dismiss my concerns as hyperbole and it will be a waste of effort.”

“Have you tried to ask before?”

“No, I’ve not asked for security help ever.”

“Not since you were in school.”

“Even before then, if I am honest.”

“So, how do you know they will reject you?”

Hermione snorted, “My chief cardinal sin.”

“Oh?”

“Assumption,” Hermione ducked her head, “I’ll raise it with my supervisor tomorrow.”

“Why tomorrow?”

“Because they are in meetings all afternoon today; it is why I can devote the day to paperwork and long walks in the autumn winds.”

“And when will you be leaving work this evening?”

“Severus, I can make it home on my own. You have your own life to live.”

“When will you be leaving work this evening?”

Hermione shook her head, “It will be closer to 7 this evening so I can complete my paperwork. Thankfully, I have some leftovers for dinner and I don’t need to make anything.”

“I will meet you in the Atrium at 7.”

“Severus this isn’t necessary.” She protested.

“I feel otherwise.”

Their walk continued in silence until Hermione stopped and pulled her arm from Severus'; she stepped in front of him and put both her hands on her hips.

“You spent far too long trying to shield and protect me from the world and my own stupidity. You were right to do so when I was younger, but now. Severus, this isn’t what I want. I don’t want you changing your schedule for me. I’m an adult now, capable of taking care of myself, even in this big bad world.”

Severus closed the space between them and lifted Hermione’s chin with a gloved hand. He looked directly into her eye and said in a soft voice that brokered no argument, “When you asked me to be your mentor you asked me to be your guardian again Hermione. I will protect you from the outside world, and I will protect you from yourself if I have to. You asked for this and now unless you wish to end our arrangement you need to accept that until the Ministry takes the threats to your safety seriously, I will accompany you while you are out in public.

“You said yourself the attacks become more frequent when you are debating a controversial stance which you are about to do again if I am correct? The closure of Azkaban is maybe the most controversial topic you’ve dealt with while in office. I will not leave you to face the masses with no support.”

“I will be fine.” She insisted.

“I will be there to witness it myself.”

“I don’t like it.” 

“You don’t have to like it.”

“Being a burden bothers me.”

“You aren’t being a burden. I do not accept burdens anymore.” He took his hand from her chin and offered her his arm, “Let me see you to your office. The afternoon is getting beyond us. We both have work to see to today.”

“Alright.”

Hermione made her way out of the lift and into the lobby of the Ministry for Magic. Most people had left for the day so the atrium was mostly empty apart from a small crowd of Witches near the fireplaces that provided Floo connections for Ministry workers. 

Near the desk for wand registration stood Severus Snape, dressed in his dark grey coat and scarf. He was holding a black reusable bag in one hand. His gaze was steady on Hermione, but he didn’t cross the distance between them. He let her close the gap and offered her his arm as she approached. 

Hermione said nothing when she took his arm and together they left the Ministry, ignoring the look from the watchwizard behind them.

When they reached street level Hermione adjusted her grip on Severus' arm. “Thank you for meeting me. I arranged a meeting with my supervisor for tomorrow morning.”

“It is my pleasure, Hermione.” Severus nodded. 

“Have you had a good afternoon?” Hermione asked.

“I can see you’re going to take advantage of my leniency.” Severus noted, “Yes, my afternoon was passable.”

“You dislike small talk, I know that Severus. But had you thought maybe I am interested in what and how you are doing?”

“I am fine Hermione, as I always am. If something was unsatisfactory, I would take steps to improve my situation.”

Hermione let out a snort of air and shook her head. “Of course you would. I guess casual conversation will not be happening.”

“We can speak casually Hermione, there are a myriad of topics that are available.”

“Read any good books lately?” Hermione asked.

“One or two, what about you?”

“I’ve not been reading much in the buildup to the presentation of this new bill.”

“Are you confident it will pass?”

Hermione gave a big sigh, guided Severus to turn a corner and walk towards Buckingham Palace. “I fully expect I will need to edit a second time, though I don’t know how many changes I can make to the bill. We need to close that building down and offer a more humanitarian method in its place. 

“That prison,” Hermione’s mouth twisted at the word, “is barbaric and should have been closed a hundred years ago. All it does is make the problems worse since they twist and abuse and the incarcerated. It is no wonder so many asked for a kiss instead of returning to the prison in the 90s.

“The conditions were terrible, and what they forced people to endure was itself criminal. I mean, leaving someone exposed to the North Sea all year around with nothing but rags to protect them!

“I am glad that the guards have changed and there are strict guidelines on what they can and can’t do to the inmates. That was a sticking plaster on a gaping wound.” Hermione ranted.

“People fear what will happen next, because they aren’t reading further into the bill to see my proposals for a modern facility that allows for rehabilitation, and long-term containment of those who cannot be let loose with the general population. 

“Why, they won’t read the full bill and only listen to what the journalists tell them astounds me. 

“That level of complacency led to all the troubles of my childhood. Being led blindly by the nose is no way to live.”

“I think you will find most do not have the strength of character to deal with the constant struggle of thinking for themselves.” Severus commented.

“We keep brushing on this topic. The unwashed masses are not fit to think for themselves, it is up to the politicians and leaders of the world to think for themselves.” Hermione sighed.

“I never said it was the purview of the politicians, in fact I think it was you who made the connection that most politicians are mostly self serving.”

They turned into Green Park and followed the paved path through the park to an angular water feature with maple leaves made of bronze. Hermione looked at the water feature as they walked past it and then continued the conversation. 

“It just feels very circular. I know I am doing my best to change the world for the better, but I am fighting everyone to do it. Too many do not want what I can offer. Or they do, but they don’t want the attempt to facilitate the change, putting all the work at my feet.”

“Such is the plight of living in the world.”

“It isn’t that way in the club, though. I can see why you set it up the way you did. Respect and responsibility are really the cornerstones of the whole thing.”

“I would also add reform.” Severus added.

“The 3 R’s of the Knights of Walpurgis: Respect Responsibility and Reform; You need to put that on a crest or something.”

“I may just do that.” He said with a smile in his voice. 

They made their way out of the park and crossed the busy road with minimal conversation while they dodged traffic. 

When they had got to the quieter road that crossed in front of some Embassies and a smaller park they resumed their conversation.

“Do you think I am becoming jaded, Severus?”

He was silent for a time while they walked further down the street. “I think you are straining yourself, you are nearing an emotional burnout. I do not think you have lost your compassion, but you are tired of being on edge all the time and of fighting battles by yourself.

“I would suggest that you take some time off of work to rest and recuperate, but I know also that now is not the time to do so when you have to defend your bill in a matter of days.

“That being said, if your bill needs amendments, as you suspect it will, one couldn’t suggest you taking time off to recover because you will want to spend your energy on making corrections before defending your second reading.

“By that time it will have been over half a year and you will only be more exhausted and less likely to recover in the time frame of a brief holiday.”

“It sounds very bleak when you describe it like that. This is the life I chose for myself, though. “

“You aren’t the only one who can make the amendments to the bill though Hermione. You said yourself you are the co-author of the bill. There are others who can take the lead on the second half of the project while you take time to care for yourself.”

“There are others, but I worry about making too many concessions to the dissectors and we will get stuck with a new prison that is just Azkaban junior.”

“Raise these points with your colleagues before you go, they are obviously on your side as they helped you write this bill. You are not the only one on the team.”

They walked around the edges of another park and moved towards the busier Brompton Road, Severus continued. “You dislike the pressure of your celebrity, and the feeling of holding everyone accountable, this is a good time to practise delegation. Trust your colleagues to do the work you would do yourself, give them that respect and let them meet you halfway. 

“Yes, they may disappoint you, but they also may surprise you.”

“If I let them draft the amendments and the Wizengamot throws it out, we will have to start all over again.”

“It is a very important skill to let others fail even when you can prevent it.” Severus looked at Hermione as they walked past the windows of a jewellery display in Harrod’s windows.

“Failure is a valuable tool, it teaches faster than success ever could. It forces one to be critical of where they went awry and devise a method to prevent it happening again.” He continued as they turned and crossed the road and walked west down Brompton Road.

“You are an adult Hermione, a very competent one at that, but every person has limits and basic needs. You have been working too hard for too long and you have been doing it without support. It is time for you to take some time and rest, time for you to let others support you.”

“How long have you been wanting to tell me this?”

“Long enough; I have tried to guide you into taking some time for yourself, but I have been too subtle.”

“Looking back on my assignments, I can see the connection.” Hermione admitted as they turned down the road that led to her apartments. “Thank you for your company walking me home this evening. Can I offer you a cup of tea?” she asked as they approached her shared entrance.

“That would be very welcome, thank you Hermione.” Severus said as he let go of her arm and let her unlock the door and lead him into her building.

She guided him up the stairs to the second floor where her apartment was; she unlocked the door and let Severus in the door first.

She followed him in the door and pointed to the hall tree just beside the door. “I will just put on the kettle, you can put your coat and bags there.” She hung up her own jacket on the hook nearest the door and walked further into the apartment.

Severus removed his outer jacket and scarf and hung them on the second hook and followed Hermione into the small kitchen where she was filling an electric kettle with water from the tap.

“I still have a few Ginger Nut biscuits left if you would like.” She called over her shoulder. Severus put his carrier bag on the countertop and opened it up.

“There will be no need.” Severus pulled small plastic containers from the bag and placed them on the breakfast bar.

“What’s this, Severus?”

“I’m making dinner for the both of us, can I have a pot for the pasta and a skillet please?”

Hermione huffed a breath and opened a cupboard beside the gas cooker and pulled out the requested items.

“Is there anything I can do?” She asked, “seeing as you are a guest in my kitchen.”

“What were we talking about earlier? Let me make you a simple dinner. Make a pot of tea and let me tend to the rest.”

Hermione grabbed a brown betty teapot and filled it with water hot from the tap.

“Scalding the pot with tap water?” Severus chided as he reached around Hermione to fill the pot with cold water.

Hermione moved out of the way. “I filled the kettle with fresh water, I didn’t want to waste it. If we don’t drink the hot water from the tap, it is perfectly fine.”

“Not very middle class of you,” He offered his lopsided smile as he moved to put the pot on to the hob and turned the gas on medium.

“My grandmother is rolling in her grave.” Hermione laughed.

“Please tell me you have a decent loose leaf tea though.” He asked in mock seriousness as he salted the water and turned back to his carrier bag and packets.

“Of course I do. Though my black tea selection is limited, I have at least one that is passable.”

“I am sure your gran will rest soundly hearing that.”

The kettle whistled and Hermione emptied the teapot of its questionable contents before scooping 4 spoons of tea from a tin into the pot and pouring the hot water from the kettle into it. 

She then walked to the kitchen table and placed the teapot on a round ceramic trivet that had the words “Round Tuit” printed on it in blue.

She then got out two mugs from the cupboard above the kettle and grabbed a small sugar bowl complete with a ceramic spoon and placed it beside the teapot.

“Do you take milk or lemon?” Hermione asked. 

“A builder’s brew would suit me fine.” Severus called over his shoulder. He was putting the pasta into the water and adding some leaves to the skillet, using both hands independently.

“Do you mind milk straight from the jug? I think Ronald broke my little milk jug.”

“That is fine.” Severus tipped some sun-dried tomatoes into the wilted leaves and tossed the pan before tipping some pine nuts into the mixture.

Hermione brought the milk jug to the table, placing beside the sugar.

“Shall I set the table?” she asked.

“That would be helpful, thank you, and if you could leave two plates out for me.” Severus said, removing the skillet from the heat and turning off the gas under the pasta. He then brought the pot over to the sink and tipped the water out of the pot with a practiced ease.

Hermione returned to the kitchen and took two plates out and put them beside Severus' work space. She then lifted two place mats, knives, forks, two glasses and brought them all to the table.

Once she had laid everything out she returned to the fridge and pulled out a jug of water with lemon slices floating in it. She brought it to the table.

Hermione sat down and poured herself a cup of tea, adding nothing to it, and held it in her hands as Severus finished plating up the meal.

He brought over two plates of colourful penne topped with wilted spinach, sun-dried tomatoes, pine-nuts and parmesan shavings.

“This looks lovely, Severus.” Hermione exclaimed. She put her tea down and lifted her fork.

Severus nodded and reached for the teapot. As he lifted it he looked at the trivet and turned his head to read it. 

“A round tuit?” He asked.

“It’s a family joke. We aren’t allowed to procrastinate by saying I’ll do something when I get around to it, because we each have our own Round Tuits.”

Severus snorted and poured himself some tea. He added two spoons of sugar and a healthy splash of milk into his mug. “Round Tuits being the rarest form of a Tuit?”

“Exactly, that is why so few people accomplish anything.” Hermione waited until Severus took a sip of his tea before lifting her fork and taking a bite of her pasta. She let out an appreciative moan as she tasted the pasta. 

“This tastes amazing! How is it that this tastes so good? My pasta is never like this.” she exclaimed after she swallowed.

“The capers and anchovies in the spinach give it some depth.” Severus said, putting a forkful into his own mouth and chewing.

“I didn’t even notice the anchovies. This is wonderful. I am going to insist on getting the recipe from you.”

Severus swallowed and took another sip of his tea. “There isn’t one.”

“Well, it’s fantastic, and I may try to copy it at some point.”

“I would be happy to make it for you again sometime, Hermione.”

“This is too much Severus, I feel I am taking advantage of you.”

“You didn’t ask me to do this; I volunteered, you had no expectations thus you cannot be taking advantage of services freely given.” He put another forkful of pasta into his mouth.

“I am not going to win here, am I?”

“No, you will not.”

“I can be as stubborn as you, you know.” She huffed.

“I doubt it; I have years of experience.” Severus put his fork down and rested both his wrists on the edge of the table.

“I meant it when I said I will protect you from yourself. You need to rest, and if making a pasta dish that takes less than 15 minutes to make forces you to rest a little, then I will do it. Until we end our arrangement, I will take care of you.”

Hermione looked back at her mentor, the teacher who once tried to stand between her and a rabid beast. The man who willingly faced death to protect her best friend’s secrets sat there across her kitchen table and was telling her she was now fully under his care. 

She took a deep breath, straightened her spine, lifted her fork again and said.

“Thank you Severus.”

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 18

Breakfast: Porridge, Peaches, Coffee

Elevenses: Croissant with jam, Butter

Lunch: Egg and cress sandwich, 1/2 packet of crisps, apple, water

Tea: Spinach Pasta, Tea

Mood: Upset

Exercise: Walk to Work

Walk around the Park during Lunch

Walk Home

Sleep: 6 hours

Questions and Observations: 

1) I know and understand what you are doing for me Severus, but I want to ask how is it you don’t fear walking out in public?

2) How did you master your reactions and stop expecting attacks in the middle of the street?

3) Can you teach me those skills as well?

I know they aren’t really part of my mentorship, and I probably shouldn’t ask you; but you seem so comfortable in your own skin and relaxed.

You are right; I am tired of being coiled so tightly, expecting attacks everywhere I go. But I know no other way to be.

In recent memory, I’ve only relaxed completely in the club when I was with you and Draco.

Your concern for my well being is touching. I am overwhelmed by it and I will admit to feeling guilty about it. I meant it when I said that you’ve done enough for me in the past. I should be strong enough to protect myself now.

When you drew my attention to the fact that I have been living under a sustained level of anxiety for such a long time that I may be underestimating the seriousness of my situation, I really wanted to dismiss it.

I am not the only person working on this bill, but no one else would be getting a security detail.

I suppose perhaps this is where my celebrity comes into play. Most people don’t know who my co-authors are, but they know me.

Oh, how I loathe these shackles of fame.

That reminds me.

4) How long have you been interested in poetry? You seem quick to answer my quotes with ones of your own. 

5) Who is your favourite poet?

I don’t really have one favourite poet, I just read so much that I have favourite poems. I prefer more modern poets because I feel they speak a language I don’t need to work so hard to translate.


	18. Eighteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> She's written some really lovely and funny stories lately you really need to go check them out.

The next morning had Severus ringing the buzzer for Hermione’s door at 7:30 in the morning. Hermione let him in and opened her door so he could walk in as she finished packing her lunch.

“Hello,” his voice called out as he crossed her threshold. 

“In the kitchen, packing my lunch!” she called back. She heard his footsteps moving through her apartment and then there was a soft tap beside her as he placed a take away cup of coffee near her elbow.

“Severus, you shouldn’t have.” Hermione admonished and turned to face him with a smile.

“What needs to be done?” he asked, looking at the kitchen.

“I’m almost done I just need to tidy away the leftovers into the refrigerator and rinse my dishes and I’m done.”

Before Hermione could finish her sentence Severus had moved in and started wrapping up the food left on the counter in the plastic wrap it was sitting on and put it away in the fridge.

Hermione stood there blinking for a moment, then wrinkled her nose in an amused frown and took her utensils to the sink and gave them a brief rinse before setting them into her drying rack.

She packed up her lunch and grabbed the coffee Severus brought her and said, “Alright, I’m ready!” She led them to the door and put down her bag and cup and found Severus holding her coat to help her put it on.

She breathed a laugh and let him assist her into her outdoor gear, lifted her bag, coffee and keys and opened the front door.

Severus preceded her through the door and Hermione locked it behind her, then dropped her keys into her little bag which disappeared into her coat pocket.

When they got outside of the building, Severus had held the outside door open for Hermione, she tried to strike up a conversation.

“So what are your plans for the day?” 

Severus offered Hermione his arm in his typical courtly fashion, but said nothing for several steps.

“I’m not the best conversationalist in the mornings.” He admitted.

“Oh,” Hermione said and took a sip of her coffee. “Oh, this is excellent coffee! Where did you get it?” She turned the cup to find a label.

“I brewed it myself.” He said. 

“Severus,” Hermione gasped. “This is above and beyond! Really! Please tell me you didn’t do more than brew the coffee.”

Severus just kept his face forward as they walked.

“You didn’t roast the beans and grind them, did you?”

His silence spoke volumes.

Hermione sighed. “This much effort is too much Severus. It really is. It is wonderful and generous but it is too much.”

“Hermione, if I may make a request, put this in your journal. I’m not a morning person.” Severus grumbled as they walked down Brompton Road, neatly avoiding other morning commuters walking in the opposite direction to them.

“Of course,” She nodded and sipped her coffee

They made their way towards Harrods in silence and turned down the side street, heading towards the small pocket of green at the end of the road.

Severus sighed a little and shook his head. “Ok, I concede. I will answer your question if you answer one of mine.”

“You don’t need to talk to me Severus, I understand that not everyone shares my energy levels first thing in the morning.” 

“It has been some time since I’ve had to interact with someone before my more social hours, I am out of practice.”

“You are putting yourself out for my sake. The least I can do is let you greet the morning in silence. I don’t normally have anyone to speak to in the mornings anyway, so it is not an issue for me to make the walk in silence. Today I have the bonus of excellent coffee and even better company. I can appreciate my good fortune quietly.” She lifted her coffee cup in a brief salute and squeezed his arm while she spoke.

“Will you answer my question, at least?” he asked.

“Of course I will.”

“Why do you walk almost an hour to work when you could floo, or even take public transportation?”

“When I am running late, I will take the bus, or if the weather is truly miserable, I will take the bus. My flat doesn’t have a floo connection, it’s a Muggle place.” 

She sipped her coffee, “I have a desk job that has long hours and the walk to and from work is my primary form of exercise. I love London, and I love how many little parks are on this path, so when I can I prefer to walk. It keeps me connected to the seasons in a way most city dwellers don’t get and keeps me grounded.”

They walked on in silence past a small green hut on the side of the road.

“Of course I roasted and ground the beans myself. I am very particular about my coffee and it isn’t difficult to prepare it, though if you’ve only had commercially prepared coffee from those High Street Brands I can understand how you think it is more effort. They burn their coffee more often than not.”

Hermione snorted a little and gave a smile over the rim of her coffee cup.   
“It’s easy when you know how.”

“Precisely,” They lapsed back into silence.

Hermione sipped at her coffee and kept pace with Severus as they followed the same route they had walked the day before. She looked around herself and up into the sky, breathing deeply, while Severus kept his attention focused on their path. She occasionally sipped at her coffee with a ghost of a smile on her face as she enjoyed the brew.

They made their way into Green Park before Severus spoke again.   
“I will meet you at lunch in the Atrium as I did yesterday. You can tell me what your supervisor suggests what they should do about your security.”

“Thank you again for this Severus.” Hermione said and shook her now empty coffee cup. She then made to throw it into the nearby waste bin when Severus held out his empty hand.

Hermione looked at him but handed him the cup. When he closed his hand around it, the cup changed to a small glass vial.

Hermione gave a delighted laugh. “Oh, that is clever! I went and purchased an insulated cup. Why did I never think of transfiguring one for myself?”

“I would think that if you use one often, it is best to have an item fit for purpose.” Severus said as he pocketed the vial. “Less likely to have the charm fail during a moment of distraction.”

“I’ve noticed your consideration and appreciate it though Severus.” Hermione beamed at him and they made their way through the park and up the Mall towards the Ministry offices.

When they got to the public toilets Hermione faced Severus and tilted her head “May I say goodbye?” she asked.

Severus nodded and Hermione went up on her toes and gave Severus a gentle kiss on the cheek, “Have a good morning Severus and thank you so much for the coffee and pleasant company this morning.” She gave him a bright smile before turning to go into the Ministry’s entrance.

Severus waited a few moments, watching the closed door before turning and walking down the street with a purposeful stride.

  


* * *

  
  
Hermione stepped out of the lift, buttoning up her coat, her little bag dangling off her wrist as she moved. When she had fastened the last button, she looked over the heads of the people in the crowded Atrium and spotted the dark head she was searching for.

He was standing in the same spot near the watchwizard, holding that same black reusable bag.

Hermione made her way through the crowd and came to his side. She met his steady look with a bright smile.

“Feeling a bit more conversational now?” She asked him. Severus arched a brow and offered her his arm.

They left the Ministry and Severus guided Hermione towards St James Park. 

When they reached a bench in the park proper, Severus guided Hermione to take her seat and then looked around himself briefly before waving his hand and a humming sound filled the surrounding air.

“Why the secrecy, Severus?” Hermione asked. He sat down on the bench beside her.

“I’d like to know what your supervisor has said, and I’d rather not have anyone listening in on this conversation.”

“I’ve found, the more you act like you don’t have something to hide, the less likely people are to notice you.” Hermione said, opening up her bag and pulling out the items she had prepared for her lunch. She shifted her seat, so she pointed her knees towards her dining companion.

“If someone is following you purposely, it doesn’t matter if you are pretending not to hide, they will listen.”

“This is true, would you like some crisps?” Hermione offered, holding an open packet in his direction.

“No thank you,” Severus waved his open hand. “So what conclusion did your supervisor make?”

Hermione placed a crisp in her mouth and chewed, a thoughtful expression on her face.  
When she swallowed, she sighed and closed her eyes. 

“At first he dismissed my concerns until I detailed the incidents I have had in the past. I had to remind him of the measures we’ve had to do with my owl post to make sure I am not inundated with cursed documents and flaming howlers.

“He really wasn’t happy but as I reminded him of the difficulty we’ve had in the past and then, when I told him he was only seeing what had happened while I was in the Ministry, not what was happening to me during my private life he became thoughtful.

“I told him I didn’t want this to be a permanent thing, just while I am defending this bill, and then, you will be proud of me, I will take a brief holiday while the fervour settles down and I regain some equilibrium.

“He’s agreed to assign me an Auror security detail during the weekends, and I am to set up a floo connection today.

“It means no more long walks until this is over, and I’ll have a security guard for my weekend activities for the next month. But it means I get a bit more of a lie in, I guess.”

“I’m glad you’ve taken my advice about time away from work to relax.” Severus acknowledged and opened his own bag and pulled out a pork pie and bit into it. He then reached into the bag and pulled out a small packet of mustard, opened it up and poured the mustard on the pie before biting into it again.

He finished his food before continuing the conversation, letting Hermione take bites from her sandwich.

“I will still go with you to the Market on Sunday, even with your security detail. I will also understand if you wish to make other arrangements with me about your Club attendance. I would prefer to keep the lessons in house, but if you don’t wish to have a security detail while you are there, we can try to do a work around. “

“I’ve been thinking on that, getting to the club that is, and I think I would also prefer to keep going. The Order has become sort of a Haven for me and I made a commitment to you to attend weekly.”

She opened her water bottle and took a long drink from it. Putting the cap back on, she continued. “If my Auror is muggle born, I may have a few issues explaining that I am going to a private club, as they will make assumptions. But I think it should be fine enough to tell them the time I expect to be there so they can escort me to the doors and then do their own thing for the hours I am within the club. It means I will have to be stricter about time keeping so I won’t leave them waiting.”

“We have the public bar, they can wait there should you deem it appropriate.” Severus offered. “Yours will not be the first security detail we have had to play host to.”

“Thank you for being so accommodating, Severus.” Hermione smiled and finished her sandwich.

“I’ve told you before I need no thanks.”

“Just because you don’t need my gratitude doesn’t mean won’t get it Severus. You earned it and I will continue to express it. I never want you to think I am taking you for granted.”

“On that note Hermione, I wish to ask you a rather personal question.”

“Do we still need the privacy barrier for this?” Hermione asked. Severus shook his head and the humming in the air dissipated and the sounds of city life surrounded them once again.

“Ask away.” Hermione said, finishing her sandwich.

“Did you do any trauma healing after everything?”

Hermione’s eyes widened as she chewed. She swallowed and blinked twice before answering. “I did some personal work, read a handful of self-help books and psychology texts, but I’ve never seen a professional or attended any group sessions. Not like Draco has.”

Severus nodded and gathered the rubbish from his meal in a paper napkin and tied it into a neat bundle.

“Would you consider it?”

Hermione thought quietly for a few moments. She closed her packet of crisps and picked up a slice of apple to put in her mouth. Pausing, she looked at Severus and held the apple at her lips.

“I will need more time to think about it. There is still stuff I cannot talk about to anyone who wasn’t involved. Some things aren’t mine to talk about.”

“This may be something you should speak to Draco about, he understands what it involves more than I do.” Severus conceded.

Hermione ate her apple in silence.

When she finished her apple pieces, she tidied up her own mess and Severus opened up his hand and she placed her rubbish with his tidy bundle and he moved to the nearby bin and deposited everything into it.

Hermione stood, and Severus offered her his arm. She wrapped her arm around his distractedly and together they walked along the path beside the lake.

Hermione stopped them and reached into her bag, where she grabbed a small square pad of yellow paper and a pencil. She scribbled something down on the top sheet, pulled it off the pad and dropped the pad back into her bag. 

Then she reached back into it and pulled out her red journal. She opened it up and stuck the yellow paper in-between the pages of the book, closed it and dropped it into her bag.

She grabbed Severus’ arm and again and kept walking, silent but her movements were strong and determined.

“It seems to me you have something on your mind.” Severus observed. 

“I do, but as you said this morning, it is probably best to address them in the journal and not so publicly.”

“That is fine.” Severus said and guided her on her walk.  
  


* * *

  


Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 19

Breakfast: Porridge, Peaches, Coffee

Elevenses: Croissant with jam, Butter, Coffee

Lunch: Egg and cress sandwich, 1/2 packet of crisps, apple, water

Tea: Quiche Lorraine, salad, water

Mood: These past few days I have been concerned, because when you highlighted that I may be working under undue stress, that I might be nearing emotional burnout, I noticed it.   
I had noticed my creativity has been slower lately, and there has been a growing sense of unease that I’ve ignored while focusing on other things. 

Then when you asked me about therapy, it shocked me. At first I wondered if you thought I was a nutter; but stopped that thought process.

Draco told me you encouraged him to continue with his therapy, and I know you two are close. That was enough evidence for me to conclude that you don’t think therapy as anything other than a tool for healing.

Then I wondered if you thought I needed healing, and of course you do. You have said as much several times. I’m disconnected from myself and have been working myself ragged to stop myself from noticing the disconnect.

So it made me wonder what I could get from professional therapy that I couldn’t do on my own.

I think I will need to do more research on the topic before I can give an answer. I also think that I will need to talk to Draco about his progress with his therapist.

That brings up the question of is this an acceptable topic to bring up with Draco? Can I write him a letter asking him about his therapy and only talk about that?

I will pass any letters through you if you would prefer, I know you do not want distractions, but I feel that since you raised the topic yourself that this might be acceptable to you.

I also feel the need to remind you Severus that I am going to continue to express my gratitude towards you for your help and the little gestures you are doing. I am not a person to take kindnesses for granted, and you are offering me some of the most generous and appreciated kindnesses I have ever had the pleasure of.

So I am going to say it here again; thank you for surprising me while I was walking, for making me a wonderful dinner and bringing me freshly brewed coffee. Thank you for agreeing to be my mentor. It is a wonderful experience. You should know how much I appreciate your efforts.

Exercise: Walk to work  
Walk around park

Sleep: 6 hours

Considering your suggestions, that I relax and also that my entries are to be more detailed, I will write about aromas I enjoy without resorting to a list. 

I enjoy the scent of freshly brewed coffee, but also I enjoy the smell of beans being roasted. To me, it gives me the feeling of luxurious mornings in the spring sunshine. The scent of fresh baked bread is also an obvious answer for this exercise, almost anyone with a nose appreciates that scent.  
If I were to look at something beyond the homely scents of baked goods and breakfast routines, I would have to add the scent of Hyacinths in full bloom and the scent of an old book, that vanilla and grass scent always gives me a comforting thrill of discovery and escapism.  
I love the fresh scent of the winter wind, carrying the scent of frozen things and damp vegetation decomposing under the frost.  
The scent of mint is very satisfying as I am brought back to the safety of early childhood with my parents’ dental practice.  
Clean laundry line dried with the slightly toasted scent of sunshine exposure is a summer favourite.  
The subtle, clean masculine musk can comfort or arouse depending on the person it emanates from. It depends completely on my emotional attachment to the person in question.   
I am sure there are more scents that I appreciate but only notice them when they are present. I am going to use this exercise as an initiative to be more aware of what scents I enjoy and make a note of them.

The scent of lemon oil in my cleaning products invigorates me and makes me feel accomplished. The dusty smell of my mother’s perfume on an old blouse of hers makes me nostalgic and has a bittersweet happiness attached to it.  
I’ve also noticed that I am missing the scent of the rain on the tarmac and the musty city smells first thing in the morning or in the dusky evening since I have had to stop doing my walks.   
I hadn’t known I tied scent to my experiences walking to and from work.

  


* * *

  


Hermione dusted off her simple skirt and over robes as she stepped out of the Ministry floo into the Atrium. She straightened up and made her way to the lifts when a voice called out her name.

She was quick to turn to the direction she thought the voice came from and caught the sight of her dark mentor standing in his spot near the watchwizard’s desk. He met her eye, nodded once and walked out of the Ministry as Hermione’s co-worker rushed to her side.

* * *

  


Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 20 

Breakfast: Porridge, peaches, coffee

Elevenses: nothing

Lunch: cheese salad sandwich, crisps, water, apple,

Dinner: Greek Salad, water, 

Mood: Distracted

Severus; why were you waiting for me at the Ministry? You helped me test out the floo connection yesterday, so you knew that it was live.   
Do you not trust me to get to work on my own? I have been doing so for quite a while. It seems to me that you are being a little overprotective. I have taken your advice into consideration and even heeded some of it, but it feels as if you do not trust me to keep to my word.

Is there something more that we need to discuss here? Do you not trust me to keep to my word?

  
Exercise: None

Sleep: 5.5 hours

I prefer savoury things over sweet, I always have. Though I am not fond of bitter flavours.  
I love the scents and textures of Indian cooking, the spice combinations are exquisite and complex, though I do not have the time to perfect blending my own spices to cook Indian food myself.  
I also enjoy Japanese cuisine because their focus on drawing out the mysterious Umami of a dish keeps them from overpowering their dishes with strong flavours. I like that fresh light feeling their food brings.  
If I were to focus on individual flavour profiles, I like fresh foods such as leafy greens, vine-ripened tomatoes and a green apple.  
I also enjoy a mature and nutty cheese to ground the freshness of the salads I consume.  
I have a fondness for salty foods like crisps and chips but I try not to have too much of them because while I enjoy the mouth feel of these foods; they are heavy to digest and I feel sluggish afterwards.  
I also am very fond of pastries, but not the ones coated in sugar or glazes. A proper croissant or some gougères are a decadent treat for me.   
Coffee is a comfort drink for me, more so than tea, but a decent Matcha always reminds me of my time in Japan.

* * *

  


Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 21 

Breakfast: Porridge, peaches, coffee 

Elevenses: none

Lunch: Greek Salad, water, apple

Dinner: Vegetable Korma and Peshwari Naan, elderflower cordial

Mood: Contemplative

Exercise: Walk to the Club,

Sleep: 5.5

Assignment:   
What I meant by my statement: “the entire point of arousal is not to be comfortable….” is that comfort is rarely, in my experience, sexual. Comfortable things do not arouse me, they have comforted me and that makes me sleepy, happy, but not aroused.  
A massage, I feel, will never put me into a place where I am ready to have sex. It is more likely to make me want to sleep.  
There has to be a level of anticipation, of excitement, of something that was not exactly dangerous but dynamic is probably a better term, before I genuinely get aroused.  
Yes, I feel that delaying gratification heightens the tension between two lovers as well, that when things take their time to build to a climax there is more connection between the people involved.   
I am not aware how my past partners have felt about this, because I have not asked them, but when I spoke to some feminine friends, they were of mixed opinions about it so I know that this isn’t about the difference in gender expectations; I concluded that it was a personal preference.  
This was one thing that led me to explore different texts on sexuality, which is what led me to the Order.  
Therefore, I highlighted on my initial paperwork that I was interested in teasing. I feel that exploring delayed gratification will be very beneficial to me, because I need a sensation of tension.

  


* * *

  
  
  
Hermione’s floo flared to life just as she was walking into the front room. Earlier in the week she had requested some support so she could continue with the standing appointment at a ‘social club’ she frequented. She had also asked that the security detail be comfortable in Muggle clothes and surroundings as well.

The person who stepped out of the green flames wore a long grey coat, slightly scuffed leather shoes and a dark suit. 

Dark messy hair sat on top of a familiar head wearing silver-rimmed glasses that reflected the green firelight before showing equally green eyes behind them.

Hermione closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again and looked at her schoolyard best friend.

“I’m sorry to have pulled you away from your family tonight, Auror Potter; if I had known that the Ministry would try to force us together -” Hermione started

“Hermione, it is ok. I have to work a set number of nights. Please, let’s just,” he ran his hand through his hair and sighed, “Let’s just get you to your club safely. Ok?”

“Ok, it isn’t far from here, I usually walk, but I’d understand if you would prefer if I called a cab.”

“If you prefer to walk, we’ll walk. I have no opinions, I’m just here to watch your back.” Harry stuck his hands into his jacket pockets and shrugged his shoulders.

“Thank you,” Hermione smiled, “Harry.”

Harry offered a bright grin and looked around the room. “This is a nice place you got here, all your hard work has paid off.”

“Thanks, have a seat, I need to finish getting ready, it won’t take 10 minutes.” She left the room and dashed to her bedroom to finish putting her bag together.

She threw her journal into her beaded bag and took a quick glance in the mirror before rejoining Harry in her front room.

He was still standing where she left him, but he was looking at the mantelpiece over top of the fire he had stepped through. His hands were still in his pockets and his attention was on a collection of photographs clustered together that featured Hermione, Harry, and Ron at various times in their school careers.

“It’s terribly cluttered at the moment, I had to rearrange everything to enlarge the fireplace. Muggles like small stylish places to have their fires.” Hermione said to let Harry know she was back.

“I’m all set!” she lifted her arm and showed her bag dangling from her wrist. Harry chuckled and pulled his right hand from his pocket. 

“Lead the way.” He gestured and Hermione walked out of the room, waited for Harry to follow and then reached behind them to switch off the light. She then led him to her front door and lifted her coat from the hook and put it on.

Lifting her keys from the tray on the windowsill by the door, she unlocked and opened the door and let Harry go through first. After she locked the door, she put the keys back into her beaded bag and put the bag into her coat pocket. She shook her arms twice and then nodded her head.   
“Onward,” she said with a forced brightness.

“You carrying both of them?” Harry asked as he let her take the lead. He kept a little behind and to the right of her as they left her building and started walking down the London street.

“Always do, unless I’m in the club.” Hermione said.

“Why don’t you have them on you in the club?” Harry asked. 

“It’s a private members’ club, a Muggle private members’ club, which means everyone there has been vetted. I am trying to learn to trust, so I put them in a locker while I am there.”

“A private members’ club? Like cigars and rooms where no one can speak? I thought those didn’t allow women.”

“This one does, it’s very progressive.” Hermione said as she turned a corner.

“That’s good, I suppose, I never thought you’d stand for that kind of nonsense.”

“That kind of nonsense?”

“Discrimination for any reason, gender, blood status, sexuality, class, age, you would fight it tooth and nail and come out on the other side with them apologising to you.” Harry looked around them and then back to her with his familiar grin.

“Uh, you’re quite right. This club has rules against that sort of behaviour, it is why I joined it.”

“So is there a body guard’s room in the club, or will I be out experiencing the lovely November night air?”

“There is a public bar, you can sit there while I’m inside. You will have access to snacks and drinks as well, though you can’t have any alcohol.”

“I wouldn’t when I’m on duty, anyway. This place sounds pretty posh. You say you are learning to trust?”

“Yeah, it’s come to my attention that I keep expecting to be the one who does the hard thing, and that means being the one who is always on the lookout for danger. I am trying to trust the staff at the Club to keep the peace.”

“Huh,” Harry said and put out a hand to stop Hermione from crossing the street. An electric car zipped past and would have knocked Hermione down if he hadn’t held her back. 

“Wow, thank you Harry.” Hermione looked up at him.

“Having toddlers,” he shrugged, “you get used to looking out for the silence. These new electric cars are a menace.” He crossed the street and Hermione followed.

“I’ve not come across a lot of them, but I guess with the congestion charge we are going to see more.”

“Probably, though I read somewhere that classic cars are getting a grandfathered clause in to avoid paying. Living in central London, I’m sure you’ve noticed most of the cars are posh older cars.”

“Can’t say I’ve noticed to be fair.”

“Fair enough, so back to you trusting folks. Is that why you’ve asked for security detail?”

“My new bill is getting attention, some folks are not happy with it and they have attacked me in the past when I defended a controversial bill. I was living on edge, and it was pointed out to me that living on the edge all the time is bad for my health, so I asked for help.” She looked both ways before crossing another street, directing them down a darker side street leading under an overpass. “It seems though, that someone wants to test my commitment to being open to help though.” Hermione grumbles to herself.

Harry, the attentive Auror, heard her aside and asked for clarification.

“It’s just, Harry, I know that things are difficult with Ron and I being separated and I don’t want to make things difficult for you. If I knew that someone would have made you do this, I would have requested it not be you. You deserve every happiness in the world and that doesn’t mean you have to chase after me because someone is upset that I am trying to change things. You should be home with your family.”

“Hermione, didn’t you just say that you keep expecting to be the one who does the hard things?”

“Yes, I did.” She stopped at a dark brown door with a brass plaque beside it. “We’re here.” She sighed.  
“Harry, please remember that this is a Muggle club and a private one at that.”

“I read the brief, I can hold my own in a Muggle Bar.”

“It isn’t just a Muggle bar, it’s a private club, but you may see some faces you recognise. Please don’t approach anyone who doesn’t approach you first.”

“Hermione, I’m here to work, not to socialise. I can be professional.”

“I certainly hope so, Auror Potter, for all our sakes.” Severus said from the now opened door.


	19. Nineteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> She's written some really lovely and funny stories lately you really need to go check them out.

_Hermione stopped at a dark brown door with a brass plaque beside it. “We’re here,” she sighed._   
_“Harry, please remember this is a Muggle club, and a private one at that.”_

_“I read the brief, I can hold my own in a Muggle Bar.”_

_“It isn’t just a Muggle Bar, it’s a private club, but you may see some faces you recognise. Please don’t approach anyone who doesn’t approach you first.”_

_“Hermione, I’m not here to socialise. I can be professional.”_

_“I certainly hope so, Auror Potter, for all our sakes.” Severus said from the now opened door._  


* * *

  
“Snape,” Harry said, nodding.

“Come in you two so we can have a little talk.” Severus nodded his head towards the room behind him, then moved out of the doorway to let Hermione and Harry into the building.  
He then led them to the Treasurer’s office, where he pointed to the locker Hermione had once used.  
“Holly, we’ve moved your locker back here for the time being so that your security detail,” Severus nodded to Harry, “can be present with you until I can collect you.” He turned his attention to Harry.

“Your charge uses the name Holly Golightly in this building, for her sake, and out of respect I hope you can remember to address her as such. 

“Now Auror Potter, we need to speak.” Severus said and leaned against the Treasurer’s desk with his arms crossed over his chest.

Harry put his hands into his trouser pockets and shifted his weight a little and met his former tutor’s eyes steadily.

“We are a Muggle establishment, as Holly has informed you, and that means your wand has to be out of sight at all times. There are other members like myself on staff specifically trained for instances that require our special skills, so your wand shouldn’t be.

“You are not the first security detail here, you aren’t even the only one this evening, so we have a set of rules for you while you are here.

“We value the safety of all our members, so that means we will not welcome your presence beyond the double doors at the bar. We mark them out by the velvet ropes. The staff behind the doors will handle any emergency that arises.”

“I’m going to have to stop you there, Snape.” Harry said, pulling a hand out of his pocket and holding it up. “My priority here is Her - Holly. The Statutes are secondary to that fact, but I know my business and I also trust you to know yours. 

“So if Her umm - Holly needs to leave my side for any part of the evening, I have a specialty alarm charm I can place on her. We use it often when our charges require moments of privacy.”

“How does this charm work, Harry?” Hermione asked, folding her coat over her arm, her beaded bag dangling from her wrist.

“It will tell me if you are in any danger, or if you leave the property.”

“How?”

“It lets me know if your heart rate increases, and it will pull me toward your location if it gets too high. I can use it to Apparate to your side if I need to, even in a building.”

“That won’t work, Harry.” Hermione said. She took a breath to keep speaking, but the Auror spoke overtop of her. Severus’ eyes narrowed a little as the Auror spoke.

“I can’t leave your side if the charm isn’t placed. I know you are safe with him.” Harry nodded towards Severus, “You are probably safer with him than you are with me, but this is my job Hermione.”

Severus cleared his throat, and Harry continued, “errr Holly. I have to cast the spell, I have a trace on my wand, as all Aurors do. If you leave my side, I need to cast it. It will look very strange on my reports if the spell isn’t logged. No one will believe that you didn’t go to the loo at least once while we were here.”

Severus spoke up. “Holly will be dancing this evening, we have a lesson booked, it will elevate her heart rate for a considerable part of the evening. It wouldn’t do for you to be popping up behind closed doors.” Hermione sighed and relaxed her shoulders.

“I can ignore the heart rate, I’ve done it before when I was babysitting an informant who was having a conjugal visit.” Harry’s ears turned a little pink. “Now that I know you are going to be doing something physical, I won’t worry, but I do still need to cast the charm. It is standard operating procedure.” Harry ran his hand through his hair apologetically and shrugged.

“If you understand that you cannot go beyond the double doors, we can continue.” Severus said with a little of his classic condescension. “I will also need to ask you to keep to yourself while you are here. You may recognise some faces, there may be some people you know, there may even be some … well-known individuals in the building; but as you are focused on your job, you need to remember that these people are here for their own reasons. It would be best if you didn’t interact with anyone apart from the staff behind the bar unless someone approaches you. Our members value their privacy.”

“This isn’t my first security detail.” Harry said scowling, “I know how to behave.”

“Well, if you are fine ignoring the charm after it is on me, cast it now before I go get changed into my dancing shoes.” Hermione said, drawing everyone’s attention back to her.   
“I can use the change room behind the office again?” Looking at Severus as she asked, he nodded in affirmation and she then returned her attention to Harry and tilted her head expectantly.

“You need to go to a changing room to switch your shoes?” He asked with a cheeky smile.

“Harry,” she straightened herself and glared at him, “just cast your charm and I will go get changed.”

“Fine.” He pulled his wand from the holster under his suit jacket , he twirled it around in a circle and then tapped Hermione on the head with it gently. A cascade of chartreuse light fell over Hermione and a jingle went off on the desk behind Severus.

Severus reached behind himself, without looking, and touched the top of a set of chimes. The jingling stopped and silence filled the space. Hermione smiled at the desk, shook her head and turned around. “I’ll be right back, play nice.” She left through the back door of the office.

“Magic Detection Bells?” Harry asked. Severus nodded. “Ahh, So that’s what you do here? Dance lessons?”

“One of many things,” Severus’ answers were succinct and clipped at the end. He still leaned against the desk, still watching the Auror.

“Will I be expecting anyone to approach me for my own ‘celebrity’?” Harry did not hide his distaste of the last word.

“I doubt it, our members aren’t the glory chasing sort.”

Harry snorted, put his wand back into its holster and shifted his weight again. He gave his former professor a lopsided grin and asked, “Is there somewhere I can hang my overcoat?”

“Yes, you can use the stand beside the door, only the three of us will be in here this evening.”

“Great, thank you.” Harry shrugged off his coat and hung it neatly on the stand Severus had shown. “Any other rules I need to know before we go out there?”

“Please keep whatever you witness in the building a secret from anyone who isn’t in the building, apart for what is mandatory for your reports.”

“I can do that, I’m good with secrets.”

“Potter,” Severus started, then shook his head, “never mind.”

“What is it, Snape?”

“Does she know about—” Severus’ pitched his voice low, almost difficult to hear.

“I told you years ago, I’ve not told anyone. I won’t tell anyone. What I saw then is between you and me only. She knows what I said to him and that is all.” Harry responded with a similar volume.

Severus closed his eyes and bowed his head slightly in gratitude.

Harry delicately changed the subject by raising his voice when he spoke again .“So Holly Golightly, eh? I knew she loved the movie. It’s clever really.”

“I read the book as you well know. It has a different ending, more bittersweet.” Hermione said coming back into the room wearing a black full skirted dress with a white Bertha Collar and low heeled black Mary Janes on her feet. She had pulled away her hair from her face in a small half bun, letting the rest of her hair fall down her back. In one hand she clutched her red journal, and in the other she held her two wands and her beaded bag dangled from her wrist.

Harry gave a long whistle as he looked her up and down. “That is a fancy shoe change there Her… Holly.”

Hermione giggled, lifted her arms and turned around once before remembering herself and stopping with her back to Harry. She lowered her arms and said, “Thank you, Harry,” in a flat voice that was a complete contrast to her earlier giggle. Both Severus and Harry pursed their lips in matching disapproving expressions.

Harry recovered as Hermione turned around and gave her his customary grin. “So while you are out dancing the night away, where do I spend my evening?”

Severus got up from the desk and went to Hermione’s side. “We’ll escort you to the bar and get you set up with some refreshments. We have a usual table that you can wait at, and when we finish, we will meet with you there.” 

He held out his hand out to Hermione and she handed him her journal before she turned to open the locker and put her bag and her wands into it. She closed the door and keyed in her code. When she turned back to Severus, who had just put the journal on the desk, he offered her his arm and she took it.

Severus used his free hand to motion to the door that lead to the public bar. “If you would get the door Auror Potter.”

Harry opened the door and led the way into the bar.

Severus quickly guided Hermione to over take Harry and then led them all to Hermione’s preferred table. As was usual, Severus and Hermione’s drinks were on the table moments after they sat down, and one of the staff waited to take Harry’s order.

“Mr Potter here is my guest this evening,” Severus said to the staff member, “he is free to have anything from the Yeoman’s menu.”

“That will do sir,” the server bobbed their head, then turned to Harry. “What would sir like to drink? I’ll bring you our menu when I return with your drink.”

“I’ll just have a blackcurrant please.” Harry said, bobbing his head a little.

“Wonderful, and welcome to the Knights of Walpurgis sir.” The staff member bowed slightly and returned to the bar to mix up Harry’s drink.

Harry’s eyebrows rose a little when the server mentioned the name of the club and looked pointedly at Severus for a moment. “Interesting name for a social club.”

“The Order of the Garter have a different clientele base than our more humble community.” Severus said, and he took a nonchalant sip of his drink.

Hermione frowned a little at her bodyguard but didn’t speak as the staff member returned with Harry’s drink and a small leather covered bar menu.

They handed it to Harry saying; “If sir would like my attention, you just have to look at the bar and I will be right over. Have a pleasant evening.” 

Hermione tried to speak again, but Harry took the menu, flipped it open and turned some pages. “This is an extensive menu Snape. More than the packet of crisps and pot of tea usually offered to security.”

“We designed the Yeoman’s menu for the guards and staff. We try to cater to various food preferences, as some of our staff have dietary restrictions. Anything you see marked with a crown contains foods that aren’t commonly found in your local Sainsbury’s.”

“So, we really aren’t the only ones with -”

“As I told you earlier, there are other members of staff who share our skill set. Most of the floor staff and a good portion of our membership in fact.”

“But this is a Muggle business.” Harry prompted.

“It is. You saw what happens when people try to make it otherwise.”

“When your little bells go off, what happens?”

“We bring the person who is making the bells ring to the office we were just in and await one of your peers to explain their actions. If their answer isn’t satisfactory, we revoke their membership, and we give them over to the care of your offices. Sometimes what is satisfactory to your offices isn’t enough for us here and they still have their membership revoked, without a refund.”

“That is all?”

“What else is there?” Severus asked innocently. “What is the saying? If you can’t play by my rules, you can’t play at all?

“Mister Potter, membership here is exclusive, and difficult to obtain. To earn the privilege to be a member and to carry is a considerable effort. Few would throw away their place here for a parlour trick or two. The rules have served us well in the past.”

“I just find it strange that they have never called me to deal with any instances.”

“That may be because there has only been one, and you were unavailable.” Severus put his drink down. He then turned his attention to Hermione, who still had her face in a small frown. 

“Apologies Holly, you wanted to say something. Mr Potter and I rudely haven’t let you speak once.”

Hermione’s frown melted from her face as she gifted her mentor a warm smile. “Oh, I was going to say something, but you two have moved beyond the topic now. There isn’t any point of me rehashing an old subject.”

“Nonsense,” Severus said with an unusual brightness, “say your piece. We should hear what you have to say.”

Hermione shook her head and took a sip of her drink. “It is better to say nothing and to be thought wise than to open your mouth and be proven a fool.” She put her drink down and looked to Harry, the warmth slipping a little from her eyes and a sadness taking its place.

“Any other questions, Harry? Severus and I should probably go start our lesson.”

“No Holly, you two go have fun learning to foxtrot. I’ll be here. I might have a buttie and some chips while I wait for you.” He lifted the menu and gave it a brief wave.

“Thank you, Harry,” Hermione said with a soft voice. “Again, I’m sorry they roped you into this.”

“It’s my job,” is all he said. 

She nodded and looked back to Severus, who stood from his chair and offered Hermione a hand. She took it and rose to her feet.

“Mr Potter, we will be in the dance room should you need to get our attention. Tell someone at the velvet ropes and they will come get us.” Severus said before putting out his arm for Hermione to take. Harry’s eyes watched closely as she wrapped her hand around the offered arm and they both walked away.

Harry didn’t look away until they passed through the doors beyond the velvet ropes and turned out of sight to go down the hallway. He then opened the menu and looked at it more closely.  
  


* * *

“What did you want to say?” Severus prompted her as soon as they were out of the Auror’s earshot. 

“I was going to defend your choice of name for the Order to Harry, I could tell he recognised it and was looking for links to the past.”

“I am glad you said nothing then, oh wise one.” Severus patted her arm. “Potter was correct though Holly, you look lovely in that dress.” 

Hermione hummed a little at the praise and shrugged her shoulder. “It isn’t anything my namesake wore in the film, but it fits the era and I like the look of it.

“The style suits you, you chose a very flattering theme.” Severus stopped before the door to the dance room. He opened the door and let Hermione go into the room first.

She walked forward into the brightly lit room and stopped to stand on the wooden flooring.  
“I hope these shoes don’t damage the flooring too badly.”

“They will be fine, though I would suggest you wear higher heels. These are suitable for now, but they are a bit conservative.” Severus closed the door and the blinds, but didn’t lock the door.

“They sell them as dance shoes.” Hermione protested, leaning forward to look at the rounded toe of her shoe.

“They are very good beginner’s dance shoes.” Severus said and then moved to the music station. He selected some music with a slower baseline, a breathy masculine voice started singing in a Slavic language and Severus pressed a button twice. He then returned to Hermione’s side.

“As I said earlier, we are going to work on your body awareness through dance again, and we are going to give you a chance to get some exercise while your movements are so limited.” He held out his left hand, palm upward.

Hermione placed her own right hand in his, and Severus wrapped his fingers around hers. He then pulled her close to him and placed his right hand in the small of her back.

Hermione instinctively placed her left hand on his shoulder and looked up at her mentor. “I’ve only had formal dance training in Fourth Year,” she stammered.

“This isn’t a performance dance Holly.” Severus said adjusting the position of his left hand so Hermione’s thumb was level with his own and their hands clasped together comfortably. “You are just learning to pay attention to how your body moves, feel another person and move in tandem with them. Follow my wordless lead, keep your eyes on mine and dance.”

He took a step forward on the beat of the music, and Hermione stumbled to move backwards. She almost tripped. Severus’ arms tightened and kept her upright and she gasped, looked down and tried to steady her feet.

Severus let go of her hand and used his own to lift Hermione’s chin with his index finger. “Eyes on me Holly, the floor isn’t moving. I am.” He took her hand again and waited for the track to start over. “Follow my lead, pay attention to what my body is telling you, listen to your own.”

He stepped forward on the beat again, bringing his right leg slightly between Hermione’s and she shuffled backwards. She looked over her shoulder slightly until Severus cleared his throat in her ear, then her eyes snapped back to his and she looked into his eyes as he had previously instructed.

“Good, keep your eyes on mine. Pull your attention into your body and let the music and myself guide you.” Severus stepped backward and shuffled to the side. 

Hermione moved with Severus, though her movements were not as fluid as his.

“Breathe Holly, relax, there is no judgement here..” He breathed and kept moving with the beat. Hermione let out a long single breath and dropped her shoulders a little. Severus nodded as Hermione’s movements became more fluid and matched his own for grace.

Severus turned them round in a slight circle, Hermione moved with him almost flawlessly as she lifted one foot and stepped backwards.

“Tell me what you are noticing.” His voice pitched low.

Hermione cleared her throat and blinked. “I’m noticing that I move more easily with my weight on the balls of my feet, similar to how I do with my moving duelling forms. That even in these heels I lift my feet higher to gain more movement. Which is probably why you suggested for me to wear higher heels.”

“Go on,” he prompted, turning them again.

“I notice that you step backwards on every third beat, not every other beat, that it flows more evenly into the turns when you step back and then turn. Your right side is always in contact with me and your hips shift slightly to let me know when you are about to turn us, but your shoulders barely move at all.

“I am noting subtle shifts in my stance throw me off balance, but if I drag my foot on the floor instead of lifting it off and stepping I move more easily, you move similarly, though I can’t see it, it feels as if you are on the balls of your feet too.

“Then when the beat drops, I feel you bend your knees a little to pick up the pace and you move us together faster, controlling me almost as if we are actually one body instead of two….” Hermione’s voice trailed off and her focus became distant.

Severus kept them dancing through the end of the song and partway through its next repeat before her attention was back on his eyes again.

“I think I understand why some dances have such scandalous reputations now. She said a little breathlessly, a slight flush rising to her cheeks.

“Oh?” Severus said.

“If a pair of dancers match well, if they can trust each other to communicate clearly, then can behave as if they are one being, and being connected at the hip as we are right now, it would mimic something more intimate. With a series of specific movements, it would almost be a recreation of intercourse with clothing on.”

Severus nodded, “Some thought it so, though not every dance between two people has as much physical contact as we are using.” Severus said.

“In some extremely orthodox communities one never dances with their opposite gender, because of the intense intimacy dancing creates.” Hermione said.

“I have heard of these communities,” Severus said with a low purr in his voice. “They also have sacred texts that preserve and require a worshipping of their mated partner as well. Within the grounds of a sanctified union, they insist on greater intimacies.” He turned them again, “It is just cherished and kept behind closed doors, a precious treasure not for public viewing.”

Hermione hummed in agreement and nodded, her gaze unfocused again. Severus left her alone with her thoughts and kept them moving through yet another repeat of the track.

When she returned to the room with him, mentally, they were moving almost completely in sync and Hermione’s footwork matched Severus’ with fluidity and ease.

Severus pulled her closer to his chest, dragged his right hand across her back and hip along her waist and gently pushed her out from his side. She kept hold of his left hand but dutifully twirled out onto the dance floor, flaring her skirts as she spun. He pulled back with his left hand and she reversed her movements and spun back to him. 

When their right sides were in contact again, Severus replaced his hand on the small of her back and Hermione’s hand went back onto his shoulder. Her eyes met his instantly, and she grinned.

“Well done. I am going to change the track now and let us see if we can keep this level of connection going through fresh pieces. You can also tell me where your lovely mind went off to when you should have been paying attention.” Severus let go of Hermione and gave a quick bow before going to the music station and pressing a button.

The music changed to something different, performed by the same Slavic performer, but it was a faster rhythm. Severus offered Hermione his left hand, and she took it confidently. As he pulled her close, Hermione’s head bobbed a little to the new beat.

Severus stepped forward and Hermione matched him by moving backwards, her eyes on his, her hand comfortably clasped in his.

“So where did you wander off to?” he asked as he changed their movements to a faster side-to-side motion with a back step.

“This exercise reminded me of something I read; the author said she would never sleep with a man who couldn’t dance. Because if a man can’t dance, she claimed, he can’t pay attention to her body. She also made some sassy comment about the fact she was an entire symphony if her partner knew the right moves.”

“I am familiar with the piece. It was quite humorous.” Severus said.

“That made me think about what she meant by a symphony; did she mean the noises she makes, did she mean that she is a complete work of art best appreciated in its entirety and not in little pieces, or did she just mean that she is worth the price of a night out? I concluded that it was open-ended for each person to interpret as they saw fit.”

“That would have been my conclusion as well, had I thought of it.” Severus admitted.

“That made me think of how leaving things so opened ended is the key to many humorous anecdotes because humour is so subjective that it is best to let the listener draw their own conclusions and if guided correctly, they will choose the answer that amuses themselves the most.

“Then I couldn’t help but draw the parallels between humour and sexual attraction, that leaving this vague and open to interpretation is problematic, but it is also the best way to flirt with someone if you do not know them that well. Because the person you are flirting with will come to the conclusions, they find most attractive if given the guidance.

“So then I started thinking about how you are trying to make me more aware of my own reactions to things, to how I move and feel, and what I enjoy and that in doing all of this you are guiding me with casual flirtations that are both subtle and vague but also open-ended enough for me to draw my own conclusions about what you are trying to do.”

Severus raised a single eyebrow, the song changed to something slower, and he pulled Hermione closer to him and matched the music with smaller slower movements.

“In short, you are dancing with me to try and seduce me.” She said and then blushed a bright red.

They moved to the music not speaking for a few heartbeats and Severus asked; “Am I trying to seduce you, Holly, or are you choosing to be seduced?”

“You wouldn’t have guided me to the option if it was unpleasant to you.” Hermione challenged him.

“You wouldn’t have concluded that this was where it was going if it was unpleasant for you,” he countered.

“Touché” Hermione smiled, they danced a little longer before Severus broke the silence again. 

“You have a unique skill to see through to the heart of a matter and draw attention to it. It is no wonder you excelled at logic puzzles when you were younger.”

“I am still not used to you being so free with the praise.”

“Does it unsteady you, Holly?” he asked in a husky voice, turning them in a slow circle.

“It does,” she swallowed “But not in a bad way.”

The corner of his mouth twitched in a slight smile, and there was a glittering light in Severus’ eyes as they continued to dance.

Hermione’s skirts flared out behind them as they moved about the floor. They continued to look at each other in the eyes as the music moved through one slow track to another. 

They danced looking into each other’s eyes, Severus’ dark one looked deeply in Hermione’s liquid brown ones.

Hermione had a flush to her cheeks and her tongue reached out to trace along the seam of her lips. She tilted her head a little. Her eyes left his and looked down briefly before snapping her attention back to his eyes. She bit her lip and sighed as the song ended.

The music changed to something with a deeper, more sensual bass, and Severus stopped moving. He let go of Hermione and stepped back, bowing slightly before walking back to the music station.

“We have been at this a while. It may suit to return to Mr Potter and have a bit of refreshment while letting him know you are safe.”

Hermione wiped her hands on her skirt and nodded. “How long have we been dancing?”

Severus tilted his head and looked at the music station, “Almost two hours.”   
He finished what he was doing and turned back to Hermione. “It should make up for your lack of exercise over the past two days.”

He stepped forward and held out his hand. Hermione took it. They silently left the dance room and a dark shape ducked into the room behind them and shut and locked the door to clean the floors.  


* * *

Harry sat at the table with an empty plate before him and a half filled glass of purple liquid. He was holding a paperback book in one hand, folding the cover and a few pages back. Though his eyes looked up to the double doors every few moments. 

When he recognised Hermione and Severus walking arm in arm walking towards him, he unfolded the book and closed it. Harry pocketed it and lifted his drink to his lips. 

As he put his glass down there were hands at the table clearing away the empty plate, placing a pitcher of water and two glasses and a tray of cheeses, fruit and biscuits on the table.

Severus and Hermione approached and Severus mumbled something about ‘no tea’ to the staff who were leaving the table.

Hermione slid onto the seat beside Harry and Severus followed suit so all three of them were on the bench facing out into the public bar.

“Have a good lesson then?” Harry asked as he watched Severus pour out two glasses of water and handing one to Hermione.

Hermione grabbed her glass almost immediately and took a long drink. Severus just turned his attention to the cheese board and cut up and served himself and Hermione some food.

“Sorry, Harry, I was thirsty.” Hermione apologised and put her glass down. 

“You are a little flushed, I guess you worked up quite the sweat.”

“Don’t be crass Potter.” Severus said and put a plate on the table in front of Hermione. “Have you eaten?” he asked the Auror.

Harry wrinkled his nose and nodded, Severus refilled Hermione’s glass then sat back and took a drink from his own. “We danced for almost two hours, it is taxing.”

Hermione put a little cheese on a biscuit and brought it to her mouth. She stopped before taking a bite. “Oh, the staff aren’t bringing tea, are they? I don’t think I could have a hot drink right now.”

“While you were getting settled, I told them that water would be fine.” Severus said.

“Oh, good, thank you for being so diligent, Severus.” Hermione smiled at him. He nodded back at her and she turned her attention to Harry.

“Do you want something else?” She asked him. “I feel badly eating in front of you.”

Harry snorted, “Don’t worry about me Her - Holly, I’m well fed. I just finished eating when you came back. Enjoy your cheese.” He shifted in his seat a little. 

She blushed a little, “Old habits I guess, I will always try to get you to eat if there is food available.”

“Well, I’m here to protect you this time, so relax and let me do my job.”

“That being said, Mr Potter, I have a few questions for you.” Severus said and placed his half empty glass on the table. He shifted in his seat a little so his leg pressed up to Hermione’s leg and he faced Harry. “Apart from your alarm charm, what other measures have you taken to do your job?”

“I think that information is between myself and He - Holly.” Harry said.

“Harry, relax, please. I only got a security detail at Severus’ request. He was the one who noticed how stressed I’ve been.”

“Oh,” Harry deflated a little, “I still can’t give out too much; Privacy, Rules and Regulations and such.”

“I am asking for the sake of future encounters here in the club are there any other reasons for the bells to ring?” Severus asked.

“Oh, I understand.” Harry laughed. “Unless there is an actual need for me, no, and if the bells ring other problems will distract us. No, my job here is to watch and listen and be a body to put in harm’s way to keep her safe. I know I don’t have to do much here, but the walk to and from is where I have to do the most of my work.”

“On Monday I am going to talk to my supervisor and ask to replace you, Harry.” Hermione said with a firm frown. 

“Please don’t.” Harry protested.

“You have a family, you need to take care of yourself for their sakes.” Her face was getting red and her voice was rising in pitch.

“Holly,” Severus stopped her with a quiet word. “Your heart rate must still be high after all the dancing. Go use the showers in the change room and refresh yourself. I will stay here and entertain your guest.”

Hermione scowled for a moment and Severus raised a single eyebrow and she exhaled. When she closed her eyes and nodded, Severus slid out from behind the table and offered his hand to Hermione to assist her.

She disentangled herself from the table and gave Severus a grateful smile. 

“We will be right here when you are refreshed. Take your time.” Severus gently guided her towards the Treasurer’s Office. Hermione took a few steps and then turned back to look at the table.

“I will have some tea waiting. Go.” He stood by the table until the door to the office closed behind her and Severus looked to the bar and nodded before sitting down again.

Staff came back to refresh Harry’s and Severus’ drinks and remove the dishes. Severus told them to prepare the Matcha Set for 3 for Miss Golightly’s return and dismissed them with a nod.

Harry looked at Severus and shifted in his seat.

“Ask your questions, Potter.” Severus sighed and picked up his drink. His eye never left the door that Hermione had gone through.

“The club is yours, isn’t it?”

Severus nodded.

“Name’s a little on the nose, isn’t it?”

Severus nodded again.

“There’s more to it than what I am thinking?”

Severus took a drink and turned his head to look at Harry and raised an eyebrow. Harry met Severus’ look with one of his own, and they sat in silence for a few moments.

Severus put his drink down and looked at the door again. “There is, but it isn’t political.” 

“Not in a Muggle place, I guess not.” Harry nodded his head and watched Severus watch the door. Harry took a sip of his blackcurrant and then cleared his throat.

“I volunteered for the job, I’m the only Auror who is going to be working with Her… Holly. I don’t know if she’s told you but things aren’t—”

“So this is your attempt at reaching out to her to patch things up?” Severus said cooly.

“This is the closest she’s let any of us get to her in over a year. She just decided that Ginny and I had to choose a side and refused to listen to us. She pushed us away and told us to go to Ron.”

“What about the Ministry events?” Severus asked.

“She told you?” 

Severus nodded.

“I told her supervisor that I would not do anymore public speaking events at all. She thinks I meant with her, when I meant ever, with anyone.”

Severus briefly looked at the Auror, ran his eyes up and down the younger man’s form and nodded once before turning back to watch the door.

“Can I ask, are you two — “

“I’m her mentor Potter.”

“You’re the one trying to get her to trust in other people and relax?”

“I’m trying to get her to trust herself again.”

Harry closed his eyes and sighed, “Thank you.”

“Thanks are unnecessary.”

“You still have mine though.” 

“You two are very alike.” Severus said and took another sip of his drink. “If you wish to further your cause, Potter, I would suggest listening to her when she speaks. Listen to her and don’t speak over her as you seem fond of doing.”

Harry frowned at his former professor and was about to speak when Severus stood up and nodded at the bar before coming round the table to greet Hermione. Harry pulled himself from his seat and came round the table in an awkward attempt to mimic Severus’ civility. 

Dressed in the clothing she had arrived in, Hermione’s hair was up in a loose damp plait. She tugged down the sleeves of her jumper as she made her way to the table and smiled warmly at both the men standing waiting on her.

The tea service arrived just as she approached the table, and Severus guided her to her seat. Harry took his place on one side of her and Severus the other.

After they sat Severus made the tea; first for Hermione, then Harry and finally himself, whisking the Matcha to a light green froth each time with a delicate bamboo whisk.

Hermione breathed in the scent of her tea from her little black bowl and visibly relaxed.   
“I have to thank you again for bringing this in for me, Severus. It is lovely to have a decent Matcha.”

“I’ve said before Holly, it is of no consequence.” Severus dismissed her gratitude.

Harry gave a slight snort and tried to sip from his own bowl. He put it back down very quickly after and shook his head. “Never got the hang of the stuff.”

“Try one of the flower shaped cakes, they will sweeten your palate,” Hermione said as she pushed the small leaf shaped tray of sweets toward Harry, who dutifully took one and tried a small bite. His eyes widened, and he took the entire cake into his mouth and chewed.

“Now while it’s still in your mouth, try the tea.” She prompted, Harry obeyed and took a sip of the tea. He titled his head and looked into the tiny black bowl. 

“It’s not as bitter.”

“Exactly,” she picked up her own bowl and took another sip of her tea.

“Holly, if I may?” Severus asked, putting his own cup down and drawing the attention of everyone at the table.

“Yes?”

“I would suggest that you take tomorrow to rest and I will see you on Sunday to go to the market, I will bring you your journal then.”

Hermione frowned a little and tilted her head. She looked at Severus for a moment, then over her shoulder to Harry. Turning back to Severus, she nodded. “I can do that. I will have to owl the Ministry to cancel tomorrow’s appointment, but that shouldn’t be a bother—”

“There’s no need Her… Holly. They assigned me to you all weekend.” Harry interrupted, Severus raised an eyebrow in the Auror’s direction and Harry shrugged. “Sorry, I interrupted,” he quickly apologised.

“Well,” Hermione sighed, “that’s one less thing to worry about, I guess.” She frowned a little and Severus prompted her to explain herself.

“I dislike the fact that Harry here has to give up his entire weekend for this.”

“Would you feel this way if it were another Auror?” Severus prompted.

“Yes! No one person should give up their entire weekend just for my sake.”

“It’s Ministry policy to have one person on guard duty for the entirety of a short-term assignment like this.” Harry explained, “It’s easier on everyone, and means less paperwork.”

“But you have a family, Harry!” 

“So do many others in the office!”

“Mr Potter,” Severus said with a quiet voice. Harry stilled and Hermione looked at Severus.

“Holly, when you agreed with me to seek security support, you agreed to this situation. You knew anyone in the office would have to do the job Mr Potter is here to do. You agreed to this.” Severus looked into Hermione’s eyes and spoke with a low soft voice, “Remember our discussion the other night. You agreed to this.”

Hermione blinked and swallowed. She blindly put her tea bowl on the table and looked briefly at Severus’ mouth before bringing her eyes back to his eyes.

“I agreed to this,” she admitted and nodded her head.

“It’s been a long week, I think you should make your way home and rest. Enjoy a leisurely day at home tomorrow, and I will see you and Mr Potter at your place at 9 am on Sunday.”

“Of course.” Hermione shrugged and Severus moved out from behind the table and offered Hermione his hand.

Harry followed them back to the office and while Hermione was busy with her locker, Harry pulled his coat from the hanger by the door.

Severus took Hermione’s coat from her after she pulled it from her bag and held it open for her. She smiled her thanks as she put her arms in the sleeves and as she adjusted her coat Severus handed her her wands.

Harry’s eyes grew wide as he witnessed the exchange but said nothing.

He was quiet the entire walk back to Hermione’s apartment. He only spoke to remove the security charm from her and bid her a good night before using the floo to go back to the Ministry.

He sat down at his desk to draft his initial report about his assignment and stared at the forms for a long while.

After noticing the large black blob of ink marring the top page, he crumpled it and threw it into the bin. 

“Mentor my arse.” Harry mumbled as he grabbed a spare piece of parchment and drafted a letter.


	20. Twenty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> She's written some really lovely and funny stories lately you really need to go check them out.

**Snape;**

**I know you asked me not to talk to anyone about what I saw in your club, and I won’t say a word to anyone else, but I feel the need to ask you a few questions for my peace of mind.**

**You claim you are Hermione’s mentor, and I can see you are teaching her in some bizarre fashion. What I saw this evening hinted at more than just a mentor and pupil.**

**What are your intentions towards Hermione?**

**She claims you are the one who insisted that she get a security detail. Why did you do that? Why do you have this sudden need to keep Hermione safe? Was she attacked? Why wasn’t anything reported?**

**This club of yours, why did you choose that name over everything else? You know how loaded that name is in our circles.**

**I know I normally only write to you in September, but it seems right now we have a mutual goal in mind and I would really like it if we could work together to keep Hermione safe.**

**Please write back before Sunday’s appointment.**

**Harry J Potter.**  


* * *

**Mr Potter;**

**You are quite correct that I do not wish you to speak of what you saw in the club with anyone, including myself. But, since you have kept most of your questions to a topic we are both interested in, I will submit to answering some of your impertinent questions.**

**My intentions towards Hermione are to mentor and protect her, as I told you. She needs some guidance, and I have made myself available to her for that purpose. That is all you need to know about our relationship.**

**I requested Hermione seek security because she has been living in a state of constant vigilance, and it is taking a physical and mental toll on her. I am not aware of any recent attacks towards her person, but she has confided in me she has been attacked in the past by members of the public, some who have not been happy with her relationship status, or when she has opposed or proposed some controversial bill.**

**You understand her sense of independence and if you cannot understand why she wouldn’t report attacks any upon her person may I draw your attention to when, during your school years, nothing was done to protect her? Why would she now feel she can depend on any when she is an adult who can defend herself?**

**I do agree we should discuss arrangements about Hermione’s safety for this Sunday and the following weekend when she has plans to come back to the club.**

**There is an independent cafe near Hermione’s place. Meet me there at 8 am tomorrow and we’ll discuss our plans.**

**S Snape**

* * *

  


**Replies to Journal Entry Day 18**

**To answer your three questions about how I am so confident in public, I am going to draw your attention to the lessons we have been working on together.**

**Being aware of your abilities and being confident in your choices, as well as your position in the world is valuable in more than just one situation.**

**Use your keen logic, Hermione; apply the lessons I have already taught you to your own experiences with the world at large.**

**Confidence is vital in all things. Surety and confidence will help increase your sense of security and knowledge that your own considerable skills will serve you well.**

**Hermione, you have worked very hard to overcome many obstacles that would have defeated someone with less fortitude and it is time you recognise it. You are strong enough to defend yourself; you have been for longer than most.**

**The support I have suggested that you get is not because I have any doubt of your abilities, far from it. You are one of the few who have been able to ‘get the drop on me’ in recent years and I say that with no egoism.**  
**Some of Britain’s best taught me to duel, and I had my skills honed through many trials; you not only drew first blood on me, you did it while being surprised.**

**No, I suggested you get some security because you are exhausting yourself with all the stress you are putting on yourself. I dislike repeating myself, but I will reiterate that you have worn yourself ragged and need to relax. The security detail is one tool available for you to use to help you relax.**

**Now, on to your questions about my interest in poetry, I am not just interested in poetry but the written word as a whole. I read extensively, as I am aware you do as well, and I read on a multitude of topics, though because we have similar tastes in that regard I have been able to match your quotations. Not that it is difficult to understand the source material and to pull out another quotation using my research.**  
**I don’t use quotations as my primary form of communication though, that would be a crutch of yours that I adapted to help put you at ease, by ‘speaking your language’ in a way that was similar to the NLP tools we employ with the Chevaliers.**

**If you were to press me to name a poet I appreciate, I would have to name Andrew Marvell as my first preference. Though many will cite ‘To His Coy Mistress’ as his best work, I would say ‘An Horatian Ode upon Cromwell's Return from Ireland’ is the piece I return to most often.**

**SS**  
  


* * *

**Replies to Journal Entry Day 19**

**The question about whether to pursue trauma healing or Muggle based therapy is something only you can answer, as with the security detail, it was a suggestion I made as a tool that you may employ to help you with your own progress.**

**Speaking with Draco may be an excellent suggestion, but I am going to say that for now, I would rather you wait until after the seasonal holidays to contact Draco. They are only a couple of weeks away and Draco should return from his sabbatical in the New Year. You two could speak about it then.**

**SS**  
  


* * *

**Replies to Journal Entry Day 20**

**My presence at the Ministry the day you first used the floo in the morning was not a judgement on you Hermione. It was something I felt the need to do, and that was all.**

**There is no need for discussion on this topic.**

**SS**  
  


* * *

**Assignments for the next week:**

**Journal your thoughts on the fact that they have assigned Harry Potter as your security detail.**

**Journal about what brings you comfort, be it smells, textures, sounds, sensations, and scenarios. Be detailed and explore why these things bring you comfort.**

**Journal about your most common sexual fantasy, highlight in detail how you pleasure yourself as you indulge in self-gratification.**  
  
**SS**


	21. Twenty One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> She's written some really lovely and funny stories and some 🦑 lately you really need to go check them out.

Severus wore a dark wool pullover and collared shirt, and nestled under the wings of his collar was a dark matt tie tied in his favoured trinity knot. Behind him, hanging off the back of his chair, were his outdoor clothes. 

He sat at a table in the window of the small coffee shop and was watching the traffic on the street while steam rose from the white teacup on the table in front of him. There was also a take away cup with a cardboard sleeve beside his tea.

Severus watched as Harry Potter walked towards the coffee shop, looking up at the signs of the storefronts and boutiques until he saw the sandwich board on the pavement in front of the coffee shop. Harry stopped, looked into the windows and grinned when he saw Severus sitting in plain view.

Harry turned into the shop, stopped to look around the space, adjusted his glasses and nodded to his former professor before making his way to the counter and ordering a drink.  
When he got his beverage, he used the side bar to adjust it to his preference and then carried it over to the table where Severus was sitting. Placing the cup down Harry offered his hand to Severus who just looked at it with a blank expression.

Harry shrugged, ran the proffered hand through his unruly hair and pulled out a chair to sit in.  
“This is a nice place here, not as over priced as some cafes in the area.” Harry said, taking a small sip of his drink.

Severus lifted his own cup and took a drink as well, but said nothing.

“Right, so, um, how do you want to do this, Snape?”

“You wished to speak about how we are going to proceed, so speak.”

“I am guessing you know the market we are going to. You’ve been there with Hermione before? What can you tell me about it?”

“That I’ve not been there with Hermione before.” Severus said, taking another sip of his tea. 

“Oh,” Harry faltered and looked at the man sitting across from him. He frowned and tried to speak, but stopped when Severus put his cup down. 

“The market though is of the typical city food market, it is under cover with stalls that sell food, housewares, clothing and crafted items. I suspect we will stay near the food stalls rather than the other items. Most of the stalls have awnings over them and those plastic coated cloths to cover the collapsable tables. The crowds usually happen in the early hours, more so around the fishmonger and the bakery stalls. Both of which are near the western entrance.

“The entrances are double glass doors that are kept propped open during trading times even now in the winter. There is a bank machine at the eastern entrance that usually generates a large crowd around it. The most popular non-food stalls are the second-hand booksellers, the novelty tee shirt stand, and the crystal seller.”

“I thought you said you’d not been.”

“I have never been there with Hermione, I also do my shopping at the same market.”

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“I would suggest, that as I know the area and potential trouble spots, I should be the first line of defence while you keep an eye and learn the area. If anything should happen, you can act in your official capacity while I stay close to Hermione.” Harry nodded in agreement.

“That makes a good amount of sense. Then next week we can work with my new knowledge. What about the club then? I am down to go on Friday and Saturday evenings with her. Should we work together on that as well?”

“You are fine to walk her to and from the club on those evenings?”

“I am, if she doesn’t stay later than one am I have to return to the office to finish my shift, if she stays later I get her home and then go home myself.”

“I will endeavour not to keep her in the building much later than midnight then.” Severus nodded.

“What is it about this club of yours, Severus? What do you do behind those velvet ropes?”

“Become a member and you will find out Potter.” Severus stood up and drained his teacup.  
He then lifted his coat from the back of the chair and put it on. “It is nearing 9 am, and I intend to be a little early.” He pulled his gloves on to his hands and lifted the paper cup off the table.

Severus then walked away from the table and out the door of the cafe, leaving Harry to scramble to catch up, then they walked the few hundred meters to Hermione’s building.

When Hermione buzzed them, both men made quick time up the stairs and to the cracked door of her apartment.

Severus reached up and knocked on the door as he entered before Harry.   
Hermione, wearing denims and a dark burgundy large cowled jumper, turned away from the hallway mirror while pushing her hair from her face and smiled warmly at the two men. Severus held up the coffee cup and her warm smile morphed into a dazzling grin as she rushed forward to accept the offered cup.

“Oh Severus! Thank you!” She took the cup with two hands and raised herself up on her tiptoes, leaning forward. She immediately stopped herself and her grin changed again in a shy smile as she lowered herself to her flat feet. “This was very thoughtful of you.”

Hermione turned the cup in her hand so that she could take a sip of the coffee. She closed her eyes and rolled her shoulders back with a blissful sigh. “Perfection as always, you make a great coffee Severus.”

Placing the cup on the windowsill Hermione turned towards her coat, which Severus had removed from its hook and he was holding it out for her to slip on. “Thank you.” She said again and turned around so that Severus could help her put on her coat.

Harry stood just in the doorway and watched the interaction between the two with a blank expression on his face until Hermione turned around as she started buttoning up her coat. “All set, Harry?”

He gave a lop-sided smile and shrugged one shoulder. “As ready as I ever will be. Do you have everything?”

“Just need to grab my list and my excellent coffee, and to lock up. I have my bags in my pocket.” She tapped the hip pocket on her coat as she spoke. She then shook both her arms before she reached for her coffee.

Holding her coffee in hand, she motioned for the two men to leave the apartment and she locked the door behind her. As Severus offered her his arm, Harry took a few steps in front of the pair. Together they all made their way outside and down the street towards the market.

They walked down the road in silence, Harry keeping a watchful eye on the crowds of people around them while Hermione drank her coffee and Severus walked with his eyes forward.

When they stopped at a set of lights, waiting for their turn to cross, Harry tried to start a conversation. “You submit your bill on Wednesday, don’t you?”

Hermione lowered the travel cup from her face and blinked owlishly at Harry. “Yes.”

“Do you think you will have much trouble getting it through?”

“There are a few I expect who will force us to re-write the bill. We’ve worked hard as a team to preempt their objections, but I am as prepared as I can be.”

“You’ve been working on closing that place down for a while now.”

“Yep,” Hermione sighed, “this is my first chance to actually do it though.”

“What do you propose in its place? We need a prison.”

“Do we, though?” Hermione asked and sipped her drink. “After all that has happened, do you think locking people up in some medieval oubliette and forgetting about them will improve our society?”

“Some people shouldn’t roam free and be a danger to the public.” Harry said.

“I know they have trained you to see in black and white, that you are living by the law or breaking it. But you also know that there are many shades of grey in the world, Harry. Should a man rot in jail after stealing a loaf of bread to feed his starving family? Or should we make it so that no one needs to starve by having systems in place to make sure that we meet their basic needs?”

“This is far too complex for me, Hermione. I just know there are some who are out there who cause more harm than good, and it is best to keep them away from the public.”

“What I am talking about, Harry, is making it so that those people never get to a point where they feel that hurting others is the only option for them. Preventative measures instead of punitive.”

“Do you think you can do it?”

“I’m trying to do it, I am making compromises everywhere I turn, but I am trying.” Hermione tilted her head back as she drained the coffee cup. Severus reached out with his spare hand and Hermione handed him the cup, it immediately changed to a glass vial. Severus pocketed it but remained silent as the younger two continued to talk about changing the world.

They got to the market and went in the western doors. Harry looked around and scanned the crowd while Hermione looked around herself once, smiled at Severus and let go of his arm.

She pulled out one bag from her pocket and shook it open. She then lifted out her small list and looked at Severus.

“Shall we start with fruit first?” she asked. 

Severus pulled out his own black bag and nodded at her.

“This way Harry!” Hermione called out and motioned with her head towards a fruit stall nearby.

Hermione and Severus both selected a few pieces of fruit each and made their payments separately. Hermione placed the fruit in her carrier bag and then used a tiny pencil to cross something off her list before looking up at both men.

“I need some vegetables as I am going to do a roasted vegetable soup, but do you need the butcher Severus? They are on the way to the veg stall.”

“I will grab some eggs on the way out, I prefer the other stall for them, they have excellent duck eggs.”

“Oh, I’ve not had duck eggs in ages! I may grab some too!” Hermione smiled. 

She led them all to the vegetable stall behind the butcher and started lifting some parsnips. Severus’s head snapped up, and he stepped directly behind Hermione and a silvery blue light shimmered around both of them.

Harry hissed and looked around himself and saw a tall person with long hair go pale at the sight of his glasses and scar and turn to run, diving into the crowd.

Hermione turned the parsnips in her hand and called over to Harry. “No need to rush Harry, they’ve fallen and rolled under the table at the tee shirt stand. Their wand should be in their left hand.”

She tilted her head and moved her hands slowly to put the parsnips back down onto the table, waiting until the shimmer popped in its bubble like fashion before she let go of the vegetables.

Harry looked questioningly at Severus, who nodded, and then took off after the assailant.

“That was impressive, Hermione.”

She shrugged and picked up another bunch of parsnips and inspected them. She nodded and handed them to the seller, who took the parsnips from her and brushed her fingers with his own.  
Hermione gave a full body shudder at the contact but said nothing as she turned her attention to some onions.

Severus leaned closer to look over her, noting her tightly pressed lips and pale face.

Severus put a hand on her shoulder, and she sighed. Hermione looked back into his dark eyes and shook her head slightly. She swallowed and dropped her shoulders before giving Severus a weak smile and turning back to look at the vegetables.

Severus kept his hand on her shoulder, shielding her back as she looked at the vegetables. She relaxed in small increments and was almost back to herself when Harry returned, red faced and checking behind himself.

“He’s on his way to the Ministry, really freaked out when he saw my scar and started crying, even in a full body bind. That was some work there Hermione.”

“Potter,” Severus warned, and Harry calmed down. 

Hermione shook the arm that was handing over a leek to the stallholder and sighed. Her hair seemed to deflate a little as an almost imperceptible trickle of energy left her body. 

“I think we have done enough shopping for now. Let us have a seat and a cup of coffee.” Severus suggested, never taking his hand off of Hermione’s shoulder.

Hermione looked over her shoulder again and nodded to Severus. “Let me pay for these first. I have picked everything out.”

Hermione completed her transaction and Severus guided her, his hand still on her shoulder, his body shielding her back, towards the seating area beside stalls that sold food ready to eat.

“Potter, if you would go grab a cappuccino with oat milk from the stall over there, I will stay with Hermione until you get back. Then I will go get something for the two of us.” 

Harry dashed off without a word of protest and Severus pulled a chair out for Hermione and pushed her down into it. He then took her bag of produce and placed it on the table. He took both of her hands in his and he sat down on the chair in front of her.

“You did very well Hermione. You defended yourself and helped apprehend your assailant. You did it all wandlessly and breaking no statutes. You were discrete and efficient.” Severus spoke with a calm, steady voice, holding Hermione’s gaze with his own. He squeezed her hands in his and matched her breathing.

Hermione noticed his mimicry and frowned a little, then purposely slowed down her breathing and Severus matched her. As she took slower, deeper breaths, the colour returned to her face and her hair regained that small amount of energy it had been lacking.

“You showed great skill and composure, Hermione.” Severus continued to praise her while Harry walked over to the table and placed the coffee down beside the back of produce.   
“Not everyone has the presence of mind to keep themselves so safe in such secrecy. You could probably teach Mr. Potter’s associates a thing or two in decorum and subtlety.”

Hermione snorted at that and smelled the coffee. She broke Severus’ gaze and looked at the table with a questioning look.

“Where did that coffee come from?”

“I had Mr. Potter fetch it while we had our talk.” Severus provided, “If you are ready to enjoy it I will fetch something for Mr. Potter and myself, he will stay with you.” Hermione gripped Severus’ hand for a moment and then she forced herself to let go.

“I trust Mr. Potter to do his job Hermione, do you?” Severus asked.

“I, y.. yes, yes I do,” she stammered. 

“Good, I will only be over by the crêperie.” Severus stood up and looked at Harry.  
“Tea, black, 2 sugars Potter?” Severus asked with a harsher voice than the soothing one he had used with Hermione.

Harry nodded and Severus tilted his head to the chair he vacated, which Harry dutifully took.

Harry looked at Hermione, who had pulled the cardboard cup into her hand and was holding it with both hands, her elbows resting on her knees.

Harry gave her a weak smile, “We got ‘em Hermione. He’s going to have to answer for what he tried to do. You don’t need to worry.”

“I don’t need to worry about _him_.” She said and brought the coffee cup to her lips.  
She frowned when she realised she’d lifted the cup with the opening away from her and rotated the cup. She tried to take a sip and wrinkled her nose.   
Hermione put the cup down on the table and removed the plastic lid off her cup and then brought it back to her face, taking a deep breath of the steam that filled the air above the liquid.

“Does this happen often, Hermione?” Harry asked, clasping his hand and dangling them between his knees.

“Usually only once a month or so, it’s happening more often as this Wednesday approaches,” she said as she closed her eyes and tried to drink again from her cup.

“Has it been happening long?”

“Since just after I left Hogwarts, about the time I started defending people during the post-war trials.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Harry asked in a strained voice.

Hermione opened her eyes and looked him directly over her coffee cup, “I tried once, but you laughed and said that the idiots didn’t know who they were dealing with and to ‘give em hell Hermione’. I also tried to ask you if I should report things just after you were promoted and you waved me off, so I’ve been dealing with it on my own.”

Harry closed his eyes and sighed, then he gave himself a small shake and looked up.  
“Well, you won’t be anymore Hermione. Severus and I are here and you will get your shopping done in peace.”

“As much peace as one can get in this crowd.” Severus said as he put a paper cup on the table beside Harry and pulled another metal chair round to sit beside Hermione. He was close enough to her side that should she wish she could lean against him. His legs straddled the legs of the table. 

He pushed the carrier bag a little to clear the space for his own cup and three white paper bags.  
“I took the liberty of getting some pastries. Their selection of savouries wasn’t the best Hermione, but I grabbed a mozzarella, basil, and tomato parcel for you. I also got Harry and myself some pain au chocolat.” Severus handed each of them a paper bag before opening his own and pulling out his pastry. 

Hermione leaned a little into Severus’s side as she placed her cup back on the table and smiled her thanks. She took the pastry out of the bag and didn’t straighten up before she took a bite.

Severus switched the pastry to his other hand, then wrapped an arm around Hermione’s shoulders and left his hand on the top of her arm.

Harry’s face took on the blank look he usually had when observing their close interactions until Severus caught his eye and raised an eyebrow.

Harry took his own pastry from the bag and had a small bite of it, leaving crumbs all over his grey coat, and Hermione giggled when he attempted to brush them away with the chocolate pastry, leaving a dark trail on his lapels.

“Oh Harry,” Hermione sighed and reached forward. The small napkin that was on the bottom of her food wasn’t sufficient to clean his coat from the crumbs and chocolate stains, but she waved the tiny piece of paper over his coat and the stains vanished. She winked at him and settled back into her seat, Severus’ arm wrapping around her easily.

“You are very good at that Hermione, scarily good.”

“Wandless magic took a bit of effort at the start, but like all magic, intent is key.” She said brightly and bit into her pastry.

“Hermione,” Severus asked in-between mouthfuls of pastry, which he ate without leaving crumbs in his own coat, “why do you go to that vegetable stall?”

“This one has better quality produce, and they have never tried to overcharge me. The one over on the other side of the aisle,” She tilted her head in the direction if the stall in question, “knows my name and expects some wealth attached to it so tried to overcharge me every time I visited it.”

Harry straightened up to look at the stall and saw the large sign advertising swede. “The prices are in sterling” he protested.

“And on Wednesdays his prices aren’t in sterling; food crosses boundaries better than anything else, Harry. People live cheek by jowl in London. Fame, as you know, is more often a shackle than an assistance.”

Harry finished his pastry quickly after that and held his tea in one hand while looking around the market.

Severus took his time sipping his cup of tea, keeping his arm wrapped around Hermione, who ate her parcel in neat bites and then held her cup in her hands, blinking at it and sipping absently.

When she finished most of her coffee, she frowned and looked back at Harry. “Um Harry, can you do that charm of yours wandlessly?”

Severus removed his arm from around her shoulders and gathered up the waste they had created.

“Um, no, but I can be discreet. Why?”

“This was my third cup of coffee this morning,” she said.

“Yes?” Harry asked, confused.

Severus rolled his eyes, “I take it you haven’t gotten to the potty training stage of parenthood then have you Potter.”

“Oh!” Harry jumped to his feet, pulled his wand out and tapped Hermione on the head with it and sheathed it in a matter of seconds. “I’m sorry Hermione, I should have thought. Where are they? I’ll walk you to them.”

“We shall walk you to them.” Severus corrected, lifting the carrier bag and a small twist of paper that he had reduced their waste to. He offered Hermione his arm, and she took it and let Severus lead them towards the public toilets at the southern wall of the building.

Harry and Severus waited by the entrance of the ladies’ toilets, with their backs against the wall, while Hermione disappeared into the queue for the services.

“You two seem pretty close just now.” Harry said, keeping his eyes on the crowd.

“She was having a panic attack Potter, or didn’t you notice that?” Severus growled, his eyes were also on the crowd.

“How do you know?” Harry stopped watching the crowd and looked at Severus. “She seemed a little shaken, but not that bad.”

“I have had the unfortunate experience of seeing her upset like this before. I know the signs,” Severus spoke quietly without looking at the Auror. “Did you know she held that body bind until after you returned? Even as your associates were transporting him away? She waited until she had confirmation that you had apprehended him before she let go of the binding?”

“I knew she had cast a spell to trip the fella, but I didn’t think... Shit… She’s good.”

“Indeed, Potter, she’s good.”

They waited in silence until Hermione joined them, complaining that there was no paper towelling in the facilities and shaking her hands. When she checked over her shoulder, making sure she was unobserved, she gave both her arms a little shake and her hands were bones dry.

“Shall we continue our shopping? I need to load up on some things, since I’m taking a holiday starting on Thursday I want to get back into doing some baking. That margarita parcel has inspired me to try out some savoury pastries.” Hermione said brightly and took Severus’ arm. She led both men around the market with no further incidents other than Harry tripping over a rubbish bin.


	22. Twenty Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> She's written some really lovely and funny stories and some 🦑 lately you really need to go check them out.

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 23 

Breakfast: Porridge, peaches, coffee 

Elevenses: Cappuccino, savoury pastry

Lunch: Seafood Paella, Fruit Juice,

Dinner: Poached egg and toast, elderflower cordial

Mood: Ashamed

I need to apologise to you and Harry for my behaviour at the market today. I should have been more collected in the incident's aftermath. I didn’t even make a statement to the authorities about what I did to stop the attack. I just freaked out and became a useless mess and left you and Harry to deal with the fallout.  
That was absolutely reprehensible of me, and I can only thank you for being so kind and understanding when dealing with a hysterical person.  
I usually can control myself much better than that, and I normally wait until I am alone so that no one has to deal with my tears, as I know how distressing they are for people to witness.  
I am truly ashamed of my weakness and for making you and Harry feel uncomfortable.

Exercise: Walk to the Market,  
Walk back from Market,

Sleep: 4.5 hours

Assignment:   
How I feel about having Harry assigned to be my security detail.

I am not comfortable with the idea of Harry being forced to be my bodyguard; I dislike him taking time away from his friends and family to trail after me to make sure I am safe. He should be home with his family, not risking life and limb watching my back. He’s a new father! He shouldn’t be working evenings and weekends, he should be with Ginny and the children.

Never mind the fact that he has to be nice to me and make small talk. He must be so uncomfortable being forced to spend time with me, the one who broke his best friend and brother-in-law’s heart.  
I knew he would pretend it didn’t bother him when Ron and I separated, but I couldn’t look at him and pretend I didn’t see the struggle in him. It was for the best that I went my own way. 

All that effort now is useless because someone in the Auror’s office thought it would be cute to pair us up together.  
I still plan on going to the offices and asking them to reassign me to someone else, I am more determined to do this after my embarrassing behaviour yesterday. 

* * *

  
**Hermione;**

**I hope this owl finds you well. I have dealt with the worst of the paperwork with the attack earlier today, but you and Snape will have to come in to make statements tomorrow. I have written a memo to your supervisor to let him know we need you, so come directly to my office when you arrive in the morning.**

**Hermione, we are going to be working together quite a bit. I’d like to talk to you outside of work though, if you would be willing. I know you are free on Thursday, could we go out for a coffee? We could try that little independent place near you. That way we can come up with plans while we aren’t on the Ministry’s knut.**

**Don’t worry about writing back, I know you are busy working on your bill, you can confirm with me tomorrow when I take your statement.**

**Harry**  
  


* * *

Hermione tapped at the doorframe of the Auror’s office. “Harry?” She called, looking into the room.

Dressed in his Auror’s uniform with his navy waist coat, white button down and his leather wand holster, sat Harry Potter writing with a scarlet quill. 

He rolled his sleeves up to expose his forearms and elbows, the red epaulets holding the bunched fabric in place. His glasses sat forward on his nose and his unkempt hair fell forward, covering most of his infamous scar. 

Harry looked up at his name and his face broke into a wide smile when he saw who was calling him. He pushed his chair back and stood up and held out his hands to Hermione, who refused to take it. 

Harry’s smile didn’t falter, “Oh, you are earlier than I expected! This is great, come in.” He turned a chair in front of his desk to face the middle of the small room and gestured to it. Hermione made her way to sit in the offered chair and Harry closed the door. He then walked over and perched on his desk.

“Look, Hermione, before we get to the statement I need to apologise. I was next to useless yesterday, which is why I’ve been working non-stop to get all the paperwork done before work today. I know you value efficiency, and I am going to make sure that the charges placed on this bloke are done by the book, and done quickly.

“I screwed up and I know it. It won’t happen again. I swear it.” Harry splayed open his hands, “Next Sunday you will have nothing to worry about. You can relax about that.”

“About that Harry,” Hermione started and Harry grinned and stood up. He walked around the back of his desk and grabbed some papers he had been working on when she came in.

“Don’t worry about it, I made your statement for you, you just have to initial each page and sign the bottom. You’ve got a busy couple of days ahead of you and I know you need to get to work. Like I said, I messed up so I’m doing the extra legwork.” He thrust the pages to her, and she took them.

Hermione skimmed the pages, her eyes widening at what she read. “Harry! I didn’t do all this!” Hermione protested.

“Of course you did Hermione, the idiot sent you a stinging hex, a nasty one at that. Severus stepped behind you to block the spell and cast a shield charm but not before you tripped and bound the assailant and tucked him out of Muggle sight, calmly telling me where to locate him.

“You held the binding in place until I could confirm that I had found him, and then you released the spell and gave his binding over to our authority. You did it all wandlessly, and without attracting undue notice.”

“Well, yes I did, but you make it sound so much more.” 

“It’s the official language Hermione, but that is all that’s in the report. Trust me, I’ve learned a few things about how to phrase a proper report. Someone brilliant taught me the importance of completed paperwork,” he winked. 

“The only thing I didn’t know how to answer is if you know the assailant or if they have threatened you before. Can you describe them to me?”

“Tall, long-haired, left-handed, light-skinned, but that is all I know. I only caught a glance of them as we walked past.”

“How did you know who to get?”

“They mouthed a slur at me as we passed and grabbed their wand from their inside pocket of their coat.” Hermione spoke in a flat voice, her eyes distant.

There was a sharp rap at the door and Harry looked up and waved his hand to the door, letting it open. Severus Snape stood in the doorway, a sheaf of papers in his hand. 

“Come in Snape, I’m just getting Hermione’s statement finished up and we can do yours.”

“There is no need Potter, I have mine written up here.” Severus walked into the room and crossed in front of Hermione to put his pages down on the desk. He turned to look at her and noticed her expression. “Though I think I will stay here while Hermione makes her statement, if that is permitted?” He asked, tilting his head to look at her.

“Sure Snape, if it’s ok with Hermione.” Harry pushed himself off of his desk and grabbed an empty ink pot. He transfigured it into a chair and put it beside Hermione’s left and walked round to sit back at his desk. Hermione nodded blankly and shifted in her seat to face Harry in his additional seat, the pages still clenched in her hands.

“Where were we?” Harry asked, and Hermione frowned. 

“How I knew who was the person who attacked.” 

Severus’ eyes narrowed at the lack of emotion in Hermione’s speech, but said nothing. The pages of the report Harry had written buckled under her fingers, so Severus slowly put his hand on her and lifted her thumb with his own, trying to tug the papers from her.

Hermione blinked, looked down at their joined hands and let go of the pages. Severus took them and handed them back to Harry. He took them and smoothed them out and grabbed his scarlet quill and dipped it into his open ink pot.

“That’s right, let me note the details you told me already.” Harry scribbled on another sheet of paper. “You said tall, fair skinned, left-handed, long hair, what hair colour did you say?”

“I didn’t,” she said and Severus’ hand found hers again. She gripped his hand tightly and swallowed. “But they had auburn hair, more red than brown, with a slight wave below the chin.”

“Ok, this is good. You said you only caught a quick glance at them, so how did you know they were the attacker?”

“Because, they mouthed a slur at me as we walked past and unsheathed a wand from their inside pocket as we walked past.” Hermione’s eyes were not focused on anything but looking inward as she blinked unseeing.

“What slur did they mouth?” Harry said scribbling and not looking up.

“Mr Potter, do you need that much detail?” Severus asked as Hermione absently rubbed her forearm with the hand Severus wasn’t holding.

“Yeah, unfortunately I do, because we didn’t see the attack, we need to know why we detained the person we did. If we grabbed a random person by mistake, I know we didn’t Hermione, if we did we need to explain why we thought this person was a threat.”

“Mudblood filth.” A quiet voice said, interrupting the two men.

“You sure Hermione? You positive that is what they mouthed?”

“I know the phrase well enough to know the shape of the words on a random person’s mouth, Harry. I’ve seen and heard it enough.” Hermione’s focus was back in the room, her eyes hard as she looked at the face of her bodyguard and once friend. “He called me Mudblood filth and drew his wand.”

“Right, ok,” Harry scribbled a few more times; “Why didn’t you restrain him when you saw his threat?”

“Because as distasteful as his language was, it isn’t illegal to say it. If I put everyone who said that to me in a body bind one third of the Wizarding population in London wouldn’t be able to move.”

Harry looked up at her cold words, and his face paled. He looked at Severus and paled further. “Right, ok. I think that is all I need for now. I’ll finish the write up Hermione and you can sign it when you have time. I’ll forward a copy to you for your files.”

Severus stood and pulled Hermione up with him. “If you have questions, Potter, call for Schatzi, an elf in my employ. They will get to me faster than any other method.”

“Schatzi?” Harry asked, and a small dark-skinned House Elf in black clothing popped into existence beside Harry’s elbow. 

“Ja?” The House Elf bowed slightly and tilted its head in a question.

“Oh, I’m sorry Schatzi, I was just making myself familiar with your name.” Harry apologised and bent down to look the House Elf in the eye. “But I’m Harry, and it is very nice to meet you. I have no need for you right now, but I will call you if I have questions.”

Schatzi blinked at Harry and then turned to Severus, “Der herr ist eine Sissy.”   
Then with a loud crack Schatzi disappeared, leaving Hermione wide eyed and Severus pursing his lips.

“What was that?” Harry asked.

“Schatzi came into my employ when I was in Germany. They speak mainly to me in German.” Severus explained. 

“Will they speak to me in English?”

“Schatzi is selective about speaking to people. ‘Ja’ is yes, and ‘Nein’ is no. I do not think you will need more than that.”

“Ok.” Harry said, confused. 

“It is nothing to worry about Potter. Schatzi was just confirming something I already knew. They will come when you call.”

“Well, if that’s it then.” Harry stood up. 

“I’ll see Miss Granger to her office, Potter, you finish your reports.” Severus offered Hermione his arm, and she took it, still wide eyed and fighting a smile which bloomed across her face when faced away and Harry couldn’t see it.

Together they walked arm in arm to the lifts while Harry watched them and ran a hand through his hair.

“Bollocks, I did it again, didn’t I?” he swore to himself before waving his door closed and picking up his quill.

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 24 

Breakfast: Porridge, peaches, coffee 

Elevenses: None

Lunch: Egg and cress sandwich, water, apple, crisps

Dinner: Chinese take away

Mood: Tired and anxious  
As Wednesday approaches, I know I am spending a lot of my energy focussing on the preparations for my Bill, and I know I am not sleeping well as I check and double check my notes.  
I think tomorrow I will dance in the evening at home to exhaust myself and spend some of this nervous energy. I am missing my walks in the morning and evenings.   
It quite upset my supervisor that someone had attacked me on Sunday and spent the day questioning me about the history of all these attacks. So much so that when Harry’s memo came in with my statement to sign, I just initialled everything and signed the last page while my supervisor witnessed it and sent it off, and I didn’t have time to request Harry’s reassignment.  
I barely got any work done today because of all the interference, so I brought my work home.  
I have found, though, that I am having trouble focussing on the topic and keep over thinking what I could have done better at the market.

Please give me an opportunity again to apologise for my poor behaviour at the market, then in Harry’s office. I think I need to look into more training to make sure I am not such a burden on everyone.

Exercise: None

Sleep: 4 hours

Assignment:  
Things that comfort me.

I find myself comforted mainly by the physical touch of people I trust. 

When I am the most vulnerable, I remember how it felt to be held in my dad’s lap as he read Lord of the Rings to me. How my mother would put cool cloths on my forehead when I had a childish fever and how her hands held my face as she assured me when I thought I would never be a pretty girl.  
There were times at school where I was so overworked and stressed about test scores or papers, where Harry and Ron would sandwich me between them and force me to sit still and watch the fire while they talked about absolutely nothing important.  
Harry and I danced together once, in those dark months, and I felt safe then. We were terrified children, alone and lost in the world, and he knew we needed something. That dance was pathetic having nothing of the intimacy you and I seem to have when we dance, but it was a shelter for me and it made those few moments in a hellish year ok.  
When I was alone before the war, my cat Crookshanks could always comfort me with his rumbling purr and aggressive snuggling. I could bury my face in his side and forget anything but the scent of him and the sound of him purring that made my heart slow.

Currently, I find a hot shower will relax me, but it isn’t as comforting as I used to think. Nor do I find my bedding as comforting as I expected. It is relaxing but doesn’t ease my mind.

Doing this work with you, I have found that I am mostly comforted by physical touch by people I care about and respect. The other items like a hot shower or bath, warm clean bedding, the smell of baked goods, these are all satisfying in their own way but do not give me the complete sense of comfort being touched and held does.

That session with Draco, when both of you held me, passing me between you two like some precious thing, was the most comforting moment in recent memory. You’ve held me a few times since and they have also been steadying, but when I need to calm myself, I always go back to that moment in the club with you and Draco together. I’ve been using the memory to help me sleep recently.  


* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 25 

Breakfast: Porridge, raisins, coffee 

Elevenses: None

Lunch: Cheese salad sandwich, water, apple, crisps

Dinner: Leftover Chinese take away

Mood: Tired and anxious  
Tomorrow I go before the Wizengamot to present my Bill, and I know that my team and I have worked very hard to make this bill palatable to traditionalists and also accomplishing our goals of closing down that horrible place.   
But I keep re-writing the bill in my head, changing a word here or making a new reference there, and while I understand I can’t do anything else to it, that it is being read right now by the members I am still anxious and fretting.  
My plan is to dance later this evening to release some of this pent up energy and maybe have one of my rare baths this evening to calm my mind. I just hope my new book is enticing enough to hold my imagination and keep my brain from wandering.  
  
Exercise: 3 hours dancing

Sleep: 3 hours

Further Notes: Dancing physically exhausted me and it felt good to move. But when I had my bath, my mind wandered and my book couldn’t hold my attention. I hope that I have some sort of dignity tomorrow and that I don’t break down like I did at the market. I am almost more anxious about defending this bill than I was about going to the market, and we both know how well that went down.

I thought if I wrote some of what is going on in my head down, I might sleep.  
I hope you don’t mind me making you my confidant Severus; you asked me to open up more in my journal entries. So here goes.

I’m scared and angry that I have to fight so hard to try to fix the system that people refuse to admit is broken. The neglect and outright disrespect of vulnerable beings in our community is appalling, and everyone seems to be fine with it.

I don’t understand how people can’t see the connection between the “traditional way” of doing things and the rise of Dark Wizards who seek to oppress everyone. How the disregard of other sentient creatures leads to ill will and tension between the races and leads to wars and resentments.  
How isolating people who have, through no fault of their own, been cursed and harmed, and making them live on the edges of our society gives way for uprisings and malcontent abuses.

Then, when these upset and broken people are finally “put in their place” they are thrown into a prison where until recently their very soul was leached away from them bit by painful bit and forgotten about, it is no surprise that their families are resentful and feed into the cycle of discontent and aggression.

I know I am an idealist Severus; I understand that there are some in the world who it is too late to help, or some who actively choose to harm no matter how much support and understanding they get.  
I read Utopia and criticised it for its naivety, I’ve read Marx’s manifesto and understood its flaws. I know people are people; they are broken and bitter and selfish.   
But I also know that people are kind, brilliant, resourceful, and capable of great deeds if given the chance to be themselves.  
Is it wrong of me to want to focus on the latter parts of humanity? Am I being gullible?   
By looking for the good in the world, am I just setting myself up for failure?  
I don’t know; I doubt I will ever know. But the day I discovered you were alive, and why you were alive after everything was said and done, I made a promise to myself.

The day I knew all you had suffered and how steadfast you were in your loyalty, but we still doubted you and you didn’t falter, I decided that no matter what the world threw at me I would not let the world and its cruelties make me bitter. 

Why I chose that is because you had fought so hard to give us a world to live in I would never negate your efforts. I was and still am determined to honour and treasure the world you worked so hard to give us.

I am going a little cross-eyed here and I am due at work in a few hours so I will sign off now.  
Thank you for giving me this space to write Severus. 

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 26 

Breakfast: Coffee and Toast

Elevenses: None

Lunch: Apple and water

Dinner: Egg and soldiers

Mood: Angry

They didn’t even read the proposal! We covered every protest that was voiced against the bill in my proposal! I had notes and page numbers and everything, but they shot me down every time I tried to speak. The cover wasn’t even lifted by any senior members of the Wizengamot.  
In fact, they put most of the attention on my recent attack and how could I be requesting security help while looking to close the facility that would house my assailants and shouldn’t I be ashamed of myself for being such a hypocrite.  
I can’t believe that after all this effort they didn’t give me the courtesy of reading my proposal. The 10-year plan of rehabilitation programs and modified education plans to help integrate people into society, the efforts to reach out to the vulnerable communities and establish welfare programs to help support cursed individuals. All of it ignored.

No one said it outright, but it was heavily implied that as an outsider to the community I couldn’t understand what the community required, that I depended on the community to protect me but wanted to destroy the very services I was depending on.

My teammates are just as angry as I am, and one member suggested that because I am not presenting the bill next time that it might gain more traction. She seems to think that nothing needs to be added to the bill.

Part of me agrees, and I am listening to her. She also wants to use this bill, its poor acceptance, my treatment before the Wizengamont, and any movement that happens with no alterations to the bill but should be presented by someone else, as a way of exposing the corruption and nepotism inside the government.  
I promised her I would log all of my observations and issues and give them to her and to put her in touch with a few journalistic contacts I have to help blow this wide open, but I also said I can’t take a lead on this.  
I normally would jump into this with both feet, but you have taught me a few things, and I hope I am learning them well, Severus. I do not have to fight every battle that is out there.

I also have a feeling that while I could help expose the corruption, being the poster child of this will hinder the project more than my zeal would help. My teammate has a different blood status than myself, and that may help things move more slowly.

Exercise: None

Sleep: 4.5 hours

* * *

  
Green flames died down to a slight yellow ember as Harry stepped through into Hermione’s front room.   
Hermione came rushing into the room with her wand drawn, her hair up in a messy bun and wearing a flour covered apron.

“What are you doing here!” she yelled as a spell enveloped Harry and he froze into place.

Harry stood with his hands partially raised in an unimposing crouch, his eyes wide as he tried to speak but couldn’t move his mouth.

Hermione surveyed the room and lowered her wand, and Harry could move again.   
“I’m sorry, Hermione! I thought you were expecting me. I should have owled first! Especially after this weekend and what happened yesterday.” Harry rushed forward to put his hands on Hermione, who pulled away and backed out into the hall.

“Why are you here, Harry? Is everyone ok? Do you need my help?”

“No, everything is fine. Hermione, we had planned coffee, remember?”

“Coffee?” Hermione tilted her head and moved her eyes back and forth as if reading something only she could see in her memory. Then her eyes widened, and she blinked. “I never confirmed or cancelled with you!” She frowned, “so you showed up, anyway?”

“It was a bad idea, I get that now.” Harry admitted as he ran his hand through his hair. “I keep screwing things up all over. Look, can I take you out for a cuppa so I can talk?”

“Harry, I have food in the oven. I’m baking.” She waved her hand over her flour covered self, showing her earlier occupation. “Look, come into the kitchen, I’ll make a pot of tea and we can talk while my quiche cooks.”

“Thank you, I’m sorry.” Harry slumped his shoulders and followed her into her kitchen.  
She pulled out a chair at the head of her table and pointed Harry to it before she crossed over to fill the kettle with water and scald her brown betty teapot.

“Why don’t you start with why you didn’t think to confirm with me that today was ok?” She asked as she dug out her box of black tea from the back of her cupboard.

“I totally meant to; I had planned to confirm it all with you after I got you to sign your statement, but when you went all cold and Snape gave me that look, I knew I’d pushed you too far and I left it alone. I’m so sorry, Hermione.  
“You were in a rough patch and I forgot you were, well, a person, when I started writing the report. You were so efficient and in control that I figured you had compartmentalised everything, like they train us to do that I rode rough-shod over you and didn’t think.”

The kettle clicked off and Hermione prepared the tea. She didn’t speak while Harry watched her bring over the teapot, and then the cups and sugar bowl. She placed everything on the table and went back to the kitchen and lifted a small collection of homemade ginger nut biscuits cooling on a rack and put them on a small plate. She sighed heavily with her back to her guest and then straightened her shoulders. She pulled open a drawer and got out a teaspoon and brought everything to the table and sat down.

Harry reached over and grabbed the teapot, giving it a slight swish before pouring the tea into his cup.

“Harry, it’s only been 2 minutes.”

Harry gave a quiet chuckle and continued to pour himself some tea. When his cup was almost full, he put the pot down on the round tuit and looked at Hermione.

“Weak tea isn’t the end of the world.” He said and reached for the sugar bowl. He put a spoon and a half of sugar in his cup and used the spoon to stir the liquid inside. Tapping the spoon on the side of the cup, he tried to meet Hermione’s eyes.

“Hermione, I’m sorry. I let you down time and time again. I’ve been a terrible friend and even worse, I’ve taken you for granted. I did it again this week.  
“Seeing you again, after all this time, was just so right, and I did what I promised myself I wouldn’t do when I demanded to be your bodyguard, I ignored you again.”

“You what?” Hermione gasped.

“I ignored you.” Harry shrugged.

“No, not that part. The other part, you demanded to be my security detail?”

“Yeah, when the request came through, I told everyone in the office that the only one guarding my best friend would be me.”

“Why would you do that Harry?”

“Because Hermione, it was the only way we could figure out how to get close to you again.”

“We?”

“Yeah, Ginny, Ron and me.”

“Ron?”

“Yes, Hermione, Ron, we all miss you.”

“But Ron..” Hermione waved her hand in the air, looking for the words when a buzzer went off. She jumped out of her seat and rushed to the cooker. Turning off the timer, she pulled on a pair of oven gloves and opened the door to the oven. 

She pulled out two quiches and placed them on top of trivets on the counter, turned off the stove and took off her oven gloves. She then shuddered and cupped her face in her hands and shook her head.

Harry saw her and jumped out of his seat and rushed up to her. He reached out to touch her shoulder, pulled his hand back once, pressed his lips together and put a hand on her shoulder.

“Mione, we know you needed space, but we miss you. We all love you and we miss you.”

“Harry, I don’t understand any of this.” She said, still covering her face.

“It’s simple, silly, I’m the first attempt to get you back.”

“Why now? Why?”

“Come, take off that apron. I’ll bring the tea to the sofa and we can talk now that you don’t have to worry about burning food. I’ll answer any question you have when we get settled.”

Harry pulled at the tie on Hermione’s hip and undid the casual knot. He then tried to lift the neck strap and Hermione pulled away.

“I can undress myself, thank you very much, Harry Potter! I have been taking care of myself for quite some time now.” She put her hands on her hip and glared at him.

Harry raised his hands in submission and ducked his head a little. “I know you have been gods, we all know you have been. You’ve been so alone and we have been so selfish leaving you alone for so long.” He lowered his hands and stuffed them both in his pockets. “I am so sorry, Hermione.”

“Oh, go get the tea things.” She dismissed him with a toss of her head and turned back to the counter to tidy away the ingredients she had left out. “I’ll be there in a moment, let me clean up a little in here first.”

“Right away, ma’am.” Harry said and smiled as he gathered the informal tea service and brought it to the front room.  


“I’ve missed this,” Harry admitted, “Ginny is amazing, and she is my everything, but You, you Hermione are my rock.” He said, and he turned his face into the softness of her jumper and nuzzled it.  
“I don’t know how I can fix this Hermione, but I promise you I will.”

On the coffee table there was an empty teapot and cups, crumbs and a pair of eyeglasses sat on the plate that once held biscuits. Hermione was sitting in the corner of her red sofa with Harry lying on his back, his legs hanging off the other arm of the sofa. His head was resting in Hermione’s lap and she had one hand absently combing through his hair.

“Harry, it’s been a long time. I can’t just walk back into your lives and pretend nothing has happened. Ron — ”

“Ron still loves you, he never stopped, but he knows deep down that you two could never work out. He misses you as much as we do, more so I think.”

“I don’t know, Harry. Near the end it was, well, it wasn’t friendly.”

“I know Hermione. I know more than you think. When you walked away from us all, and you were right to, he and I fought, and then we cried, and then we got drunk. There are no secrets between us now.  
“We were all angry, but I think I was the worst. I didn’t think about how you were feeling at the start. I blamed Ron for you running away, that he had pushed you away from us all and I wanted to punish you for abandoning me. Ron talked me down, made me understand why you shoved me at him.  
“By walking away it was the only way you could still show Ron you loved him without being with him. You knew that our relationship would be the only thing keeping him going. You knew he wasn’t strong enough to go it alone. You did the hard thing, so none of us had to.  
“And we were the selfish fools who let you,” he growled.

“Harry, stop that.”

“No, I need to admit this out loud. I took you for granted Hermione. I treated you like an afterthought that would be there for me no matter what. I ignored your suffering and struggles because they weren’t directly affecting me. Ron told me I had been, and I almost believed him, but part of me thought he may have been a little dramatic.

“Then I saw you with Snape, I saw how you thrive when someone listens to you, when you are with someone who lets you shine, and I saw I had been keeping you small. Then at the market, oh Hermione, at the market.”

“I don’t want to talk about the market, Harry. It is over now. Leave it.” Hermione’s voice lost a little of its warmth.

“Ok, I won’t talk about the market.” Harry conceded. “But I learned something then.”

“What did you learn?”

“That I am an ass, and I need to be upfront with you in all things if I can ever hope to be the friend you deserve. If you will let me.”

“We can try Harry, but it needs to be slow.”

“I can work with that. I’m sure the rest of us can as well.”

* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 27 

Breakfast: Porridge, raisins, coffee

Elevenses: Tea, ginger nut biscuits 

Lunch: Salad, Apple,

Dinner: Quiche and salad

Mood: Tired/ Melancholic 

Harry called round today, I apparently had a coffee date with him he didn’t think to confirm and just assumed I’d be ok with a random visit from him.  
It startled me to say the least, I bound him immediately when I discovered someone in my place. But after the initial confusion, I made a pot of tea and we talked.  
Harry apparently volunteered to be my security detail, he wanted to use it as a way of getting close to me to apologise to me and try to fix what has broken between us.  
We talked about how he took me for granted, and why I walked away. He kept apologising and somehow we wound up cuddled up on the sofa like we had never left school and I was helping him rest his head after too much studying.

It was nice to care for him that way again, to hold him while he was confessing his faults to me. He made many promises about changed behaviours and not taking me for granted or expecting me to do all the hard work in the future.

Though, I wonder how much of this is going to be followed through. I am the caretaker, I am ‘his rock’ as he claims, but what was he to me besides someone to care for and protect?   
I enjoy caring for him in small ways. I sent him home with my extra Quiche and almost the entirety of my batch of Ginger Nuts.

But what can he give me? He is a married man, a father, and an Auror and has a very annoying habit of ignoring me when I have something to say that is slightly different to what he wants to hear.  
I know I will need him to stop ignoring me, even if he disagrees with me, he needs to listen to me. He needs to understand that when I am concerned about something I am not overreacting, that there is a reason I decide the things I do.   
I will have to stop telling him absolutely everything though, I will wait until he asks me for the reasons or other information. He is amazingly stubborn and when I volunteered information to him before, without his interest, he ignored it or me.

What a contradiction there is between the two of you, Severus, you listen to me and ask me questions and even when my ideas are incorrect or absurd you give me the dignity of being able to say my piece. You rarely or ever talk over me, waiting until I have said my piece, or creating space for me to speak. You question me and ask me to elaborate on my thoughts and ideas and help me examine my thought process and give me confidence to keep exploring my avenues of thought.

It has been so refreshing to know that there are people like you and Draco who take me seriously, who listen to me as if I have worth. Maybe it is because of my experiences with you I will have a further relationship with Harry as I now know what my boundaries are.   
I had to be shown what it is to be treated like an equal, and I now need it to be the foundation of all my personal relationships.

Exercise: None

Sleep: 4 hours  


* * *

Journal Entry Holly Golightly

Day: 28 

Breakfast: Porridge, raisins, coffee

Elevenses: Tea, ginger nut biscuits 

Lunch: Tuna Salad, Apple,

Dinner: Quiche and salad

Mood: Tired

This week has been a whirlwind, and it is affecting my sleep schedule. I am overly anxious as well, and I am trying to stick to my plan of letting my team mates run the “revision” of the new bill and drafting the investigation documents. I have started re-organising my bookshelves to use up the excessive energy I have. Though today I am going to rest and read as I am aware we have another dance lesson this evening.

Exercise: Dance - time unknown as yet 

  
Assignment:  
My most common sexual fantasy isn’t very elaborate.  
It usually comprises me pleasuring myself with one of my muggle toys that use batteries, and I am lying propped up on my bed.   
Just as I relax into my pleasure, I hear a smooth voice call out to me from the shadowed spaces in my room. I can’t see them, but they offer praise and move into view. I can never truly see who they are, as they stay in shadows, but their form is obvious to me.   
I angle my body towards the figure and show them my pleasure while they continue to offer me encouragement and call me beautiful as I race towards climax.  
Imagining someone watching me and telling me I am beautiful is usually enough to bring me to completion fairly quickly.


	23. Twenty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> She's written some really lovely and funny stories and some 🦑 lately you really need to go check them out.  
> Let her know I sent you as reviews are a writer's mana.

Hermione waited in her front room with her beaded bag open on the coffee table. She packed a pair of shoes into the bag as the floo flared bright green and Harry stepped out in his suit and overcoat.

Hermione smiled up at her friend and waved to the sofa with the hand that had just placed the shoes into her bag.

“Have a seat Harry, I’m just about ready to go, I need to grab one or two more things and I’ll be all set.” She straightened up and brushed her hands against the dark fabric of her trousers. She then left the room and Harry sat down on the sofa.

He leaned back and propped one ankle on top of the opposite leg, and was tapping the side of his leather shoe when Hermione came back into the room carrying her red journal.

“Is that the same book Severus gave you on Sunday?” Harry asked, lifting his hand to motion towards the book in Hermione’s hand.

“Yep.” Hermione affirmed and placed the book into the beaded bag and pulled the drawstring closed.

“What’s in it you have to bring it to your dance lessons?”

“It’s just the written part of my training, I have to keep a log of my observations and do some written work.” Hermione shrugged and looked around her room, seeing nothing else waiting for her attention she looked directly at Harry.

Harry chuckled and shook his head, “Only you and Snape would insist on homework as adults, even for dance lessons.”

“Successful journals break the deadlock of introspective obsessions.” Hermione said with a bite to her voice. 

Harry lowered his leg to the floor and tensed. “What does that mean?”

“By writing things down, and re-reading them I am communicating to myself and Severus by proxy what I understand about the lessons he has been giving me. I can analyse them and grow from my limitations and improve myself.”

Harry gave a confused frown at Hermione’s tone, and she growled, “I write things down so I have a log of where I was and that helps me decide where to go.”

Harry's face cleared, and he gave his half smile, “Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

“I did, Harry.” Hermione frowned in obvious frustration.

“No, you gave me some quote from a book you read about journal keeping and expected me to get the reference. I didn’t because I’ve not read it.”

Hermione started, then closed her eyes; “Yes,” she sighed, “I guess I did. I am sorry, Harry.”

Harry chuckled “No harm,” he slapped his thighs and stood up. “Let’s get you to the club so you can get back to foxtrotting with Snape.”

“Yeah,” Hermione said reluctantly, “I’ll grab my coat and we can go.” She picked up her beaded bag and together they walked to the door where Hermione’s coat hung. She dropped the bag into her pocket and then pulled on her coat, grabbed her keys and together they left the apartment.

Harry took the lead as they headed out of the building. They both noticed the gentle wet mist that blocked the night sky. Harry lifted the collar of his jacket to protect the back of his neck and then stopped as Hermione handed him a black collapsible umbrella.

Harry opened it and raised it to cover himself and Hermione when she opened a matching one on her other side and lifted it over her head.

“You always prepare for everything, don’t you?” Harry asked, shifting his own umbrella to his outside arm.

Hermione shrugged, “I try to be. Taking a few extra steps when I am relaxed means that when things go wrong, I have everything in place and just act instead of playing that useless game of ‘I wish I had this’.”

“I guess we learned the hard way as kids, didn’t we?”

“My planning kept us alive.”

“That it did.” Harry smiled. “Can I ask you something, though?”

“You just did.” Hermione joked and Harry chuckled.

“Something else,”

“Go on then.”

“Why do you still quote books like you are writing essays?”

Hermione took a deep breath and pressed her lips close together. She wrinkled her nose and nodded her head.

“It’s a defence mechanism. I use it when I feel judged, I use the words of someone else, a person of some authority, so that people can’t level their judgement at me. I am only saying what someone else has said, they can’t put all the blame on me.

“Severus pointed it out to me a few weeks ago, and I’ve been trying to stop doing it apart from when I’m at work. It’s really very useful at work still.”

“People are bothering you at work?” Harry asked, looking down at her as they walked for a moment before returning his focus to the surrounding area.

“Yeah, it’s mostly the people who claim that because I’m an outsider, I don’t understand the nuances of Wizarding Life. So in retaliation I quote back historical and protocol texts to them and prove that this Muggle Born understands everything just fine.”

“You aren’t seriously getting flack about being Muggle Born in the Ministry, are you?”

“Harry, you can’t be that naïve.” Hermione shook her head and blinked a few times, looking out into the mist.

“I thought folks, the Ministry, had moved beyond all of that.”

“Look,” she sighed, “I’m superseded to be on holiday. I’m trying to take a break from the stress at work. So let’s not talk about it anymore, ok?” She looked up at him and gave a sad smile.

Harry met her gaze and smiled back. “Sure thing, Hermione.” He held his umbrella in his left hand and walked silently beside Hermione in the drizzling London evening. Together they crossed under the bridge and over to the building that housed the club.

Harry closed his umbrella, giving it a shake before collapsing it to its pocket size and handling it over to Hermione. She held both umbrellas in her hands and gave them a second shake, and as water disappeared off the dark nylon fabric, she put them back into her pocket, leaving no bulges in the material.

Harry then opened the door and let Hermione go through first and guide them to her locker in the Treasurer’s Office.

After Harry had hung up his coat, he turned around and looked at Hermione, who was putting things into her locker. “Are you getting changed again today?” he asked as he watched her place one wand into the locker.

“Yep,” Hermione turned to face him, her beaded bag dangling from her wrist. “I take it you want to do your charm again?”

“It would be best, before anyone else sees.” He reached under his coat and pulled his wand out from the sheath under his left arm and quickly placed the security charm on Hermione. “Ok, all set. Go put on your dancing shoes, I’ll wait here.” He sheathed his wand and sat in the wooden chair that was by the wall.

Moments after the door to the change room closed, the main door to the office opened, and The Treasurer walked in dressed in a lemon yellow calf-length skirt with a daring slit that ended just below their hip. They were also wearing a matching wrap around crop top with a gold fringe that reached down to just above their exposed navel, gold gladiator sandals and delicate gold bangles on their wrists. They made their eyes up with dark kohl and large feathery lashes that twinkled with tiny yellow gems. A sheer yellow veil covered the rest of their face held up by a thin gold chain pinned into their hair with yellow feathered pins.

The Treasurer looked around the room, smiling under their veil, and nodded in Harry’s direction. “Ahh Auror Potter, no don’t get up, I take it Holly is getting changed?” They made their way around the desk to sit in their chair,

Harry’s eyes grew wide as he shifted in his chair and he took in the apparel of his former classmate. “Zabini?”

The Treasurer nodded and started lifting some paper from a drawer in their desk, “I prefer to go by Treasurer these days, it’s my rank here in the club and it carries less baggage.” The Treasurer said smoothly and placed the pages onto the blotter on top of his desk.

“This is your office then?”

“It most certainly is.”

“The bells didn’t chime earlier.”

“Oh they did,” The Treasurer laughed, “the bells are in the Grand Master’s office, so I suspect he’ll be down here momentarily.”

“Oh, Ok,” Harry swallowed and sat back in his chair. “Um, that colour yellow, it um suits you.”

“Why thank you Potter!” The Treasurer said warmly, “I am quite fond of it myself.” They looked directly at the Auror and smiled.

There was a quick knock at the door and then Severus, dressed in black and grey with a deep green tie as the only colour on his person, walked into the room and nodded to both Harry and the Treasurer. He noted the closed door to the change room and closed the other door behind himself before he greeted Harry.

“You are well Auror Potter?”

“I’m pretty good, yeah. Got my paperback and I am looking forward to another pint of Blackcurrant and a sandwich. You’ve got excellent food here, Snape, the best I’ve had since school.”

“Even better than your mother-in-law’s cooking?” The Treasurer asked.

Harry and Severus both looked at them and they shrugged. “Mrs Weasley’s feasts are legendary, that woman could have three potatoes and use them to feed an army and everyone would swear they each had a different meal.”

Harry gave a laugh, “Yeah, Molly is a fantastic cook, but the food here is different.”

The door to the changing room opened, and Hermione stepped into the room.

She was wearing a black one shouldered dress with a sheer scarf hanging from her right shoulder; she pinned it with a large beaded flower. The black fabric clung to her waist and smoothed over her hips to taper down her legs and end just above her ankles. She wore a pair of black pointed shoes with a considerable heel on them that raised her height at least 5 inches. She pulled her hair up and smoothed into a large round bun that had a matching beaded flower stuck in the middle of the bun. Her left arm was covered by a long white glove that ended at her bicep.

Everyone in the room stood up at Hermione’s entrance and Harry’s eyes widened, Severus’s eyes went from her ankles up her body slowly and stayed at her eyes when he had finished taking everything in.

The Treasurer clapped and exclaimed “Stunning! Oh Miss Golightly, your fashion sense is timeless.”

“You do look really good Herm err, Holly.” Harry agreed.

“Though,” The Treasurer said as they closed the space between themselves and Hermione, “those shoes are going to destroy your feet. Never ever transfigure shoes, my dear. It ruins the cushioning charms.”

When they stood beside Hermione, they shook their head and waved their hand in the air in front of her, sighing dramatically. “Really, my dear, we need to go shopping together. I need to know where you get such darling outfits, and I need to take you shoe shopping.”

The Treasurer reached forward and grabbed Hermione’s right hand and made her do a little twirl.

As she spun, Hermione shot a questioning look at Severus, who nodded a quick bob of his head and Hermione smiled and looked to the Treasurer as she completed her spin.

“Oh my treasure, I’d love to go shopping with you.” She lowered her hand and squeezed the Treasurer’s fingers before letting go. Harry’s face took on a blank expression as he witnessed the interactions between the two.

“Good, when we go out I’ll show you some of my tricks. A lady should have shoes charmed for comfort, not height. Though, my dear, your waist, look at it, I am so jealous. You need to show this tiny little thing off more often.” The Treasurer moved behind her and wrapped their arms around Hermione’s waist and placed their veiled chin on her bare shoulder.

Hermione giggled as the Treasurer complimented her and smiled brightly at the praise. She turned her face towards her friend and gave a quick kiss to their temple beside the feathered pin. “I may have a tiny waist but you, my darling treasure, have the most stunning legs I would kill for, and your stomach! Oh, to have a flat expanse of flesh like yours.”

“Psst, I’m all angles and lines while you have curves for days.” The Treasurer dismissed Hermione’s praise and stepped back, letting go of her waist but held onto her arm.

“Don’t you dare dismiss honest appraisal, Treasurer!” Hermione scolded. “You are stunning in your own unique and delicious way, and you know it, false modesty has no place here,”

“Yes, Miss.” The Treasurer ducked their head once then twirled Hermione one more time.

“As lovely as it is watching you two, we have plans for this evening.” Severus interrupted them and Harry uncrossed his arms and walked towards the door leading to the public bar.

The Treasurer let go of Hermione’s hand and gave a wink to Harry from behind her before returning to their desk.

Hermione dug her journal from her beaded bag. She handed it over to Severus and threw a quick look to Harry before letting go of the book. She turned and walked to the locker and placed her back and her other wand into the locker.

Severus took the book from Hermione and when she faced away, he looked over at the Auror while he placed the red book on the edge of the desk. Severus lifted his hand off the book and then tapped down on it three times and the journal vanished off the desk.

With his face neutral, Severus reached out to Hermione with his right hand and she placed her palm in his. Severus brought her hand to rest on the cook of his arm and nodded to Harry to get him to open the door.

Harry dutifully opened the door and led the small group to the table, and as usual their drinks arrived just as they sat down and the staff left a menu on the table for Harry to look at later.

Hermione sat in-between both of the men and Harry had to shift a little in his seat to look at Hermione’s face.

“That dress is something Hermione, where did you come up with it?”

“I have a little theme for my outfits when I come here. I either make my own dresses from sewing patterns from the same time period as the film, or I find some outfits in one of the vintage boutiques near Seven Dials.”

“I didn’t know you made your own clothes.” Harry said.

“I started doing it some time ago to save on money. It’s a handy skill to have, and this way I can have pockets in all my clothes.” Hermione shrugged. “Hidden pockets have become a little signature of all my clothing.”

Harry laughed and nodded his head.

Severus, on the other side of Hermione, watched the two of them speak but said nothing, nursing his drink but never taking a sip. His dark eyes kept going to Hermione’s face and looking at her eyes and the thin layer of makeup trying to conceal the slight bruising under them. He then looked at Harry and noted the tension in Harry’s shoulder and neck.

When Hermione’s glass was empty, Severus cleared his throat and drew everyone’s attention to himself. “I think it is time we start our lesson, Holly.” He put his untouched drink on the table and stood up.

Hermione smiled and nodded, Severus offered his hand to her, and Hermione took it. He helped her out from behind the table and gently pulled her to his side. Severus nodded to Harry and then guided Hermione towards the doors behind the velvet ropes.

When they passed through the doors Severus didn’t guide Hermione to the dance room though, instead he led her to the concealed staircase that was near the toilets. As the panel closed behind them, Severus flipped a switch to light up the staircase and took Hermione’s hand in his own.

“I heard about what happened this week in the Ministry, I am bringing you up to my office so we can speak a little about what has happened.”

“Oh, but I wrote about it in my journal already,” Hermione protested.

Severus opened the door to his office and guided Hermione to one armchair. As she settled into her seat, she manoeuvred the scarf hanging off her shoulder to hang over the side of the chair. “I didn’t really choose the right dress for lounging in armchairs.” She laughed at herself.

“You picked a wonderful dress, Holly. The Treasurer was correct in their proclamation about your style choices. You have a keen eye and know how to draw an eye to you and your ‘unique and delicious’ beauty.”

Hermione blushed fiercely, fluttered her eyes closed and stammered, “Thank you Severus.”

Severus turned the other chair in his office to face Hermione’s and sat down in it. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “You seem to feel more comfortable with Potter this week, though not as you once were.”

“We had a talk yesterday, Harry called round and surprised me. It had apparently planned out on Sunday, but since I didn’t confirm, I didn’t think it would happen. Harry just showed up thinking it was ok. We eventually talked. I wrote about it in my journal as well.”

“So you do not wish to talk about it?”

“No, not at all, I just thought you wouldn’t like to hear me repeat myself if you are going to be reading it, anyway.” Hermione shrugged, “I took your suggestion to heart, and I have been putting all my thoughts and feelings into it and working on my assignments.”

“When did I mention not wanting to hear what you have to say?”

“You’ve not stopped from saying anything apart from asking questions, and even then you allow some. But I thought—” Hermione’s voice trailed off, and she shook her head and raised her hand. She slapped her forehead with the heel of her hand.

“That’s twice today I’ve fallen back into the old habits.”

She lowered her arm and clasped her hands together in her lap and leaned back in her chair.

“Holly, I thought I had made myself clear, that I am at your disposal. Should you need someone to talk to, you do not have to resort to only writing in your journal. If you need me, you only have to call the club and you can reach me. I know you have a mobile.”

Hermione nodded and ran her ungloved thumb over the seam, over the gloved one. She pursed her lips and closed her eyes. With them still closed she took a deep breath and spoke, “Earlier today I blocked a conversation with Harry by throwing a quote at him, then I started making assumptions again with you. I know you would never stop me from speaking my mind, and Harry didn’t mean any harm with his teasing, but I just reacted.” She opened her eyes and looked into the ones of her mentor.

“With Harry, things are a bit delicate. While we may have cleared the air and made plans to see how things go in the future, I have concluded that I need specific things from someone who wishes to be a friend of mine. I also have things I will not accept from a friend, and Harry mistakenly crossed a little close to one of those boundaries today. He doesn’t know about them yet, so I shouldn’t punish him for it, because I haven’t communicated my expectations to him. I have noted them though, they are in my journal.”

“It would seem that maybe the incident earlier would have been a perfect opportunity to explain some of your boundaries with him.” Severus prompted.

“I would have, but being focused on getting here and didn’t have the energy to spare.”

“You are tired.” Severus noted.

“I am exhausted.” Hermione agreed.

“Then you shouldn’t be here, Holly. You should be at home resting.”

“I honestly thought I would be fine. I’ve not been sleeping much, that is true, but I thought being here, with you, would be what I needed. It would be more beneficial than just some sleep. I really enjoy my time here each week. Speaking with you, even though not all the things we talk about are easy or comfortable, has quickly become the highlight of my week. I would not let something as simple as a little fatigue impede something so important to me.”

Severus sat back and looked at Hermione for a long moment. She tried to meet his eyes, but he broke contact with her to look at her entire form before looking into her eyes again.

“Holly, we are going to go downstairs, and I will make you some Matcha. Then you are going to go home and you are going to rest. The next time something like this happens, be it your inability to sleep, you are unwell, or even if you are overwhelmed you are to call the club and let me know. I will then make arrangements with you that will suit everyone involved.” Severus declared.

She nodded once and Severus stood up and held out two hands to Hermione. She placed both her hands in his and he pulled her to her feet. He looked down into her eyes and spoke with a low, serious voice.

“You are to call me if you need to communicate about anything. The journal is well and good, but time sensitive matters do not belong hidden in the pages of a book. If you need me, call me.” He held her gaze until Hermione swallowed and nodded.

“Good, now reduce the height on those shoes before we go down the stairs, The Treasure was right about transfigured heels.”

“But my wands are downstairs.” Hermione protested.

Severus just raised an eyebrow, and she blushed again.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, her height slowly reduced by 3 inches, and she wobbled a little. Severus gripped her hands a little tighter and made to pull her close to him when her eyes flew open. “Thank you Severus, I’m fine. That was just my first time undoing the work without a wand.”

“Fascinating.” Severus stepped back a little to look at Hermione’s feet and saw that her shoes were the same dance ones she had worn last week, with the rounded toe and strap across the top of her foot.

“You changed the entire shoe back, not just the height.”

“Well, you said transfigured shoes don’t hold up well, so if I was going to undo one thing I might as well undo it all.”

“Let me walk you back to your escort,” Severus moved one of Hermione’s hands to his arm and together they descended the stair and out the concealed entrance, back through the double doors and to the public bar.

Lifting a sandwich to his face, Harry spotted the couple approaching. He put his sandwich down and stood up.

“Everything ok?” Harry asked while looking around the three for any threats.

“All fine, Harry, I’m just more tired than I thought after this past week.” Hermione explained as she sat down and Severus moved in beside her so that she was between the two men again.

“I prefer to work with people when I have their entire focus.” Severus said and looked at the bar. He held up two fingers and tapped them against his thumb twice.

“Finish your sandwich, Mr Potter, I’m going to make Holly a cup of tea before you take her home.” He said, returning his attention to the table.

Hermione playfully rolled her eyes and gave a soft smile before leaning over to bump into Severus’ shoulder. “Thank you Severus.”

“No thanks are needed.” was all he said.

The tea service arrived fairly quickly and Severus made up two bowls of the frothy green tea, one for Hermione and one for himself.

Hermione cupped her bowl in both hands and breathed in the vapours rising above her tea. Severus held his own cup with two fingers and watched Harry take neat bites out of his food.

Severus and Hermione both ignored the small cakes on the leafy shaped plate, but the Auror looked at them a few times after he finished his sandwich.

“Go ahead Mr Potter, enjoy them.” Severus said when he noticed Harry’s eyes on the Wagashi for a third time. Harry grinned a boyish grin and popped one of the small round balls into his mouth and chewed indelicately.

Hermione gave a quiet little snort and finished her bowl of tea. She gave a contented sigh and slid closer to Severus, tipping her head back to rest her hair against the wall. “That was heavenly. I make my Matcha at home Severus, but yours is just a bit more special. I know it sounds hyperbolic, but when you make me a bowl, it seems to fill some of the tiny gaps in my soul.”

Harry stopped chewing for a moment and then made a noisy swallow which made Hermione chuckle and sit up. “I’d best go get changed then.”

Severus got up from his seat and helped Hermione to her feet again. She walked towards the Treasurer’s office, not looking back. Severus watched her while standing in front of the table, Harry sat in his seat on the bench behind the table and watched Severus.

“I’m glad she’s found a friend in you Snape.” Harry said casually, “and she seems comfortable with, err, The Treasurer as well.”

“Do you ever listen to advice, Mr Potter?” Severus asked in clipped tones and looked over his shoulder at the Auror.

Harry scowled a little, “yes I do.”

“So it is just my advice you ignore.” Severus turned back to look at the door Hermione had walked through.

“Pardon me?” Harry snapped and got up from his seat to stand beside his former professor. Severus still stood head and shoulders taller than the younger man, but Harry squared off, ready to confront him.

Severus raised an eyebrow and said flatly; “I do not need to remind you how much I dislike repeating myself. So I will only say this one more time, and it is for her sake. Give her space to speak Potter, give her a chance to say what is on her mind. If you ever wish to regain any understanding with her, close your mouth and open your eyes and ears.” Severus moved back to his seat behind the table and ignored Harry for the duration of their wait.

Hermione eventually returned dressed in the clothing she had walked over in, but her hair was still up in the bun with the beaded pin holding her hair in place. The Treasurer followed closely behind her, walking with a smooth glide. Both of them approached the table together and Hermione reached out to Severus to pull him from the table and the Treasurer gave a flirtatious wink to Harry before turning to speak to Severus.

“Since you have some spare time this evening, I was wondering if you could help me look over the new amendments to the code that our newest Knight has proposed.” The Treasurer said, leaning a hip against the table and crossing one ankle over the other.

Hermione starts, “The Code is—” but she stopped speaking with a click of her teeth as she quickly closed her mouth.

“Oh, it’s just a reworking of the language Miss Golightly, members will have time to review things before we complete it.” The Treasurer explained.

Hermione scowled a little, looked at Severus and smoothed her face. “I personally think the language they wrote the Code in was perfectly clear and understandable.”

“When something ceases to grow is when it dies, Holly.” Severus said and took Hermione’s hand in his own. “We learn and grow, that is what we are here for.”

Mollified Hermione let herself be led to the Treasurer’s office, where Severus helped her into her coat after she placed her wands securely up her sleeves. The Treasurer and Harry followed them into the office and Harry put on his own coat.

“Has the weather cleared any?” Hermione asked, and The Treasurer shook their head. “No, still wet and miserable.”

Hermione nodded and pulled the two umbrellas out of her pocket.

“Now that is a neat trick there, Miss Golightly. I didn’t think coats from Burberry’s had such wonderful charm work on them.” The Treasurer laughed.

“I’m sure they don’t, but this isn’t a Burberry coat, this is a Granger. I happen to know the designer personally and they always put undetectable expansion charms on their pockets.”

“Really? Does this designer work on commission?” The Treasurer asked, walking around Hermione and examining her jacket.

“I can have a word with them if you wish.” Hermione smiled, “for the right price.”

“Oh, you devious woman,” The Treasurer laughed and grabbed her hand. “I am going to love shopping with you.”

“I look forward to it, my treasure.” Hermione smiled and lifted herself up to place a kiss on their veiled cheek. “But I must get home before my darling Auror turns back into a mouse.”

“Come Cinders.” Harry said and reached out for Hermione and together they left the office and the building to make their way in the wet London night.

Severus watched them leave and said nothing, The Treasurer moved back around their desk and threw themselves into their chair. 

“Our little girl is growing into her own, I think Severus.”

“Yes, I think she is.” He agreed and pulled a chair up to look at the paperwork waiting on the desk.


	24. Twenty Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> Let her know I sent you as reviews are a writer's mana.

Hermione, surrounded by a pile of books, was dusting the empty shelves in front of her. She had piled her hair up in a messy bun on the top of her head and she was wearing a sleeveless vest and drawstring tracksuit bottoms, her feet were bare and she had a red polish on her toes.

She danced along to the music on her wireless as she dusted singing along to the words of the female singer. 

“And when the night falls, the loneliness calls…” she warbled when her mobile phone rang on the mantle across the room.

Hermione hopped over the pile of books behind her and grabbed her phone with one hand and turned down the radio with the other.

“Hello?” she answered in a bright voice.

Her eyes widened, and she turned off the radio, “Yes Severus, this is me. Is everything ok?”

Her face relaxed, and she beamed, “You are always welcome, I’m a mess right now though, doing some housework but the floo is open, if you give me 15 minutes I can freshen up so I’m not such a fright to look at.” She looked at the mirror above her fireplace and scrunched her nose and tried to straighten the bun that had slipped to the back of her head.

She laughed and nodded, “Ok, well I have warned you, I will see you in a few. Yes, ok, bye.”

She closed the phone and put it back on the mantle and stepped away from the fireplace just as it flared green and Severus came through.

“You weren’t kidding about coming right over.” She laughed.

Severus, dressed in black trousers and a white buttoned down oxford, had rolled his sleeves up and exposed his wand sheath strapped on his left forearm, and his collar was open showing his scarred throat. He held Hermione’s journal in his right hand, his index finger sandwiched between the covers marking a page.

He looked at Hermione, noting her hair and her casual clothing, then his attention went to the pile of books behind her, and then back to his host.

“I came to discuss what I’ve just read in your journal. It would seem I had been remiss in communicating with you. So I wish to address it.”

“Ok, shall I make us some tea?” Hermione turned slightly.

“No, please sit.” Severus motioned to the sofa. 

Hermione wiped her hand on the cloth she was still holding and then sat down in the spot she sat a few days earlier when she and Harry had their talk. 

Severus pulled the coffee table closer to the sofa and sat down on it, opening his legs to provide space for Hermione’s own. He held up the red journal, “I am concerned about what I have just read in here.”

Hermione paled and reached forward to grab the journal. “I am so sorry, I was too forward, I know… you said to be more open but I—”

“Hermione, stop” Severus pulled the journal away from her and put it down on the table beside him without looking at it. He kept his eyes on hers as he continued, “What do you think happened at the market last week?”

“They attacked me, you stopped it, I freaked out and became hysterical and useless and I left you and Harry to pick up the pieces.” Hermione’s voice was disappointed and quiet.

“No,” Severus shook his head slightly, “they attacked you, I shielded you, you nullified the threat; then you paid for your shopping while holding a complex and difficult spell wandlessly. All the while keeping calm and collected. You only relaxed your hold on the spell that was holding someone immobilised, while they were being moved further and further away, when Potter confirmed the assailant was in custody.

“Your only physical reaction to the stress was a shiver when the seller touched your hand without permission. Then you calmly walked to a table and took my hand.”

Severus held out his hands palms up in the space between them, Hermione leaned forward and put her own hands in his without hesitation.

“I was in awe of your calm and control.” His fingers wrapped round hers and he leaned forward, gently pulling her arms closer to him as he moved.

“Your breathing was slightly erratic, and you ignored most of what I said when I was trying to talk to you, so I purposely matched your erratic breathing. 

“That was enough to confuse you to make you try to regulate your own breathing. That brought you back from wherever you had gone mentally; but the only signs you were distressed were that simple shudder, a lack of focus, and erratic breathing.”

Severus’ thumbs brushed the back of Hermione’s hands repeatedly as he continued, “There were no hysterics, there was no wailing or gnashing of teeth. You were calm, controlled, and Potter didn’t even notice your distress until I made him aware of it.”

Hermione blinked and looked down at their joined hands, then at the red journal on the table. Finally, she looked back up into Severus’ unflinching eyes. She shuddered and blinked, her own eyes filled with tears. “You were in awe of me?” she whispered.

“Very much so. What you did was impressive.” 

She blinked again, and the tears fell to her cheeks. She tried to remove her hands from Severus’ but he kept his hold on her and pulled her up to her feet with him as he stood.

“You are still shaken by it, aren’t you?” Severus asked and pulled her to his chest. He wrapped his arm around her upper back and placed his hand on the back of her head, gently pushing her cheek to rest on his chest.

Hermione nodded and clutched at his shirt. Severus sighed and turned them both so he could sit in the sofa's corner that Hermione had just vacated. He positioned them so Hermione was leaning against him while he held her close.

“I was useless, I just stood there while you two did all the work. All my training, all that effort, and I just stood there and held him.” Her voice was weak and watery.

“Rubbish.” Severus pushed a few strands of hair away from her face so he could see her clearly. “You were in more control than anyone had a right to be in that situation. Remember Hermione, you are not an Auror, expected to be calm in the face of violence.”

“I am trained to be calm and in control, though.” She mumbled back in protest as she brought a hand up to her face to brush away more tears.

“You trained yourself Hermione, this is your impossible expectation.” He reached down and lifted her chin with a finger so he could see her eyes again. 

“This burden should never have been yours,” there was a flash of anger in his eyes that quickly dispelled as he ran his thumb along her jawline. “No, you were exquisitely in control the entire time and you have nothing to apologise for.

“Even now, after someone tried to harm you for no other reason than their dislike of your heritage, you are being so incredibly strong.” Severus cupped the side of her face with his hand.

“You are being stronger than anyone could expect you to be. So if you need to cry, do so. There will be no judgement from me. You are safe here. You are allowed to be afraid, you are allowed to be emotional. Let it out, because keeping your emotions bottled up is not healthy.” His voice was gentle and supportive. He never looked away from her eyes and exuded the safe and steady confidence he always seemed to have. His arm around her pulled her a little closer to support more of her weight on his frame.

They sat together, Hermione crying silently in his lap, Severus with his arms around her, holding her, assuring her she was safe and secure. 

“His words were so ugly.” Hermione gulped and twisted her left forearm to hold it closer to her chest.

“They were.” Severus agreed. 

“I can never forget them.” 

“His words, or the word itself?”

“Not him; he is nothing, not really important. His voice is just one of many.”

“But the words are familiar.”

Hermione nodded against his chest and clutched her left arm closer to her own.

Severus held her in silence for a moment and then spoke in a soft voice, “Could mortal lip divine

The undeveloped freight

Of a delivered syllable,

'T would crumble with the weight.”

Hermione relaxed her left arm, letting it drop to her lap and nuzzled the fabric on Severus’ shirt before speaking in her tearful voice, 

“Good words are doves that fly   
Over house and tree,   
And never linger by,   
But travel joyously.   
  


“Other words are gray,   
Dun—ugly—flying things,   
That scatter night and day   
Black evil from their wings.”

Severus held her for some moments, then cleared his throat. Hermione lifted her head and looked up at him with her tear-filled eyes.

Severus gave a small smile and looked down at the woman curled up against him. “You are very courageous Hermione, and you are very strong, but even the thickest skin will bleed when it’s cut deeply enough, and from what I have witnessed recently you’ve been being cut repeatedly over the same wound for a long time.”

Hermione sniffed and nodded. 

“Can you tell me what you are feeling right now? Do you want to?”

She lifted herself up to sit independently on the sofa and wiped her face with the heel of her hand. “You probably have had enough of weeping females ruining your clothes.” She gave a self-deprecating laugh.

“Is that another assumption Hermione?”

“I did it again!” she slapped her forehead with her hand and shook her head.

“Let me decide the welfare of my clothing and what is and isn’t acceptable to my person.”

“Yes, okay, Severus.” Hermione agreed.

“I am not such a fool to dislike having a beautiful woman in my arms needing my comfort and perceived strength.”

Hermione snorted and Severus reached forward to lift her chin causing her to look into his eyes, “Make no mistake Hermione, you are a beautiful woman, and holding you is quite pleasant, even if the reasoning behind how you came into my arms is not.”

She closed her eyes and gave a small smile, a few fresh tears fell on her cheeks. She sighed and opened her eyes again. She shifted her face and his hand opened. Hermione nuzzled his hand a few times and leaned forward into his welcoming arms.

She spoke as she settled herself. “I am really happy to be honest. Being held like this is wonderful. Having a safe space to fall apart in is something I thought I didn’t need. But you asked me to think about how I am feeling, and right now it is just relief.

“Before, when you told me you were in awe of me, something just cracked. Then all the fear, disappointment, anger, and despair just flooded out of me. I was sure I had to force it all back in and then you grabbed me and held me.

“You gave me permission to cry, while I was trying to hold it all back; and then, all I felt was the overwhelming relief that I wasn’t alone anymore. I’m not alone.” Hermione cried again and Severus wrapped his arms around her shaking frame and let her express her emotions.

She recovered herself a little faster this time and tried to continue to speak, but Severus stopped her, looking down at her with a serious expression “You are not to thank me.”

Hermione blinked and frowned but said nothing.

“Continue with what you wanted to say.” He prompted her.

“It’s going to be difficult without thanking you. I hadn’t realised how much I needed this, needed you to just accept me. To let me be and just, this.” She bumped her head against his shoulder.

“It’s been a long time, longer than most realise. I’ve been the person holding people together, but no one had really been there for me. Partly because I haven’t let them, I admit.

“But it didn’t mean I didn’t need it. You saw that, you saw my need, and you stepped up. That’s amazing, you know?”

Severus didn’t speak, he didn’t even look down at her, he just let his hand rub circles on the back of her vest while she spoke.

“I think you know how amazing it is, because you know just how hard it is to have someone do it for you.” Hermione sniffed again. “What good did I do in this world to be granted such a gift?”

“Hermione, I told you not to thank me.” Severus warned.

“I didn’t thank you, Severus. I expressed my appreciation. There is a difference.”

“Semantics, your intent was clear.”

Hermione giggled, “Semantics are my livelihood, Severus.”

He shook his head and asked her, “Are you more settled now?”

“Um hmm” she mumbled and snuggled in closer to him.

“Do you need to say anything else?” 

Hermione shook her head and rested her cheek just over his heart. “Can we just sit like this a little longer?”

“Yes, we can.” Severus agreed his face was a little flushed but Hermione didn’t notice, as she had tucked her own under his chin.

They sat together silently enjoying each other’s company when Hermione startled.

“Harry’s due soon!”

“Why is Potter calling round?”

“I was going to do some holiday shopping today, he was coming with me as a guard and as an advisor to help me pick out something for his kids. We were going to go to Hamleys then we were going to come here, and I’d cook dinner for the two of us and then I’d get ready to join you at the club this evening.”

Severus nodded and pursed his lips. “I would suggest not going to the club this evening, in fact I would suggest not leaving at all today, I can make arrangements for dinner if you can put Potter off until tomorrow.”

“I can… but..” Hermione stopped herself from asking a question, frowned and said; “it’s because I’m still exhausted and now emotionally drained,” she sighed. “Yes, I can tell Harry not to call round.” 

Just as she sat up to remove herself from Severus’ lap the floo flared and Harry, dressed in his muggle suit and coat, stepped through, banishing the soot from himself before the green flames banked behind him.

It didn’t take Harry long to notice the situation in the room and his face took on his expressionless mask and he put his hands into his trouser pockets.

“Have I interrupted something?” He asked.

“I was just getting up to call you Harry,” Hermione patted Severus’ shoulder and stood up, closing the space between her and Harry, smiling. “I had a bit of a meltdown and Severus was here to pick up the pieces.”

Harry’s hands came out of his pockets and he gripped her shoulders, “Are you ok? You aren’t hurt, are you? Were you attacked again?” He stepped back and looked her up and down, his eyes landing on her left forearm and widening before he grabbed her arm. “Do I need to get you—” he stopped when he recognised the marks on her arm. “Oh.”

“I am fine, Harry, just it’s been a frightfully long week, and I wasn’t feeling myself.”

Severus stood up off the sofa, “Since you are here Potter, you and I can help Hermione with her book organisation, before you can go home. She won’t be at the club this evening, you can clock off early.”

“Severus, you don’t have to help me sort my books.”

“I interrupted your plans this morning. It stands to reason I make up the shortfall. Mr Potter helping will help us make quick work of setting things up.”

“Yeah, that sounds fine by me.” Harry quickly agreed. “Let me hang up my coat and we can get started.”

Hermione rolled her eyes, “I can’t refuse either of you can I?”

“Are you asking me?” Severus raised a brow.

“No,” Hermione huffed, “I guess I’m not.”

Harry returned to the room while rolling up his sleeves on his own shirt. “Right, so we are organising the bookshelves, Hermione?”

“Yes, but I was dusting the shelves and the books first.”

“I’ve got this.” Harry said and pulled out his wand.

Severus moved to the side and asked Hermione, “Can I borrow your mobile to call the Treasurer?”

“Oh sure, of course!” She reached behind Severus to grab her phone off the mantle and handed over to him.

Severus took the phone with a nod of his head and left the room, leaving Harry dusting the shelves with magic and Hermione making her way to the piles of books.

“You really ok?” Harry asked, swishing his wand and giving it a twirl. The wood of the shelves took on a shine, and the air smelled lightly of lemon.

“Lemon wax, Harry? That’s nice. Yeah, I’m ok. I just had a wobble, that is all.”

“Ginny really likes the woodwork polished, and I’ve grown used to it.” Harry shrugged, “If you need to talk—” he trailed off.

“I know Harry.” Hermione was quick to reassure him.

“But you never reach out, I guess that is partly my fault. I have taken you for granted.”

“Harry,” Hermione lifted three books and put them on the table, “we will talk, just not today ok?”

“When you are ready, I will listen. I promise.” Harry turned his attention to the books, and he waved his wand over the pile beside his feet. “Hermione, can I ask you a question?”

“Of course you can, Harry, what is it?”

“Have you stopped covering your scar?”

“No, I still cover it up when I leave the house, but when it is just me here at home, it’s a drain I don’t need. Until Severus showed up I was home alone dusting.”

“Is it much effort to keep it covered?”

“Not much anymore. Does it bother you? I can cover it up.”

“No, no, you don’t have to. Not in your own home. I was just startled to see it again. I’d forgotten how fresh it still looks.” Harry stepped over a pile of books and waved his wand over the next collection. “I used to get so angry at Ron for not letting you take it off, the glamour I mean, but I guess I got used to not seeing it.”

“Ron saw it happen,” Hermione shrugged, “he was as trapped as I was, but witnessing the suffering of someone you love is often harder than suffering yourself. Seeing my scars was just a reminder to him of his failure.” She ran her cloth over the top and spine of the book in her hand absently, her eyes unfocused.

“You didn’t fail us then Hermione, you didn’t break.”

“I know, it was close though.”

Harry hopped over the books and stood in front of his friend. He took the book from her hand and placed it on the table beside the red leather journal Severus had brought over. “You didn’t, were and still are amazing ‘Mione.” Harry took her hand and smiled warmly.

“But this is heavy stuff to talk about, and you said we’ll do it later. Let’s get to work putting these books back on their shelves organised by the colour of the author’s socks or whatever method you used this time so you and Snape can enjoy your evening in.”

“I do not organise by sock colour!” Hermione huffed.

“No, they change socks too often, the author's eye colour is a better option.” Severus said placing the mobile phone back on the mantle and picked up the book Harry had put on the table.

“Was that a joke, Snape?” Harry asked.

“I spoke in absolute frankness Potter. This author had grey eyes if I recall.” Severus handed the book to Hermione with a twinkle in his eye.

Hermione took the book and wrinkled her nose. She opened the book to the last page in the back and saw a picture of the author who had grey eyes blinking back at her and moving a quill suggestively across her lips.

“Alright you two, I will stack the books in the order I want them in, you can both do the heavy lifting, for your cheek.” She said snapping the book closed and placing it on the table.

“Yes, Miss,” both of them echoed, and they got to work.

* * *

Half an hour later with most of the shelves dusted and refilled, Hermione came into the room carrying a tray with a pitcher of water with ice and limes floating in it and three glasses.

Harry was levitating a stack of books to the uppermost shelf in the unit at the back of the room while Severus placed a series of books on the table for Hermione to go through.

“Here, have some water. Even using magic, this is thirsty work,” she said, putting the tray down on the table and pouring a glass for each of them. She handed one to Harry first and gave Severus the second. His fingers brushed against hers as he took his glass.

Hermione shivered a little at his touch and then picked up her glass. “I had expected to be at this most of next week, but having you two help has made this fly! Thank you!” She took a drink of water and looked directly at Severus over her glass.

Severus said nothing and drank his water, Harry ran the glass over his brow and panted. “I swear books have charms on them that make them heavier than they look.”

“It’s the weight of all that knowledge.” Hermione said absently as she put her glasses down and started looking at the pile of book Severus had left out for her.

“You’ve been saying that since our first year.” Harry groaned.

“I’ve been saying it since I was 5, it was one of the first puns I came up with, and my parents loved it so much I started saying it all the time.”

“Little Hermione must have been adorable.” Harry chuckled.

“Grown up Hermione is adorable now.” Severus said calmly and took the sorted pile and brought the books over to the shelves Harry had been filling. He reached up and placed the books away.

Harry and Hermione looked at his back with wide eyes and then looked at each other, Hermione shrugged, blushed and returned her focus to her books.

* * *

There was a loud crack and Schatzi appeared in the room's doorway and made a disgusted face at the mess of the people in the room and the remaining mess in the room.

They spoke in heavily accented English, “The meal the Grand Master requested is on the table. Would he like me to finish in here?”

Hermione gasped, Severus stepped forward, “Nein Schatzi, Miss Golightly is doing her own busy work and we are helping her.”

Schatzi looked at Harry and nodded, “As he should, but you Grand Master?”

“Schatzi, you may leave, I will call you when I have need.” Severus’ voice was commanding. The House Elf bowed and vanished.

“Well, that’s my cue to leave. Harry said, I’ll just go wash up and then head home.”

“No Mr Potter, I planned dinner to include you as well, though I suggest you wash up before you eat.”

“That wasn’t necessary, Snape.” Harry protested.

“You had made plans to eat here, I usurped your afternoon’s plans, the least I could do was provide a meal in recompense.”

“Well, I won’t argue over free food.” Harry laughed and left the room to go wash up.

Hermione put down her last book in the middle of the stack she was sorting and smiled. “I know I’m not supposed to thank you, but I appreciate this.” 

She walked out of the room “I’ll wash up in the on suite. There is a WC with a sink in the hallway across from the loo if you don’t want to wait for Harry.” She said before she left the room.

Severus looked about the room, waved his wand once, casting a silent charm and then called out “Schatzi.”

The House Elf appeared by his side and drooped their ears.

“None of that, what of the other preparations I asked for?”

“The oils and towels are ready, as is the table you requested. I put them in the spare room as you requested. There is also the bag you wanted prepared and waiting there as well. If you do not need them, I can remove them without Miss Golightly’s notice.”

“Good, when you come to collect the dinner dishes please remember to be loud with your entrance and exit.”

Schatzi bowed and left as silently as they arrived and Severus cancelled the silencing charm in the room. He stepped out into the hall just as Harry was exiting the toilet, so Severus nodded to the younger man as he ducked in to wash off the dust and grime from his labours.

When they all sat down at Hermione’s kitchen table, there was a large skillet filled with a rainbow of Mediterranean vegetables, a large bowl of crusty bread gleaming with oil, the scent of garlic and herbs filled the air and there were glasses of a sparkling white liquid sitting by each plate.

“Oh, man, I had missed your ratatouille Hermione!” Harry exclaimed and clapped his hands, “I’ve tried to make it several times, Ginny likes it but it isn’t ever the same.”

“Hermione didn’t make this, though I would think hers would be better. I instructed Schatzi to make this as I knew it was Hermione’s favourite meal, and one I was aware you enjoyed as well.”

“Nothing gets past you, even now, Snape.” Harry chuckled. 

Hermione cleared her throat, her eyes a little damp, “Well, talking about the food isn’t enjoying it, and I refuse to let anyone’s hard work go to waste. So, hand me your plate Harry.”

“Thank you Hermione.” Severus said and waited for Hermione to serve each of them and let her take the first bite of food before lifting his fork.

Harry cleared half his plate before taking a sip from his glass. “This is good, fantastic, but it isn’t like Hermione’s. The elderflower is great though.” He tipped the glass in salute.

“Harry, tell me about the boys, if I’m to get them something for the holidays I need to know a bit about them.”

Harry grinned, took a piece of garlic bread and bragged about his two children for the rest of the meal.

* * *

When they had finished their meal, and Harry had consumed half the fruit tart Severus had provided and was discussing how his youngest Al was showing signs of his magic and using it to make it look like his brother James had been getting into mischief, how Al had almost gotten away with it until Ginny told Harry that James had been with her napping in the other room when the incident had happened.

“I don’t know where he gets it from.” Harry sighed, fatherly pride giving way to exasperation.

“I may have an idea,” Severus said into his drink and Hermione stifled a snort.

Harry closed his eyes and shook his head, “I guess I am owed that.” He stretched and his shoulder cracked as he did. “Thank you for dinner. This has been great, but if I leave now, I might get to help Ginny with bedtime.”

“Then go Harry!” Hermione stood up, “Don’t let us keep you.”

“Don’t get up,” he protested, “I can see myself out. I’ll be here in the morning for the market ok?” 

Harry reached over and kissed Hermione on the cheek, then left the room and the echoes of the Floo activating filled the space shortly after.

“Schatzi?” Severus called, and the House Elf appeared by his arm with a loud crack.

They took one look at the table and snapped their fingers and the dishes disappeared, a Japanese tea service for two appeared on the table, they nodded at Severus and left with another loud crack.

Hermione giggled, and Severus tilted his head towards her.

“It just seems to me that whoever named Schatzi was fond of irony, I am sure they are precious and special but they don’t seem very sweet.” 

“Schatzi has a unique brand of humour, that I will admit, but when you get to know them, you’ll see that they live up to their name.”

“And that comment about Harry?”

“That, that was..”

“Apt and hilarious, I think, are the words you are trying not to say.”

Severus nodded, “Harry may realise it already but until he tells me himself I will not presume, Schatzi has been working with the Order since before the doors opened publicly. They have a knack for identifying what a person needs.”

Hermione rolled her head and rubbed her neck and shoulder. “I am glad you convinced Harry to help today, even with you both doing most of the heavy lifting, I am stiff and sore.”

“Why don’t I try to work those kinks out of your neck, you could go have a hot shower and then meet me back in the front room Hermione? 

“I’m no professional massage therapist, but it may help release that tension.”

Hermione stopped rubbing her neck and looked at Severus with her head tilted.

“All right,” she nodded. Severus stood up and helped Hermione to her feet. She squeezed his hand once and then left the room and disappeared into her bedroom.

Severus went back to the front room and shelved the books that Hermione had sorted before they left for dinner and moved the table and sofa away from the centre of the room. He also conjured a screen to go in front of the fireplace, blocking it from view.

When he heard water rushing in the pipes, he went into the spare room, where Hermione kept her sewing machine and cutting table, and a large chest filled with packages of blue tissue paper.

In the corner was a white folded massage table and wheeled trolley that Severus brought to the front room. The trolley had large fluffy towels folded on the bottom and vials of oils and a few stones in a bowl of water on the top.

Severus set up the table easily and covered it with soft brushed cotton sheets and a larger dark cotton blanket. He rolled some towels and placed one at the head of the table and one near the base. 

The water shut off and Severus turned the lights off in the room and lit some candles that Hermione had set up around the room. He then cast a gentle warming charm on the room to raise the ambient temperature and removed his wand sheath from his left arm.

There was a soft step in the room and Hermione came through wearing a large fluffy dressing gown, her hair still tied up in the messy bun. She took in the changes in her room and opened her mouth in surprise.

“I thought it would be just me sitting on the floor and you on the sofa!” she exclaimed, “You said you weren’t a professional.”

“I’m not,” he said simply. “Make yourself comfortable under the blankets, I will be right back.” He said as he excused himself from the room.

He knocked at the door frame before returning to the room, waiting for Hermione’s answer before entering the space.

Hermione had put her robe, neatly folded on the arm of the sofa and lying down on the massage table, nestled in the face opening so she could keep her neck as straight as possible.

“You had mentioned wanting to try a hot stone massage,” Severus spoke as he walked in. “I thought after an emotional experience it might be a good idea.”

“That sounds lovely,” came Hermione’s muffled voice.

“I’ve also blended a slightly warmer oil, one that should help with the muscular aches you’ve been experiencing. It has a ginger and black pepper base. Would that be acceptable?”

“I trust your judgement Severus.”

“If it is too warm for your skin, please let me know. Some are sensitive to these types of oils.”

“I will. I promise.”

Severus reached into the bowl of water and pulled out a stone. Steam rose from the smooth rock as it came in contact with the air. Severus used his free hand to roll the edge of the blanket down to the small of Hermione’s back and placed the stone just above the blanket. He then placed three more along her spine and one on either shoulder. Then he lifted the blanket with both hands and pulled it up to cover her back and the stones. 

He then moved to the bottom of the bed and rolled up the blanket to expose her feet. He then poured a little oil into the palm of his hand and then rubbed both hands together.

He took one foot in his hand and started smoothing his oil coated thumbs over the arch of her foot and spreading the oil over her skin in strong assured movements. 

Hermione gave a contented groan as Severus smoothed a tight spot just under her toes. 

He worked on her feet for several minutes and then rolled the blanket up further to explore her calves. After pouring more oil into his hand and warming it, he worked on her lower legs, soothing oil over her skin and then using his long fingers to work on the tension in her muscles.

When his fingertips brushed against the back of her knees, Hermione twitched slightly and apologised. Severus didn’t speak as he applied more oil to the area and smoothed light circles with his fingers before traveling back down her calves with more force. Though he continued to contact the back of her knees and soon Hermione was no longer twitching with the contact but giving little breathy sighs when his fingers contacted her sensitive skin.

Severus then rolled the blanket up a little further, to rest just below the curve of her buttocks and smoothed oil over the backs of Hermione’s thighs, letting his long fingers trail over the sides and drag slowly up her inner thigh before pulling away and pushing the heels of his hands down towards her knees, brushing them with his fingertips before tracing back up her leg again.

Hermione’s breathing started coming a little faster, and she parted her thighs as Severus kept at his work, but he didn’t increase his speed or change his technique. Hermione gave a quiet little mewling sound when Severus lifted his hands from her skin and rolled the blanket down to cover her legs and feet.

He then moved to the head of the table and rolled the blanket down to the small of Hermione’s back and removed the now cooler rocks, placing them into the bowl of water.

He applied more oil to his hands and smoothed them across the broad expanse of Hermione’s back. He reached the dip in her back and splayed his fingers outward, outlining her spinal column with his thumbs. Severus then leaned forward and pushed upward, moving his hands up to the base of Hermione’s neck. When he reached her neck and shoulders, he parted his hands and dragged them down either side of her torso, his fingers moving over her sides and tracing delicate lines along the edges of her breasts and rib cage and over the curve of her hips before trailing over the small of her back, above the blanket and outlining her spine again.

Severus repeated his up and over motions until he saw Hermione’s shoulders drop a little and then he lifted his hands up to the curve of her neck and right shoulder. With more oil in his palms, he scooped the flesh under his hands and kneaded it, digging his thumbs into the knots he found near her spine.

He repeated his movements on her left side, finding each knot and working them loose before rolling the blanket to cover her completely.

“If you wish me to continue, you are going to have to roll over Hermione,” Severus spoke with a soft voice.

“Hrmng?” she mumbled and then tried to nod with her face still in the table's opening.

“I am going to lift the far side of the blanket and hold it up so you can move freely,” he dictated, “I’ll lower it and then I’ll put the spacer back in the table so your head isn’t resting at an uncomfortable angle, use the towels to help support you.”

He reached over Hermione and gripped the blanket, “I’m lifting the blanket now,” he stood up and held the blanket up before him and waited until Hermione had successfully rolled over and settled down before lowering the blanket again.

He then reached under the blanket and gently pulled her right arm out. He poured more oil into his hands and then smoothed it over her skin from shoulder to fingertip, spending time to use his thumb to rub deep circles in the cave of her palm before pulling on each finger slowly.

He worked on her arm and hand until his dexterous fingers could not feel any tension in her limb and replaced it under the blanket.

“I can work on your left arm as well, but only if you are comfortable with that,” he spoke with his soft tone, “If not, I will finish with the back of your neck and head.”

Hermione lifted her heavy lids and blinked in the darkened room. “Um, maybe just the neck,” she mumbled, “Though it is unfair getting me to think.”

Severus gave a slight chuckle, “Good to know there is something that can slow down your mind.”

He settled himself at the head of the table and gently lifted Hermione’s head into his hands and dug his fingers into the knots he found immediately. Hermione groaned as he worked at them, pulling some hair out from her messy bun as he worked.

He tilted her head to the left and started smoothing down the stretched skin, looking for any spots of tension he may have missed earlier.

He then tilted her head to the right and did the same on her other side, before returning his attention to the base of her neck and hairline. 

His thumbs made their way back into her hair and pressed on her scalp as he rubbed. Hermione groaned again and parted her lips, her tongue darting out to wet her bottom lip before she bit down on it slightly.

Severus finished working on her scalp and lifted his hand before disentangling it from her hair, and pulled gently. Hermione took a sudden deep breath and moved towards him.

Severus lowered his hand and slid his fingers from her curls without causing further tension and smoothed his other thumb over her forehead.

He used the fingers of both hands to smooth down her brows and cheekbones, before rubbing around and under her ears, pressing firmly behind her earlobe and making Hermione involuntarily open her mouth and relax her jaw.

“I am going to leave the room now Hermione, take your time,” he said resting his open hand on top of the blanket and over her heart, “get up and put on your robe and then sit here and wait for me. I’ll bring in the tea and we can talk a little.” 

He lifted his hand and trailed his fingers over the blanket across the top of her chest and down along her right arm before he left the room.

Hermione blinked and took a deep breath. She sat up and held the blanket to her chest, inadvertently touching the spot Severus had rested his hand moments ago. She looked around herself and then looked to where she had placed her robe earlier. She floated it towards herself and slipped it on, getting free of the blanket and tying the band at her waist.

Severus knocked at the door frame, but didn’t look into the room until Hermione called out, “All set.”

He carried the tray with the tea things to the coffee table at the back of the room and then came to Hermione, who was still standing beside the massage table.

He closed the space between them and stood before her. He looked directly into her eyes and with a serious expression he spoke, “Hermione, I would very much like to kiss you right now. Do I have your permission?”

  
  



	25. Twenty Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> Let her know I sent you as reviews are a writer's mana.
> 
> This is a short chapter, but I couldn't leave you on that cliff hanger.

_He closed the space between them and stood before her. He looked directly into her eyes and with a serious expression he spoke, “Hermione, I would very much like to kiss you right now. Do I have your permission?”_  
  


* * *

  
Hermione looked at Severus’ lips for a moment, then back into his eyes. She leaned forward and Severus backed away.

“I need an answer, Hermione.”

“A resounding yes, or nothing at all,” she whispered, he nodded. 

“You can say no at any time. You have that power.”

“Then I am saying yes right now, Severus. I am saying yes.”

Severus stepped closer to her and lifted his hand to cup the side of her face. She tilted up to meet his lips as he slowly lowered himself down to her.

He paused before touching her lips and looked at her, Hermione had closed her eyes, her dark lashes brushing the soft skin under her eyes. Severus’ mouth lifted in a slight smile before he closed his eyes and pressed his mouth to hers.

His lips were delicate on hers. She opened her mouth quickly, trying to invite him into her. 

Severus ignored the invitation, and instead he focused his attentions on her bottom lip, plucking it with his own lips and running his tongue over the supple flesh in a long sweep from right to left. He then traced his tongue over the left corner of her mouth and sucked her upper lip into his mouth.

He traced her lip with his tongue and ended at the crease at the right side of her mouth. Severus closed his mouth and pulled away. Hermione closed her mouth in protest and Severus kissed her again.

He traced her lips with his tongue tasting and teasing her until she gasped and gripped his shirt in her hands, Severus smirked under her mouth and ran his tongue along the inside of her lips, teasing and touching her delicately identifying the texture of her mouth for recollection later.

Hermione opened her mouth wider and arched her back to increase her physical contact with him.

Severus reached behind her and tangled his fingers into the loose hairs at the base of her neck and tugged gently. Hermione broke the kiss to gasp and tilt her pelvis close to him. 

Severus leaned over her, letting the length of his body come in contact with hers and he began kissing her again.

His tongue explored the mysteries of her mouth with a torturous slowness while his hand kept a firm grip on her hair.

Hermione’s hands gripped the fabric of his shirt as she opened herself to him. She groaned in the back of her throat and Severus dragged his mouth from hers and kissed along her jaw line until he reached the shell of her ear. 

“What were thy lips the worse for one poor kiss? . . . Give me one kiss, and I'll give it thee again, and one for interest, if thou wilt have twain,” he whispered and took her earlobe in his mouth.

Hermione gasped loudly and Severus released her hair and pulled away from her, his lips dark and swollen, his eyes deep and dark.

Hermione panted and blinked rapidly. The side of Severus’ mouth quirked up in a smile and he held out his hand to her. Hermione placed her hand in his and he guided her to the sofa and made her sit down, he handed her a glass of water from the pitcher they had left on the table and walked over to the trolley where he grabbed his wand sheath and put it on his left arm.

He sat down as he was fastening the back strap and he looked up without raising his head at Hermione sitting on the sofa, holding her glass of water in her hand and not seeing anything around her.

“Drink Hermione,” he told her. She obeyed, lifting the glass of room temperature water to her lips and swallowed. She frowned at the water and then a thin rim of frost coated the glass before she took another sip, satisfied with the temperature.

“How long has it been since you were kissed properly?” Severus asked.

Hermione turned her head and looked at Severus, she smiled a cheeky smile, “Oh I would say it’s been about 3 minutes give or take.”

Severus snorted, “While that pleases my ego, you know what I meant.”

“If we are not counting what just happened,” Hermione took another sip of water, “I would say that it has only happened once before and that was a very long time ago.”

“How long?” 

“Ninety-Eight.”

“That was a while ago.” Severus nodded. 

“I think I do not want to wait as long again.” Hermione said and then she drained her glass. 

Severus chuckled and motioned to the tea service he had brought in. “I can make you a cup of Matcha if you wish.”

“No, thank you Severus, but I don’t think I need any caffeine at the moment.” She put her glass down on the table and shifted her position on the sofa, tucking one leg under her as she turned her body to look at Severus.   
She propped her left arm on the back of the sofa and rested her head on her fist. The sleeve of her robe fell down and exposed her scar.

Severus’ eyes went to the exposed red letters, and Hermione noticed. She dropped her arm to make the sleeve fall and captured the cuff with her fist.

“May I see it?” Severus asked softly.

Hermione straightened up, and she weakly pushed her left arm forward. When Severus touched her wrist with gentle fingers, Hermione closed her eyes and looked away.

Severus watched her face for a moment before turning his attention to the arm. He gently pushed the sleeve of her robe up to her elbow.

“You usually glamour this before you come to the club, don’t you?”

Hermione nodded, still looking away, “I can’t get rid of it completely so I just make it look less angry and less distinguishable. I normally have it glamoured all the time, but it was just me in the house today so I didn’t bother.”

“Can you show me the glamour?” he asked.

Hermione turned to look at him, a question unasked in her eyes. 

She nodded and pulled a wand from her hair. She waved the black curved wood over her arm and the red angry letters faded to a bruised series of lines on the otherwise smooth skin of her inner forearm.

“It stands to reason that because you do that so often you can do it wordlessly, but that you need a wand to do it concerns me.”

“I have to use a wand for healing spells and cosmetic charms as well. My training was for defensive work, things that I might need to do on the fly while in danger. Simple things like water repelling and such take little effort, and I can do that without a wand.”

“Do you always put the glamour on with that wand?”

Hermione frowned a little and looked at the wand in her hand. “Yes, I think I do.” She put the wand down on the table and looked at her exposed forearm. She pulled her other wand from another part of her hair; her bun collapsed and her curls fell in a soft curtain down around her face and shoulders. Hermione shook her head to clear her vision and waved the wand over her glamour and it vanished. 

She then twisted her wand and tried to recast the glamour. The red letters blurred and appeared to sink into her skin but were still legible.  
“Interesting,” she said.

“Indeed,” Severus said, still holding her wrist. He ran his hand over her arm and the partial glamour vanished. “May I try something?”

“Of course,” Hermione said, put her second wand down on the table beside the first and looked into his eyes.

Severus nodded, shifted his left arm to expose his wand sheath, and used his right hand to pull out his wand. Still holding her left hand, his wand over the marks and sang a soft tune.

“That won’t work,” Hermione tried to interrupt but then gasped as the scars oozed a clear fluid. She hissed between her teeth and tried to pull away. Severus let go of her hand and let her move back.

When she looked down at the last two letters on her arm, she noticed they were still leaking fluid. She used the cuff of the right sleeve of her robe to dab at the wounds.

“What was that?” She asked, her face red with anger.

Severus, still holding his wand in his left hand tapped the tip against his lips, “An experiment.”

“The results?”

“Unclear just as yet,” he put his wand away in a swift movement and turned his full body towards Hermione. “I had hoped to remove the scarring; your body wants to heal it. Your ability to glamour it at all is evidence enough of that.”

“Only with Bellatrix’s old wand,” Hermione snapped back.

“True, but you have made it your own by now. Why are you so angry?”

“Because…” Hermione scowled and then looked puzzled, “I don’t know.”

“That wand and I have a history,” Severus nodded at the table, “may I try again with the walnut wand?”

Hermione nodded and reached forward to grab the dark wood and turned it in her fingers to present the handle to Severus, who took it with a nod of his head. 

“Thank you, may I have your wrist again?”

Hermione reluctantly extended her left arm to Severus, and he took it gently in his own left. He waited until Hermione was looking him in the eyes and had nodded before he sang over the scars again.

A soft glow filled the air between flesh and wand, and Hermione hissed again but didn’t pull away.   
Severus sang under his breath and moved the wand back and forth over her arm. 

Sweat beaded on his brow and over his top lip, but he didn’t look away and didn’t stop singing.  
The glow intensified until Hermione had to close her eyes and look away, but she kept her arm outstretched.

Severus stopped singing and sighed. The light faded, and Hermione turned her face back to look down on her arm.  
There, on her exposed arm, was a series of slightly raised bruised lines that didn’t spell out any hateful slurs. 

Hermione gasped, pulled her arm from Severus’ loose grip and held it up in front of her face. She ran shaky fingers over the healed scars and then looked up to Severus.  
“How did you, no.. Oh Severus!” Hermione squealed and launched herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Severus dropped the wand on the back of the sofa and wrapped his arms around Hermione and adjusted her to sit more comfortably in his lap giving a long sigh. He let his weight sink into the back of the seat and tipped his head back with his eyes closed.

Hermione buried her face into his shoulder and sobbed. “Thank you Severus, thank you, oh thank you. I would never have asked, I could never have asked. Severus you have no idea,” She babbled as she clutched at him.

“Peace, Hermione,” he sighed.

She sniffed and pulled away to look at him. “Oh, you must be exhausted!” Severus opened his eyes and raised one brow. “I am so sorry.” She shook her head and lifted her hand to hit herself, and Severus caught her hand before she could make contact.

“Stop punishing yourself. You are undoing all the progress we have been making.” He let go of her wrist and dropped his arm onto the back of the sofa.

“I am tired, yes, but I will be fine.”

“Let me make you something to eat then.” She struggled to get off his lap, but he immediately wrapped both arms around her to hold her in place.

“Food may be a good idea, but not yet. Please Hermione, just stay.”

Hermione stilled and looked at him. “You want me to stay here?”

“That is what I asked.”

Hermione opened her mouth, then closed it again and nodded. “Ok then.” She shifted her weight in his lap so that she could rest her cheek on his shoulder again, and she stretched out her legs along the length of the sofa. Severus wrapped one arm around her waist and the other hand absently played with the index finger of her left hand.

Hermione sighed and relaxed into his embrace and together they sat there on her sofa for a long while, not speaking.

Hermione’s breathing slowed as she finally gave into her exhaustion and fell into a sleep, Severus held her in his lap and tipped his head back for a long while.   
When Hermione shivered slightly and tried to curl closer into his warmth, he lifted the walnut wand and summoned the blanket that was still resting on top of the massage table, which he floated over her and let it fall to cover her and his left arm.

Hermione gave a contented sigh and nuzzled his chest again.

Severus looked down at the sleeping woman in his embrace and smiled slightly. He shook his head and let out a long breath, then lifted the wand on the back of the sofa again and muttered “Levicorpus” and Hermione lifted from him, undisturbed in her slumber. Severus then shifted his body, so he could sit with his legs outstretched and resting on the coffee table. He then lowered Hermione so that her head was resting in his lap, her shoulder firm against his thigh, and her legs supported by the rest of the sofa.  
She rolled over, so she was facing him and pulled the blanket up over her shoulder, giving a sleepy wiggle before settling down again.

He put the wand back on the back of the sofa, caressing the walnut wood once with his finger tips, then he pulled his own wand and summoned the journal to him. 

He sheathed his wand, and called out a quiet, “Schatzi”.

The House Elf appeared silently by the side of the sofa and looked around. 

“Schatzi, please clear up the massage table and accessories for me, and I’ll have my usual night time drink here. I may need something for sore muscles in the morning,” he whispered, “Oh, and maybe a few fresh candles as well.” 

The House Elf didn’t speak, but waved a hand and the table, trolley and the extra towels and blankets vanished. The tea service was removed and a small side table appeared beside Severus with a large mug with steam curling from it. There was also a leather case on the end table, the silver arm of a pair of glasses poking out from the opening, and a capped fountain pen. Fresh candles took the place of the partially burned ones and the shoes on Severus’ feet changed to soft slippers.

“Thank you Schatzi, it was good of you to remember my reading glasses.”

The House Elf bowed and vanished from the room as silently as they appeared.

Severus lifted the glasses case and pulled out his silver rimmed reading glasses and put them on. Then he opened the journal and flipped a few pages until he found what he had been looking for. He then propped the book open to read while Hermione slept peacefully in his lap.

* * *

**Replies to Journal Entry 25**

**Thank you for telling me of your personal vow, Hermione. You continue to impress me with your fortitude and compassion.**

**You have succeeded admirably in your efforts in being a part of the world and finding the good in others.**

* * *

**Replies to Journal Entry 26**

**I agree with your suggestion that you taking a back seat is an appropriate strategy for your upcoming reports. Discretion being the better part of valour, after all.**  


* * *

**Replies to Journal Entry 27**

**You are asking yourself the correct questions, Hermione. In outlining your boundaries and being aware of Potter’s own limitations, it will better equip you to establish a healthy relationship with him should you so wish it.**

**You control this situation; remember that.**

* * *

**Replies to Journal Entry 28**

**I would like you to expand on this further, as you have provided no details.**

* * *

**Assignments to the next week**

**1\. Complete the previous week’s assignment by highlighting in detail your most common sexual fantasy.**

**2\. Explain why you avoid sweet foods.**

**3\. Explain your choice not to consume alcohol in public.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Journal Entries referenced in this can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25758343/chapters/71253549#workskin)


	26. Twenty Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> Let her know I sent you as reviews are a writer's mana. (Also I suggest you subscribe to her works because she has some amazing things in the works.)

In the flickering light of the last remaining candle they slept.

Severus was upright on the sofa, his legs stretched out before him and resting on the table. He still wore his glasses and held a book close to his chest, resting just below his chin, with his head tilted forward.

Hermione was still resting her head on his leg, the blanket pulled over her shoulder and her face pointed towards the back of the sofa.

She stretched out her legs and bumped into the arm of the sofa. She rolled over on to her other side and rubbed her face a few times against Severus’ leg and then her eyes flew open.

She lifted her head, looking up and behind her to see Severus relaxed in sleep, his glasses perched low on his nose. He breathed in suddenly and his eyes flew open and the book in his hand fell and landed on Hermione’s forehead.

“Ouch!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands to the tender spot and sitting up.

“Oh, Hermione! Are you hurt?” Severus asked and lifted her hands away to check her face for any injuries. He couldn’t see anything untoward, but he pressed a gentle kiss on her brow. “I wasn’t expecting to fall asleep. I should have put the book down properly.”

“A little sore,” she admitted, squinting and pulling her face from his hands to look over her shoulder to the wall clock. “What time is it?” 

When she saw the clock clearly she huffed, “Well, I’m not going to ask you to go home at half three in the morning, and I am not so cruel as to expect anyone to sleep on the sofa. I could make up the spare bed for you Severus, or since we’ve already been sleeping together, you could just join me in my bed. It’s big enough for us to share,” she turned back to look at him expectantly.

Severus was taking off his glasses and sliding them into the leather pouch on the table beside his seat.

“Hermione, there is no need—”

She stood up and grabbed the blanket that had fallen from her lap. She absently folded it as she spoke. “Nonsense, you are exhausted, I’m not kicking you out into the cold, not after everything. Now I’ll understand if you want the spare bed, it won’t take me a moment to put some fresh sheets on it and you can settle down.” She placed the blanket on the arm of the sofa and tilted her head at Severus.

Severus stood up from the sofa and stepped towards Hermione. He placed his hands on her upper arms and looked down at her. 

“It would be in—”

“I’ll make up the spare bed then,” she went to turn away but Severus’ hands held her in place. 

There was a hiss, and the last remaining candle sputtered out and it left them in darkness. The ambient light from the city outside didn’t penetrate the thick curtains covering Hermione’s windows.

“It if is acceptable to you, I will share your bed this evening. There is no need for extra effort on my behalf.” Severus sighed.

“You are worth the effort Severus,” Hermione breathed, then in a brighter tone, “I’ll go turn on the light in the hall, dig out something more comfortable for you to sleep in and a spare toothbrush.” Her voice moved in the darkness, with the sounds of soft footsteps following.

The light in the hallway turned on and Severus closed his eyes, adjusting to the electronic light that came through the open doorway.

Hermione stood near the wall in the hall and looked into the front room. Severus moved around the furniture and came into the hall.

“There is no need to hint for sleeping clothes for me, I called Schatzi just after you fell asleep to bring me a change of clothes for the morning, I am sure they included my pyjamas and toiletries when they brought me my slippers.”

Hermione looked to Severus’ feet and noticed the soft felted tartan clogs he had on. “Great!” Hermione said with a smile. “I’ll go get changed and then we can settle down. We may have slept some but,” her mouth parted with an enormous yawn that she covered with the back of her hand, “I’m still pretty tired, and I am sure you must be too,” she reached up and tucked a strand of hair behind Severus’ ear.

Severus watched Hermione go into her bedroom, partially closing the door and turning on the light. He watched the shadows of her movements through the small opening with a blank face before shaking his head and turning to go back into the spare room where his bag was waiting.

He quickly changed into a pair of loose black sleep trousers and a grey sleep vest. He folded his rumpled clothes and placed them into the bag, before zipping it closed and carrying it with him to the partially open door of Hermione’s bedroom.

He reached up to knock at the door frame when Hermione called out, “Come in!”

Severus pushed open the door and saw Hermione standing with her back to him. She stood before the curtained window, quickly tying her hair up in a plait. She was wearing an overly large blue tee shirt that had a list of English cities and dates printed in a faded white text down the back of it.

She secured her plait with a bobble and rolled the thick chord of hair over her wrist absently, tossing her hair behind her, before turning around and smiling at him.

She walked to the side of the bed closest to her, away from the door, and flicked on the lamp sitting on the side table. “Get settled, I’m just going to turn off the lights, I’ll be right back.”

She walked around the bed and as she passed Severus; he dropped the bag he was holding and grabbed her upper arms again.

“Hermione,”

She reached up and put two fingers on his lips. “Shhh, this is just to sleep. I have no expectations and I do not think you have any yourself. It is half three in the morning and we should get some rest.” She stepped out of the room and went to check the front door and then moved to the front room where she came back with their wands.

Severus had moved his overnight bag to a corner of the room near the doorway to the ensuite and was standing with his arms crossed on the side of the bed nearest the door. Hermione came in and handed him his wand, still in its sheath, and then flicked off the overhead light.

She moved around the bed and placed her lighter coloured wand on the bedside table, and tucked the darker wand under her pillow. She lifted the corner of the duvet and looked up at Severus.

He placed his wand on the bedside table nearest him and lifted the duvet. He turned his back to Hermione and sat down, toeing off his slippers and then tucking his feet under the covers.

Hermione slid into the bed and lay down on her back. She sat up briefly and fluffed her pillow.

“Am I allowed to speak?” Severus said, still sitting up in the bed.

Hermione giggled and rolled over onto her side. “Oh I am sorry, I went all mother hen on you, didn’t I?”

“You did,” Severus nodded. “I appreciate your consideration even if it is a little heavy-handed.”

Hermione sat up and hissed through her teeth, her face in an apologetic grimace.

“But that isn’t what I wanted to speak about.”

“Oh?”

“We are sharing the same sleeping space, and I am aware of your need for touch, and I am going to admit that I have a slight need towards it as well this evening, so would it be acceptable for me to hold you during the night while we rest?”

Hermione gave Severus a puzzled look for a moment and then just nodded, “Of course Severus, we had already cuddled up together on the sofa, I don’t have an issue with cuddling you. I quite like it, in fact.”

“Well, then mother hen, with that matter settled, kindly put out the light so we can get back to sleep.” Severus said with a hint of levity in his voice.

Hermione did as Severus suggested and then settled back down, lying on her right side. Severus then came up behind her and wrapped an arm around her waist and drew her closer to him, his knees bending to bring his thighs to rest up against the curve of her backside.

Hermione wiggled herself in a little more and lifted her head to bring her plait over her left shoulder. Severus moved his right arm under her neck and shoulder.

Together they both gave a contented sigh and Hermione giggled again.

“What is it?” Severus asked, shifting his face up over top of her head to make sure she could hear him.

“Just, both of us, sighing together,” she trailed off.

“Continue,” 

“This back and forth, trying to communicate what we need while trying to be respectful of the other’s autonomy, and protecting ourselves as well. It’s silly, really. I should just say to you what I like and let you respond as you feel the need. I know you are too respectful to reject me without good reason.”

“Oh?”

“And even if your reason wasn’t what I considered a good one, I respect you too much to disregard your reasons. So I should just start being forthright, with you at least.”

“Indeed,” Severus said, his voice slow and lazy.

“And you are falling asleep as I’m talking. So I am going to shut up after I say I am very happy that you stayed the night Severus.”

“If you say so,” Severus mumbled and buried his face into Hermione’s hair.

“Thank you Severus” Hermione whispered and lifted her left arm to her face. In the dark she couldn’t tell the scarring had vanished but she smiled all the same.

* * *

Hermione gave a gentle snore and wiggled against the warm body behind her.

Severus stiffened, and his eyes flew open. His breathing quickened until a curl that had broken free of its confines in the night tickled his nose, He wrinkled it and slowed down his breathing, untangled his arms and pulled away from Hermione.

He moved to leave the bed and Hermione propped up her head and blinked at him. She made a sleepy grunt when she saw him.

“Need the lav,” Severus grumbled and Hermione dropped her head back down on the pillow with a snort.

He returned to the bed and slid back under the covers, laying on his back, leaving some distance between him and Hermione. She shifted over and came to rest her head on his chest, pinning his arm to his side.   
He grunted and pulled his arm from between them and left it outstretched on the top of the bed, while Hermione nuzzled his chest with her cheek.

They lay there together in silence, Hermione taking her time coming back to awareness, Severus staring up at the ceiling with hard eyes.

“Did you get much sleep?” Hermione finally asked.

Severus grunted in affirmation.

Hermione smiled, rubbed her face once more and stretched her back. “Give me a few moments and I’ll get up and start on breakfast, if you want to shower the ensuite is there.”

Severus said nothing, but the hardness left his eyes.

“Egg and Soldiers ok?”

Severus grunted and nodded.

“I’ll make some coffee as well.” She said with a smile. “Okay, lazy bones, up and at ‘em. That coffee will not make itself and my bladder will not thank me for staying in bed all day.” She pushed herself up off Severus’ chest and lifted the duvet to get out of the bed.

She walked into the ensuite and closed the door. Severus watched the closed door for a moment, with a frown on his face, but when the door handle shifted, his face smoothed into impassivity.   
Hermione came out wearing her dressing gown and holding two folded towels.  
“Here, some fresh towels for you.” She put the towels on the foot of the bed and smiled. “Take your time, you are probably still recovering after yesterday,” she smiled warmly at him and then left to go make their breakfast.

Severus looked at the vacant doorway for a long moment before getting out of the bed and moving towards the bag he had left on the floor.

Picking it up, he turned and placed it on the bed. He opened it and rummaged around until he found a glass vial in the bag's bottom. Uncorking it, he drank it down in a single swallow and closed his eyes.  
He sat down beside the bag and hunched his shoulders, holding his face in his hands.

The sound of cheerful music drifted through the apartment and Severus opened his eyes, gave a long sigh and pulled out a small wash kit from the overnight bag.  
He took the towels and his wash kit into the ensuite, where he found a large shower that he could easily fit under without having to adjust anything.

He hung the towels on the rail near the shower door and turned on the water to allow it to warm up.  
He pulled out his toiletries and placed them on the shelf beside Hermione’s own products. Placed his toothbrush on the sink and then undressed.

He stepped under the stream of water and tilted his head forward, letting the hot water beat along the exposed expanse of his neck and shoulders. He rubbed his face with a weary hand and turned around to wet his face. 

He leaned his arm against the back of the wall and rested his head on his arm and let the water cascade over his body. His face was dark and angry in the confines of the shower. The sound of the water hitting him muted the music coming from the kitchen.

Severus reached behind himself to grab a bottle and brought it forward, straightening as he did so. He used his thumb to press the top open and poured some liquid soap into the palm of his other hand. His nose twitched, and he looked down to see a pale pink fluid in the cupped hand.

He dropped the bottle and tipped the soap from his hand with a curse. 

He rinsed off his hand and then grabbed his own bottle of product and used its contents to make quick work of cleaning himself, replacing Hermione’s bottle back on the shelf where he had taken it from.

He stepped from the shower and looked into the mirror, using his wand to clear the condensation, and then removed the stubble on his cheeks. He grabbed his toothbrush and gave his teeth a cursory cleaning. Hermione’s voice moved through the apartment as she sang to whatever music she was listening to.

Severus pulled the toothbrush from his mouth and looked at his reflection with hard eyes. He glared at himself in the mirror, his lip curling in disgust. He flared his nostrils, scowled and shook his head. Gripping the toothbrush tightly, he rinsed off the foam on the head of the brush and drank a small amount of water.

Wearing only a towel draped around his waist, and his toiletries bag tucked under his arm, Severus walked into the bedroom and made his way directly to the bag sitting on the rumpled bed.

He pulled out a pair of socks, some black pants, a pair of dark trousers, a black belt, a white button down shit, a silver tie, and a dark lambswool jumper.

He sat down on the bed and pulled on his socks, then stood up, leaving the towel behind, and pulled on his pants. He unbuttoned the shirt and put his arms into the sleeves, buttoning it closed again but leaving the sleeves open.

He sat down on the bed again and popped his collar, lifting the silver tie he looked at it in his hand.

Hermione’s voice raised a little and then stopped with a giggle, Severus closed his hand around the tie in a fist and scowled, before exhaling slowly and relaxing his grip on the fabric. He draped the tie over the back of his neck.

He lifted his chin and started tying his tie automatically, closing his eyes as his hands worked of their own accord. He only opened his eyes when he was tucking the skinny side to the tie under the right side of his neck and folding the collar down.

He grabbed the lambswool jumper and pulled it over his head. He pushed the sleeves of the jumper and shirt up past his elbows, and attached his wand sheath to his left arm, then pulled the shirt and jumper sleeves down, folding the cuffs of the shirt up over the cuffs of the jumper.

Severus then stood to step into his trousers, one leg at a time, and tucked in his shirt tails. He fastened his trousers closed and slid the slim black belt through the loops at his waist. He covered the belt by pulling the jumper down to let it rest on his hips.  
He then stepped into the felted clogs he had left at the side of the bed and with a gruff “Schatzi, shoes” they changed to his customary leather brogues.

He lifted the damp towel from the bed and used it to rub his damp hair before going to hang it up on the towel rail. He looked at himself in the mirror and adjusted the knot on his tie.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed in deeply before he straightened his shoulders and relaxed his face and opened the door to the bedroom and made his way to the kitchen.

On the table was a large mug of black coffee waiting for him, steam curling from the surface. Beside it was a simple place setting with an egg under a knitted chick cozy, a plate with toast cut up into fingers, a tall glass of an orange liquid, and a small bowl of diced peaches.

“Help yourself, Severus.” Hermione said as she came over, holding her own cup of coffee in her hand as she sat down.

Severus looked at the table, at the food and drink laid out for him and sighed.

“Before you protest Mr Snape, I will warn you I am a morning person, and I can easily pull out my mother hen routine. So you be good and eat your breakfast. You said you needed food after the spell work last night, and instead we both fell asleep. You need this,” she lifted her coffee cup and took a long sip, looking at him over the rim of the cup until Severus frowned and lifted the spoon that was beside the egg with his right hand and took the knitted chick off the egg with his left.

“I didn’t need my breakfast to be covered in knitwear.”

“Yes, you did, your egg is still nice and warm, besides it is cute,” she put her cup down and lifted the cozy off her own egg and tapped the top of it with her spoon.

They ate quietly while the wireless continued to play music. Hermione finished her food first and got up. “I’ll be a few minutes, I don’t need to shower as I had one last night, so I’ll just go get changed.”

She brought her dishes to the sink and left to get changed.

Severus’s impassive mask fell away as she left the room and he glared at the remains of his breakfast, the knitted cozies lying flat on the table, the familiar trivet that had the words “Round Tuit” written on it in blue type. He shook his head and lifted his mug and drained it.

Hermione returned to the kitchen and Severus’ face calmed again. She was wearing a simple outfit of dark trousers and a burgundy pullover with a gold H worked on the front. She refilled his coffee without asking and took his dirty dishes to the sink, giving them a quick rinse with a brush and leaving them to dry in the rack.

She then grabbed a sheet off the paper pad that had been hanging near the refrigerator and took the pen from the fabric loop under the pad of paper.  
She opened the fridge door and made a note of a few things and then turned and looked in her cupboards, writing things down.

When she finished her list, she put it down near her seat at the table, moved to the hall cupboard where she pulled out two reusable bags. She looked into Severus’ cup as she walked past and went to go get the pot to top him up when he finally spoke.

“It’s fine Hermione, two cups are enough.” Severus put his hand over top of his mug, preventing her from adding more liquid. Hermione nodded and refilled her own mug and sat down in her spot.

“What time is Potter due?” Severus asked.

“He should be here in 45 minutes.” 

“We should talk before he gets here.”

“Should we?” Hermione tilted her head. “I was under the impression you don’t like to speak in the mornings.”

“I don’t, but there are things that need to be said.”

Hermione gave him a gentle smile. “Don’t force yourself, wait until you are comfortable. We have the market to go to and then the toy store. We can talk afterwards,” she sipped her coffee. Then her eyes got wide, and she put down the cup “Oh unless you have somewhere to be!”

“I have nowhere else to be, I arranged things last night to see me through until this evening.”

“You hinted as much yesterday, but that was then. Today is a new day.”

Severus nodded and took another drink of his coffee. He cleared his throat and looked up at her.

“About last night, I owe you an apology.”

Hermione opened her mouth to protest but stopped herself, and lifted her coffee to her lips instead, giving a nod to Severus.

“Last night I acted appallingly, acting on instinct rather than reason. I took advantage of your trust in me and I abused it.”

Hermione placed her cup down on the table and clasped her hands together. She remained silent as she looked into Severus’ eyes.

Severus met her gaze levelly and continued to speak; “This is not an excuse, far from it. I am explaining to you I understood what my actions were and how I went wrong.”

Hermione nodded slowly as he spoke, keeping eye contact. 

“I have a strong dislike of the word that you have been forced to wear. My natural reaction to it is almost visceral. Combining it with your obvious discomfort, shame, the emotional distress you were under this week, and then seeing it exposed on your arm, I was infuriated to the point of distraction. I was compelled to act with no explanation.

“I asked your consent to see it unobstructed, and I asked if I could try something, but I didn’t explain myself or my actions to you at all. I was quite evasive, in fact. Something that I would be very critical of it someone in my order had done. I acted on instinct rather than reason.

“I wasn’t in control, and by releasing my control I subjected you to unfamiliar magics not once, but twice, without your consent. I harmed you, and I forced you to endure further discomfort when I exhausted myself. Forcing you to care for me in a manner that is highly inappropriate for our dynamic. 

“We haven’t discussed what is suitable should I find myself in that state of exhaustion, and if my requirements are acceptable for you to meet.” Severus’ voice was calm and clear, his eyes locked on Hermione’s until she shook her head.

“I betrayed one of my personal tenents Hermione, I violated your trust in me by not explaining myself and by not asking permission. I just ASSUMED,” he emphasised the word, “that what I was doing was correct and went ahead. I worked without planning or preparation and exhausted myself, subjecting you to my weakness and neediness,” his voice was harsher now, aggressive, and he hissed the word neediness.

Hermione reached forward over the table and touched Severus’ hand with a fingertip. He pulled away, so she placed her hand down face up, inviting him to take her hand while she spoke. 

“You were right, in that you acted without communicating with me,” she gave a slow nod, “but when you asked to use Bellatrix’s old wand, I knew what you were planning to do Severus, I had every opportunity to refuse consent when you asked to try the wand.”

She smiled a half smile, “I’ve gotten very good at seeing what you aren’t saying Severus, at working out your reasoning for things without asking questions, and finding the logic behind your actions.”

“Hermione, that is different, I told you not to ask questions during our lessons because I didn’t want to get sidetracked looking for irrelevant information. When it comes to your bodily autonomy, no one should assume it is acceptable to act without express permission.”

“You had my permission Severus, you had it the moment I showed you my arm.”

“I had your permission to view your scarring.”

“You had that as well. What happened last night was amazing, it truly was Severus. I would never have asked you or anyone to do something like that for me. I didn’t think it was possible.”

“You are proving my point,” Severus said.

Hermione twitched her hand on the table but didn’t remove it or close it. “Just because I wouldn’t have asked anyone doesn’t mean I didn’t want someone to help me. Again, I thought it was impossible. I was told scarring like that could never heal properly. That I had glamoured it at all was enough to shock most healers.” Hermione’s voice warbled, and she took a deep breath.

Severus reached forward and took her offered hand and held it. Hermione closed her eyes and a single tear fell down her cheek. “You did a good thing here Severus, you did an amazing thing here,” she opened her eyes and looked at him with trust and admiration.

“You gave me something I’ve needed for a long, long time, and it was something I had given up on ever getting. So I can’t accept your apology because to do so would be to negate the importance of what you did for me, and I can’t do that.”

“I do not regret healing your scarring Hermione, I regret how I went about it.”

There was a loud masculine yell and a crash in the front room. Hermione and Severus both stood up and had their wands in their hands immediately, rushing to the source of the noise.

When they got to the front room, they found Harry Potter, fallen over with his feet still in the fireplace and lying on top of the fireguard Severus had conjured the night before, one panel was bent backwards and was bouncing slightly on Harry’s back.

“Bloody hell Hermione, why did you booby-trap your floo?” He grumbled as he tried to untangle himself from the twisted screen.

“I didn’t booby-trap my floo Harry, I had a fireguard up. Have you forgotten to look before you leap?” Hermione said, crossing her arms under her chest.

Severus reached forward and helped the Auror to his feet and then banished the fireguard with a casual wave of his wand and sheathing it smoothly in the same motion.

“I figured your floo would be open, ‘cause I’m expected.” Harry grumbled.

“I can see the training at the DMLE is as thorough as always.” Severus said dryly.

Harry threw a dark look at his former tutor and then looked around the room, noting the sofa’s placement against the wall and the large open space in the room.   
He looked back to Severus and his still slightly damp hair and the folded blanket on the sofa. Harry’s face took on his indifferent look, and he ran a hand through his hair.

“Well, no harm done. Are we going to the market?”

“Yes, and the toy store as well, as I couldn’t go yesterday.”

“All right then,” Harry walked out of the front room and looked at the coat rack where there was only Hermione’s coat hanging. “Shall we get going?”

“Sure Harry, I left my list and things in the kitchen; give me a minute.” Hermione dashed to the kitchen.

Harry looked at Severus through the corner of his eye, stuck his hand in his pocket and called “Schatzi” in a quiet voice.  
The House Elf appeared at Harry’s side with a quiet pop. “Your master will need his coat.” Harry said and nodded his head towards Severus.

Severus clenched his fist once before giving a slight bow to Harry and accepting his outerwear from his House Elf. 

“No judgement here Snape, I can’t even look before I leap, so how can I expect anyone else to?” Harry said without even looking at the man he spoke to.


	27. Twenty Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> Let her know I sent you as reviews are a writer's mana. (Also I suggest you subscribe to her works because she has some amazing things in the works.)
> 
> Also Thank you so much to [AmiMendal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmiMendal/pseuds/AmiMendal/works) for the epic amount of hand holding done.
> 
> In fact thank you to everyone at the Hearts and Cauldrons Discord Server, this chapter was very difficult to write and your support and memes kept me trucking on.

While at the market, Harry was all relaxed business, keeping a careful watch over Hermione and letting her do her weekly shopping with no further comments.

After they left the market, Hermione’s groceries were placed into her battered-looking drawstring bag, and then placed into her pocket. Harry had suggested they hail a black cab to get them to the muggle toy store Hermione had insisted on going to.

They were seated in the back of the cab when Harry spoke. “I don’t know why you need to go to Hamleys the Sunday before Christmas, Hermione. The kids have plenty of toys and don’t need anything else.”

“Nonsense,” Hermione dismissed Harry’s concerns as the taxi wove its way through central London’s traffic. “You told me they don’t have any secret keepers; every child needs someone to whisper their secrets to, and it is a fact that the best secret keepers have gold buttons.”

“You are not going to get my toddlers Steiff Bears, Hermione!” Harry tilted his head and tried to glare at his friend.

“I got my bear when I was Al’s age, and my bear is in excellent condition.”

“Hermione, you are... you and my children are, well, they are relatives of the twins.”

Severus stifled a snort at Harry’s statement and looked out the window at the passing traffic.

“My mind is made up: my nephews are getting the best secret keepers, the one I had, and that is that.”

The taxi stopped in front of the large doors of the toy store, and Hermione paid the fair.

“Come gents, the sooner we are in, the sooner we can get out,” she said and grabbed Severus’ and Harry’s arms and pulled them into the heaving crowd.

The main floor of the toy store was chaos personified; there were large groupings of people shoving and pushing themselves around harried store personnel who were trying to find another copy of the must-have item for the seasonal gifting.

In the middle of a large crowd by the escalators was a hand trying to demonstrate a toy that blew bubbles one could grab and hold without popping.

Hermione rolled her eyes, straightened her shoulders, told the men with her to ‘stay close’ and stepped into the fray.

As if by some unknown magic, the crowd parted in Hermione’s wake and she walked mostly uninterrupted toward the escalator, only having to stop when a small child darted into the clear path that had opened up before her.

When they were on the moving stairs, Harry shook his head, “Hermione I can’t believe you, this is one of the most Muggle places in London and you just did that.”

“Did what Harry?”

“Did that charm or whatever to make the crowd pass.”

“I didn’t do any magic, Harry?”

“Potter, if I may,” Severus interjected, “It is called presence. Hermione just used all her phenomenal will to make a space for us in that,” Severus tipped his head behind himself, “multitude.”

“Oh,” Harry’s eyes were wide, “Huh.”

“As loquacious as always, Potter.”

“Here we are,” Hermione said a little too brightly. “Looks like the crowd’s thinner up here, but it would be best if you stick close so we don’t get separated.”

She took a deep breath, stepped off the escalator, and headed toward the wall of stuffed toys hiding behind a large shelf that was shaped to look like a toy duck.

“What are the boy’s colours?” Hermione called over her shoulder while looking at the array of stuffed animals. She picked up a tiger and shook her head before putting it down.

“Umm?”

“Favourite colours Harry, what colours are they drawn to?”

“Oh! James adores red, says it makes him think of Ginny, Al grabs for green toys more often than anything else. He loves taking off my glasses to stare into my eyes.”

“That is so sweet! Okay, so red for James, and green for Al, all very seasonal,” Hermione muttered and then gave a happy squeal. “They still make him!” She pulled down a honey blonde bear with soft paws and a gold button with a yellow tag in its ear.  
She grabbed a second bear and then stepped up on her toes to look over the heads of the surrounding crowd.

“There!” she pointed her chin and started walking towards where she had indicated. Harry looked at Severus who just followed her, not speaking and avoiding more darting children with practiced ease.

Hermione had made her way to a stand that had a large sewing and embroidery machine set up with varying coloured threads. She found a staff member and quickly explained that she needed these bears personalised for a pair of brothers so each would know his bear from his sibling’s.

“I need the right paws personalised with their initials please, one in red thread, that bright scarlet will do.” She pointed at a cone of cotton, “and the other in that green.”

“We don’t normally personalise any bears that aren’t store branded,” the staff member apologised. “Those bears in particular are usually bought for collectors.”

“What’s the fee? We aren’t looking for resale value here, the kids don’t care for collectables,” Hermione argued.

“Uhhh,” the staff member looked around and caught the eye of their manager. “I can’t do it, but maybe my manager could help,” the staff member said, motioning to the person approaching the station.

“How can I assist you?” the manager approached them with a bright ‘customer service’ smile, a slight tightness at the corners of their eyes.

“I’d like these bears personalised please, I know it is store policy to do it only for the store branded bears, and that is included in the price of those bears; but these are the bears I am looking to purchase and I am willing to pay the cost for the personalisation on top of the cost of the toys.” Hermione lifted the bears in her hands.

“Oh, there is no need for that, madam.” The manager's smile changed to something more genuine, “I can do the personalisation for you and wrap them up for you for no extra fees.”

Hermione thanked the manager and re-explained what she wanted done on each bear.  
“For this bear I’d like the initials JSP embroidered in the scarlet thread on the bottom right paw, and ASP embroidered in the emerald green on the other.”

The manager nodded their head and took both bears from Hermione and asked her to wait a few moments.  
Severus and Harry came closer to Hermione and watched the process. 

“Harry, have you realised that Al’s initials spell out the name of a snake?” Hermione asked.

“Yeah, Ginny keeps joking with me that we are so close because I still have a little of my Parselmouth abilities.”

Hermione snorted, and then looked up to Severus, “You know Al’s full name, don’t you?”

“I don’t,” Severus admitted, and Hermione’s eyes got very wide and she glared at Harry. 

“You didn’t ask him?” she hissed, and Harry grew very pale.

“Hermione, we have talked more this past week than we have since the end of the war. When was I to tell him?”

“Harry James Potter, you explain yourself to him right this instant!” Hermione scolded. “The insult you’ve done right now is almost bigger than the good you tried to do!”

Harry threw his hands up in defence and apologised to her.

“Don’t you dare apologise to me!” she hissed, and her hair inflated. 

Hermione took a deep breath and closed her eyes, dropping her shoulders and exhaling through her mouth. Her eyes flew open and levelled themselves steadily at Harry.   
“You better explain yourself and your actions, and you better do it quickly. Then you and I need to have a long talk about appropriate behaviours.”

Harry ducked his head and muttered in agreement.

“Hermione,” Severus offered in a soft voice. She lifted her chin to look at him. “Potter is here for your safety, and maybe you can wait until you are in a safe venue to scold him.”

Harry straightened up at Severus’ reminder and looked around them. The crowd had thinned considerably around them and the manager's attention was seemingly devoted to the embroidery, but Harry loosened his wand in its holster and nodded in agreement with Severus’ statement.

“You’re right Severus, though I am going to ask that we leave here under a slightly more direct route than the one we took to get here. The VERY direct way.” Hermione glared at Harry, but changed her face to a smile when the manager came over, cleared their throat, handed her one package wrapped in red and gold paper, and then the other staff member handed her one wrapped in green and silver.

“Here you go Ms Granger, I’ll take you to the till and we can check you out.”

Hermione blinked at the manager who knew her name, but followed them as they brought her to a closed till to process her payment.

“Do I know you?” she asked, Severus and Harry moving closer behind her as she reached into her pocket to pull out her purse.

“Oh, probably not, but your Government work is something I follow closely. After your work with people with medical _disabilities_ , it has been easier for myself and others to gain employment. Though I am very happy here where I am.”

Severus and Harry straightened up a little, and Hermione just smiled. “It is rare that I get to hear from the people most affected by my work. I am so glad that I could help you out.”  
Hermione took her change back from the manager, “Have a Happy Christmas.”

“You too, and to you both Misters Potter and Snape.” The manager closed the till and stepped from behind it. “I use the 3rd floor lavatory corridor if I need to get home from work rather quickly, I can guide you there should you wish.”

“Oh, there is no need, thank you again.” Hermione shook her head and then extended her hand, “It was nice to meet you…”

“Greyfriars, Robert Greyfriars.” He extended his hand and shook Hermione’s. “I know the name is a terrible joke, especially with my condition, but I have found that the fates have a unique brand of humour.”

Hermione chuckled, “Well I am sure I will never forget your name. We should go. It was a pleasure to meet you Mr. Greyfriars.”

Hermione led them up to the third floor and walked through the larger crowd behind the books to the darker and more narrow corridor to the smaller toilets, they had to go up a small set of stairs which explained why the corridor wasn’t as often used at the second floor facilities.

“My place then? The front room should have space for us all, I’ll take the wall furthest from the door,” she said and then disapparated.

“She did that to make us talk,” Harry grumbled in the silence left behind.

“She does seem to be angry with you,” Severus agreed. “You can feel her still, can’t you?”

“Yep, she’d have to go to the south of France before I couldn’t find her.”

“I am fine with letting you take the lead then.” Severus offered his arm. “Better than trying to not land on a piece of furniture.”

Harry gripped Severus’ arm and stepped closer. “Here we go.” Harry let his charm guide him to Hermione’s side. She was still standing in her front room, pulling her shopping bags out of her beaded bag and placing them down at her feet.

Harry stepped away from Severus and waved his wand over Hermione, cancelling his tracking charm. 

“Good, now that we’re here, I’m going to put these away and make a pot of tea. Harry, you have something to explain to Severus, and I will give you two space to do that.”

She waved her right hand, and the sofa floated away from the wall and settled back into its usual space.

She then took off her coat and held out her hand to both of the men standing in her room looking at her.

Severus recovered more quickly than Harry and shrugged out of his coat, handing it to her. Harry looked at Hermione and gave his lopsided grin, then also shrugged out of his overcoat.

Hermione twitched her hand at the bags on the floor and they floated off the ground and followed her out of the room.

“She’s still very bossy,” Harry chuckled and moved to sit down on the sofa. “She’s right though, I should have spoken to you before all of this. It isn’t like I don’t have your address.”

“Your letters do find me every September.”

“I see it as our anniversary,” Harry shrugged, “Your birthday and Christmas are something you should share with people you care about, not with the kid who gave you so much trouble.”

“That didn’t stop the cards.” Severus crossed his arms over his chest and looked down at his former pupil.

Harry chuckled, “True, but those are just seasonal greetings. The September letters are more personal.”

“Get to the point Potter, you are stalling.”

Harry sighed, closed his eyes and leaned back against the arm of the sofa. “My second son, I named him after the two greatest influences in my life, the two headmasters of my Hogwarts career.   
I named him Albus for the man who guided me to be more than a boy. I also named him after the man who remembered that I _was_ just a boy, the man who is my hero, the bravest man I’ve ever known.   
His full name is Albus Severus Potter.”

Severus sat down on the other side of the sofa with a soft thump, he looked at the Auror sitting in a very open pose on the other side of the sofa.  
“I understand why Hermione insisted we talk about this,” he said finally.

“I can’t change his name now, I won’t change it, but I should have asked your permission before we named him.” Harry ran his hand through his hair. “He’s a bright kid, a little sneakier than his brother was at that age, but he loves so fiercely.”

“I should be grateful you didn’t pair my name with your father’s,” Severus said dryly.

Harry snorted, “I’m not that tactless Snape, no. James is named after the fathers I didn’t get to have. Albus is named after the fathers I did have.”

“Thank you,” Severus said after a long silence. “This is slightly overwhelming.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I brought you some tea,” Hermione said brightly. She lifted the tray in her hands a little higher for emphasis. “If someone could bring the coffee table forward, I can put this down and pour you both something before leaving you to talk.”

Harry jumped up and rushed to Hermione’s side to take the tray from her hands, which she pulled away from.   
“Coffee table please,” she glared.

Severus moved his hand and the coffee table floated from where it was to rest in its customary spot in front of the sofa. The rest of the furniture he had moved the night before slotted back into their usual spaces as well.

Hermione put the tray down on the table and took the items from it to place beside the tray. First, she placed her Round Tuit down and put the teapot - wearing a large knitted chicken cozy with the spout of the brown betty teapot sticking out under its beak - down on top of the decorative trivet.  
Then she placed two mugs, a milk jug, a sugar bowl, some spoons, and a small blue plate of mince pies on the table.

“I will pour the tea, Hermione,” Severus said, leaning forward.

“I will leave you to it then. I still need to put things away. Harry, when you are finished, call out. I need to talk to you.” She then picked up the tray and left the room before anyone could protest her absence.

Severus took the initiative and poured the tea out for them and doctored his own to his preference. He sat back on the sofa and held the teacup in his hand.

“It seems you thought long and hard about why you chose the names you did, and you told me of the child’s birth. So why did you never mention this before?”

“This wasn’t something to be said in a letter,” Harry shrugged, “I wanted to do it the right way, face to face.”

“You were avoiding a difficult situation” Hermione called out as she walked past the doorway, the empty grocery bags in her hand.

“Thank you for that,” Harry called out, “Thought you were leaving me to this.”

“You’re welcome,” she said brightly as she walked past again, making her way to the kitchen.

Harry leaned forward and grabbed the cup of tea Severus had poured for him and sighed, “As annoying as she is, Hermione is right. I’ve been avoiding this. I didn’t want to upset you.”

“Why did you name your child after me, if you thought it would upset me?”

“I didn’t think it would upset you, I thought you would be bothered by me telling you.”

“That makes no sense, Potter.”

“You don’t enjoy talking about the past, you made that very clear to me a long time ago. When I told you about Al’s name, I’d have to mention the past, because there is a lot of history in his name. I figured that would bother you.”

“I never expected to have a namesake, even a secondary name. This is a shock.”

“I know, Snape,” Harry sighed.

“I didn’t say it was an unpleasant one.”

“Oh.”

“I suppose this means I should meet the child, and his sibling.”

“You don’t have to, they are, well they are my kids.”

“I am aware of whose children they are.”

“They are a handful.”

“You spoke of them at length last night, I am sure I could handle a few hours in their presence. I am not unfamiliar with children.”

“Well, let me clear it with Ginny, but if you are free Christmas Eve, you could join Hermione. She’s coming to see them then,” Harry suggested.

“I have no plans for Friday, I could do that.”

“You don’t need to bring any gifts, I’ve an ‘in’ with Father Christmas and they are getting spoiled this year. Add in Hermione’s bears and they won’t need anything until they start Hogwarts.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Seriously, Hermione didn’t need to get them anything, let alone those bears.” Harry said in a loud voice that carried its way to the kitchen.

Hermione came through with a cup of her own in her hands. She sat down in the armchair nearest the fireplace.  
“Yes, I did. Blame my middle class background, but any child I know and care for will get their own secret keeping bear.” She curled her feet under her as she settled into the chair more comfortably.  
“It may be an only child thing, but my bear was very special to me. He was my first and only friend for a long time.”

“They will love them Hermione, I know they will. But you didn’t need to.”

“For my sake, I did,” she said and sipped from her mug. “Did you explain yourself and apologise?” 

“I didn’t apologise, not properly, but I think I explained.”

“Well?” she said pointedly.

Harry flushed, glared at Hermione and then sighed. He looked directly at Severus, put his cup down and held out his open hands apologetically.

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask you your permission before, Snape. I shouldn’t have assumed your response would have been a negative one. It was important to me to honour you but that shouldn’t have come at disrespecting your wishes.”

Severus sat in silence for a moment, and then nodded his head slowly, “I appreciate your consideration and efforts, Harry. What you did was a very flattering thing, I am surprised by it all but I am not angry.”

Hermione waited a few moments before she turned to Harry, “I’m glad this has happened, it needed to be done.”

She put her now empty mug on the table beside Harry’s, “You and I need to have a talk, Harry, and we need to do it before Friday when I see the kids.”

“What else have I screwed up?” Harry winced.

“You’ve not done anything, but a lot has changed since we were last close Harry, I need to explain myself to you and what I need from a friend. You need to be okay with it before I become a part of your life again, before I become more than a name to your kids. I don’t want to hurt them if I have to distance myself again. So I need you to know what is what before that happens.”

“Hermione, you are family, I’ll do anything — “

“Don’t say that until you know what I need, Harry. Can we talk before Friday, just you and me?”

“I’m off until Boxing Day, I can come over tomorrow if you want.”

“I’d like that,” Hermione nodded.

“Well, then, maybe I should go home and warn Ginny that our Friday get together is going to be a bit more than originally planned.” Harry slapped his thighs and stood up. “Accio coat,” he said, and his overcoat flew into his hand from the open doorway.

Hermione rolled her eyes but stood up and came forward to embrace Harry. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“See you then, oh and please avoid booby-trapping the floo please?” He chuckled before taking some green powder and tossing it into her fire.

  
After Harry left, Hermione sat down on the sofa near Severus and again tucked a leg under her so she could sit facing him. 

“This seems to be the day for big talks.” She sighed.

“Indeed,” Severus agreed.

“I can’t believe Harry never told you.”

“I can; ours is a difficult history.”

“I was furious with him.”

“I noticed, did your hair actually inflate?”

“Yeah, my hair, it sparks.” Hermione self-consciously smoothed her hair. “I can control it most of the time, I’ve had to learn it doesn’t suit to be sparking in chambers.”

“Fascinating.”

“Do you have it in you to finish our conversation from this morning?”

“I would prefer to clear the air between us, yes.”

“So, let’s continue where we left off after this morning’s interruption.” Hermione shifted in her seat, “I mean what I said Severus, you gave me a gift last night, a gift I would never have asked for.”

“That is the issue, you didn’t ask.”

“I didn’t ask, but I wanted it, I needed it,” she sighed. “I am still trying to realise that this isn’t a dream. 

“You understood what having that _word_ on me was doing to my psyche. You saw what it was doing to me and you stepped up, as a friend would.”

“I don’t regret my actions, I regret how I came to do it. That is where I erred,” Severus spoke in a flat tone.

“Here, in this specific instance, the ends justify the means, I think,” Hermione said.

“No,” something harsh crept into his voice.  
  
Hermione folded her hands together and looked directly at Severus, but she said nothing and waited.

“I’ve already explained this, I did not seek proper consent. It violates the trust you have given me as a mentor.”

“Okay,” Hermione opened her hands expressively, “I will concede that you may have violated the explicit consent rule, but you are ignoring the implied consent that I had given you.”

“That is not good enough.”

“I disagree; if we only knew each other for the weeks that I have been working with you, then yes, that would be an issue, but we have a history. A complex and long history. The fact of the matter is that I trust you, Severus. I have trusted you for a very long time.

“Yes, explicit consent is going to be needed for some things,” Hermione blushed slightly but didn’t stop looking at her mentor, “but there needs to be some movement in the rules for our history and the implied consent given because I trust you with my safety, and my well being.

“You told me that until I ended our relationship that you would look out for my welfare. This,” Hermione lifted her arm, “was looking out for my welfare. You asked to touch me, you asked to use my wand, and I allowed you to do both.

“You asked consent, you didn’t outline what you were doing when you asked, but you did ask.”

“You were angry with me after my first attempt.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, I don’t think _I_ was. That anger didn’t feel like mine.”

Severus looked questioningly at her.

“I know that sounds funny, but as you now know, my anger has a physical presence in my body. It needs to be controlled or I start to spark,” Hermione’s cheeks darkened. “I had to learn how to identify where my anger came from so I could control it. What I experienced last night, after your first attempt, didn’t feel like it came from the same place. I didn’t have to stop it the way I usually have to. Not like I had to do in the shop today.

“When I snatched my arm from your hand, the rage I felt didn’t originate in my chest as my anger usually does. It came from the arm. I noticed it felt different when you asked me why I was angry. I didn’t think much about it until today in the market,” she shrugged.  
“It may have been the curse trying to protect itself.”

“A living curse?” Severus questioned.

“Why not? I never got to examine the knife so I can’t say for sure, but I’ve seen stranger things in the world.”

Severus sighed and closed his eyes, “I know the knife, if it is the one I think it is.”   
He opened his eyes and shook his head, “You may very well be correct about that.”

“There’s a story there,” Hermione grinned, “but I am not going to ask. Instead, I am going to make a few suggestions, if that is acceptable?”

Severus nodded, and Hermione stood up, “This is going to need some scrap paper,” she grabbed some paper from the pad of paper that was sitting in a box on one of her lower bookshelves and two pens from a drawer. She then grabbed two large, hard-backed books and brought everything back to the sofa, divided the pages into two stacks and handed one stack with a book and a pen to Severus before taking the second for herself. She settled herself back into her seat, folding both legs under her so she could turn to face her companion fully, resting her lower back against the arm of the sofa.

“I suggest we go through and list the things we are comfortable with the other person doing with, for, and to ourselves. These things will be the items that are now considered part of the implied consent agreement. After that we can go through things that should be asked about each time, what we need from the other, and what should never happen under any circumstance.”

“You already did this with your entry paperwork.” 

“Yes, I did, and you’ve read it, but that was for a stranger. You, Severus, are not a stranger. Things change and I’m more confident than I was all those weeks ago, and what I am happy with someone like the Treasurer doing with me is going to differ from what I am happy doing with you.

“There is also the fact that I am at a disadvantage here as I’ve never read your paperwork.”

“There was no need for you to,” Severus said flatly.

“I think there is, if last night is anything to go by.” Hermione put the book and its papers down on the sofa and reached forward towards Severus, though she didn’t touch him. She left her hands open and inviting on the fabric between them. 

“Severus, you’ve walled yourself off, and I get why, I really do. But do you think this is the best way to go forward? You are behind an emotional brick wall, not allowing anyone to care for you.

“You are a very generous and loyal person, incredibly wise and aware of other people’s needs. You deserve to have someone really truly see you and to support you.” Hermione shrugged, “Maybe that person shouldn’t be me, but I’d like to help you a little.

“Besides, how am I supposed to let others care for me when I am in charge if my mentor won’t let me try things out on him?” she gave a cheeky little grin.

“Hermione, this isn’t — “ Severus’ voice trailed off, and he closed his eyes. 

“Don’t close yourself off Severus, please. I’m not asking you to bare your soul here. Just give me a list of things I can do with you, in and out of the club, without having to ask. We can tackle the other things later.”

“I will read your list, then I will compose my own. I need time to think about what you’ve said.”

“Do you need privacy to do that?” Hermione asked.

“No, I don’t think I do.”

“Okay! Good, do you need more tea? Because you know me when I start writing: I’ll forget everything else around me and I’ll be a lazy hostess.”

“I will be fine.”

“Okay, hopefully I’ll finish my list before lunch, then I’ll make us something to eat while you read my list,” she sat back and pulled her legs out from under her, placing her feet flat on the sofa she braced the large book on her bent knees and started to write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are interested in the "sound track" to Knights of Walpurgis you can go to this [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0bBnJMWFuO2KGloRG5E7yT?si=RAt-Q8FcQ4Kec-p_N9isaw) Link to find my official playlist.


	28. Twenty Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to [Mersheeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mersheeple/pseuds/Mersheeple/works?fandom_id=136512) for her fantastic work being my beta.  
> Let her know I sent you as reviews are a writer's mana. (Also I suggest you subscribe to her works because she has some amazing things in the works.)
> 
> Also Thank you so much to [AmiMendal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmiMendal/pseuds/AmiMendal/works) for the epic amount of hand holding done.
> 
> In fact thank you to everyone at the Hearts and Cauldrons Discord Server, this chapter was very difficult to write and your support and memes kept me trucking on.

Hermione had written steadily for twenty minutes, covering both sides on one sheet of paper, and was halfway through the second sheet when she sighed and stopped.

She put her pen behind her ear and reached up to stretch her shoulders and back, straightening her legs out on the sofa. Her feet brushed against Severus’ thigh unconsciously as she groaned into her stretch. She coiled back into herself and grabbed the book as it became unbalanced on her lap and put the book on the coffee table, gently pushing the ignored mince pies over to make space. 

“I think I’ve got everything here,” she said, “but I will answer any questions, of course.” She handed her pages over to Severus and then stood up. “Any requests for lunch? I was going to have some of the quiche I got at the market.”

“That will do, I’ll be there momentarily.” Severus took the pages with a nod and reached for his glasses that were still on the end table where he had left them the night before.

Placing the glasses on his face, Severus held the pages in front of his face and read.  
  


* * *

  
Hermione’s list of things that do not require explicit consent.  
• Hugs  
• Hand holding   
• Gentle caresses   
• Affable Teasing  
• Flirtation  
• Words of praise  
• Gentle criticism  
• Visitation   
• Cheek kisses  
• Casual touches  
• High fives  
• Cuddling  
• Dancing  
• Frank discussion  
• Honesty  
• Requesting space  
• Assisting me with an issue  
• Proper Kisses  
• Kissing my hand  
• Kissing my wrists  
• Playing with my hair  
• Touching over clothing  
• Compliments  
• Pet names

Hermione’s list of things that need verbal confirmation (details do not have to be exact)  
• Witnessing nudity  
• Borrowing my books  
• Bathing with me  
• Performing benign or beneficial magic upon my person  
• Cooking for me  
• Meeting me at work  
• Gift purchasing  
• Transportation  
• Massage  
• Touching my feet  
• Holding my wand(s)  
• Kissing my neck  
• Leaving marks  
• Tickling  
• Play fighting  
• Doing my house work  
• Assisting me with a task

Hermione’s list of thing that need verbal confirmation (details should be provided)  
• Tying me up  
• Assigning Tasks  
• Corporal Punishment  
• Use of Toys  
• Chest/nipple play  
• Frottage  
• Tribadism  
• Chest Nipple Sucking/ Kissing  
• Witnessing Masturbation   
• Performing Masturbation  
• Hands on my genitals  
• Hands in my genitals  
• My hands on your genitals  
• My hands on phallic representation  
• Hands on my phallic representation  
• Hands in or around my rectum  
• My hands in or around your rectum  
• Tongue or mouth on my genitals  
• My tongue or mouth on your genitals  
• My tongue or mouth on phallic representation  
• Tongue or mouth on my phallic representation  
• Tongue or mouth on my rectum (suspect this will be an outright no)  
• My Tongue or mouth on your rectum (suspect this will be an outright no)  
• Vaginal intercourse  
• Anal intercourse  
• Scratching  
• Blind folding  
• Spanking (receiving or giving)  
• Pinching  
• Clamps  
• Impact play  
• Ejaculation on my body  
• Ejaculating in my body  
• Dirty Talk 

Hermione’s list of needs  
• Communication  
• Touch  
• Cuddles/being held  
• Praise  
• Intelligent conversation

Hermione’s list of things to avoid  
• Primal Play  
• Messy Games (Blood, water, night soil, food,)  
• Knives  
• Insulting  
• Degradation  
• Interrupting me  
• Performing Harmful Magic on me  
• Biting  
• Fisting  
• Face slapping

I am willing to discuss anything on this list in greater detail to help clarify my meanings.  
You have, thus far, been very skilled at identifying my needs before I do, so I suspect there will be more to add to my needs list as time goes on.   
Touch, cuddles and communication are what I find I need most of all though.

* * *

  
Severus took off his glasses and rubbed the inner corner of his eyes and took in a deep breath.  
He put his glasses back on, but positioned them lower on his nose and stood up from the sofa.  
With the pages in his hand he made his way to the kitchen where Hermione was humming to herself and putting a small bowl of salad on the table.

There were already two places set complete with placemats and cloth napkins in ceramic napkin rings on each plate. The quiche she had purchased at the market was sitting in between the plates with a knife beside it.   
“I just need to grab the vinaigrette and we’ll be all set. Are you ok with water to drink? I think I may have some squash.”

“Water is fine.” Severus said as he sat down in what was quickly becoming his spot at her kitchen table.

Hermione walked to the kitchen counter where she grabbed a glass bottle with a cork in its mouth. She passed the refrigerator and pulled out her jug of cold water with the lemon slices floating inside and brought both items to the table.

She pulled her seat out and sat down and looked at Severus; she had a bright and open smile on her face.

Severus placed the pages down on the left side of his plate and took off his glasses, he lay them down on the pages and rested he wrists on the table. “Shall we eat first or talk?”

“Is this going to be difficult enough that we can’t do both?”

“It maybe.”

“Tell you what, I’ll serve the quiche, and you start. The meal is a cold one, so it doesn’t matter if we need to stop.”

“I can do that.” Severus handed Hermione his plate and put his napkin on his lap.

Hermione quickly cut and served the quiche and then gave Severus the salad bowl so he could serve himself while she poured them both some glasses of lemon water.  
She then took the salad from Severus and served herself, placing the bowl back on the table and reached for the vinaigrette, shaking the bottle a little before loosening the cork and drizzling the mixture over her vegetables. She placed the bottle on the tabled within easy reach of Severus should he require it.

“Ok, I’m ready.” Hermione said and smiled at Severus.

“Your list is quite comprehensive,” Severus said, pouring vinaigrette over his own serving of salad. “You included some things I didn’t expect to see for our own dynamic.”

“I was going mainly from memory of the paperwork from the club,” Hermione shrugged, “but I considered each one I listed and was honest about how I felt.”

“Just so, I have a few concerns.”

“As you should,” Hermione said, cutting into her quiche and holding a bite on her fork. “With no conversation about expectations and such, the list appears concerning. But it isn’t everything. It’s just the start.” She put the fork to her mouth and chewed.

Severus ate from his own plate in silence. Hermione didn’t push him to speak, letting him form his next sentence carefully.

“I am uncomfortable with where this is going,” he said finally. “This list seems to have expectations that are not appropriate for our dynamic.”

Hermione ate her food and quietly and waited patiently for Severus to say his piece.

Severus himself was staring down at his food, seemingly unwilling to comment further.  
Hermione took a long drink of water from her glass and tilted her head at Severus.

“You’re shutting down, pushing me away. I thought we had come to an agreement last night, that I would be more explicit with you and I would also trust you to respond as you feel best.”

“When did we discuss this?”

“Last night,” Hermione sighed, “You were worse off than I thought if you don’t remember that.”

“I shouldn’t have left myself be so vulnerable in front of you.” 

“Are you afraid I’d take advantage?”

“No.”

“Are you worried I’d hurt you?”

“No.”

“Why can’t you be vulnerable with me, Severus? I’ve cried on you more times than I can count.”

Severus sat back and crossed his arms over his chest. “That is different.”

“How?”

“I’m your mentor.”

“Yes, we’ve established that.” Hermione nodded. “You are my mentor, but, you’ve become my confidante as well. I see you as my friend,” she shrugged, “maybe there’s more to it, but I will not examine that too closely right now.”

“There needs to be a distance between us. I told you before this was a mentorship, not a romantic relationship.”

“We need to change the dynamic then.”

“Pardon me?”

“You’ve broken your own rules Severus, I don’t feel bad, or have been hurt although they’ve been broken. I’ve not been harmed by it in any way, but you have.  
You’ve hurt yourself and you are retreating now, putting up that emotional brick wall of yours.  
Continuing to do that is going to hurt you more than anything I can do.”

“I can handle myself,” Severus said flatly.

“Yes you can, you have done well for years, but don’t think I can’t see the loneliness you are feeling. How being isolated in the club has harmed you, how keeping everyone at arm’s length has left you empty.”

“You are presuming too much.”

“Am I? Am I really Severus? Or am I just seeing everything in you that you pointed out to me I was doing to myself?” Hermione tapped her temple with an index finger, “This works, it works really well, and I notice things about others that I wouldn’t notice about myself. You may have been watching me all these weeks, guiding me, helping me. But I haven’t been so self absorbed as to not see you.  
“I think, that our dynamic needs to shift and change because I am challenging you and I am moving you off that lesson plan you have for all your other protégés. I don’t have the ego to suspect that I am so special that the rulebook needs to be thrown out, just that you and I are far to similar for it to work the way it usually does.  
“Learn and Grow, isn’t that your motto? You need to learn from this experience and grow from it. I can help you, but only if you are willing.”

Severus looked at Hermione steadily, saying nothing.   
“Finish your lunch Severus, you have been running on empty since last night and you have been pretending you aren’t. There is plenty of food and I will not kick you out of my house. Eat your fill, rest, when you have your wits about you we will talk.” Hermione stood up and lifted her plate and utensils. She leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on Severus’ temple.

“If you want to yell and scream at my presumption, I’ll be in the front room, waiting after you have eaten.”

She placed her dishes by the sink and started to leave the kitchen. “I still trust you with my life, Severus. A little vulnerability on your part won’t weaken that.” She shrugged a shoulder, “In fact, it may make me trust you a little more, which is saying something.”

She left the room, and Severus could hear her gathering the dirty dishes in the front room. She didn’t return with them though. There was a sigh and then a steady metallic click click noise.

Severus looked at his half eaten food, the thoughtful place setting and the empty spot where the Round Tuit usually sat on the table. He lifted his fork and speared some leaves. 

* * *

  
  
Hermione was sitting on the sofa, near the arm, with a dark cloth bag on the seat beside her. In her hands a pair of short knitting pins moved up and down and a tangle of delicate string hung from them.  
Hermione was mouthing something while she watched her hands move, but there were no words audible.

Severus came to stand in the room's doorway, the pages she had given him earlier in his hand and his glasses back on his nose.

“Knit 2, slip one, knit one, pass slipped stitch over, yarn over,” Hermione said and looked up. “Apologies, I didn’t want to lose where I was in my pattern.” She pulled the two pins up and the string pooled itself onto the loop between the two pins.

“Circular needle. The two points are joined with a flexible cable. I can knit things in the round instead of using 4 or 5 double-pointed needles to do that same thing, and you don’t care.” Hermione laughed. She put the knitting into the bag at her side and put it on the table in front of her.

“So you here to yell at me?” She said and motioned for Severus to come further into the room.

“I’m not here to yell,” Severus said quietly.

“Good, because I really don’t enjoy being yelled at,” she patted the sofa beside her. “Sit down, it looks like the words you are about to say are too heavy to be held upright.”

Severus shook his head but sat down on the sofa, a little further away than she had showed.  
“I will admit I am at a loss as how to start.”

“The beginning is usually a good place.”

“Very helpful,” Severus said dryly, and he gave her a sideways look. Hermione winked and gave a brief smile. Severus huffed a gentle breath of air and the corner of his mouth twitched a little. Still facing forward, he lifted his head to speak, not looking directly at Hermione.

“Last night, I presumed too much. By assuming I could remove the curse from your arm, I took advantage of your trust in me and I could have harmed you.  
“I may have harmed you, and we are just as yet unaware of it. That leaking fluid and your unfamiliar anger could be symptoms of something more insidious.  
“Even if I had circumvented the curse and there are no unforeseen side effects, there was still a risk, one I didn’t take the time to explain to you. That was wrong.  
“Then there was the fact that I was so drained afterwards that I became dependant upon you; seeking comfort from you when we had never spoken about what I need. Your intuition was strong, and you could discern some of my needs, yes, but you didn’t get a choice to say if it was acceptable for you to perform those duties. I didn’t communicate properly with you.  
“You opened your home to me and I took advantage, I hurt you without consent and I forced you into a caregiving role without negotiations.   
“You may not feel it is an issue because you trust me, because of the good that came of it, that you are naturally a caring person and your sense of justice all align with the fact that in the end it all worked out, but I can’t let that be it.  
“I broke the rules, that is a fact, and as I am the one who wrote the rules, I have a duty to adhere to them more stringently than others.”

Hermione hummed a little and shifted her position on the sofa so she was facing Severus. She tucked a leg under herself and left the one on the edge of the sofa dangling, her toes touching the floor.

“Because of my position, and because of our dynamic, I need to make restitution for my faults.”

Hermione wrinkled her nose but nodded at him to continue.

“I would like to discuss what you have put on this list, and what you brought up earlier, but I can not until the debt between us is settled properly.” Severus lifted the pages when he spoke and then leaned forward and placed them and his glasses on the coffee table between the pile of dishes and the bag that contained Hermione’s knitting. He then slid to the floor on his knees, turning to face Hermione.  
“My Lady, I have wronged you and beg you to discipline and correct my behaviour. I offer you my penance, for as I’ve wronged you, only you can absolve me.”

Hermione gasped, blinked, and reached forward and took Severus’s hands in her own. “Grand Master, I.. Oh damn it, I don’t know the ritual phrasing, just get up off the floor Severus, you kneel to no one.”

“I wrote the rules because they are what I am willing to do, Hermione.” Severus said, not lifting from his spot on the floor.

“But for me? A silly girl who is scared of a single word?”

“For you, one of the bravest and kindest souls I have had the privilege of knowing.”

Hermione sighed and closed her eyes. “I, oh I don’t know, rise up Grand Master and sit back down so we can discuss this properly. I’ve heard your request and I will do what I can to help you seek absolution.”

“Thank you, My Lady,” Severus bowed his head and then let her help him to his feet. He settled back down on the sofa and this time shifted his body to face her.

“I will not parade you out on stage for all and sundry to see this, and I don’t have any desire to take a crop to your behind Severus. I don’t know what I can….” Hermione’s voice trailed off, her eyes took on that distant look of hers when she was ruminating.

Severus said nothing, he kept his face impassive, waiting to hear what his penance would be.

“As the infraction was due to lack of communication, the balance must be restored with more communication.” Hermione’s eyes regained their focus as she looked directly at Severus. “The moratorium on my asking questions needs to be lifted, this will prevent further transgressions in the future. I will also ask that you communicate more clearly with me your plans and ideas concerning our dynamic in the future.”

“This will not be a penance, communicating with you will not be a discomfort.” 

“You don’t know the questions I wish to ask.”

“I seek absolution,” he said.

“I will grant it.”

“Hermione, that’s not enough,” Severus protested, “I could have seriously hurt you.”

“I am beginning to understand you, Severus, but you are not understanding me. I am telling you to gain your absolution you will have to change whatever plans you had to being my mentor and communicate with me as an equal.”

“That is what you are asking of me? Out of everything you could do, you want me to answer your questions?”

“And talk to me, yes, with openness and honesty. The same expectation you have for me when I communicate with you.”

“That, yes, that will be difficult, but I will endeavour to do so.”

“To learn and grow.”


End file.
